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Demonstrating Independence

2017-10-18 (10:09 am)

Kate had a couple of muffins and orange juice that I brought to the room this morning. Then she took and shower and dressed for the day. Because I have learned on past trips that she doesn’t know where she is when she gets up, I made a point of telling her we were at the Residence Inn in Nashville and that we would be having lunch with her cousin. After getting dressed, she said, “What now?” I told her that her cousin would be coming to get us in a little over an hour and that we had time to relax on our own until then. Then I asked if she would like to go to the hotel lobby or to Starbucks. She wanted to go to Starbucks. It is almost across the street; so we walked. As we were walking, she said, “Ask me where we are staying.” I was surprised as she had never done this before. She proudly answered “Haywood Park.” I smiled but said nothing. That is the hotel we stay in while we are in Asheville. We have stayed there many times since 2002, three times Since Memorial Day this past May.

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A Funny Incident

2017-10-17 (4:47 am) 

Something funny

About 45 minutes ago, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got back in bed, Kate was up. Nothing unusual about that. She frequently gets up to go to the bathroom at this time of morning. Then I heard her in the kitchen. Next thing I knew was that she had come back into the bedroom with a glass of apple juice in one hand and a container of yogurt in the other. This was at 4:15 a.m. She turned on the light followed by the TV. I looked over at her and asked (in a very non-threatening way), “What are you doing?” She answered, “Having my breakfast.” I pointed out that it was 4:15. She said, “So?” About five minutes later, she was again ready for bed, turned off the TV and light, and got under the covers as if this were the regular routine.

This brought back quite a few funny moments with my dad. He frequently woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t realize what time it was. When he did, I, along with my brother and two or three close friends, received phone calls from him. I’m glad that all of us were able to accept this habit humorously.

We leave for Texas today, and there are still a few odds and ends that I need to take care of before going to the airport. This will give me a little time for that.

 

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Two Interesting Things

2017-10-16 (10:31 am)      

I have been a frequent reader of the posts of the members of Memory People, a closed group of people with dementia, their caregivers, or anyone else with an interest in dementia. Last night I read one that caught my attention. Many of the posts are written by caregivers expressing a range of emotions from sadness, to frustration, to anger as well as a modest share of more touching stories about the ones for whom they care. This one falls in the latter category. I was especially happy to read it because it sounded so much like something I could have written about Kate and me.

I replied to his post and thanked him. He replied to me and mentioned that he had planned to go to Wake Forest but ended up at the University of Wisconsin because of a nice scholarship they awarded. I suspect he must have checked my Facebook profile and seen that I had graduated from Wake. I responded to him and said that Wake and Wisconsin had been special places for us as Kate and I had met at Wake, and our first move was to Madison. What an interesting coincidence.

I checked further to learn that he is pastor of a Baptist church within a 100 miles of Nashville. I wonder if we will have other communications. I will certainly look for other posts he writes.

The second experience occurred this morning at Panera. Upon our arrival, we stopped at a table where two regulars were seated. We got into a conversation. At one point, one of the men mentioned to the other that we were getting ready to make a trip to Wake Forest. Kate had a big look of surprise and said enthusiastically, “We are? You didn’t tell me that!”

Her response surprised me, not because she had forgotten that we were leaving tomorrow. Even tomorrow morning, she won’t remember when we are going. I did, however, think that she would remember that we were going soon. We have been talking about it and the fact that she will be seeing cousins, her grandson who is a freshman, our son, and a number of friends from elementary school. It was humorous as well because I knew that the man who brought it up knew that I had told Kate about the trip. 

 

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An Unusual Day

Several things to report this evening. First, is we had two problems getting ready to go out. One occurred at lunch. The other this afternoon for dinner. This was a day when I had a luncheon board meeting at the foundation and an executive committee meeting for the music club this evening at 6:30. Here’s what happened.

I was scheduled to be at the board meeting at 11:30 or shortly thereafter. I went to the Y early (left at 5:50 a.m.) so that I could get back home before Kate was up. This would also allow me time to make sure she was ready for lunch 10:15. That would enable me to leave around 11:15. Shortly before 10:00, I went outside to tell her it was time to get ready for lunch. I also offered her the opportunity for me to bring home a sandwich if she would like to stay outside a little longer. She didn’t like that and said she would come in. She delayed 15 minutes. I went back out and told her we needed to get ready. She was on the verge of a panic attack. She came in, but she wasn’t ready until 10:55. By that time, she would not have had time to eat at Panera; so I went to get her a sandwich.

When I got back I showed her the bag that held the sandwich and put it on the island. When I got home after my meeting, I didn’t see any sign that she had eaten the sandwich. I looked in the trash to see if the bag was there. No sign anywhere. She couldn’t remember that I had left a sandwich but said she must have eaten it if I couldn’t find any sign of it.

Since she hadn’t been away from the house, I asked if she would like to go to Panera. She did. When I went to the car, I noticed the Panera bag on a shelf in the garage. She had never unwrapped the sandwich. She had eaten half of the cookie. I took the sandwich with us to Panera where she ate half of it.

We came home, and she rested a little and worked on her iPad. A few minutes before 5:00, I went into the bedroom and told her it was time to leave for dinner. I went back to check on her. She had undressed and was getting ready to take a shower. I told her we didn’t have time for that because I had to get to my meeting. She took another 15 minutes to get ready, but she had a panic attack. She was breathing heavily. We went to eat. She didn’t completely calm down until the meal was almost finished.

When I got home from my meeting, I found that the door to our bedroom was closed (something that rarely happens). I knocked and then went in. The room was darkened, but it was still light outside. I could see that she was not in the room. I went over to turn on the lamp. It didn’t turn on. I found that she had unplugged the surge protector in which the lamp was plugged.

I went to the bathroom door that was also closed. I knocked and opened the door. She was not in the bathroom. Then I went to her room where I found her under the covers as though she were there for the night.

I came back to our bedroom. I looked for the TV remote and couldn’t find it. Then I went to her room knowing that it is usually there when it is not in our bedroom. I looked all around her room without success. Not only that, the remote for the TV in her room was not there either. I have looked all around the house without success. I can’t find either remote.

I went back to our bathroom to see if Kate had taken her medicine for the night. I didn’t find her pill box. I started looking for it. I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. This is not the first time she has misplaced the pill box. A few months ago, it was missing. I have not found it yet. I’m going to let her medicine pass for this evening. Tomorrow morning I can’t do the same. It has her Venlafaxine. If she doesn’t take that she has a reaction. She can go 24-36 hours without it. After that she has a problem. Fortunately, I have the supply of medicine; so I will be able to see that she doesn’t miss it. I am just curious to see if we find it somewhere. It is amazing how things can get “completely” lost so easily. I can’t help wondering what was going on in her brain that motivated her to put it somewhere else. This is not the first time she has put things in an unusual spot, but it is a striking example of the behavior that is occurring that was not commonplace before.

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Strangeness continues

For the most part today has been quite normal. I took my morning walk. Upon returning home, Kate was in the yard. Though I had planned on our going to Panera around 10:00, I decided to let her remain outside as long as she was enjoying herself. She came in around 10:00, and we got to Panera at 11:00. We just ate lunch and came back home.

Around 3:30 she was bored and asked the whereabouts of her iPad. I had left it charging when we returned from lunch. She had obviously unplugged it; so I went to the usual places where she might have been using it. No luck. When I told her, she said, “I hid it.” I hesitated and then said, “I’m not going to ask.” She said nothing. We both looked in drawers and closets without any success. Then I engaged the Find my iPhone app from my iPad. It quickly confirmed that my phone and iPad as well as Kate’s iPad were in the house. Then I chose the “Play Sound” option. We heard the ping and identified that it was near the kitchen. Then we realized it was coming from the laundry room. We found it in the back of the closet in the laundry room. It was behind a couple of jackets and a large container of laundry detergent. It was not immediately visible when you looked in the closet. It was then that I said, “I have to ask.” She gave me a look that said, “Forget it;” so I did.

These little things are not problems in themselves, but I can’t help wondering what lies ahead. I don’t think of this as a problem for me, but it can be quite troublesome for her. I would like to avoid that.

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What Happened Next

I just came back from Kate’s room/office. She had been cleaning up. There were no clothes on the bed, and most of the clothes on the floor were gone. I said something about her cleaning up. She acknowledged it and continued her work. I decided to let her continue because she seemed content. I believed she was not going to be as interested in watching one of our recorded programs. I am now going to put the chairs back and plan to listen to some music after taking a shower.

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Strange Behavior

We got back home from dinner about 25 minutes ago. After we got inside I asked Kate if she would like to watch one of the BBC programs I had recorded. She said she would. I turned the TV on and moved the chairs in front of the TV in the family room. A few minutes later she walked through the family room with her pill box, toothpaste, and night guard. I thought she said, “I’m going to take my medicine.” As I was sitting here in front of the TV, she came into the family room and said, “I’m taking my underwear.” I looked up and saw that she had underwear in her hand. She also had a pair of men’s trousers in her arms. I had bought them for her to wear outside when she works in the yard. I told her we weren’t going anywhere. She said, “Oh, that’s good.” Then she turned around and went back to her room. I haven’t heard from her since. That has been about 10 minutes. This is not the first time she has imagined my telling her we were either going somewhere, that someone was coming here, or something similar. I am beginning to wonder if this might not be something I see more of in the months ahead.

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Imagining and Other Things

I don’t mention it regularly, but Kate continues to have Deja vu experiences. They tend to be in the same places or situations. She says, “There he/she is again.” as we pass by someone while we are driving. The person is normally walking or running, but sometimes it is a person standing at a bus stop or something similar. By far the most typical experiences occur in restaurants where she very regularly says, “See that family?” or “Notice that man.” Then she will say, “You’ll see him/her/them again.”

She also experiences periodic false memories. This morning she came into the kitchen and said, “I’m ready.” I asked if she wanted to go to Panera, and she did. I told her I wanted to finish writing an email message and then we would go. I finished and then took a few minutes to get our things together (iPads, my computer, cups for drinks, etc.). On this occasion (a rare one), she seemed eager to leave and asked, “I thought you wanted to get me out of here while Libby (our cleaning lady) is here.” I hadn’t even discussed leaving the house or said anything to her about Libby except that she was coming this morning. Ah, it is just now coming together as I write this. Kate was in bed when I returned from my walk shortly after 8:00 this morning. I told her I was back and that Libby would be coming soon. She must have interpreted that to mean I wanted her to get up so that we could go to Panera.

Before leaving Kate brought out a few things to give to Libby. She often does this. This time I noticed that she had put out a pair of her shoes. She saw my look of surprise and asked, “Is something wrong?” I told her that those were shoes we had recently bought. She said, “You told me they were too small.” She took the shoes back to her room.

It also looks like she has come to see me as the person responsible for washing the clothes. Last night she brought some dirty clothes into laundry room and dropped them in the washing machine. I was in the kitchen. She called out to me, “The washing machine is full.” I took this to mean that she was letting me know it was time for me to wash. I said, “I’ll take care of it.” Then I did. She never said anything. To her it must have seemed like an everyday occurrence.

Despite these kinds of things, I still say that we are getting along well under the circumstances. I am trying to keep us busy. We still go to as many movies as we can. The believe the number she will like is smaller than I would want it to be.

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Another Example of Humor

I believe I may have mentioned this quite a while ago, but here is another example of our use of humor that helps us ease by some problem spots. Yesterday morning as we were driving away from the house to attend the Y breakfast, I had neglected to turn the fan up to a higher speed on the car’s AC. This is not terribly unusual for me, but I try to remember because Kate likes to have the air flowing even when I may feel just fine. As we were approaching the traffic light, Kate said (in a very disturbed voice), “Oh, its so hot in here.” I said, “Whoops, I forgot to turn on the air conditioner.” She said, “You never remember.” The she proceeded to tell me that I  never think of her needing the AC. She said if I were hot, I would turn it on right away. This doesn’t sound humorous to read, but the way she says it is funny. She says it in a manner which allows me to respond in like manner. I always say something like, “I’ll never do that again. I’ll remember next time.” Then she says, “We’ll see.” Often she says, “You’ll never change” as she gives me a dirty look that isn’t mean-spirited. This kind of exchange occurs rather frequently.

At the moment we are back at Panera where we had lunch about 11:15 before I had to attend a foundation board meeting. Before leaving, she expressed displeasure about here no having some place or “something” to do. She has been a little bored this week. When I got home, I asked if she would like to go to Lowe’s. She said she would but later. She was in bed in our bedroom working puzzles on her iPad. Then I asked if she would like me to look for something on Netflix that we could watch. She said she would, and I proceeded to look for something. We settled on a British TV series called “The Vicar of Dilby.” In a few minutes I noticed that she had stopped working on her iPad and had pulled the covers over her. I asked if she wanted to continue watching the program. She told me to do whatever I wanted. That led me to turn off the TV and return to the kitchen where I was going to check email and respond to a message from a friend.

About 45 minutes later, I heard her call to me. She asked if I could take her to Panera. She had obviously gotten bored. It is very unusual for her to want to go to Panera in the afternoon. In fact, this is the first time I recall her requesting it except in the morning. So we are here now, and all is well. As usual she brought her iPad. She was hot when we first arrived, but I believe the air conditioning has kicked in. It feels cooler, and she hasn’t complained.

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Another Strange Incident

I got home from Rotary about 30 minutes ago. Kate was seated in her chair in her office working a jigsaw puzzle on her iPad. I can’t remember all the dialog, but this is what happened. She was relieved to see me and asked if she could come out now. I was puzzled. She indicated that she thought I had told her to stay in the back of the house. I apologized and told her I never intended for her to remain in the back of the house. She was relieved but also a little peeved with me and told me she almost went to her bathroom to sit in the tub just to get out of the room.

I turned on the stereo in the family room. In a minute she came in with her iPad and her sweater and looked ready to go. It turned out that she thought we were going to lunch. I learned this while we were in the car. She had wanted to go to Chalupes. When she realized we were not going to lunch, she said Panera was OK.

A moment later she said something about “their” coming to see us and that she was going to say something about what they had said about her mother. I asked if she were talking about a couple in our church. She said she was. Once again she said something about what they had said about her mother. I told her I was unaware of anything they had said. She was annoyed. It appeared that she felt I knew but couldn’t remember. When I asked what they had said, she said, “”Let’s just not talk about it.” That is pretty much her standard response to almost anything I ask.

3:34 pm

We are back home now. I wanted to add that this is one of those afternoons when she is feeling quite bored. She just looks depressed. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the iPad’s charger, and her battery ran down; so we came home about 30 minutes ago. I offered to show her my slide show of our trip to Africa. I thought it might interest her. She agreed, but her body language indicated she didn’t have that much interest. Finally, she came into the family room where I was setting up the show. After she sat down, she indicated that she was sleepy. I asked if she would like to rest before seeing the show. She said yes and is now lying down in our bedroom.

Tonight is a reception in connection with an upcoming symphony concert. We usually attend but have missed the last 2 or 3. I had thought we might go tonight. When I mentioned it to her this morning, she indicated she didn’t want to go. It was actually a little stronger than that. She was really indicating that she was not going.