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From Memphis

We had a leisurely trip to Memphis where we met Jesse and the boys for a Lacrosse game. Their team lost, but they didn’t seem too disturbed by it. They have been playing 4 years and enjoy it.

Kate has gotten along pretty well but does get confused when we are in different places. Yesterday morning as I was finishing up in the bathroom before running out to Starbucks for coffee and a couple of blueberry muffins for her, I heard the door to the room open. I opened the bathroom door and found that she had gotten out of bed and opened the front door looking for a bathroom. I told her she could come in (to the bathroom). She said, “That’s all right; I’ll just go to another bathroom.” She obviously thought she was at home.

I won’t take this time for a serious discussion of how I am adapting as Kate’s condition worsens. I will only say that I believe I am letting a number of things slip that are a result of trying to think of so many things in connection with Kate as well as my own obligations. On this trip I left my backpack with my camera and backup medications in the hotel room in Nashville along with some of Kate’s clothes and my black belt. Fortunately, they found the backpack. I will pick it up as we pass through Nashville on Tuesday. I made a subsequent call about the things in the closet, but I haven’t checked back to see if they found them. I am optimistic that they did since they found the backpack. We haven’t come close to the situation described in the 36-Hour Day, but I can easily see how one can feel there are not enough hours in the day to do it all.

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From Nashville

Kate and I are going to Memphis tomorrow to visit with our daughter, Jesse, and her two boys. We arrived at our hotel room in Nashville about 25 minutes ago and are settled in our room. Kate is resting right now. As soon as she is ready, we will go over to the mall where I would like for us to look for some tops to go with various color slacks. I would also like to get her a couple of pairs of khakis for everyday wear. Clothing continues to be an issue although we are making progress. She is getting more accepting of my help. That ony occurs when she just can’t find something. She almost always likes to try on here own first, but it is getting harder and harder for her. The problem is twofold. First, she can’t remember where she put her clothes. When she looks, her eyes have difficulty seeing them. It is the brain and not the eyes that is the source of the problem.

This morning about an hour or 90 minutes before we the time I wanted to leave she was wearing a pair of khaki slacks that are too baggy for her around the legs. They fit fine in the waist, but they make her look heavier than she is. There were cheap slacks that I got her a month ago for ordinary daytime wear. She was also wearing her yellow sweater that is very soiled and stretched around the cuffs of her sleeves. Unfortunately, it is her favorite sweater. Even she told me early this week that it needed to be replaced. I have bought two sweaters to replace this one in the last 6 months. I don’t know where the first one went. I bought the second one, and Kate still gravitates to the old yellow one.

At any rate, I told her I would like for her to wear something else for the trip since we were going shopping and then to eat dinner in a nice restaurant. She asked what I would like her to wear. I asked her if she would like to wear black or brown slacks with the top she was wearing. She said brown. I went to my closet where I keep several pair of slacks and picked out a brown pair. I took it to her and then picked out what I thought would be a better top. I left her to dress while I finished packing.

After 20-30 minutes, she walked in wearing the identical things she was wearing before. I said, “You’re not wearing the clothes I picked out.” She asked, “Where are they?” I told her I didn’t know, that I had given them to her. Then I went back to her room to find them. I couldn’t find them anyplace. I finally went back to my closet and picked out a pair of black slacks, and she wore the same top she had on.

I asked if she had packed her suitcase. She didn’t remember. I opened it and found nothing in it. I left her to pack it. On Wednesday afternoon I bought 3 tops at one of her regular stores and packed them in my suitcase. I also packed underwear, a bra, and a couple of pair of slacks in case she didn’t remember everything she needed. I always have a toothbrush and toiletries she is likely to need except for make up which she doesn’t regularly use
Something else happened before we left. She came into the family room with her hands filled with small pictures in picture frames. She asked, “Should I take these with us?” I was puzzled and went over to see what she had. She told me, “I don’t want the children to break them.” I told her we were going to the boys and it was best to leave them here. Apparently, she thought I had told her somebody with children was coming to our house. I am seeing more signs of this type of confusion.

When we left the house, we went to Henry’s for lunch. She showed no signs of being perturbed. We had a nice lunch. The drive was a long one, but we were comfortable. I was not anxious as we had no particular deadline to be in Nashville.

5:23 pm
We just ran over to the mall and bought 5 tops and 2 pair of khaki slacks for Kate. We are both pleased with the selections. I am particularly happy that the total dollars spent was only $271. We would have spent more than that at her regular shops. For the first time, we bought a pair of slacks that are a size 16. I have been suspecting that some of the 14s we have been purchasing were a little too small.

8:38 pm
We had a terrific dinner. It turned out that the restaurant at which we ate was not the one I had intended. The good news is that it was very good. We are now back in the room. The TV is on to a Whoopi Goldberg movie. I think it may be Sister Act I or II.

Kate is discovering that there are many things she neglected to pack and that I did not cover her on. She has no sleeping attire, no toiletries, no bra, and no night guard. This reinforces my decision to cancel our trip to Europe. I need to cover too many things for her. It is a challenge for me to remember all of my things as well as hers.

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From Nashville

Kate and I are on our way to Memphis tomorrow to visit with our daughter, Jesse, and her two boys. We arrived at our hotel room in Nashville about twenty-five minutes ago and are settled in our room. She is resting right now. As soon as she is ready, we will go over to the mall where I would like for us to look for some tops to go with various color slacks. I would also like to get her a couple of pairs of khakis for everyday wear. Clothing continues to be an issue although we are making progress. She is getting more accepting of my help. That only occurs when she just can’t find something. She almost always likes to try on her own first, but it is getting harder and harder for her. The problem is twofold. First, she can’t remember where she put her clothes. When she looks, her eyes have difficulty seeing them. It is the brain and not the eyes that is the source of the problem.

This morning about an hour or 90 minutes before the time I wanted to leave she was wearing a pair of khaki slacks that are too baggy for her around the legs. They fit fine in the waist, but they make her look heavier than she is. There were cheap slacks that I got her a month ago for ordinary daytime wear. She was also wearing her yellow sweater that is very soiled and stretched around the cuffs of her sleeves. Unfortunately, it is her favorite sweater. Even she told me early this week that it needed to be replaced. I have bought two sweaters to replace this one in the last 6 months. I don’t know where the first one went. I bought the second one, and Kate still gravitates to the old yellow one.

At any rate, I told her I would like for her to wear something else for the trip since we were going shopping and then to eat dinner in a nice restaurant. She asked what I would like her to wear. I asked her if she would like to wear black or brown slacks with the top she was wearing. She said brown. I went to my closet where I keep several pair of slacks and picked out a brown pair. I took it to her and then picked out what I thought would be a better top. I left her to dress while I finished packing.

After twenty to thirty minutes, she walked in wearing the identical things she was wearing before. I said, “You’re not wearing the clothes I picked out.” She asked, “Where are they?” I told her I didn’t know, that I had given them to her. Then I went back to her room to find them. I couldn’t find them anyplace. I finally went back to my closet and picked out a pair of black slacks, and she wore the same top she had on.

I asked if she had packed her suitcase. She didn’t remember. I opened it and found nothing in it. I left her to pack it. On Wednesday afternoon I bought three tops at one of her regular stores and packed them in my suitcase. I also packed underwear, a bra, and a couple of pair of slacks in case she didn’t remember everything she needed. I always have a toothbrush and toiletries she is likely to need except for makeup which she doesn’t regularly use.

Something else happened before we left. She came into the family room with her hands filled with small pictures in picture frames. She asked, “Should I take these with us?” I was puzzled and went over to see what she had. She told me, “I don’t want the children to break them.” I told her we were going to the boys and it was best to leave them here. Apparently, she thought I had told her somebody with children was coming to our house. I am seeing more signs of this type of confusion.

When we left the house, we went to lunch. She showed no signs of being perturbed. We had a nice lunch. The drive was a long one, but we were comfortable. I was not anxious as we had no particular deadline to be in Nashville.

A Little Latere

We just ran over to the mall and bought five tops and two pair of khaki slacks for Kate. We are both pleased with the selections. I am particularly happy that the total dollars spent was less than I expected.time. We bought a pair of slacks that are a size 16. I have been suspecting that some of the 14s we have been purchasing were a little too small.

We are leaving for dinner in about 15 minutes. It should be a good evening.

8:38 pm

Nice dinner, ready to relax

We had a terrific dinner. It turned out that the restaurant at which we ate was not the one I had intended. The good news is that it was very good. We are now back in the room. The TV is on to a Whoopi Goldberg movie. I think it may be Sister Act I or II.

Karw is discovering that there are many things she neglected to pack for which I did not cover her. She has no sleeping attire, no toiletries, no bra, and no night guard. This reinforces my decision to cancel our trip to Europe. I need to cover too many things for her. It is a challenge for me to remember all of my things as well as hers.

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A Nice Day for Me, But . . .

We had a nice weekend. We both enjoyed the opera, Electra, as well as our lunch at the Bluefish Cafe. On Sunday I taught my SS. Once again Kate did not go with me. I don’t believe she has gone with me since before Christmas.

It has been a fairly leisurely day for me. I went to the Y as I usually do on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and came home right afterward at 8:45. Kate was doing some straightening up in her room, something she has done a good bit of lately. I asked if she wanted to go to Panera this morning. She said she did, but she wanted to finish what she was doing. I thought it was good that she was getting her room straight; so I didn’t push her. As an aside, she has done a much better job keeping things straight lately. She has even been able to find clothes to wear. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I have started keeping a supply of slacks in my closet so that when she can’t find anything, I have something. In addition, she has been giving the slacks that don’t fit to our housekeeper. These two things mean that there are few items in her closet. It makes it somewhat easier to find something. I do want to take her to buy several new tops to wear. I think that would help as well.

I am always trying to address issues. Today I have explored a support group for her. So far I have been unable to identify a group for people with Alzheimer’s. There are plenty for caregivers, far fewer for the patients themselves. I have spoken twice with the national office of the Alzheimer’s Association. Today they gave me the name of a person in Nashville that is running a one-hour program that meets once or twice a month in one of their museums. It seems to be mostly a social occasion where patients and caregivers gather and have an opportunity to learn something about the museum. I have sent an email to the director and hope to hear from her tomorrow.

Several times over the past two weeks I have gotten Kate to come into the family room for us to watch episodes of “Grantchester” I had recorded from Masterpiece Theater. I really thought that she was enjoying it although she always works jigsaw puzzles on her iPad while we are watching. Two times over the weekend I suggested we watch something. She declined both times and said that I could watch. Of course, I wasn’t interested in doing that. My primary purpose was to do something together and hoping she would enjoy it. This afternoon I tried once again. She accepted my invitation, but when we sat down it was clear that she had little interested. Then at one point she said, “I think I could get into this.” A few minutes later she said, “I think I will go outside for a little bit. Is that all right?” I told her it was; so she left, and I turned off the TV and came into the kitchen where I am making this entry. This is another example of how hard one can try but not always win.

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Slow to Get Ready

Today we have a close friend from Nashville, Scott Greeley, who came for an overnight visit. He was scheduled to arrive between 2:30 and 3:00. During the morning, Kate worked outside. At 12:35, I went outside and told her I thought we should get ready for lunch because I wanted us to get back home in plenty of time to be ready for Scott. In a few minutes she came inside. When I didn’t hear from her by 1:25, I went back to her room. She heard me coming and said, “”What do you want? I’m getting dressed.” When I reached the door, I could see that she was just then starting to get dressed. She wanted me to leave, and I did. At 1:50, she finally came into the kitchen ready to go. That was almost two hours from the time I first went outside to prompt her to come in. She was quite cheerful at this point. We went to lunch and all was well.

The final part of our day was easy. She loves Scott; so just being with him from around 3:30 until we went to bed at 10:45 was a special treat for her. We went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and chatted at length about many things. The day turned out to be as special as I had hoped.

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Looking Forward to a Good Day

It is a beautiful day in Knoxville today. In fact, we have had a string of beautiful days. That has meant Kate is spending a little more time in the yard. I try to let her stay out as long as she cares to. Sometimes, especially late in the afternoon, I feel the need to encourage her to come inside as I did yesterday when we were supposed to pick up friends to go to dinner at Casa Bella where they had a special night of music the songs of Peter, Paul and Mary as well as Simon and Garfunkel. This was a one-time replacement for Broadway Night that occurs the third and fourth Thursdays of each month. They have been doing this for the past 16 months. Kate and I have made almost every program as well as Opera Thursday which is the first Thursday of each month. This is something we both enjoy. I believe it is especially beneficial for Kate. It is not only a time to enjoy the music; it is also a social occasion. Many of the people who attend are regulars like us. Last night was a special treat for Kae as she is very fond of the couple who went with us. She loved the evening. That, of course, makes me happy.

Yesterday there were a couple of things to note about Kate’s behavior. Early in the day as she was getting dressed, I went to her room to get an idea of how long it would be before leaving for Panera. When I entered the room, she picked up a small painting or print that we had gotten on a trip some time ago. She asked, “Where did I tell you I wanted to hang this?” We had not had a conversation about this at all. I said, “I don’t remember your telling me.” She looked mildly disgruntled and tossed he picture on her bed where it had been. From past experience I knew not to pursue the subject any further.

The second thing occurred as we were getting ready for the dinner last night. She said something like, “They really have the time down on the deodorant.” I was puzzled but didn’t say anything. She came out of the bathroom and said, “It works. You just hold your arms up like this for 10 minutes (seconds, I assume).” She went on to say more that I didn’t understand. At first it sounded like you didn’t need to use deodorant if you just washed under your arms and then held them up for a short time. She said something else that made me think holding up one’s arms let the deodorant dry made it work more effectively.” I told her I didn’t know that. She then said, “You told me that it made sense.” When I told her I didn’t remember talking about this, she was irritated and said, “Let’s not talk about it.”

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Another Example of Humor

I believe I may have mentioned this quite a while ago, but here is another example of our use of humor that helps us ease by some problem spots. Yesterday morning as we were driving away from the house to attend the Y breakfast, I had neglected to turn the fan up to a higher speed on the car’s AC. This is not terribly unusual for me, but I try to remember because Kate likes to have the air flowing even when I may feel just fine. As we were approaching the traffic light, Kate said (in a very disturbed voice), “Oh, its so hot in here.” I said, “Whoops, I forgot to turn on the air conditioner.” She said, “You never remember.” The she proceeded to tell me that I  never think of her needing the AC. She said if I were hot, I would turn it on right away. This doesn’t sound humorous to read, but the way she says it is funny. She says it in a manner which allows me to respond in like manner. I always say something like, “I’ll never do that again. I’ll remember next time.” Then she says, “We’ll see.” Often she says, “You’ll never change” as she gives me a dirty look that isn’t mean-spirited. This kind of exchange occurs rather frequently.

At the moment we are back at Panera where we had lunch about 11:15 before I had to attend a foundation board meeting. Before leaving, she expressed displeasure about here no having some place or “something” to do. She has been a little bored this week. When I got home, I asked if she would like to go to Lowe’s. She said she would but later. She was in bed in our bedroom working puzzles on her iPad. Then I asked if she would like me to look for something on Netflix that we could watch. She said she would, and I proceeded to look for something. We settled on a British TV series called “The Vicar of Dilby.” In a few minutes I noticed that she had stopped working on her iPad and had pulled the covers over her. I asked if she wanted to continue watching the program. She told me to do whatever I wanted. That led me to turn off the TV and return to the kitchen where I was going to check email and respond to a message from a friend.

About 45 minutes later, I heard her call to me. She asked if I could take her to Panera. She had obviously gotten bored. It is very unusual for her to want to go to Panera in the afternoon. In fact, this is the first time I recall her requesting it except in the morning. So we are here now, and all is well. As usual she brought her iPad. She was hot when we first arrived, but I believe the air conditioning has kicked in. It feels cooler, and she hasn’t complained.

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Another Example of Coordination Problems

I came back from my morning walk at 7:00 and went into our bedroom where Kate was sleeping. I asked her if she wanted to go to our monthly Y pancake breakfast. She said that she did. See was a little groggy and didn’t show a lot of enthusiasm. I told her that she didn’t have to go. I went back in a few minutes and saw that she had gotten up. I came into the kitchen to load some photos onto my computer. I like to leave at 7:45 for the breakfast which starts at 8:00. About 10 minutes later, she called to me and said she didn’t think she would go. I met her in the family room and asked if it was because she didn’t know what to wear? She said yes. I told her I could find something. I got her a pair of black slacks that had just come back from the cleaners along with a pink top. She took them to her bedroom to put on. In the meantime, I went back to the kitchen and my computer. At 7:45, she had not appeared for us to leave. I decided not to rush her. Then at 7:55, I went back to the bedroom and found her in bed working on her iPad. I asked, “Did you decide not to go to the breakfast?” I reminded her that I had gotten clothes for her to wear. She wanted to go; so I went with her to her room where her clothes were on the bed. She got ready quickly, and we went to breakfast where she had a good time. She had just completely forgotten that we were going to the breakfast.

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Coordination Issues/Problems

I know I must have previously written about my newly discovered appreciation of short-term memory. When Kate was first diagnosed, she had some difficulty remembering things from one week to the next or sometimes one day to the next. These are not unlike all of us. I think it may have been more of an irritation to Kate than to me.

What was a minor thing then has become a significant issue in coordinating plans. This is something I never thought about until it occurred. Let me give you a couple of examples, one from yesterday afternoon, the other from this morning.

Kate and I went to Lowe’s to buy more plants after we finished lunch yesterday. I was motivated to do this because I knew that today I have an 11:30 meeting of the executive committee at the foundation followed by an afternoon at our Rotary golf tournament where I will be a volunteer for a beverage cart. I thought that would give her something to plant while I am away for about six hours or so.

When we got home, she wanted to go outside to work in the yard. She stayed outside the balance of the afternoon. We normally go to eat around six o’clock. When she hadn’t come in at 5:50, I went outside to let her know the time. I was careful not to rush her. I just asked if she were getting hungry. She said she was. I told her the time and she said she be right in. I went out again at 6:20. Once again, she said she was coming in. Finally, I went out at 6:50 and told her we should probably get ready for dinner. She came in, and I expected her to get ready rather quickly. Sometimes she does when we are not going out for a special evening which calls for something dressier. This was one of those nights when she took a long time. We finally left for dinner at 7:50. We returned home just before nine.

Our son sent me a text right about 6:00, shortly after I had gone outside the first time to let Kate know it was getting time to eat. He wanted to chat by phone concerning a meeting he is going to have this coming Friday with the owners of his company. He is exploring the possibility of his buying the company and wanted to discuss it with me. I responded to his text and told him Kate was coming in, and we would be going to dinner. I indicated I would text him when we got home. At that time I was thinking we would leave for dinner around 6:30 and return home shortly after 7:30. As it turned out, I could have spoken with Kevin at that time, but it was 9:30 before we actually did speak. (I normally go to bed about 9:15.) We didn’t finish until after 10:30.

Normally I would leave for the Y on Monday morning at 6:30 am and get home around nine. I decided not to go to the Y because of how late I got to bed and wanting to be with Kate as much this morning as I could before meeting my obligations of the day. I got up at 5:15 and had breakfast before taking a walk for an hour. I was back at the house by 7:35. Before leaving for my walk, I wrote the daily schedule on the memo board that I keep on the island in the kitchen. I noted the time I would be back from my walk, that we would go to Panera at 9:30, and that I would leave at 11:15 for the balance of the day and where I would be.

When I got back from my walk, Kate was dressed and headed outside to work in the yard. I reminded her that I will be leaving at 11:15 but didn’t stop her from working in the yard. I tried to work things out so that I could keep her busy this morning. Now I wonder if she will want to spend an equal amount of time in the yard this afternoon. If not, she may be left without something to do. That will happen if she puts in her new plants this morning. So far it doesn’t look like she is doing any planting. That is good. All in all this is a good illustration of how hard I work trying to see that things go smoothly for her only to discover that her short-term memory keeps her from going with the plan.

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Where does the time go?

I meant to check in before now and was surprised to see that my last entry was a week ago tomorrow. It has been a pretty busy week and a good one. Let’s see if I can hit the highlights. On Monday we went to see a neurologist, Kate’s regular doctor had made the referral after I had expressed interest in getting an opinion of a neurologist. As I have expressed earlier I hadn’t felt a special need for a neurologist until recently.

I liked the doctor, but I still feel unsure of our present need for him. He said that Kate was already taking the appropriate medication for someone with Alzheimer’s. I also was honest with him about my being unsure we needed him. He understood. We decided to start with an MRI so that he can see get a better grasp of her condition. He asked a lot of questions of Kate and of me to understand as much as he can, but I fully expected that he would want to avail himself of more diagnostic technology. Yesterday afternoon, we went in for the MRI. I suspect the results will be sent to the doctor early this week.

On Monday night we went to our music club meeting. Several voice students at UT provided the music for the evening. They were outstanding. Kate loved it. Two of the singers were people we had heard at Casa Bella.

On Tuesday we had lunch with an old TCU friend and housemate of mine who lives in Nashville. We have seen him on a couple of occasions when we have been in the area. This was another good experience for Kate and me.

For some reason I got all mixed up on Wednesday. That is the day for us to attend the Shepherd’s Center. I forgot and went to the Y as has been my custom. When I got home Kate was working in the yard. We have been to Lowe’s for plants three days this week; so she has been back in the yard. That, too, is good for Kate. I am happy she has this. We headed out to lunch about 11:30. When we had almost reached the restaurant, I remembered the Shepherd’s Center and that I had signed up for lunch. It was a little early and we had already missed our classes. Knowing Kate was hungry, I took her back to Panera’s for a muffin. From there we attended the lunch.

Thursday I had a morning meeting at United Way, a lunch meeting at church, and an evening reception and auction for the foundation. I felt bad about being away from Kate so much, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. A funny thing happened when I got home that night. I arrived home early, about 8:20. She was sitting in the family room with the TV on and working on her iPad. She said she had been sleepy but had stayed up. Remembering that on one other occasion, she had stayed up because she thought I had asked her to do so, I asked, “Did you stay up because I told you to?” She said, Yes. You told me not to go to bed until you got home.” Very shortly thereafter, she went to bed. She wanted me to come to bed as well, but it was too early for me. I delayed a little. At one point, she was disgruntled because I was taking so long. She said, “I think I’ll go back to Fort Worth and marry Rick Wainwright, (pause) but he’s dead.” Rick was her high school sweetheart. She didn’t sound irritated with me as she said it. She was just needling me.

That makes me think about humor in our relationship. It has become a regular part of our daily conversations. She likes to kid me about being vague in just about everything I say (or so it often seems to me). I have to be very clear, or she won’t follow me. It often happens when we are talking about someone or some event or place. I will make a follow-up statement like, “I haven’t seen her in a while,” or “I wonder who’ll be there?” Most people would understand that I was referring to the person or the event we were just talking about, but she usually doesn’t. I will then say, “I guess I wasn’t as clear as I could be.” She will roll her eyes. Then I say, “I will be clear next time.” She will say one of several different things. “We’ll see,” or “You’ll never learn.”

I can’t think of other examples at the moment, but we have a lot of interplay like this in which she is criticizing me for not remember or doing the right thing. By the way, she is often correct. I believe that it is because so much of her behavior is normal it elicits a normal response from me. In time it may get easier though I am not sure.

On a completely different note, I continue to observe that she is depending on me more for things that not long ago she would not have done. The examples I can think of involve clothes. When we get ready to go someplace, especially if it requires her to look nice, she asks, “What will (or can) I wear?” Then I will show her. I try to give her a choice of 1-3 things. I have learned why she has gravitated to wearing my socks. She has forgotten where she keeps her own. Now she just says, “I need some socks.” I go to her drawer and get them. Another example occurred this week when I took her to Target to buy some clothes for her to wear when she is working in the yard. She was quite comfortable with my picking out things for her to try on. After the first pair of pants did not fit, I brought her several others until we got the right size. What I did was move from the women’s to the men’s department. I got her 4 pair of slacks with a 40″ waist. I didn’t tell her. She would be horrified as she was at the neurologist’s office on Monday when she weighed in at 171. She had forgotten that she had been at 174 at her last appointment Dr. Reasoner.

The last point I will make today will be short. We have had a good week, one that had followed a couple of good weeks before. I feel good about this as I was very discouraged after our cruise in January. I thought our good times might be over. She is more dependent now and that saddens me; however, we can still have fun together.