Posted on

Continues To Be Tired

When I hadn’t heard from Kate to pick her up from her PEO meeting, I drove over to the house where the meeting was held. I waited for about 40 minutes Then she came out to the street with two of her friends. I wasn’t sure whether she had arranged for one of them to take her home. I started the car and moved up to where she was entering the street. She got in the car with me as though we had arranged it along. In the car I asked her if she had planned to call me. She said yes. That may have been the case. I’ll never know.

When I had dropped her off earlier, I gave her my business card with my cell number written on it. She was offended. I was just remembering that the last time she was confused.

She seemed tired on the way home. I asked her how the meeting went. She said, “Fine.” She was not talkative. I didn’t push it.

She came home and rested for about an hour before we went for haircuts. She was tired on the way home and rested for another hour before getting up for us to go to dinner and a play at the Bijou. She dressed in something unusually casual. She told me that I had told her she could wear anything she wanted because we wouldn’t see anyone we know. I told her I couldn’t guarantee that and that we were going to Bijou. When I said that, she immediately decided she was too casual and has gone to change.

Posted on

Social Withdrawal?

This morning Kate has her monthly PEO meeting. Last night when I mentioned it to her, she groaned. I recall that she has shown less enthusiasm about going to PEO over the past 6-12 months, but this is the first time that her response made it sound like a chore. A few minutes ago I got back from my morning walk. I went into her room to remind her that this was her PEO day. She groaned again saying, “I know.” I said, “You’ve always enjoyed going.” She went on to say that she wasn’t enjoying it the way she used to. Then I went back to my computer to see if this is a day when they have lunch. It turns out that it is. I went back to Kate and told her this was a day when they are having a lunch at the home of the hostess. She said, “That’s even worse.”

For some time I have felt that there has been a change in the way she fits in with the group. Sometimes she is waiting outside for me to pick her up. Typically she would remain in the house socializing until I arrived. She also hasn’t appeared to have enjoyed the meeting. They have taken in several new members in the past few years. They have also lost a few that she really liked. I suspect Kate is feeling like she is a stranger in her club. She doesn’t know the new people, and she can’t remember all the older members. I feel sorry for her. I am especially concerned because it would be the loss of another social contact that could be good for her. On the other hand, if she isn’t enjoying herself, why keep it up.

Posted on

Still Tired

We had a nice trip home from Memphis yesterday. It was a full day. We stopped for lunch at a Cracker Barrel west of Nashville. Then we stopped in Nashville to visit with Ellen for a couple of hours. While Kate and Ellen were talking I ran over to the Courtyard Inn where we had stayed last Friday night. I had left my backpack with camera and supply of medications. I also neglected to clean out the closet. I left my belt as well as a sweater set and khaki slacks of Kate’s. As we came into Knoxville, we stopped for dinner. It was just about 7:30 when we got home, 11 hours after leaving Jesse’s house. Kate stayed awake the entire time. She often closes her eyes even if she doesn’t sleep. This time her eyes were awake the whole time.

Today she has been quite tired. This is the day for us to attend the Shepherd’s Center. Our first class begins at 9:00. Kate had gotten up as I came back from a morning walk. She had a glass of apple juice with her medications. Then she went back to bed. At 8:00 am, I went in to let her know we would need to leave in 45 minutes. She was quite groggy. I asked her if she still wanted to go. She did and got up. She came into the kitchen and got some yogurt. Then she went back to her room to get ready. I checked on her at 8:30. She wasn’t ready. She got a little irritated that I was rushing her. I backed off and decided to let her take her time. A few minutes before 9:30, she came into the kitchen where I was working on my computer. I asked if she were ready. She nodded that she was. Knowing that the Holocaust class had started at 9:00 and that it would take 15 minutes for us to get there, I told her the Holocaust class had already begun but that we could take a few minutes to stop by Panera and get a muffin. Then we could catch the other two classes. She was disappointed and said, “That’s the class I really wanted to go to. Was it my fault?” I looked at her. Before I could say anything, she said, “Why didn’t you make me get ready?” I told her I had tried.

We went to Panera and she seemed all right except that she seemed very tired. We sat in on the first class and then went to the second one on classic movies. When we arrived the teacher was not there. We took a seat. A gentleman who had been in the previous class with us sat next to her. I started a conversation with him. Kate got up and left the room. I assumed she was going to the rest room. Shortly after that, the teacher arrived and set up the DVD. Then she started the movie. I got up to check on Kate who hadn’t returned. I looked around in the hallway outside our classroom but didn’t see her. I walked down the hall and found her in a room that had a variety of books and other things. I told her the class was beginning. She came along with me. We went back to our seats. During the class, she appeared to be bored. She was looking around the room most of the time. We were watching The Americanization of Emily starring James Garner and Julie Andrews. We had watched part of it last week. At one point when Julie Andrews appeared on the screen she said, “She reminds me so much of Julie Andrews.” I told her it was Julie. She said, “I thought so.” I tried to imagine what was going through her mind as we watched the film. It must be so mystifying not to be able to follow what’s going on, what the teacher is saying, etc. She is working so hard understand the world around her.

As we were walking to the car, she said, “I really like old movies.” It was obvious that she derived some element of pleasure even though she didn’t understand much of what was happening.

On the way to lunch she closed her eyes. She looked very tired. When we sat down at a booth at the restaurant, she closed her eyes again and leaned her head on her hand with her elbow on the table. She looked so forlorn.

When we left the restaurant, I told her I would take her to Lowe’s. She was pleased. Then we got a call from an electrician who was coming out to the house to fix a light in Kate’s closet; so we went home. I told her I would take her after the electrician left. When he was finished, she was in bed resting. I asked her about Lowe’s. She said she would like to go later. That was over an hour ago. She is still resting.

This makes me think that the trip demanded more of her than I thought. I’ve heard many older people say it takes a while to rest up after their children leave or after a trip. Perhaps this is what Kate is experiencing. Life just wears her out.

Posted on

A Few Observations

Kate came downstairs just before 9:00 this morning. She had some yogurt and juice. Then she went back upstairs to rest a bit before we went to  a local coffee shop where we often go in the morning while we are in Memphis. She came back down before 10:30, and we left. While there, she was sleepy and put her head down to rest. It seemed a little early for lunch; so I encouraged her to hold on 15 minutes or so which she did. Then we had a nice lunch at a pizza place by the waterfront. We had a nice lunch. She continued to feel a little tired up until our meal arrived. After eating, Kate said she wanted to go to the rest room. I pointed to the area where it is located. She gave me a scowl indicating she didn’t need my help. I watched as she went in that direction. When she got near, she looked at a sign beside a door. I believe it was the sign for the men’s room. She then turned and was out of sight, but I know the rest room was down that way. When she came back she apparently didn’t see me in the booth where we were eating. She walked right by and spoke with a family with a small child. Then she went toward the front of the restaurant. I finished taking care of the check. When I finished, I got up and saw her standing at the reception stand at the front of the restaurant. Then we walked out. I am sure she lost me and realized the best place was to wait at the front. She was right.

As we drove home, she closed her eyes and rested. When we got back, I told her she would have plenty of time to rest. We came in, and she walked with her iPad into the living room and sat down in a chair. I got my computer and sat with it in a chair near her. In a few minutes, she asked, “Is it all right if I go upstairs to rest.” I told her that would be fine. Then she said, “What if I want to go to sleep?” I told her again that it would be fine. She is so childlike when she does this. It doesn’t happen often, but it sounds as though she is really seeking my permission. I wonder if she does this because she can’t remember plans that we might have coming up and is making sure that her rest doesn’t interfere with whatever is on our agenda.

Posted on

Having a Pleasant Stay in Memphis

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Jesse and her boys drove to Nashville with friends to see Lion King; so Kate and I had the day to ourselves. At first, Kate seemed a little bored in the short time after she woke up. She didn’t get up until 9:00 or so and wasn’t dressed for the day until 10:00. Because it was Mother’s Day we had reservations for lunch. It was jam packed when we arrived, but we were seated right away. We enjoyed our meal. Then we came back to the house where Kate rested for about an hour while I worked on the computer and read the paper.

After that we went to the an old cemetery where they were having special guided tour at 3:00. For some reason Kate had originally said she didn’t want to do the tour, just visit the garden. The tour had just started when we arrived, and she seemed to enjoy it. The cemetery is beautiful, very park-like. When we finished, it was 4:15. Kate expressed interest in eating. That surprised me somewhat because we had finished a big lunch at 1:00. I do know from the past that she often feels like she is hungry long before it would be a normal time to eat. I thought about going someplace just to have something to drink. Then Kevin called to wish Kate a happy Mother’s Day. While we were talking, I drove to the river front. After Kevin’s phone call, it was 4:45; so we went into a restaurant with the intent of getting a light dinner. It turned out we split a prime rib and followed that with a Boxcar Brownie. It was two fudge brownies with three scoops of ice cream. We were stuffed but happy.

We came back to the house where we watched a little TV until Jesse and the boys followed by by their dad. He had flown home after being gone for a month or so.

We got to bed around 10:00. We had had a good day.

Posted on

From Memphis

We had a leisurely trip to Memphis where we met Jesse and the boys for a Lacrosse game. Their team lost, but they didn’t seem too disturbed by it. They have been playing 4 years and enjoy it.

Kate has gotten along pretty well but does get confused when we are in different places. Yesterday morning as I was finishing up in the bathroom before running out to Starbucks for coffee and a couple of blueberry muffins for her, I heard the door to the room open. I opened the bathroom door and found that she had gotten out of bed and opened the front door looking for a bathroom. I told her she could come in (to the bathroom). She said, “That’s all right; I’ll just go to another bathroom.” She obviously thought she was at home.

I won’t take this time for a serious discussion of how I am adapting as Kate’s condition worsens. I will only say that I believe I am letting a number of things slip that are a result of trying to think of so many things in connection with Kate as well as my own obligations. On this trip I left my backpack with my camera and backup medications in the hotel room in Nashville along with some of Kate’s clothes and my black belt. Fortunately, they found the backpack. I will pick it up as we pass through Nashville on Tuesday. I made a subsequent call about the things in the closet, but I haven’t checked back to see if they found them. I am optimistic that they did since they found the backpack. We haven’t come close to the situation described in the 36-Hour Day, but I can easily see how one can feel there are not enough hours in the day to do it all.

Posted on

From Nashville

Kate and I are going to Memphis tomorrow to visit with our daughter, Jesse, and her two boys. We arrived at our hotel room in Nashville about 25 minutes ago and are settled in our room. Kate is resting right now. As soon as she is ready, we will go over to the mall where I would like for us to look for some tops to go with various color slacks. I would also like to get her a couple of pairs of khakis for everyday wear. Clothing continues to be an issue although we are making progress. She is getting more accepting of my help. That ony occurs when she just can’t find something. She almost always likes to try on here own first, but it is getting harder and harder for her. The problem is twofold. First, she can’t remember where she put her clothes. When she looks, her eyes have difficulty seeing them. It is the brain and not the eyes that is the source of the problem.

This morning about an hour or 90 minutes before we the time I wanted to leave she was wearing a pair of khaki slacks that are too baggy for her around the legs. They fit fine in the waist, but they make her look heavier than she is. There were cheap slacks that I got her a month ago for ordinary daytime wear. She was also wearing her yellow sweater that is very soiled and stretched around the cuffs of her sleeves. Unfortunately, it is her favorite sweater. Even she told me early this week that it needed to be replaced. I have bought two sweaters to replace this one in the last 6 months. I don’t know where the first one went. I bought the second one, and Kate still gravitates to the old yellow one.

At any rate, I told her I would like for her to wear something else for the trip since we were going shopping and then to eat dinner in a nice restaurant. She asked what I would like her to wear. I asked her if she would like to wear black or brown slacks with the top she was wearing. She said brown. I went to my closet where I keep several pair of slacks and picked out a brown pair. I took it to her and then picked out what I thought would be a better top. I left her to dress while I finished packing.

After 20-30 minutes, she walked in wearing the identical things she was wearing before. I said, “You’re not wearing the clothes I picked out.” She asked, “Where are they?” I told her I didn’t know, that I had given them to her. Then I went back to her room to find them. I couldn’t find them anyplace. I finally went back to my closet and picked out a pair of black slacks, and she wore the same top she had on.

I asked if she had packed her suitcase. She didn’t remember. I opened it and found nothing in it. I left her to pack it. On Wednesday afternoon I bought 3 tops at one of her regular stores and packed them in my suitcase. I also packed underwear, a bra, and a couple of pair of slacks in case she didn’t remember everything she needed. I always have a toothbrush and toiletries she is likely to need except for make up which she doesn’t regularly use
Something else happened before we left. She came into the family room with her hands filled with small pictures in picture frames. She asked, “Should I take these with us?” I was puzzled and went over to see what she had. She told me, “I don’t want the children to break them.” I told her we were going to the boys and it was best to leave them here. Apparently, she thought I had told her somebody with children was coming to our house. I am seeing more signs of this type of confusion.

When we left the house, we went to Henry’s for lunch. She showed no signs of being perturbed. We had a nice lunch. The drive was a long one, but we were comfortable. I was not anxious as we had no particular deadline to be in Nashville.

5:23 pm
We just ran over to the mall and bought 5 tops and 2 pair of khaki slacks for Kate. We are both pleased with the selections. I am particularly happy that the total dollars spent was only $271. We would have spent more than that at her regular shops. For the first time, we bought a pair of slacks that are a size 16. I have been suspecting that some of the 14s we have been purchasing were a little too small.

8:38 pm
We had a terrific dinner. It turned out that the restaurant at which we ate was not the one I had intended. The good news is that it was very good. We are now back in the room. The TV is on to a Whoopi Goldberg movie. I think it may be Sister Act I or II.

Kate is discovering that there are many things she neglected to pack and that I did not cover her on. She has no sleeping attire, no toiletries, no bra, and no night guard. This reinforces my decision to cancel our trip to Europe. I need to cover too many things for her. It is a challenge for me to remember all of my things as well as hers.

Posted on

From Nashville

Kate and I are on our way to Memphis tomorrow to visit with our daughter, Jesse, and her two boys. We arrived at our hotel room in Nashville about twenty-five minutes ago and are settled in our room. She is resting right now. As soon as she is ready, we will go over to the mall where I would like for us to look for some tops to go with various color slacks. I would also like to get her a couple of pairs of khakis for everyday wear. Clothing continues to be an issue although we are making progress. She is getting more accepting of my help. That only occurs when she just can’t find something. She almost always likes to try on her own first, but it is getting harder and harder for her. The problem is twofold. First, she can’t remember where she put her clothes. When she looks, her eyes have difficulty seeing them. It is the brain and not the eyes that is the source of the problem.

This morning about an hour or 90 minutes before the time I wanted to leave she was wearing a pair of khaki slacks that are too baggy for her around the legs. They fit fine in the waist, but they make her look heavier than she is. There were cheap slacks that I got her a month ago for ordinary daytime wear. She was also wearing her yellow sweater that is very soiled and stretched around the cuffs of her sleeves. Unfortunately, it is her favorite sweater. Even she told me early this week that it needed to be replaced. I have bought two sweaters to replace this one in the last 6 months. I don’t know where the first one went. I bought the second one, and Kate still gravitates to the old yellow one.

At any rate, I told her I would like for her to wear something else for the trip since we were going shopping and then to eat dinner in a nice restaurant. She asked what I would like her to wear. I asked her if she would like to wear black or brown slacks with the top she was wearing. She said brown. I went to my closet where I keep several pair of slacks and picked out a brown pair. I took it to her and then picked out what I thought would be a better top. I left her to dress while I finished packing.

After twenty to thirty minutes, she walked in wearing the identical things she was wearing before. I said, “You’re not wearing the clothes I picked out.” She asked, “Where are they?” I told her I didn’t know, that I had given them to her. Then I went back to her room to find them. I couldn’t find them anyplace. I finally went back to my closet and picked out a pair of black slacks, and she wore the same top she had on.

I asked if she had packed her suitcase. She didn’t remember. I opened it and found nothing in it. I left her to pack it. On Wednesday afternoon I bought three tops at one of her regular stores and packed them in my suitcase. I also packed underwear, a bra, and a couple of pair of slacks in case she didn’t remember everything she needed. I always have a toothbrush and toiletries she is likely to need except for makeup which she doesn’t regularly use.

Something else happened before we left. She came into the family room with her hands filled with small pictures in picture frames. She asked, “Should I take these with us?” I was puzzled and went over to see what she had. She told me, “I don’t want the children to break them.” I told her we were going to the boys and it was best to leave them here. Apparently, she thought I had told her somebody with children was coming to our house. I am seeing more signs of this type of confusion.

When we left the house, we went to lunch. She showed no signs of being perturbed. We had a nice lunch. The drive was a long one, but we were comfortable. I was not anxious as we had no particular deadline to be in Nashville.

A Little Latere

We just ran over to the mall and bought five tops and two pair of khaki slacks for Kate. We are both pleased with the selections. I am particularly happy that the total dollars spent was less than I expected.time. We bought a pair of slacks that are a size 16. I have been suspecting that some of the 14s we have been purchasing were a little too small.

We are leaving for dinner in about 15 minutes. It should be a good evening.

8:38 pm

Nice dinner, ready to relax

We had a terrific dinner. It turned out that the restaurant at which we ate was not the one I had intended. The good news is that it was very good. We are now back in the room. The TV is on to a Whoopi Goldberg movie. I think it may be Sister Act I or II.

Karw is discovering that there are many things she neglected to pack for which I did not cover her. She has no sleeping attire, no toiletries, no bra, and no night guard. This reinforces my decision to cancel our trip to Europe. I need to cover too many things for her. It is a challenge for me to remember all of my things as well as hers.

Posted on

A Nice Day for Me, But . . .

We had a nice weekend. We both enjoyed the opera, Electra, as well as our lunch at the Bluefish Cafe. On Sunday I taught my SS. Once again Kate did not go with me. I don’t believe she has gone with me since before Christmas.

It has been a fairly leisurely day for me. I went to the Y as I usually do on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and came home right afterward at 8:45. Kate was doing some straightening up in her room, something she has done a good bit of lately. I asked if she wanted to go to Panera this morning. She said she did, but she wanted to finish what she was doing. I thought it was good that she was getting her room straight; so I didn’t push her. As an aside, she has done a much better job keeping things straight lately. She has even been able to find clothes to wear. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I have started keeping a supply of slacks in my closet so that when she can’t find anything, I have something. In addition, she has been giving the slacks that don’t fit to our housekeeper. These two things mean that there are few items in her closet. It makes it somewhat easier to find something. I do want to take her to buy several new tops to wear. I think that would help as well.

I am always trying to address issues. Today I have explored a support group for her. So far I have been unable to identify a group for people with Alzheimer’s. There are plenty for caregivers, far fewer for the patients themselves. I have spoken twice with the national office of the Alzheimer’s Association. Today they gave me the name of a person in Nashville that is running a one-hour program that meets once or twice a month in one of their museums. It seems to be mostly a social occasion where patients and caregivers gather and have an opportunity to learn something about the museum. I have sent an email to the director and hope to hear from her tomorrow.

Several times over the past two weeks I have gotten Kate to come into the family room for us to watch episodes of “Grantchester” I had recorded from Masterpiece Theater. I really thought that she was enjoying it although she always works jigsaw puzzles on her iPad while we are watching. Two times over the weekend I suggested we watch something. She declined both times and said that I could watch. Of course, I wasn’t interested in doing that. My primary purpose was to do something together and hoping she would enjoy it. This afternoon I tried once again. She accepted my invitation, but when we sat down it was clear that she had little interested. Then at one point she said, “I think I could get into this.” A few minutes later she said, “I think I will go outside for a little bit. Is that all right?” I told her it was; so she left, and I turned off the TV and came into the kitchen where I am making this entry. This is another example of how hard one can try but not always win.

Posted on

Slow to Get Ready

Today we have a close friend from Nashville, Scott Greeley, who came for an overnight visit. He was scheduled to arrive between 2:30 and 3:00. During the morning, Kate worked outside. At 12:35, I went outside and told her I thought we should get ready for lunch because I wanted us to get back home in plenty of time to be ready for Scott. In a few minutes she came inside. When I didn’t hear from her by 1:25, I went back to her room. She heard me coming and said, “”What do you want? I’m getting dressed.” When I reached the door, I could see that she was just then starting to get dressed. She wanted me to leave, and I did. At 1:50, she finally came into the kitchen ready to go. That was almost two hours from the time I first went outside to prompt her to come in. She was quite cheerful at this point. We went to lunch and all was well.

The final part of our day was easy. She loves Scott; so just being with him from around 3:30 until we went to bed at 10:45 was a special treat for her. We went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and chatted at length about many things. The day turned out to be as special as I had hoped.