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Short-term Memory Gone?

I am in our room at the hotel here at Chautauqua awaiting Kate’s return from downstairs. Several things have happened in the past few days that suggest her very, short-term memory is rapidly going. She went downstairs about 20-25 minutes ago to get a piece of carrot cake left over from our lunch at the Italian Fisherman this past Saturday. I suspect she ran into our friends from Houston and is engaging in conversation with them. This is not a problem except that I know that she wanted to buy some tights because of the cold weather yesterday.  We planned to go directly from our hotel to the Refectory for iced tea to which she has become addicted in recent years. Then we were going to the farmer’s market for a muffin or other breakfast treat. In 30 minutes it will be time for the Jim Roselle’s radio show during which he interviews the speaker of the morning. These are all things she wants to do, but I am sure she has forgotten that.

Yesterday afternoon we stopped at several shops on the plaza.  After coming out of one, she said she wanted to go in one more. Then we could go. I pointed out that she had already gone through that shop. She didn’t remember it at all and said she wanted to go through it again, and she did.

I am always facing the dilemma of how or whether to call her attention to such things. It is hard not to do so because we are so conditioned to say, “You’ve already been there” or whatever seems natural. On the other hand, I fear that each time something like this occurs it makes her feel bad, and I don’t want that. I am trying not to fret. I attempt (frequently not successfully) to take a breath before answering and think of the right thing to say or whether or not to say anything. Perhaps with experience, I will get better.

Another example occurred at dinner last night when she told our server something and only minutes later Kate told her the same thing.

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From Chautauqua

Yesterday we arrived at Chautauqua (Chautauqua) after two nights in Niagara-on-the-Lake. For several years we have gone there before going to Chautauqua. From April through October they have the Shaw Festival that we both enjoy. They have a theater company that performs as many as 8-10 plays either by George Bernard Shaw or ones that are similar to his. We packed in a lot, seeing four plays in two days. They were all terrific. We love live theater, it was another of the very special times we continue to have.

I continue to notice ways in which I need to take more responsibility. Kate came without any comfortable shoes and left some shoes, a jacket, a pair of slacks, and a few other things At our B&B. I notice a conflict between my wanting to take more responsibility and Kate’s wanting to feel independent. There are some things she appreciates – my taking care of, everything financial, some communications with friends, making arrangements for dinner and entertainment. There are also times she feels insulted by my efforts to help. Yesterday I showed her where the bookstore is and told her I would meet her there. She gave me a disgusted look and said she knew where the bookstore was. We have had a number of such things on the trip.

On the positive side, I still believe that we are fortunate that for everyday interaction with people that her long-term memory is still more than adequate for her to enjoy herself with others (most of the time) and to prevent their noticing that she has a memory problem. It is the short-term things that are most difficult for her. For example, we had a delightful conversation with two couples at our B&B in Niagara-on-the-Lake. A short time (perhaps, 2-3 hours) later she couldn’t remember them when I mentioned them to her. I explained, and she said she remembered. I know this is frustrating, even distressing, for her. She says little, but it shows in her face.

I have often been critical of those who say that the person with AD does not know what is happening. I have a different perspective on this issue. My experience with Kate has reinforced this opinion. Clearly Kate knows she has AD, and she can see signs of it everywhere. On the other hand, I see her transitioning to a rather innocent, even child-like, stage that I don’t think she recognizes. One indication is that she very frequently remarks how intelligent people are. It often seems like she says this about most people she encounters. Another is that she is forever wanting to arrange to get together with people that we have not gotten together with before. She will even suggest inviting them to our house when I know that she will not remember to follow up on that desire nor will she be able to organize things for the event should I extend the invitation for her.

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And More Signs

Late yesterday afternoon we returned from a trip to see Jesse in Memphis and Dorothy Hinely in Jonesboro. In the car I reminded Kate that she had a PEO meeting tomorrow morning. As I expected, she had forgotten. She couldn’t remember where they were meeting. She called someone and found out it is in Collierville, southeast of Knoxville. She called a couple of people to see if she could get a ride. That was a relief. I couldn’t have let her drive alone.

We went to Hathaway’s for dinner and had a special time. She went right to bed on our return home.

This morning I could tell she was somewhat disturbed. It turns out she had misplaced her PEO bag with all of her PEO information that she apparently is supposed to have at each meeting. All I know is that she takes it with her. Then she couldn’t find her credit cards and driver’s license. After taking her to meet her ride, I came back home and found her cards except for her driver’s license. In addition, she misplaced her ATM card a week or so before we went to Memphis. She had only had the replacement card a couple of weeks before losing it. She still has not found it. That was at least the third replacement ATM card she has had in the past year. If we don’t find it, we will have to get another one.

This continues to reinforce what I have said so many times. The person with AD really does recognize the problem and suffers dearly from it. It is just as frustrating to her as it is to me. We are reaching a point at which I need to take charge of everything. This is a challenge for me. For example, I really need to make sure she has her purse when we leave a restaurant or some other place; however, I just don’t think about such things. I will have to learn.

The other thing that still holds true is that her biggest problem is not in the kinds of things she has to remember when she is with people. She can handle ordinary interaction without people suspecting she has AD. The big problem is how well she functions throughout the day. She simply can’t get things done. I have to believe that within the year she is going to need to give up her work with the neighborhood association. I have a hard time imagining that she will get the directory done, and newsletters will be harder and harder to complete.

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A First Sign (or second)

This afternoon I dropped by Shirley Hazel’s house. Kate had left her computer in her car the other day. When I picked it up, Shirley said very nicely (as though she were trying to send me a message gently in case I didn’t know) that “”Kate is getting so forgetful.” I said, “I know.” Then she went on to say that she had enjoyed working with her. They work together to interview candidates for PEO grants to continue their college education. In addition to interviewing them, they also assist in getting the applications in to the national office and shepherding the applications to their completion. They have been successful several times. Furthermore, they have passed along the names of good candidates to other chapters who might nominate them. Each chapter is entitled to nominate only two candidates.

At any rate this is the first contact I have had with someone who mentioned the memory issue. Of course, that may have been what our pastor had in mind when he asked me if Kate were all right two summers ago. Although I feel confident that most people would not suspect that she has AD, I do recognize that anyone who works closely with her is bound to suspect. It makes me wonder again about our children when we are together in Jackson Hole in June. It would be easy for her to do or say something that would make them suspicious. I have even begun to wonder if I should break down and tell the children at some point after our vacation with them is over. I really don’t want to break my agreement with Kate that they not be told. On the other hand, they are not in touch a lot, and it would be nice if they knew that time is running out. In that respect, I am the luckiest person of all because I know and am able to make the very most of our time together. It has made all the difference in the world. Were it not for that knowledge I would probably be fuming a good bit over the many things she does. I clearly find some of these things annoying; however, I always stop and think that she can’t help it. That helps me to be more patient with her.

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Special Moments Followed by Melancholy

A week ago this past Friday we went to a 5:30 movie (Anna Jesseina) and then to Casa Bella dinner. Everything was perfect. We got our usual dinner, splitting a Veal Piccata, a bottle of wine and white chocolate cheese cake for dessert. Every part of the meal was great as well as our conversation. All of this is to say that we continue to have many special moments – I suspect more than most couples.

For some reason the next day I was feeling kind of melancholy. In the car I listened to music that has been special to us. That would include a song from the movie, Same Time Next Year and another from the television series, ”Family Ties.” It was hard to keep my mind off of the fact that the special times we have together are limited and grow fewer each day. Mind you, it wasn’t that Kate did something to remind me of this; it was simply the joy of good times together that made me think of the limited time we have.

This past week we went to Lubbock to be with Kevin’s family for Christmas. This was a special time. During the trip there were reminders of Kate’s decline in memory. For example, she indicated she wanted to go to the Astrodome. I decided that the easiest way to work that into our schedule would be for us to do it on Friday morning, the day we were leaving. Each day, however, she would ask about going to the Astrodome, and I would tell her we would do it on Friday. On Thursday night, we said our good-byes to Kevin and his family after dinner at the Macaroni Grill. It was clear that the reason for doing so was that we would not see them the next morning. When she got up Friday morning, she worked on the computer for a while, and I mentioned that we would want to leave on the early side to get to the Astrodome. She took her shower, dressed, and got ready to leave; however, she hadn’t packed her things. When I mentioned this, she asked if we were leaving today. I told her yes; so despite numerous mentions of when we were returning and her writing it on her calendar, she still did not remember that this is the day we were to return.

Looking on the bright side once again, it is good that it is the short-term memories that are the biggest problem because most of our functioning depends on longer-term memory. This would not be true if she were in a position of responsibility either as a volunteer at the library or if she were still working in the school system. I am even beginning to be concerned about some of her volunteer work with PEO and our neighborhood association.

Another interesting side-effect of her Alzheimer’s is that she looks more kindly on most people. She is more complimentary of me than at any point in our marriage. She often talks about how bright I am. She says similar things about other people. I think this is because so many things are difficult for her that she is impressed when she sees others doing what she cannot do.

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Forgetting Is A Problem

On way to airport this morning Kate realized she had lost her iPhone. I placed a call to her phone but did not get an answer. Shortly, I got a call back from a restaurant where we had eaten the day before. They had found it and will ship to her.

While at the Residence Inn, Kate and gone out to get something for breakfast. She forgot our room number and had to ask the person at the front desk who called me in the room. She did not seem to be disturbed and said she handled it well.