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Optimistic About Another Good Day

After almost six years and nine months, I hesitate believe that our high moments will continue indefinitely. That said, since Monday afternoon  everything has gone well. That lifts my spirits and leads me to feel more optimistic about the day ahead.

Last night we went to Casa Bella for Jazz Night. This was a night change from Opera Night and Broadway Night. Kate and I both enjoyed it. I like the fact that provides another monthly musical performance that both of us can enjoy. Besides being entertaining, we also enjoy the company of those with whom we share a table. Typically, it is with the couple are are the senior owners of the restaurant (now retired). These programs are perfect for us because they start at 6:00 for dinner with the music beginning around 7:00. We are through by 8:30. This means Kate gets to bed a little later than other nights but not by much.

We got off to a good start this morning. I slept a little later, 6:05. That meant there was a little light when I took my walk. Right now it is so warm and humid in the morning, I prefer to walk in the dark. When I returned home, Kate was up. I thought that might mean an early trip to Panera. I was wrong. About 8:15, she came into the kitchen and said she was going outside. I was surprised because this is only the second time in many months that she has not come out ready for Panera. When I expressed my surprise, she said she would want go for muffin later. We did and have come back home for a break before lunch. She was feeling a little tired and is resting right now.

The sitter comes at 1:00; so I will plan for us to leave for lunch at 11:30. On Fridays we normally go to Applebee’s which is very close to our home. That will make it easy for me to get back home and put on my gym clothes before the sitter arrives. Because Kate has accepted the sitters so naturally, I don’t expect a problem today.

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Especially Good Mood

October 12, 2017 (7:21 p.m.)

I don’t often post a second post so soon after another, but I have just witnessed a first. About 45 minutes ago, I called Kate in from the yard so that we could get to our haircut appointment at 3:00. She came right in, something that she didn’t use to do but that has been becoming more typical nowadays. When we got in I told her we had to leave in 30 minutes. I know she can’t remember, but somehow it seems to help me to give her a reminder that we are going someplace soon.

As I expected, she took a shower. At 2:40, I went to her room to check on her. She had gotten out of the shower but was not yet dressed. As she started to dress, she motioned to me to find a bra for her. I looked in her drawers and several other places. I finally found one and brought it to her.

Getting into bras can be challenging for her. I hesitantly offered my help and said something about women’s clothes being so difficult to get into. Very naturally she accepted my help and together we got it on. Then I told her I would get a top for her to wear. I gave it to her. She gladly accepted it.

As we were leaving the house for the car, I thought about how cheerful she had been in a situation that in the past has been one of the most difficult for both of us. She knows I like to be on time. I know that she can’t keep time straight and doesn’t seem to be able to hurry. This time she was as cheerful as she could be. She didn’t hurry but she dressed more quickly than usual. What’s more she accepted my help.

In the car on the way to the hair dresser’s, she mentioned that she got ready without causing us to be late.  More significantly to me is that she specifically noted that she didn’t give me a hard time and let me help her. I was stunned with here observation. Then I told her I was glad to hear her say that because I had just been thinking the very same thing.

This particular experience is consistent with the way she has been since Monday afternoon.  I know it’s too much to think that this will last; so I am just going to rejoice in this moment. I am also going to remember that even when she is less cooperative, she is not really difficult to deal with. As I have said so often, we are very fortunate. I hope those of you who read this and are having much more challenging experiences will understand that I recognize our good fortune and wish it could be the same for each of you.

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More Childlike Behavior

Kate was working on her iPad while Forest Gump was playing on TV. I thought she might get interested, but once again I was wrong. She is simply losing interest in watching things on TV. At 9:00, she said, “That’s it.” She put her iPad down on the bed, but she didn’t take any steps to get ready for bed. After a few minutes, I asked her if she was ready for bed or if she wanted to keep watching the movie. At first, she didn’t answer. Then she asked, “What do you want me to do?” I told her it was 9:00, and that it was about time to prepare for bed. She got up and went to her room. I went into the family room to listen to music before retiring for the evening. About 10 minutes later, I got up to see if she had gone to bed. She was coming into the family room. She was wearing a night gown and carrying a robe. She motioned me to come to her. She held out the robe without saying anything to me. I asked if she wanted me to help her put on her robe. She nodded. I held the robe so that she could put one arm after the other into the sleeves and pulled it up around her. Then I said, “I am glad that I can help you.” She gave me a hug. I told her I loved her. Then I told her I was going to listen to my music a little longer. She then went to bed. This is just one other occasion when she is childlike. I mean by that that she seems to completely look to me for help or guidance as to what she should do without asserting her independence. As always, this is bitter sweet. I know this is moving us another step closer to the future, but she is so sweet when she does things like this.

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Problems Sleeping

I’ve always been a good sleeper, but over the past 2-3 years I have had occasional times when I wake up and can’t get back to sleep. In the past 6 months or so these have occurred somewhat more frequently. Several months ago at a routine doctor’s appointment the doctor asked me if I wanted something to take that would help. I told him no. Last week at another appointment neither of us mentioned it. I still feel the same way right now; however, I am reaching a point where it is something that I might consider if this gets any worse. I don’t usually have a problem while on vacation, but this is the second night in a row when I do have awakened and been unable to go back to sleep easily. Last night I woke up at 1:00 a.m. It was about an hour before I drifted off. This morning I woke up at 3:16 a.m. My mind began to think about Kate and our planned cruise in May. I asked myself if I am crazy. The reason for taking this cruise was to give her a chance to counter the boredom she is facing at home. I felt being with a people and being on board an interesting ship might minimize her periods of boredom. Thus far that is not the case. To be more specific, it isn’t boredom on the ship that is the problem. It is seeming so tired and uninterested in things. Yesterday she enjoyed sitting in the Observation Lounge and working jigsaw puzzles. She also enjoyed the movie we watched after lunch. She also enjoyed her spa treatment though she came right back to the cabin and got into the bed. It seems like the bed is becoming her security blanket.

All this is making me question if I am doing this for myself or for Kate. I clearly understand that change is not necessarily a good thing for someone with AD. I have been thinking it is easier for me to keep her entertained on a cruise than at home. Perhaps, it would really be easier and better for her if we stayed at home. At the same time I fear her vegetating there as well. The one thing that she still seems to enjoy is visiting with friends. We could continue to see the Greenleys, Robinsons, Davises, and Ellen in Nashville. We might even make a trip to see another friend in Birmingham.

There is much to consider now. As I think I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Kate’s deterioration is becoming more pronounced now. This is the first time I have been convinced of that. Typically, I am more guarded in saying that the signs are as clear as they seem to be right now. I know we will get through this, but I am just now beginning to face the reality that I am losing her. I feel sad and scared.

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Moments of despair

How quickly things can change. After a lengthy period of joy and contentment (as expressed in my previous post), last night we hit a low point. About 5:00 Kate came into the kitchen where I was working on the computer. I could see immediately that she was wearing a sad face. I got up, walked over to her, and asked, “Bored?” (This is an increasingly common complaint.) She answered, “Bored and hungry.” I told her we could go to an early dinner and started to offer a few suggested places when she asked, “Would you take me to Chalupas?” This is her favorite Mexican restaurant. She seems to see it as a place of comfort. I am not sure whether it is just the food or the food and the general atmosphere of the place. We know the owner and almost all of the servers with whom I always engage in conversations in Spanish. She likes hearing me speak Spanish and likes the people there.

At any rate, I told her I would be glad to take her and said something like this. “You really like that place. This would be the third time we have eaten there in the past 7-8 days.” She said she hadn’t realized that and we could go some other place. I told her I would be glad to take her, but I wanted to get something different for myself. Then I told her I could just get a single cheese burrito and then have some V8 when I got back home. (This represents one of the challenges I have eating out with Kate. She loves carbs. In the past week we have eaten Mexican 3 times, pizza twice (2 nights in succession), pancakes for breakfast, ice cream at Marble Slab, and a bigger-than-usual meal with cheesecake at Casa Bella. I have gained 4 pounds in the last week and my stomach is feeling a little bloated; so I feel the need of something lighter than what she likes.

As we were walking out the door for the restaurant, she said, “I hate being so dependent on you.” Before getting to the car, she said, “I could live to be 90.” She seemed quite depressed. Although I tried to reassure her that I was happy to take care of her, this didn’t help. She perked up a little while at the restaurant, but her being dependent was clearly still on her mind. While we were in the car coming home, I suggested that we look for a movie on TV. Then I suggested watching “Doc Martin,” a BBC series that is available through Netflix. When we got home, I started thinking about something lighter and more upbeat and suggested we might find an old Andy Griffith or something similar. She liked that. I got on Netflix and search for Dick van Dyke and found it. We ended up watching 4 episodes, and she loved it; so did I. When we turned off the TV and went to bed, everything seemed all right. I was wrong. I heard her get up just after 11:00 and go into her office. In a few minutes, I went in and found her in the bed with the TV turned on to an old black-and-white movie. She has always found comfort in having the TV on when she is trying to go to sleep. She told me she couldn’t sleep, something very unusual these days. I asked if she wouldn’t like to come back to bed with me and that we could turn on the TV or listen to music. She chose music. It took a while for us to get back to sleep, but we did and slept until almost 7:00 this morning.

She wanted to go to Lowe’s for more plants. We did so around 9:00. Right now she is outside planting them. It is cooler this morning. I will let her stay out as long as she likes because I feel it is her therapy. Then we will go to lunch. I hope the depression goes away before evening.

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Interlaken

This morning we take the train to Interlaken. I am feeling more like myself this morning. Yesterday afternoon I was down. Though I am not a moody person, I do find that my mood can change depending on what is going on with Kate. I remember the same thing happening with my Dad. When he was having a bad day, it affected me.

As we were returning to the hotel yesterday afternoon, I suggested to Kate that she start packing her suitcase so that we wouldn’t be rushed this morning. She immediately reacted negatively to my suggestion and said, “Or tonight after dinner.” I then said, “But you never want to pack after dinner.” That was something I shouldn’t have said. It reflected a feeling that I was doing everything I could to make the trip go smoothly for her, and she wasn’t willing to do this one thing to help me help her. Even in the midst of this, I know clearly that the Alzheimer’s prevents her from looking at things logically. Nevertheless, I find it frustrating.

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Our Dad

Kate finally decided the new computer is not for her. The big factor is the size of the screen. It is to small for editing pictures. I have spent hours getting everything on the new computer. Tomorrow I will spend less time taking things off and preparing to return it to Dell. I may explore giving it to a grandchild first, but I think Kevin’s children are so used to the Apple that going to a PC would not be appealing to them.

Once again, Kate was in bed quite early last night – around 7:30. She did not seem especially depressed, but I think her being tired is related to her discouragement. This morning she left a pot boiling on the stove. It had a peach in it. She was intending to loosen the skin to remove it but forgot about it. I could tell this was another blow for her. She just keeps running into things that make her feel she can’t do anything right. It, of course, saddens me as well. This is just a further indication of the changes that are taking place.

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More Happy (many) and Sad (some) Moments

I find that my own mood which by nature is upbeat is heavily influenced by how my dad and Kate are doing. I have had a number of very good days with Dad since returning from Chautauqua. I continue to enjoy life to its fullest with Kate. On the other hand, I do notice things happening with her that make me sad. One thing that does both is her working in the yard. She loves to get out and prune and plant. She continues to buy new plants even though we are now approaching the end of the summer season. What makes me sad is that I believe she does this because it is the only thing that she is able to do without suffering any frustration. It seems like just about everything she tries to do on her own ends up with a problem of some sort. I must admit that I also have a tendency to get irritated when she neglects things that she might do in favor of working in the yard. Then I stop and realize why she is doing it and feel sad that she is left to this limited area of activity. Then I feel happy that she has something like gardening that I hope she will be able to do for a long time to come.

Yesterday afternoon I arrived home just as an upholsterer was about to load all the cushions from the patio furniture into his truck. I told him that he was supposed to be getting the cushions from the kitchen, not the patio furniture. Kate had pointed him to the patio cushions and forgot completely about the cushions in the kitchen’s bay window. Today when we went to a shop to order new cushions for the patio furniture. Our decorator asked if the upholsterer had come by. Kate told her that he hadn’t. I corrected her. In a few minutes she told me she was glad that I had come in at that time. She said she had already embarrassed herself by forgetting the upholsterer had come yesterday.

Another sad moment came the other night as we were driving somewhere to dinner. I asked her how she was, and she told me she felt “secure” when she was with me. This made me feel good that she knows she can depend on me; however, it made me feel sad that she is insecure in so many situations. She really wants to do things independently. In fact, she sometimes tells me that she can do something that I took the initiative of helping her with. As I indicated earlier, when she starts on something it becomes a problem for her. Here is one example. She wanted to do send an email to a friend from Denver  who is coming to visit us next week. She could never get around to doing it. I ended up writing the email and sending it from Kate’s computer so that our friend would see it came from Kate and not me.

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Things For Which I Am Thankful

I realize that much of my conversation may have a negative tone to it and want to present the other side for a change. It’s not that something especially good has happened to us in the last day or two but that overall we have much for which we are grateful. Perhaps I was prompted by a conversation I had with our banker the other day. I initiated steps to become power of attorney for Kate’s financial accounts and explained to the banker that she has AD. Last week I spoke with him for the first time in 6 months or more. He asked how we were doing. I told him that all-in-all we were doing quite well. Then I explained that one of the benefits of knowing early about her AD enabled us to place more emphasis on our relationship and making the most of the time we have together. Even with the natural frustrations that I experience with Kate’s inability to do or remember things, I have become decidedly more patient and understanding. That has made all the difference in our relationship. Even though we have had a strong relationship in the past, it is at its strongest now.

Beyond this, we are not under the financial pressures that might prevent our doing many of the things we enjoy. In addition, her diagnosis came at a time when I am able to take time away from my business and invest more personal time Kate.

When we consider everything, we are incredibly blessed, and we recognize it.

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All Went Well

Last night our dinner with friends went well. The woman who mows the lawn came earlier in the day, the weather was pleasant, and everyone showed. No disasters occurred in connection with our preparations. Kate stayed out in the yard until 90 minutes before the guests arrived, but I had already settled on taking care of all things that I could. It worked. The sad part is that she thanked me for taking care of everything both last night and again this morning. It makes me sad for her to recognize her dependence on me.

When I left for the office this morning, she was pulling weeds in the front yard. I know that one reason she likes to work in the yard is that it is something that she can do. There aren’t as many “rules” that she has to follow or things she has to remember. She can just pull weeds, plant plants, and prune shrubs. It troubles me (and I know it troubles her) that she is so unable to do so many things.

I can’t recall whether or not I said this in an earlier post, but she told me the other day that next year she is going to ask Shirley Hazel, the PEO sister with whom she works on the scholarships, to do all the computer entry and letters of recommendation. She does still want to go with her to interview the candidates. I had been wondering about her telling Shirley that she didn’t want to continue, but this is much better that she chose this direction for herself and that she can maintain some involvement though minimal.

I think she needs to do the same with the responsibilities for the neighborhood newsletter and directory. Perhaps she will come to this conclusion herself without my saying anything.