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Time for the Wedding

We spent a delightful morning and early afternoon with Tina driving to a beautiful park and having a picnic lunch. After dropping Her off at her place, I decided to check out the directions to the reception. We are back at our B&B and will stay here for a while before going to the wedding at 4:00.

Kate has been tired most of the day. The primary indicator has been that she has been rather quiet with Tina. She has been almost completely silent with me. She has acted like she is very bored. Earlier today when we were going to get Tina, she asked me where we were going. I told her, and she asked, ”And then are we going home?” I reminded her that we would go to the wedding and then to home of the groom’s parents for the reception. She seemed disappointed that I didn’t say that we were going home.

While on the drive to reception, we approached a rock wall similar to those in New England. I pointed it out to Kate. She said, “I notice it every time we drive by it.” This is the first time we had been anywhere close to this spot. Another Deja vu experience.

When we sat down in the living area of our B&B, she asked me where we were going from here. I told her to the wedding and then to the reception. She made no response. She is lying down beside me on the sofa resting. I plan for us to remain here for another 10-15 minutes. Then we will go on to the wedding. Her being so tired makes me wonder about our cruise for next May. I think going all that way to Europe for a cruise may not make any sense if she needs to rest most of the time.

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Sleepy This Morning

Kate and I are staying in a B&B in Arkansas, where we are staying in connection with a wedding of Kate’s cousin’s granddaughter this afternoon at 4:00. We got to bed around 10:30 last night. Kate has had a hard time getting up. I started waking her up just before 8:00. I finally went down to breakfast at 8:30. I came back, and she was still in bed. A while ago I told her we needed to leave.

She is just now getting up. Now I need to finish getting ready myself, but I wanted to note that I am observing more signs of her being worn out. This seems to happen when we are out of town and stay up later than usual. She also didn’t have time to rest much yesterday afternoon although she did take a 20-minute nap/rest.

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Visit with Jesse

We had a nice visit with Jesse the past three nights. Kate had a wonderful time. We enjoyed daily mornings at Otherlands where we got a bagel and muffins along with coffee and tea while we worked on our iPads. It is an active place that has a welcoming atmosphere.

We have also eaten two nice meals at lunch. We have always found interesting places to eat in Memphis.

Of course, there are the usual  signs of Kate’s AD, but that hasn’t kept us from enjoying ourselves.

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Revealing Comment

Kate and I are in Memphis sitting at a table at Otherlands, a popular coffee shop. She is working a jigsaw puzzle on her iPad. I am checking in on Facebook and email and responding. She just looked up and me and said, “You going to have to take out an ad in the paper saying that  “my wife needs a friend.” The loss of close friends is clearly a problem, one I have mentioned before, but this “out-of-the blue” comment illustrates her own feeling about not having anyone she can call a friend – at least one who is in town. I am glad that we were able to have lunch with Ann and Jeff when we passed through Nashville two days ago. It will also be nice to spend a few days with Dorothy and Mitch Hinely this coming weekend. In addition, the time spent with Jesse and her boys has been therapeutic as well. I am thinking about making more of an effort to travel here during the week in the months ahead.

I feel that we may only have as little as a year before it may not make much of a difference; so I should capitalize on the period of time when it matters most to her.

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A Couple of Experiences on the Road

We left Knoxville for Memphis yesterday. We stopped for lunch in Nashville with Ann and Jeff Davis. Early in the conversation, I asked them to tell us about their recent  trip to Italy. They had told us a little when Kate said she wanted to tell them about the wedding we are going to this weekend. It is the wedding of a granddaugher of her cousin Tina. It seemed a little abrupt as the Davises had said so little about their trip. I said, “We just finding out about their trip.” She said she thought they were through. I just let her go on with her explanation of the wedding.

When she told the story, it was somewhat disjointed. She first said she had to back up and tell them about her cousin Tina. It was a challenge for her to explain and it took her a while. I helped her with a couple of things. I think she gets frustrated with so much conversation by other people, and she wants to be involved as well. But she doesn’t have as large a set of things she can talk about. A little later in the conversation she said somewhat sternly that she wanted to a chance to say something.

As we left the restaurant, she asked, “What was this place again?” I told her, and she said, “I knew that.” Of course, she really did know that. She simply couldn’t remember what it was until she was reminded of the name.

When we got to Memphis, we went into a McDonalds for something to drink. While I went to the men’s room, she went to a table occupied by a staff member and sat with her. When I got back she was engaging in a conversation with the woman. This is something else that she might not have done years ago.

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Another Deja vu experience

This morning we spent a couple of hours at Panera. As we were walking out, Kate pointed to a table with 8 college-age women and said, “They sit at that table on the time.” I said, “So you’ve seen them before.” She nodded yes. The interesting thing is that I saw them get out of a van and noticed they were wearing warmup suits. When they came to the table, I saw the the University of Arkansas on the back of their jackets. This was obviously a team that was traveling to or from Arkansas.

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Still Many Good Times

Quite often I say that things are going well but mention all the many things that are the signs of Alzheimer’s that Kate experiences. Today I want to do something that I should do more of – report on a really upbeat moment. This morning I came home directly from the Y instead of dropping by my office. I did so because I wanted to make sure that Kate was cleaning up the guest room for Kevin who arrives at 5:00 pm this afternoon. As it turned out, she was working on her room and getting ready to work on the guest room where he will stay. I walked over to her, smiled, gave her a hug and said, “You’re getting things cleaned up for your little boy.” She said, “And for me as well.” It was just as normal a moment as we can have.

At 11:35, she came into the kitchen where I was working. She had dressed and looked ready for lunch. She asked what time it was. When I told her she said, “No wonder I’m so hungry.” We then went over to Applebee’s for lunch. We asked for our favorite server and sat at one of her tables. We enjoyed a brief conversation with her off and on throughout our time there. The meals were good. After we finished eating and paying, we just sat there another 15 minutes or so chatting, something we don’t do as much of nowadays. Just like the moment we shared in her room as she was cleaning, this was a simple but pleasurable moment in our day. It is these experiences that help both of us.

This follows Broadway night at Casa Bella last night with two other couples we have known from church. It appeared to be a good evening for all – at least it was for Kate and me. She really enjoyed herself. I was happy about that because we were with some big talkers, and Kate was a bit overshadowed. The two singers were people we have seen in several different productions at one of our local theaters. I doubt that Kate remembered that, but it added a nice touch to the evening. The entertainment and the company were everything we could have wanted. I have already requested reservations for next month.

These are just some of the experiences that make me feel very grateful even though we are facing rougher days ahead.

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More Signs of Memory Problems

Although we continue to get along reasonably well, there are instances of memory problems that occur throughout the day. For example, we came to Panera to work on our computers this afternoon. We looked for a table with an electrical outlet so that we would have access when our batteries ran out. When Kate’s battery was out she started looking for an outlet. I reminded her that we had one with our table. Then she was bothered by the sun as it began to shift and shine directly on her computer screen. I suggested a couple of chairs with an outlet in between. We went over there. In a few minutes, the sun shifted to where we were sitting. I told Kate to watch a woman at a table about 20 feet across the room from us. There was an outlet under her table. In a few minutes, Kate noticed that the woman was leaving. We picked up our things to move, but Kate didn’t know where to go. I had to point out where we were going.

I normally eat lunch with Kate, but yesterday I had a meeting at 10, 11, then lunch, and then was going to donate platelets at 2:00. For that reason, I went to Panera to get her a sandwich for lunch. I asked her if she wanted me to put it on the island or in the refrigerator. She said the refrigerator. Between lunch and donating platelets, I called home to check on her. I asked her if she had eaten the sandwich. First she said yes. Then she hesitated and sounded frustrated the way she often does when she doesn’t know the answer to a question I have asked. I told her it didn’t matter. When I got home, I noticed that the sandwich was still sitting in the refrigerator. She had obviously forgotten about it. Of course, this is not surprising since so much time had passed since I had told her about it.

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Imagining Ihings

During the past few days, it seems like Kate has been more bothered by being bored than in the past. For that reason I decided to come home from the office earlier today than I usually do so that she and I could do something together even if it involved just going to Panera’s. I got home at 10:33. Kate was working in the flower bed in the front of the house. I went to see her, and she was enjoying herself. I told her it was early and that I would just let her continue to work outside. Then I went inside and handled a few things. She finally came in about 12:15. We didn’t engage in any conversation. I felt there was no need to hurry as our only obligation was at 2:00 when she was getting her hair done followed by my getting a cut. At 1:00 she came into the kitchen and asked, “Is this all right?” I told her she was fine. She seemed greatly relieved. She was wearing something casual that she frequently wears. Since we were just going to eat and get a haircut, it really didn’t matter. I did look at her makeup and suggested that she smooth out the make up as it was heavily caked in spots as it often is. Although she wants me to check her makeup, she also believes I am too picky. She said something like, “Well, I’m not Queen Elizabeth. It doesn’t matter that much.”

Interrupted and finished 2015-09-19 (5:15 pm)

In the car she asked where we were going. I told her to Applebee’s for lunch and then to get our hair cut. She asked what time I had to be at my meeting. It turned out that she had been thinking she had to hurry to get ready because I had told her I had to go someplace. In fact, I had said nothing. She was mildly upset because she had rushed. While we were sitting at Applebee’s for lunch, she said, “For that you owe me a trip to Lowe’s.”

Today she had another experience in which she thought I had told her something. About an hour after we got back from lunch, she called to me from her office and said that she was going to try to take a nap. Another hour or so later, she came into the kitchen and said, “You were right.” I then guessed, “You couldn’t get to sleep?” She nodded her agreement. I didn’t tell her, but I had never said anything about her not being likely to get to sleep. She clearly thought we had. I have observed this kind of misunderstanding several other times. Will be looking to see if this is something that gets worse.

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Telling More Friends

In the past 3-4 weeks, I have told a few more friends about Kate. The first of these was the wife of a former colleague of mine at UT. We had gone to dinner and a play about three weeks ago. (We have known her and her deceased husband since we moved to Knoxville. He died of lung cancer almost 3 years ago. When our children were young, they had asked us to be their son’s guardian should anything ever happen to them; so we have a lot of history with her.) I called her several days after we had gone out and told her of the situation. She responded with all the empathy of a long-time friend. She also asked what she could do. I told her nothing other than continue being a friend. She asked about the possibility of going to lunch with Kate once in a while. I told her that would work well. This past Friday she called and asked about a good time. I suggested today. That fit her schedule as well, and the two of them had a nice lunch.

A week ago today, I called Don Crawford who is a member of our church. His wife, Carol, also has Alzheimer’s. I told him that I had thought about calling him a number of times and went on to tell him that he and I were facing the same thing with our wives. He had not suspected. We had a comparatively brief conversation. He did let me know that they had known about Carol’s diagnosis for 8 or 9 years. This is the first spouse of an Alzheimer’s patient that I have spoken with whose reported a gradual decline somewhat like Kate’s. It also sounded as though their situation was quite similar to ours as well. I hope to talk with him at some time in the future to learn more.

This past week I needed to print something and have to use Kate’s computer to do that on the printer at home. When I did, I noticed a couple of emails to Kate from her librarian friends.  This is a group of about 5 former public school librarians. They had set a date for lunch this Thursday. Kate was the only one who hadn’t responded. I replied for her that she would be there but would leave early to meet a doctor’s appointment.

After sending the email, I decided the time had come to inform the group about Kate. Over the weekend, I called a member of the group. She is another long-time friend whom we had also met through university connections. I did not reach her but left a voice mail and gave her my email address suggesting that was a good way to reach me. She sent an email last night. This morning I spoke with her about 30-40 minutes.

In addition, I sent an email yesterday to someone who now lives in Kentucky. I used to work with her when she was with one of my major clients. We had been communicating about travel to France. I decided to let her know about Kate. So now the group of people who know about Kate has expanded, and my expectation is that this group will continue to expand over the next 6-12 months. After that, I expect that it will be commonplace.

I am feeling a bit relieved to be able to let people know. I think it may help them understand any changes they see in Kate. Probably more important for me is that it gives me a sense of comfort that I am not concealing everything which allows my base of support to enlarge. That will become more important in the next year.