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Assessing the trip to New York

Looking back at the trip to Switzerland as well as the trip to New York, I would have to say that both went quite well for Kate. Although I felt that greater demands were placed on me during both trips, they were terrific for Kate in that she was kept busy doing things that interested her. She handled everything well except the usual difficulty in meeting time deadlines. Even here, the problem is really one for me and not for her. She doesn’t worry about being on time for anything. She only gets up tight when I am encouraging her, sometimes having to push her, to get ready.

As I think about it, I feel she is getting along better right now and that I am also less frustrated. I am not sure whether this is the result of an improvement on her part or that I have become more accustomed to her decline in short-term memory. At any rate, I feel that things are moving along rather smoothly.

I continue to notice that Kate gets irritated with me and not always because I am rushing her to get ready. She continues to want to be more independent. She seems to be working hard to demonstrate her capabilities to me. She believes that I don’t think she can do anything, and that annoys her. It is then expressed in things she says to me. One of the little things that happens is that she does not want to take my hand when I extend it to cross a street, go up steps, etc. This has become a sign that she is needy, and she doesn’t like it.

Looking ahead, I am unsure about whether we will be able to attend Chautauqua after this year. I have already thought that if we do, it might be easier if we stayed at the Athenaeum Hotel because it offers three meals a day. That would make things easier for us.

 

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Friday Morning At The Zurich Airport

The first thought I have about the trip is that it has been just what I had hoped for. We went to a nice variety of places (Geneva, Interlaken, Lucerne, Zurich), engaged in quite a few diverse activities from city tours, to mountain heights, to paragliding, and opera. I am aware that emotionally I have felt up most of the time but also discouraged a few times. The most negative aspect of this or any other trip we might make is the responsibility of planning and executing daily activities while at the same time caring for Kate. It is not that she has presented any serious problems. It is more like the responsibility a parent has for a child. In fact, I believe that is an excellent comparison. Like a young child, she often is confused, forgets things, loses things, spills things, is unaware of clothing that is soiled, gets hot and wants to take off her coat, gets cold in a moment and wants to put it on, etc. Some of the more discouraging moments have occurred when she gets frustrated with me. She realizes she needs my help but often resents my stepping in to help. This means I am always working to determine what I should and what I shouldn’t do.

We are ending the trip as I expected. I believe this is the last such trip we will take. We have several domestic trips between June and December. I cannot imagine my planning another international trip after that time. I continue to believe that 2015 will mark a significant change I her condition. It already has, and I suspect this will continue.

As I write this journal entry, Kate is writing an email on her iPad. She seems to be having difficulty. She believes she is online, but I doubt it. Normally This is something I would have to help her with. No matter. She can save a draft and send when she is online. We only get one free hour in the airport; so it seems wise to work offline until ready to send.

Several times she has asked me to take a picture of her with a Coke to send to her cousin in Fort Worth. She then thinks that taking it with my camera means it has been sent. Sometimes she realizes this is not the case. This is a good example of the kind of confusion that goes on regularly whether on a trip or at home.

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A Couple of Little Things

Ellen came by this morning to pick up her Christmas pottery and her poinsettias that she had loaned Kate for her PEO meeting on Thursday. She mentioned to Kate in my presence that after Christmas she gets into a clean-up mode and would be willing to help Kate sort through her clothes to determine what she needs to get rid of and what she wants in her closet. After Ellen left, I asked Kate about Ellen’s help. She told me that she didn’t want her to help, that she didn’t need it; she is already taking care of it and has been giving clothes to our housekeeper. She told me that she has been doing a little bit at a time and didn’t need any help. This is obviously not true, but she doesn’t realize she is not making progress.

This morning she asked me which light switch in the family room controlled the outlet she likes to use when she is charging her computer. After I told her, she said, “”How did you know that? You remember everything.” She is often amazed by what other people can remember or do.”

While we were at lunch, she asked me what my mother died of. I said, “Alzheimer’s.” I went on to say that many people with Alzheimer’s often die of something else, but that Mom really died from Alzheimer itself. She said, “You know I don’t remember much about that at all.” I told her there was a good reason for that; she was taking care of her mother, and she didn’t have the kind of daily contact with Mom that she did with her mother.

Following lunch we went to Belk to get Kate some gloves and hose. When we walked into the store, she said, “”I also want to look at some slacks.” I mentioned that we had just bought a lot of slacks. She asked me to stop talking. We did look for slacks. When I noticed that she was looking at black slacks, I reminded her that we had bought 2 pair of black slacks last Saturday. She then looked for others but didn’t find anything. She told me she would just get the gloves and hose and look at home to see exactly what she needs.

On the way home, she asked me a question (I don’t remember what it was.) When I told her, she said, “I know. I have asked you that five times.” I said, “”That’s all right. You can ask me as many times as you want. I’ll remember for you.”She said, “”You are so patient with me.”

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More on Clothes

This past Saturday I took Kate shopping for black slacks. She told me she didn’t have any that fit. We bought 2 pair and a couple of turtle neck sweaters as well as another long sweater to wear over a blouse. This time I took pictures of them so that I know what to look for when the time comes. I also told her I wanted to know where she puts them so that I would be able to find them when necessary. She did not want me to do that. She said she would keep them where she could find them.

Last night as she was getting ready for the music club, she said she couldn’t find any black slacks that fit. I reminded her that we had bought 2 pair on Saturday. She asked where they were. I told her she had worn one on Sunday and the other was in my closet held back for alterations. I got the ones in my closet for her to try on. They worked except they were too long.

This was about 2 hours before we needed to leave. I told her that we ought to go get a quick bite to eat at Panera. She hadn’t realized we had so much time. She said she would change clothes before going. It turned out that she changed to a different outfit to wear to music club. About 40 minutes had passed; so I said let’s just go to Panera the way you are. You can finish getting ready when we get back. She told me all she needed to do was put on her make up. We went to Panera. When we got back I went to take a shower and get dressed. An hour later, after I was dressed, she had completely changed.

When we got home, I suggested she give her slacks to me to keep in my closet. This insulted her. I fear that she will lose these as she has the others.

In the meantime, she is having her PEO group over on Thursday morning for their meeting and Christmas lunch. Up until today she had done almost no decorating. I got decorations out of the storage room and suggested she look through them. She has done so and gotten some things out and also put up some decorations; however, she has a tremendous job to get ready for Thursday. She has refused my help and told me not to worry about it, that she would get it done. In a conversation with Ellen, I suggested that she might drop by in the morning to see how things are going hoping that Kate might accept her help. I have also arranged for the woman who cuts my hair to cut hers tomorrow as well as giving her coloring. She asked what the color is. I couldn’t answer; so I am taking Kate by her place this afternoon to let Dawn determine the right color.

The bottom line: Kate is continuing to get along well in many respects, but she is getting worse when it comes to organizing her life and remembering recent things. She needs to be reminded of just about everything.

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Two Examples

Each day brings numerous examples of AD. Here are two. Yesterday afternoon I arrived home from visiting Dad. When I came in I heard Kate on the phone. She had her computer in her lap. I thought she might be handling some details concerning our neighborhood directory for which we requested updates yesterday afternoon. I busied myself with a few things on my computer. When she hung up, I discovered that she had forgotten about a commitment she had made to prepare a flyer announcing an annual fundraiser for her PEO chapter and that she needed to have it. She ended up stressed, but together we got it done.

This morning she has her PEO meeting. I planed to drive her and told her we would leave around 9:30. Around 8:00 she was dressed in her yard clothes and said she was going out to take the yard trash to the curb for pick up this morning. At 8:45 after I had dressed for the day, she had not come inside to get ready. I went out to let her know it was time to come in. When she came in, she asked me if I could get the second wheelbarrow filled with trash and take it out. I hesitated and said I would have been happy to do it if she had asked me before I got dressed. Of course, I went out and emptied the wheel barrow on the curb. My point is that she loses track of time so quickly and then doesn’t do the things she originally started to do even though may have been the more important things she wanted to do.

Because of the flyer for PEO we had a late dinner – almost 9:00 at Hathaway’s. While there she commented that she is relying more on me for help than in the past. I told her I understood and recognized that I find myself trying to take more initiative to do so but that there are times when she wants to do things herself. She acknowledged the situation. We both then indicated that we thought each of us is handling things pretty well.

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Losing Things Again

Before leaving for Jackson Hole, Kate had misplaced her driver’s license, ATM card, Medicare card, and her supplemental insurance card. Last Friday we replaced her driver’s license and arranged for a new ATM card. I can’t recall how many ATM cards we have replaced. This morning as she was ready to leave for Lowe’s, she found that she had misplaced the driver’s license that we got on Friday. She has looked everywhere and continues to look, but no luck yet. It is most discouraging to her and to me. I am afraid I am going to have to take charge of these things .

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What To Do About Driving

When I got home from Dad’s last evening, I discovered that Kate had run into something in her car. Her right front headlight was shattered, the bumper was loose, and the hood of the car crimpled a little. She told me that she bumped into something in the Belk parking lot. She simply hadn’t seen it because it was dark.

By itself, this is nothing to worry about; however, this has happened multiple times. It makes me wonder now if it was AD that played a role in other incidents that occurred before her diagnosis. I am able to recall that she had a panic attack when she got lost trying to find my brother’s house in 2006 when she went to Birmingham for our niece’sshower. I seem to recall that Kate was concerned about having AD at that time. We played as if it were a simple case of being geographically challenged as we continue to do. It is very clear now that it is more than that, but it makes it easier to say something about being geographically challenged. The big question for me is when does she stop driving. I know that will be a low blow. It also means that I need to be around her even more than I am now. That would mean going into the office less which I could do although it provides a nice escape for me.

Shortly after returning from dinner, I gave her a hug and told her I loved her. She said, “I like having you home with me.” She has mentioned this on numerous occasions, and I take it as a feeling of security she has when I am around. She encounters so many situations in which she feels the need to ask me how to solve some problem. When I am not there she simply has to endure her frustration. To some extent she wants to do this. Neither of us wants me to do everything for her. In fact, last night she asked what she could do to help with dinner. I started to say, “nothing” but I told her she could get the plates ready. Her facial expression told me she was pleased that she could play a role in dinner. I generally shy away from asking her to help with dinner because I feel she will do things differently than I want them done, but I may need to change this approach.

Yesterday afternoon I spoke on the phone with our pastor. I had called to invite him to our Sunday school class Christmas party. He is the only one that knows about Kate except for our attorney and the State Farm attorney who is representing us in the accident case in Alabama. He asked about Kate and to his credit asked if I were home with her. I told him I was and that she was on the phone in the next room. For that reason we did not say much. He did comment that in the times he has been with her he could not tell that she has AD. I told him one had to be around her as I am to recognize it but that it is easy to see from my vantage point. He then said that his only clue might be that she seems to look to me when we are together as though she is looking to me for security. I told him that is the case – that she depends on me for that security.

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Going Through Different Phases

Right now I feel a little rushed. I have things to do to catch up on that I put aside when I was preparing for Dad’s party. Then it was the 50th TCU class reunion. Now we are leaving for Jesse’s for Thanksgiving. I have bills to pay and arrangements to make for various things. In addition, I continue to have responsibilities with Dad. In particular, I have been trying to work out a way for his blood sugar level to stay at a desirable level. I am concerned because he keeps having low blood sugar levels. The staff is concerned because he has high levels. He also had surgery on his right forearm this past Friday to remove a squamous cell carcinoma tumor. He is scheduled to go back next Monday to have the stitches removed, but we are going to Jesse’s that day.

At the same time, I am just becoming aware that Kate and I are moving into a new stage in our journey. Even before her diagnosis almost 2 years ago, I was taking a larger role around the house. She had given up cooking some time before then – perhaps 3-5 years. The only big change that occurred immediately after diagnosis was my making sure I spend as much time as possible with her. I started taking her to lunch everyday instead of eating alone. I was still working a full day at the office then. As time passed, she became bothered by the time I would get home after visiting with Dad. That led to my taking off work a little earlier so that I could spend the same amount of time with Dad but get home a little earlier. Gradually I have stopped working in the afternoon. I go to lunch with Kate. Then spend some time at the house working on the computer or other odd jobs.

Over the past 2 years, I have now come become responsible for almost all of the household arrangements except decorating and tending to her plants. Both of these things have been escapes for her. At least that is the way I view them. She gravitates toward them because they don’t involve any frustration for her. They are simple pleasures.

I have taken over almost all of her financial things. I had already before she had AD taken care of family trust activity. But now I have her American Express bill emailed to me and make the payment through her account. She doesn’t even know how much her bill is. She doesn’t see it. This morning she asked me if I knew where she keeps our envelopes. She wanted to mail a check to someone. She said she normally would have done an online bill pay from her checking account, but she can’t remember how to do that. I first found the envelopes for her. Then I told her I would be glad to help her with online bill pay. She indicated she didn’t want me to do that. I said, And I don’t want to take over everything for you.” She acknowledged her own need to continue doing as much as she can.

She did say there are somethings for which she would like help. I suggested we change our daily routine a bit. From now on we will go to lunch. Then we will focus on things that she needs help with. Then I will go to Dad’s. She seemed to like or accept that suggestion. So this is yet another step along a very long journey. I still think most people would not know what she is going through, but for someone as close as I am to her, it is a continuous series of incidents that are reminders that she has AD and it is getting worse.

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A Successful Dinner Party

This past Saturday we hosted Kate’s PEO chapter for dinner. We had 23 including ourselves. Kate had worked for weeks (since just before Thanksgiving) getting the house ready which meant mostly decorating. I had encouraged her to ask a friend who is a decorator to help her, and she said she would but wanted to start by herself. She never did call her, and the house looked beautiful for the party. She enjoyed the task and had plenty of time to arrange and re-arrange for the weeks preceding the event.

To make things as easy as possible, we decided from the outset that we would get the entrée from Altruda’s, a local Italian restaurant, one of the other members would prepare a salad, I would get the wine, and Kate would prepare the dessert. As we got down to the wire on Thursday, there was still a good bit of work to do. I tried to gently hint that Kate prepare the desserts (flan and chocolate mousse) during the day on Friday. Time got away from her, and she still hadn’t started the desserts before we had to leave for a friend’s 80th birthday party. When we returned, she did the mousse and decided to wait until the next morning for the flan.

She took a long time to start and when she was preparing the mousse and the flan, she got confused regarding the specific ingredients and whether or not she had them on hand and whether or not she had already put them in. At one point she sent me to the store for condensed milk. When I returned home, she discovered she had it. Similarly, she said she was short 16 oz. of cream cheese. I went to the store. While I was gone, she found it.

Late in the day, I indicated that this was quite a job and that I had hoped to spare her the stress of doing the party. Her response was that this was probably the last one of these events she would do, and she REALLY wanted to do it. It broke my heart, and we didn’t talk about it again until the next day. It went off well, and I told her she could be very proud. I wasn’t just saying this. It was a terrific event.

One follow up is that she cannot find the power cord to her computer. I am guessing that when she was putting things away before the party, she put the power cord someplace and can’t find it. She asked me to help her locate it last night, but neither of us had success.

This morning after my walk I went into the bedroom where I saw her changing the time on her clock. She was concentrating intently. I wanted to help but let her do it herself. I think I did the right thing because a little later her hair dresser called to postpone today’s hair appointment. Kate worked a good while trying to change the appointment on her iPhone. When I offered to help, she said she wanted to do it herself. She told me she would ask if she wanted me to help. As I have noted before, I think both of us are wondering what things will be like a year from now.