The Flight Home

Kate’s iPad’s battery ran down with a couple of hours to go. I let her use mine. Then they served a snack and she gave my iPad back to me. After the snack she wanted to work more jigsaw puzzles. She reached over to my lap and got her iPad. When it wouldn’t turn on, I reminded her that the battery had died. I gave her mine again. After a while she decided to try to sleep. Then she got her iPad and discovered the battery was dead.

As long as I have known her, she has avoided eating anything with coconut in it, but today they served coconut cake. She ate it without even thinking what kind of cake it was. I have observed similar things back home.

She has continued to have deja vu experiences while on the trip. At lunch in Bern yesterday, she noted having seen the photos on the wall.

Our waiter set two places across from each other at a table for 4. After I took my seat, she sat down diagonally across from me. When I mentioned that she might want to join me, she said, “We can each choose individually.” This is also something she has done when we are eating out at home.

Friday Morning At The Zurich Airport

The first thought I have about the trip is that it has been just what I had hoped for. We went to a nice variety of places (Geneva, Interlaken, Lucerne, Zurich), engaged in quite a few diverse activities from city tours, to mountain heights, to paragliding, and opera. I am aware that emotionally I have felt up most of the time but also discouraged a few times. The most negative aspect of this or any other trip we might make is the responsibility of planning and executing daily activities while at the same time caring for Kate. It is not that she has presented any serious problems. It is more like the responsibility a parent has for a child. In fact, I believe that is an excellent comparison. Like a young child, she often is confused, forgets things, loses things, spills things, is unaware of clothing that is soiled, gets hot and wants to take off her coat, gets cold in a moment and wants to put it on, etc. Some of the more discouraging moments have occurred when she gets frustrated with me. She realizes she needs my help but often resents my stepping in to help. This means I am always working to determine what I should and what I shouldn’t do.

We are ending the trip as I expected. I believe this is the last such trip we will take. We have several domestic trips between June and December. I cannot imagine my planning another international trip after that time. I continue to believe that 2015 will mark a significant change I her condition. It already has, and I suspect this will continue.

As I write this journal entry, Kate is writing an email on her iPad. She seems to be having difficulty. She believes she is online, but I doubt it. Normally This is something I would have to help her with. No matter. She can save a draft and send when she is online. We only get one free hour in the airport; so it seems wise to work offline until ready to send.

Several times she has asked me to take a picture of her with a Coke to send to her cousin in Fort Worth. She then thinks that taking it with my camera means it has been sent. Sometimes she realizes this is not the case. This is a good example of the kind of confusion that goes on regularly whether on a trip or at home.

Thursday Morning In Zurich

It is now 10:16 a.m. We came back from breakfast about 20-25 minutes ago. Kate immediately got back into bed and appears to be asleep though she may just be resting. She was unusually groggy when I got her up for breakfast. I had gotten up at 7:35; so I was ready for breakfast. I had held on by eating some dried fruit that we bought at the train station yesterday morning before taking a city tour at 1:00. We met a family from Boca Raton, FL who were on the same tour. It was a worthwhile tour, but when the guide pointed out things along the way, it was difficult to see them, and they passed so quickly.

We came back to the hotel after the tour. We stopped off at a shoe store beside the hotel and bought a pair of shoes for Kate. The best deal we have made in Switzerland – $20. She rested a little when we got back to the hotel. Then we dressed for the opera. Neither of us had brought along anything that was dressy, but it didn’t matter. We saw all kinds of attire.

We took the tram to the stop that was nearest the opera house – 1 block away. Then we looked around for a place to eat. We found a place named Weissen Wind. It turns out that it is in a building constructed in 1434. We had a very good meal. Kate had poached salmon with mixed vegetables and rice. I had a veal and mushroom dish with rosti.

The opera house and La Traviata were wonderful. We had seats on the second row. We both agreed that this was the very best opera experience we have had.

It was a good day. I have been keeping a close eye on Kate. She has been on me about not doing so. She tells me I will never change. She has no idea how hard I work at doing so, but she is right in that I am always missing things. I am far from perfect. Yesterday I dropped my napkin on the floor at a restaurant. She pointed it out to me. I said, “you take such good care of me.” She immediately started laughing because she is always saying the same thing to me. It was one of those moments in which we both know that each of us recognizes her AD, but we don’t say anything specific about it.

Today is our last full day in Switzerland. Tomorrow we fly to London. We are taking a train to Bern to see it before returning to Zurich for dinner tonight. I can still say it has been a great trip.

Wednesday Morning In Zurich

We caught an 11:10 train from Lucerne to Zurich. We arrived at the Bahnhof Oerlikon which is directly across the street from our hotel. We could see immediately that we had moved from the beauty of Lucerne to the big city. Quite a contrast. After a quick lunch at Burger King, we went directly to the TI office downtown and got information on several things we could do. From there we caught a boat on the river that took us to several spots on Lake Zurich. We got off at the pier where we could have caught a big boat for a longer boat ride around the lake. We chose, however, to walk to the opera house to get tickets to La Traviata tonight. Then we walked along the river and saw the Grossemunster (the exterior) and Fraumunster (inside as well as the outside). From there we looked for a place to have dinner. We saw an Italian restaurant named Contrapunto and decided to try it. Great decision. Food, service, and ambiance were terrific. This was our second great meal after the Café de Paris our first meal in Geneva.

Once again I would say that our trip is going well. I find that it places a load on me, but so long as I avoid rushing, we can simply enjoy being here. Despite the fact that Kate likes to rest in the hotel room, she is able to go long periods away from the hotel. I don’t see any signs of getting tired while we are out that are different than I would see for most other people.

She was excited about getting tickets to the opera. She also enjoys walking along the neighborhoods. She has taken an interest in seeing Reformation sites like Calvin’s church in Geneva. Both Grossemunster and Fraumunster fall in that category.

It is going to be rainy and cool today. We have overcast skies right now. I can see that the pavement outside is wet, but I don’t see anyone using an umbrella. It is 9:00 am. She has just had a shower and is dressing for breakfast. There is a walking tour of the central city at 1:00. I think we will eat and make our way downtown before then.

Just a moment again while I was writing the paragraph above, Kate said, “Do we have to go home?” I think that captures her feelings about the trip. That makes me feel good. Periodically, she has mentioned wanting to live here (Switzerland). It has been a very good trip.

Monday Morning Lucerne

It is 8:45 a.m. We woke up shortly after 6:15. Not to much later we dressed, and went to the dining room for breakfast. We have been back in the room for almost an hour. Kate has been asleep about 35-45 minutes. She continues to enjoy resting after getting up and eating.

It is a beautiful day on what is our last full day in Lucerne. Museums are closed today; so I think we will take a combo boat, cogwheel train, and cable car trip to Pilatus, one of the mountain peaks around the city. This is the clearest day we have had; so we will try to make the most of it.

Kate seems to feel much better than she did last night. I am hoping her cold does not get worse.

I see that I did not comment on yesterday. We took a walking tour of the city yesterday morning. Our guide was the best one we have ever had. It was almost 3 hours. Then we went to lunch where we sat next to a table with a couple from New Zealand. We had a great conversation that included the waiter/proprietor (?). After lunch we walked to the old wall surrounding the city and walked up the old clock tower. We rested at the hotel for a while. Then we got some ice cream at a spot along the water front. Then walked to see the Lion Monument. Kate’s nose was giving her fits. We came back to the room where she relaxed and remained until this morning. I was full and snacked on apples and dried apricots. I went down to the terrace overlooking Lake Lucerne and then came back to the room for the night.

It was a good day in every respect except Kates catching a cold.

What About Future Travel?

So what do I think about this trip and future travel?

I believe this trip was the right thing to do. We have seen and done new and interesting things. As I write, I am sitting on a lounge on a terrace overlooking Lake Lucerne. Kate is either experiencing allergy problems, or she is coming down with a cold. We had a filling lunch and ate ice cream late this afternoon. She didn’t feel like eating at all.

While the trip has gone well, I must admit that it just isn’t the same as it has been before. This relates directly to Kate’s AD, not to any aspect of the trip itself.

The fact that we are traveling does, however, make things more complicated than being at home. There are so many different things for me to be think about. On top of that is tending to Kate. While I haven’t lost her at any time, there have been brief moments in which I didn’t see her or she didn’t see me. The very thought that I might lose her has added a little stress.

In addition, the fact that she can’t understand so much of what is going on around her has meant (here and at home) that we can’t have the same kind of conversations we used to have.

Thinking ahead, I concluded early in our trip that we definitely will not do a trip of this nature again. It is simply too difficult for me to manage.

We have the NYC trip coming up in June. The fact that we will have our daughter, Jesse, and our son, Ken, along to manage the grandchildren will make this doable and enjoyable.

I suspect the trip to Chautauqua will be different this year. It might even be our last.

When I think of these things I immediately feel a sadness. Obviously for Kate but also for me. It is not only that she will never experience things in the same way again but neither will I. That may be one reason that I am lingering out here overlooking Lake Lucerne and the surrounding mountains. I really love these experiences, but they are best shared with someone you love.

Sunday Morning In Lucerne

Our trip continues to go well. Yesterday we stayed in town. I had intended for us to take a walking tour of the Old Town, but we arrived a little too late. I didn’t worry about this as we have today and tomorrow to catch it. In addition, I am trying not to have any one thing that is a must. This outlook seems to be working.

We do continue to have little surprises. Yesterday morning at breakfast, Kate went back to the buffet table for something. When she returned, she walked directly to a table where a man was sitting. She started to put her plate down on the table in the seat where his wife had been sitting. He saw her and looked puzzled. His wife was also returning from the buffet table and was immediately behind Kate. She, too, looked puzzled. It was then that Kate looked at him and realized that she was at the wrong table. She said, “You’re not my husband.” The three of them had a brief conversation before she headed to the table where I was sitting.

Before heading out to catch the walking tour, I realized that we did not have Kate’s sweater and figured that we had left it at the Italian restaurant the previous night. I assumed that they would not yet be opened and planned to drop by later to pick it up. Since we missed the tour, we went to the Samuel Rosengart Museum. It contains his and his daughter’s private collection of Picasso, Klee, and a number of other well-known artists of the same period (Monet, Pizarro, Chagall, Renoir and more). This was a great experience. Kate loved it. As we were checking out of the museum, the receptionist asked for the badges we had worn showing that we had paid. Kate didn’t have hers. Then I realized she didn’t have her jacket. I remembered that we had sat down to watch a video about the museum and that she must have left it on a chair. We went back upstairs and found it.

From there we went by Valentino’s and picked up her sweater. Then to a nice lunch along the water front where we ate outside. We walked around a little while and visited a Catholic cathedral near our hotel and then came back to the room for almost 2 hours. Then we went to dinner near the KKL (the building that houses their concert hall and art museum) where we attended a concert by Jonas Kaufmann, a rising star in the opera world. There we had a couple of other mishaps.

After taking our seats about 15 minutes before the performance, Kate dropped a bag of mixed nuts on the floor. A bunch of nuts fell to the floor in front of her and slid under the feet of the woman in front of Kate and the seat in front of her. There was nothing to do but let them be until intermission when the people had gone to the lobby. Then I cleaned them up.

While the performance was going on, Kate got very upset with me. I am not sure what started it. What I remember is that after each of the first pieces of music, she commented on how good the orchestra was as well as the singer. I thought I acknowledged her enthusiasm, but a little while later when I made my own comment about the performance, she said something about my trying to keep her quiet during the performance. I must not have given a sufficient agreement when she expressed her enthusiasm. I do know that I am not one to talk during a performance like this and that I try not to encourage her to talk much either. By the time the concert was over, she had forgotten all about it though she did ask if I was mad at her for dropping the nuts. I assured her that I wasn’t.

After the performance, we slipped out while most of the crowd was still applauding. Once again Kate dropped the bag of nuts, this time spilling a much larger quantity. At this point there was nothing to do but move on.

Friday Evening In Lucerne

A couple of different things happened today that point to further declines in Kate’s memory or her general mental acuity. The first occurred this morning in Interlaken as she was getting dressed. She was looking for underwear. I told her that I knew where they were. I went to one of my own packing cubes where I had put about 8 brand new pair just for this event. Unbeknownst to her, I had already put one new pair in her suitcase for her to wear earlier in the week. She thanked me but never asked any questions about why I would have her underwear with my things. In fact, she watched me open the package; so it should have been obvious that they were new. The fact that she wasn’t curious signals further decline in her condition. I have been gradually assuming responsibility for such things over a long period of time. The fact that I was taking care of her underwear just seemed to beg for more suspicion on her part.

This has been a cold and rainy day. The high was around 41 here in Lucerne and Interlaken. We checked into our hotel around 1:45. We had a long lunch in the hotel dining room and came back to the room for a while.

After Kate had finished resting, we started to leave the room to explore the Old Town. As we were about to leave, it started raining again. I asked if she really wanted to walk around in the cold and rain. She said no. She sat down in a chair and picked up a bag that she carries with her when we go out. When I didn’t show any signs of leaving, she asked about taking the suitcases. I told her we didn’t need to take them. This was a sign that she had already forgotten or misunderstood that we were not going out at all AND, furthermore, that it didn’t jell that we had only arrived in Lucerne less than two hours before.

After the rain subsided, we went out. It was cold, and she wanted to stop someplace to warm up. We went into a coffee shop where she got a Coke, and I got an espresso. While we were sitting there, she pointed to a manikin and said, “I remember that before.” I asked where she had seen it before. She said, “the last time we were here.” Then she pointed to a couple of other things she “remembered.” When we left, we walked by some buildings around the lake in the Old Town. She commented on remembering some of them from before. Finally, while we were at dinner, she pointed to two couples at a nearby table and told me she remembered them from the last time.

All of these things together give added weight to my judgment about her decline. It seems like things are moving faster now. She has been in a good humor all day. It has been leisurely; so she hasn’t had anything to frustrate her. We are enjoying ourselves.

Last Day In Interlaken

Yesterday was another special day. We went paragliding. I had planned for us to make a day trip to Bern, but I had been watching the paragliders float down to the Village Green since our arrival on Monday and wanted both of us to try it. Wednesday night I began to think of paragliding and saving the trip to Bern for the time we are in Zurich. That is what we did. Kate was also interested and never expressed any reservations. It turned out to be a wonderful experience. Each of us went with a separate pilot who asked if we wanted “to do the roller coaster.” What a thrill that turned out to be. Paragliding could well be the highlight of the trip.

One of the behavior changes I have observed in Kate over the past year or so is the use of very large amounts of parmigiana cheese on her Italian food. Last night for the first time, I observed an extreme form of this. After her ravioli was gone, she simply picked up a spoon and ate several spoonfuls directly from the bowl. I did not tell the waitress about this but she could see that it had spaghetti sauce in the bowl with the cheese. Someone had told me she used to carry a card to give to the waiters telling them something that would explain any unusual behavior on the part of her husband who had dementia. I can easily see the need for this in our future.

Something else that I am more mindful of is her need to rest. Although she seems to do well when we are out for long periods of time as we have been the past 3 days, she grabs every chance she gets to lie down. For example, after taking her shower this morning, she immediately got back into bed. She got up in 15-20 minutes and got dressed for breakfast? When we returned to the room, she got back into the bed where she remained for 20-30 minutes. We both packed for our trip to Lucerne and were about to go to the lobby to pass a little time before leaving when she decided to rest a little before going. She is now in bed under the covers.

Day 3 In Interlaken

I am washing clothes at a laundromat and happy to report that things are going quite well. We have had some rough edges but nothing that has put a damper on the trip. It has meant that at times I have felt frustrated. Two issues: Confusion and Rushing. Kate is unable to do or figure out so many things that I am always trying to see that she gets what she needs. For example, I gave her a ticket for our train trip to Schilthorn yesterday. It has a bar code. You stick the card in a slot, and it is scanned. I showed her where to put the card, but she did it incorrectly two times. She gave it to me and asked me to do it. This is something I should have known and handled without her asking. It seems like I am invariably assuming that she can do things that she can’t do. This frustrates both of us. The hard part is that she doesn’t want my help on most things; so I try not to give it. Then we both discover that I should have helped.

I, of course, correctly attribute this to her AD, but it does not appear that she does. I am not sure this is correct. All I know is that her frustrations in moments like this are with me and not herself.

As expected, I am having to be more careful not to lose her. There have been several instances in which she was momentarily lost. She doesn’t like for me to hold her hand. That would be one way to insure that we stick together. What I do is try to walk beside her or to look back instead of ahead.

One reason that things have gone as well as they have is that we have not been under pressure to meet deadlines. For example, when we have traveled to Jungfrau and to Schilthorn we could simply take the next train or bus rather than worrying about having to be at the station on time. We have been able to do a lot, but we have done it leisurely.

As of this moment, I would say the trip is what I had wanted it to be.