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Lost is Found

This morning I decided to look for Kate’s pill box. I looked in all the bathrooms. Then I looked in our bathroom once again. I opened the cabinet on her side and slowly looked at one shelf after another. Then I saw it. It was on the second shelf from the top. It wasn’t easy to see because it was turned with the top facing toward the back of the cabinet. In addition, there were other items hiding most of the bottom of the pill box.

Why it was there I’ll never know. I am sure Kate would have no idea that she had put it there or why. To me it is clear that she was disturbed by something and did several things last night to hide things and close doors.

I am thinking more about not leaving her alone. I may have to figure what is the easiest transition to make. Certainly I can have Libby come at some other time. I am arranged a meeting with Cindi Renner tomorrow morning at Panera. She might be someone who could help as well.

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An Unusual Day

Several things to report this evening. First, is we had two problems getting ready to go out. One occurred at lunch. The other this afternoon for dinner. This was a day when I had a luncheon board meeting at the foundation and an executive committee meeting for the music club this evening at 6:30. Here’s what happened.

I was scheduled to be at the board meeting at 11:30 or shortly thereafter. I went to the Y early (left at 5:50 a.m.) so that I could get back home before Kate was up. This would also allow me time to make sure she was ready for lunch 10:15. That would enable me to leave around 11:15. Shortly before 10:00, I went outside to tell her it was time to get ready for lunch. I also offered her the opportunity for me to bring home a sandwich if she would like to stay outside a little longer. She didn’t like that and said she would come in. She delayed 15 minutes. I went back out and told her we needed to get ready. She was on the verge of a panic attack. She came in, but she wasn’t ready until 10:55. By that time, she would not have had time to eat at Panera; so I went to get her a sandwich.

When I got back I showed her the bag that held the sandwich and put it on the island. When I got home after my meeting, I didn’t see any sign that she had eaten the sandwich. I looked in the trash to see if the bag was there. No sign anywhere. She couldn’t remember that I had left a sandwich but said she must have eaten it if I couldn’t find any sign of it.

Since she hadn’t been away from the house, I asked if she would like to go to Panera. She did. When I went to the car, I noticed the Panera bag on a shelf in the garage. She had never unwrapped the sandwich. She had eaten half of the cookie. I took the sandwich with us to Panera where she ate half of it.

We came home, and she rested a little and worked on her iPad. A few minutes before 5:00, I went into the bedroom and told her it was time to leave for dinner. I went back to check on her. She had undressed and was getting ready to take a shower. I told her we didn’t have time for that because I had to get to my meeting. She took another 15 minutes to get ready, but she had a panic attack. She was breathing heavily. We went to eat. She didn’t completely calm down until the meal was almost finished.

When I got home from my meeting, I found that the door to our bedroom was closed (something that rarely happens). I knocked and then went in. The room was darkened, but it was still light outside. I could see that she was not in the room. I went over to turn on the lamp. It didn’t turn on. I found that she had unplugged the surge protector in which the lamp was plugged.

I went to the bathroom door that was also closed. I knocked and opened the door. She was not in the bathroom. Then I went to her room where I found her under the covers as though she were there for the night.

I came back to our bedroom. I looked for the TV remote and couldn’t find it. Then I went to her room knowing that it is usually there when it is not in our bedroom. I looked all around her room without success. Not only that, the remote for the TV in her room was not there either. I have looked all around the house without success. I can’t find either remote.

I went back to our bathroom to see if Kate had taken her medicine for the night. I didn’t find her pill box. I started looking for it. I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. This is not the first time she has misplaced the pill box. A few months ago, it was missing. I have not found it yet. I’m going to let her medicine pass for this evening. Tomorrow morning I can’t do the same. It has her Venlafaxine. If she doesn’t take that she has a reaction. She can go 24-36 hours without it. After that she has a problem. Fortunately, I have the supply of medicine; so I will be able to see that she doesn’t miss it. I am just curious to see if we find it somewhere. It is amazing how things can get “completely” lost so easily. I can’t help wondering what was going on in her brain that motivated her to put it somewhere else. This is not the first time she has put things in an unusual spot, but it is a striking example of the behavior that is occurring that was not commonplace before.

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Another Example of Short-Term Memory

After getting home from a Y breakfast and a stop at Lowe’s for plants, I told Kate to let me know if she would like to go to Panera. She indicated she would. I might not have mentioned Panera, but Libby is at the house. We had left for the breakfast before 8:00, and I knew Kate would want to rest. After 15 minutes, Kate came into the kitchen where I was working on the computer. She was hot. I asked again if she would like to go to Panera. She said she just wanted to get cool. I suggested she turn on the fan in the family room. She went into the family room. In a few minutes, I went through the family room and saw that the fan was not on. She was working on her iPad. I turned he fan on for her. I also told her if she wanted to go to Panera that we would want to go soon because it would be time for lunch in a little while. I went back to the kitchen. In a minute, she was ready to go to Panera. I got things together. As we were turning off of Garners Ferry Road, she said, “Surprise.” I said, “You guessed we were going to Panera?” She nodded affirmatively. It was clear that she hadn’t remembered. It was only when she saw where I was turning that we were going to Panera.

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Not All Forgetting is Frustrating

I often mention that humor gets us through a lot. One of those things happened this afternoon and tonight. When we got home from Panera this afternoon, it was after five. I mentioned to Kate that I was thinking of our going to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Chalupas, tonight. She wanted to rest first and did so for almost an hour. I went back at 6:00 to say it was about time for dinner and reminded her that we were going to Chalupas. She wanted to rest a little more. When she was ready,we got in the car and headed to the restaurant. When we sat down, she said, “I knew you were coming here.” She meant that she could tell by the direction in which we were going that we were going to Chalupas. I thought about saying (joking, of course), “Well, you should have known. I told you two times.” Instead I just chuckled to myself and said, “You’re cute.”

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Home Again

We arrived home around 10:00 last night. Although we had had a wonderful time at Chautauqua, it was good to be back in our own quarters again. It is only when you are away from home for a while that you realize how accustomed you have become to all the little things that you like about home. For me, that involves something as insignificant as the soap we use in the shower. Of course, the amount of space we have at home is so much greater than anything we have ever had at Chautauqua. We definitely don’t go there for the lodging even though this year’s apartment was the very best we have ever had there.

When we came inside I didn’t pay any attention to Kate. I was focused on getting the luggage inside. When I finished, I noticed that she was walking slowly around the house. I asked, “Are you glad to be home?” She said something like, “What’s going on? Are we going to stay here?” I asked her if she thought something was wrong. She said, “No, I don’t know what I was thinking.” I don’t know either. I have to believe she remembered that this is our home. We had just been talking about going home. All I can say is that she does have periodic moments when she finds things confusing. This was one of them.

It was almost midnight before I got into bed. She had been working puzzles on her iPad in bed until about 10 minutes before I joined her. That is much later than we normally get to bed. This morning she was very tired. She got up around 8:30 and ate some yogurt. A short time later she went back to bed. I got her up close to 11:00 for lunch. When we came home, she worked on her iPad for a while. She is now in bed again. I am going to the store soon and will let her sleep. I suspect she will get up before time for dinner and hope that she is able to get to sleep earlier this evening.

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Last day at Chautauqua

This is Friday morning. Our last day at Chautauqua. Not the last day for this visit; the last time we will ever make this trip – at least together. If we had left last week, I believe I would have been sadder. The fact that I decided on a third week was a good decision, but it has also given me the feeling that it is time to get back home. I suspect the fact that Kate has been so tired the past few days (Is it almost a week?), has influenced me. She has only been to the evening entertainment once or twice in the three weeks we have been here. Yesterday she missed the morning lecture. I think it is time for her to be home even though she gets bored there. I believe this is simply a natural step in the evolution of her Alzheimer’s. I will always be glad that we had this much time here.

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An Emotional Morning

Both the morning worship service and the morning lecture were emotional for both of us. Father Boyle, our preacher of the week, is a story teller. His sermons are filled with various stories from his work with gangs in LA. Each one is used to reinforce a point. This morning’s sermon topic dealt with living in the moment. He made great use of the word “now” in his message. The message and the stories touched me deeply in that I know this is our last stay at Chautauqua and also that we have been living in the moment (at least trying to) since Kate’s diagnosis. I had tears in my eyes most of the time he was speaking. I don’t know that Kate shed any tears, but she was touched as well. Her expressions were audible ones. Those have become quite common over the past few years

I never thought the lecture itself would be an emotional experience. Perhaps I should have expected it since I knew that music was involved. The first thing that brought tears was Jane Pauley’s singing of “The Way We Were.” When she appeared on stage on Monday, Roger had said she was going to sing today, but she denied it. Apparently, she was having second thoughts knowing that the audience would no doubt have some talented musicians among them. The lyrics were written by Marilyn and Alan Bergman. She was ill and couldn’t be there, but her husband was a delightful person, and their relationship was itself a touching story. He sang parts of a number of their songs and explained how they came to be. The last portion of the “lecture” Bergman sat on a stool beside the piano and sang to of his songs. The last one was one that he and his wife and written for each other. When it ended, even the moderator said that was a fitting end and did not ask for Q&A, a unique occurrence indeed. I noticed a man to my right on the row in front of him wiping his eyes. The woman next to me saw me wiping my eyes. The man directly in front of her had turned around and noticed my tears. I then told the woman next to me that I was especially emotional because my wife has Alzheimer’s and this is our last trip to Chautauqua. She told me her husband died of Alzheimer’s. She wished me well. I gave her a hug. Then Kate and I reflected on the beautiful morning we had had.

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Moments of Pleasure

Yesterday was a good day. I had to strongly encourage Kate to attend morning worship, but she loved the preacher as she had on Sunday. If she had been able to remember hearing him, she would have been eager to go. One of the good reasons to attend the worship service is to assure ourselves of a good seat for the main lecture of the day. At the end of worship, Kate wanted to use the restroom. I took her there and waited outside the door for her. Then we walked back to the seating. I always walk ahead of her. She likes me to do this because she doesn’t know which way to go. When we got to our row, I walked in to our seats. When I looked back, Kate was not behind me. I looked closer to the front and saw her walk into the first row. She was about to take a seat when I called to her. She didn’t see me at first but finally did and came to sit down with me.

One of the symptoms she has had for several years has worsened. That is her eyesight. I don’t mean to say that there is something wrong with her eyes although she is in the early stage of her cataract development. I am confident from what I have learned about Alzheimer’s is that it is part of the dysfunctional patterns of the brain. She frequently doesn’t see things that are right in front of her. When I point to something I want her to see, it takes her a while to focus on that particular thing. Often she never sees what I was pointing out. I think what is happening now is that she loses sight of me as she is following. For quite sometime, I have looked back periodically to see if she is still right behind me. I was doing so as we went back to our seat; however, it only takes a moment of distraction on her part to lose me.

Greg Boyle did another outstanding job presenting a sermon consisting mostly of stories of his life working with gang members to make their lives better and more productive. His stories are quite moving, and, at certain moments,  he seemed moved by them as well. Kate was quite moved. I take this as a good thing as it was for me.

That was followed by the main lecture that included Pamela Paul (editor of the NYT Book Review), David Lynn (editor of The Kenyon Review), and Lorin Stein (editor of The Paris Review). They were outstanding and Roger Rosenblatt was at his best as well. It was another Chautauqua highlight for both of us
We went back to Hurlbut Methodist for lunch as we did on Monday. We got into a lengthy conversation with a woman from Ontario. She is a regular here. It was another good Chautauqua experience.

Kate was ready for a little rest after lunch and told me she would rather remain in the room than attend Bishop Spong’s lecture. I went and enjoyed it. Then I came back to see if Kate would like to attend a 3:30 lecture by a man who performs as Teddy Roosevelt. She did, and we went back to the Hall of Philosophy for that. We both enjoyed it, especially Kate.

We then went to dinner at the Afterword Café. We followed dinner by coming back to the apartment where Kate chose to remain. I went to the evening entertainment, Tiempo Libre. It was an entertaining program. The musicians described their intent to make it a Cuban party. They invited members of the audience to the front and to the stage to dance as they played. It was a good evening

When I got back to the apartment, Kate was asleep with her clothes on. I think she was worn out from the day’s activities. She got up while I took a shower and prepared for bed. Then she undressed and came to bed as well.
At 5:45 this morning, I awoke and looked at the time. Kate then asked, “Why are we here?” I answered, “We are at Chautauqua.” She didn’t say anything else. I believe she was really awake but confused about where she was. That has occurred a number of times while we are traveling. Typically, she will say something like this. “I want to take a shower in our bathroom.” That is not said as a wish but that she believes our bathroom is right here someplace. I have to say there are times during the night when she talks in her dreams. This could have been one of those occasions, but I don’t think so.

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Reminding Me of our Caribbean Cruise

Yesterday was a very good beginning of our week with Roger Rosenblatt and Friends. Kate seemed to enjoy every program we attended. I am, however, observing some signs that remind me of her behavior while on the cruise. She seems to be unusually tired, and last night, she did not go with me to the evening entertainment in the amphitheater. She got up about 30 minutes ago and took a shower but got back into the bed. I had laid out clothes for her, but I discovered that she had gone through her drawers and pulled out other ones. She doesn’t seem to be approaching the day with any enthusiasm or eagerness

I feel a little torn in that I believe she will enjoy herself if she goes with me to events, but I don’t like to force her. I am strongly encouraging her to attend the morning worship. The preacher of the week is Greg Boyle, a catholic priest who works with gangs in Los Angeles. He is an excellent speaker

(8:53 a.m.)

Good news. She got up and dressed and came out on the porch with me to eat the muffin had had gotten for her. She was in good humor and appeared rested. We are going to the morning worship.

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New Events This Afternoon

Kate continued to rest for quite a while this afternoon. I thought she was just tired. That was correct, but she had another problem with diarrhea. This time the sheets and pad on the bed were soiled. I rinsed them with a little soap and water in the bathroom sink. I felt I also needed to machine wash them. I went to the laundromat to see if it was open today and found that it was and how much it costs for the soap, the washer, and the drier. I came back to the apartment. By this time I had received a call from Jesse who was trying to coordinate on my getting her 2 tickets to Hawaii using my frequent flyer miles. When we finished our conversation, she was to text me on the exact flight information so that I could make the reservations.

I decided to take the bed linens to the laundromat while waiting for Jesse’s text. When I got there, I found it was closed. It looks like we will spend the night on the bed without bed linens. We do have a comforter. In the morning I will see that I get them washed and dried.

When I came back to Kate, she was hungry. I took her to get a sandwich. She ate about two-thirds of it and then started working on her iPad. By this time it was close to 5:25. Thinking that the evening vespers with our preacher of the week started at 5:30, I asked if she would like to go. She wasn’t very enthusiastic, but she said she would. As we walked over to the Hall of Philosophy where it is held, we saw people walking back our way. I asked if they were coming from vespers. They were; so we turned around and headed back to the apartment.

We heard the organ in the amphitheater and saw that the Chautauqua organist was giving a demonstration to a group of children and their parents. We stopped and listened. Then we started back to the apartment once again. Now I felt hungry. We went to the Brick Walk Café where I got a salad. Kate was not at all perky walking toward the Hall of Philosophy or walking back for my dinner or while I was eating. I finished my salad, and we came back to the apartment. She had gotten hot sitting outside at the café. I was pleased to find that it was cooler on our porch, and there was a gentle breeze. Kate started to sit down and then felt she just had to go inside where it is air conditioned. I stayed on the porch. It has been about 45 minutes. I am going to check on her and remind her of the sacred music concert that she had told me she wanted to attend. I think she will enjoy it if she goes, but I am not sure she will go.