Posted on

Kate can be playful.

At lunch today, Kate looked at me across the table, smiled, and said with confidence, “Ask me where we are.” I said, “Where?” She said, “McAlister’s.” I said, “Wow.” Then she said, “Well, it wasn’t that hard.” As she said that, she looked at a sign on the table with the name printed on it. I followed that by saying, “I thought you meant what city.” Then she said, “What city?’ I asked, “What do you think?” She answered, “Fort Worth?” I told her Knoxville. She seems never to remember that, and we’ve lived here almost 47 years.

This occurred without any sense of frustration or concern about not knowing where she was. That is quite a contrast with the way she was in the early stages of the disease. She experienced a good bit of frustration then. I suspect that is largely a result of her no longer connecting her poor memory with her diagnosis. I also notice how open she is in acknowledging things she doesn’t remember. It is very natural to ask the names of people we see as well as our children and even me. While it always saddens me to see her memory deteriorate, I am also glad that she can be honest with me. I like to think it is a good thing that she has someone with whom she can be so open.

Posted on

Kate’s Treats

Yesterday after leaving the orthopedist, we went to Panera. We hadn’t made it in the morning, and Kate said she was a little hungry. I got her a muffin. There’s a nail salon a couple of doors down from there. It had been too long since she had had a manicure and pedicure, and they were able to get her in and out before dinner. I used to see that she went there at least once a month, but somehow got out of the habit. She doesn’t express any special pleasure when she goes, but she used to enjoy it. Besides she needs to have her nails trimmed.

Two or three years ago I also arranged for her to make regular visits to a nearby spa. She goes every two weeks and alternates a massage one time and a facial the other. This is not something that was a regular part of her life before I started it, but I thought it would be good for her to have something that was a treat and something she could do without me (except for making the arrangements and providing transportation). Like the mani/pedi, she doesn’t express a lot of enthusiasm, but I believe she must enjoy it. The only comment she makes is how soft and smooth her skin feels after the facial. She’s right. It does.

Posted on

A Day of Dependency

Yesterday was a day in which I noticed Kate’s dependency more than some other days. That began when I got her up rather than letting her to wake up on her own. As noted in a previous post, this was to insure that we were able to get to lunch and then to an appointment with an orthopedist. Though we usually go to Panera, I passed that up because it was already time for lunch. Kate never seemed to notice. As she usually does when we go out in the car, she was quiet but at one point asked, “Do we have children?” I said, “Yes, we have two children. We have a daughter named Jesse. She and her husband, Greg, have twin boys. We also have a son.” Before I could go any further, she said, “Kevin.” I said, “That’s right.” She asked, “What’s his last name?” I told her, and the conversation ended. The rest of the way to lunch she sat quietly and patiently waited until we stopped at Carla’s Trattoria. It was only when we were inside that she asked, “What’s the name of this place?” When we left Carla’s, she asked, “What is your name? I told her. Then she asked, What is your last name?”

From Carla’s we went directly to the orthopedist’s clinic. Although I had told her where we were going, I am sure she had no idea until we arrived. I’m not even sure when she recognized she was in a doctor’s office. I suspect that occurred in the waiting room. She never asked any questions. Instead, she was asked questions, none of which she could answer. That includes things like “How long has the pain been bothering you?” “What, if any, surgeries have you had?” I asked Kate if she would like me to answer. She said she would.

During the day, she exhibited some of her typical behaviors. She asked me if she should take her cup into the restaurant, if she should take her iPad, etc. One new thing happened on the way to dinner. Out of the blue she said, “From now on I just want you to make the decisions.” This was not said with any sign of irritation as it could have been if I had been trying to control her when she didn’t want me to. Instead, it seemed more like she was simply asking for help. She followed that with, “You can still ask what I want, but I trust you to make the right decision.”

When we got home, she asked some of the questions she often asks, “What now?” “Should I get ready for bed?” “Can I use the iPad.” By themselves, nothing was unusual, but she seemed to behave in a more dependent way than usual. It was as though she were in a “fog,” less sure about everything. I don’t like seeing her drift away.

Posted on

Addressing the Knee and Sleep Issues

Yesterday via email, Kate’s doctor responded to my question about the pain in Kate’s knee. He suggested a referral to an orthopedic clinic associated with UT. We were fortunate to get in this afternoon. Her x-rays did not show a severe case of arthritis, but it is obvious that her mobility is hampered as a result of the pain she is experiencing. The doctor gave us a couple of choices. We opted for an injection of cortisone. I feel good about our taking action. We are headed to Texas next week, and I was worried about how Kate might handle the trip. Hopefully, this will help.

I also have a follow-up on the matter of her sleeping and the use of Trazadone. As he suggested, I gave her half of her normal dose last night. It didn’t help in getting her to sleep quickly, but it apparently lasted a long time. I let her sleep until 10:45 this morning. Then I felt I should wake her so that we could have lunch before going to the orthopedic clinic. She was sleeping soundly, so it took two other attempts before she actually got up. She was groggy at first but seemed fine after taking her shower. More importantly, from my viewpoint, she was, once again, in a good humor. We have quite a string of successes on that front. I just hope discontinuing the Trazadone doesn’t have any ill effects.

Posted on

Not So Little Things Mean A Lot

In an earlier message I mentioned that Kate’s brother, Ken, was creating a photo book of family pictures taken from the time of their respective births to the present time. She was as excited about the book as he and I had hoped she would be. Because her memory is so poor, I wondered if, and when, she would look through it again. It’s over 140 pages, so I knew she probably wouldn’t look through the entire book at one time. We put it on the coffee table in our family room along with another family album. I thought that might help jog her memory. I’m glad to say that has worked.

One day last week when I arrived home to relieve the sitter, she and Mary were seated on the sofa. Kate was proudly showing the book to her and providing her own commentary. As I walked into the room, I could immediately tell that Kate was excited to be reliving some faded memories as well as sharing them. After Mary left, I took her place beside Kate, and we spent a little time looking through the book.

Yesterday when I got home, Kate and the other sitter, Anita, were sitting in the family room. This time Kate was seated on the sofa by herself with the album. She seemed happy as a lark as she turned from one page to the next. As I did when Mary left the other day, I sat down and looked at the pictures with her, and we did a little reminiscing. Ken put a lot of work into this album. He will be glad to know that it is providing both of us with such special moments.

Posted on

More on Sleep

For at least four or five years, Kate has gone to bed before me. When she is ready to go to sleep, I go into the family room where I listen to music and read or work on my computer. Though I sometimes accidentally wake her, she has almost always been asleep when I came to bed. The past three or four nights, however, she has been awake. That in itself is not a problem. I hadn’t thought much about it until two nights ago. Each night she has indicated that she is glad that I finally came to bed. Two nights ago, she said more than that. She said she couldn’t imagine where I was or what I was doing. She sounded somewhat disturbed (not irritated, but afraid). She also went on about it a little longer than I thought would be natural for her.

Her response made me feel as though I had abandoned her. Knowing that she can’t remember, I should have thought about this. The fact that this has been our pattern for so long prevented my even considering that she might get worried or feel she had been left alone. I try not to overthink things like this, but I also don’t want to overlook something that might call for me to make a change in what I am doing.

I have not given her Trazadone for the last three nights. That could easily account for her not getting to sleep. Yesterday, I emailed her doctor about the Trazadone as well as her knee. He said she is already on a low dose, but that I could cut it in half and discontinue it entirely after a week. We’ll see how that goes.

In addition, I might address her concern about being alone by staying in the bedroom with her when she goes to bed. The only complication is that she likes the lights off. I like to have more light. I can easily read a book on my iPad. I usually do that anyway. I started to do that last night, but she assured me she would be all right, and she was. I still found her awake when I got to bed about forty minutes later. She said she was waiting for me. I’ll stay with her tonight.

Posted on

Miscellaneous Happenings

I don’t make any effort to write about everything that happens in a day. I tend to post items that in one way or another seem noteworthy to me. I should add that there are simply too many things to comment on in a given day. I can’t remember them all. I tend to pick up on things that are either typical or unusual. The things I noticed yesterday fall in between these two extremes.

We began the day with conflicting signs of Kate’s expressing independence or dependence. That started with getting dressed. Normally, I am in the kitchen (my “office”) when she gets up, takes her shower, and dresses. This morning I went back o the bedroom to check on her, she had just gotten out of the shower and was beginning to get dressed. Before walking into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I noticed that she was about to put on her pants. She was looking carefully to see which was the front and which was the back. On quite a few occasions, I have noticed that her pants were on backwards. A few times I have told her and given her the choice as to whether or not she takes them off and puts them back on the right way. This was my first time to watch her work so hard to get it right. It took a while. She ended up taking them off and putting them back on. She must have put them on the backwards. This is a situation in which she could have asked for my help. She didn’t, and I thought I should give her a chance to do it herself. I believe I made the right decision. She had to work, but she got. That is always best.

I put her morning meds on the island in the kitchen. A little later she walked in dressed and ready for Panera. I told her the meds were on the island. She said, “I can see that.” This is an instance in which she felt she didn’t need or want my help. From past experience, I know that she often doesn’t see them.

I noticed that she was carrying a pair of socks that are not the ones normally kept in her sock drawer. As we got ready to leave, she asked with hand signals if she should take them with her. I told her that would be fine. I didn’t even try to imagine why she wanted to take them. She was already wearing socks. Once we were in the car, she stuffed them into a side pocket of her door.

Before getting out of the car at Panera, she said, “I’ll get a table, and I’ll let you take care of everything else.” Of course, this is what I do every morning except that I also get the table and put her iPad at her place. She occasionally does something similar at restaurants. She says, “Order for me.” Once again, I always order for her. I was surprised the other night when the server told us the entrée special, and Kate immediately said, “That’s what I want.” It was a good choice too. I wish I had gotten it myself.

Only one thing at lunch was particularly worth noting. As we were eating, she had made a comment about being glad she had married me. Then she asked, “What is your name?” I told her. Then she asked, “What is your last name.” That was followed by asking me her father’s name. She didn’t say anything following these questions and their answers. This has happened a number of times. At first, I thought she was joking. Now I think the link between my name and me is beginning to weaken. Clearly, she still knows me and that we are married, but the label is not as strong as it used to be.

As we got in the car after lunch, she got her socks out of the pocket in the door as well as some used paper towels and said, “Are we turning the car in?” I told her no that this was our car. A few minutes later, she unfolded the socks she had carefully folded earlier and said, “I want to take these with us?” I can’t be sure, but I think she meant “when we move to Texas.” She still brings that up periodically even though we have no plans to move. Then she told me they were winter socks and would need them.

Just before we arrived at home, she told me that she was going to take a nap if that was all right with me. I told her that would be fine. Then she told me not to let her rest too long because she wanted to be able to go to sleep tonight. A few minutes later we drove into our driveway. She asked me to stop and let her out. She wanted to work in the yard. She said she wouldn’t stay long. That means no nap today. That is no problem. I don’t think she needed it anyway. Besides that, she doesn’t usually go to sleep.

She worked outside for about an hour. Periodically, I looked out to see what she was doing. I noticed that she was pulling leaves off our Japanese Red Maple from which she had not pulled off all the leaves before winter. It was coming back nicely. Like last week when she worked in the yard for the first time in months, I had very mixed feelings. I was glad to see her enjoying herself outside. Over the years, this has been her most enjoyable activity. On the other hand, I love the tree and hate to see it denuded in the same way as the rest of our shrubbery. The good part is that it is tall enough that she can’t reach most of the leaves.

After coming in the house for a few minutes, she was ready to leave again. I packed up my computer and her iPad and got cups for each of us, and we were off to Barnes & Noble. When we drove out of the driveway, I looked at the Red Maple. She had removed all the leaves on the lower branches.

On the way to Barnes & Noble, I turned on a Ronnie Milsap album. Sometime in the 80s, we attended a concert of his. Kate had enjoyed him, and I bought the CD. I reminded her of this. Moments later, she asked me his name. I told her, and she said, “I’m sorry; I know I keep asking you this?” I told her she could ask me as many times as she wants, that I am glad to be able to answer her. She thanked me.

Tonight, after returning home from dinner, she sat in her chair in our bedroom working on her iPad. I had turned on a recording of CBS Sunday Morning. During one of the segments, she stopped and watched the TV. When it was over, she asked if she could use her iPad. As always, I said yes. Later, she asked if she should get ready for bed. I told her that would be fine. Once again, we had had a good day.

Posted on

Thoughts on Sleep

During the first few months of this year, Kate’s sleep pattern has changed. She is still going to bed about the same time as always, between 8:00 and 9:00, but the time she gets up has been more erratic. I generally let her sleep as long as she wants, but several times I’ve had to wake her. She has slept until noon or shortly thereafter a couple of times and 10:30 or later more times. In between those late sleeping days, she has gotten up as early as 7:30, but more often 9:00 or a little later. Prior to taking Trazadone, she had difficulty sleeping at night. Trazadone changed that. That’s been a good thing. She has slept beautifully since then.

My personal problem, not hers, is that I am particularly interested in her getting up earlier on days when we have a sitter. Early would be 9:00. That way she can get showered and dressed leisurely which normally takes up to an hour and a half. Then we can have lunch without being rushed. It also gives me more time with her. A number of times over the past few weeks, we have rushed to lunch and back to meet the sitter. Neither of us likes being rushed.

During the past ten days, I have not given her Trazadone the night before the sitter comes. That seems to have worked. She hasn’t gotten up too early, and it allows us a comfortable amount of time in the morning before I have to leave.

This change seemed to have worked until this past Thursday when she slept until noon. She had taken Trazadone the night before. By the time she was ready for lunch, it was almost 1:30. That wasn’t a day for the sitter, but I still felt that requires a greater change in our days than I am ready for right now.

I have also begun to wonder if taking less Trazadone could relate to her unusually good mood over the past week. Her moodiness has always been limited to the early morning. She is slow to get going. That was true before Alzheimer’s. She sleeps later than I do, and she is not ready for conversation until she is fully awake. For that reason, I don’t ever recall our having breakfast together in our 55 years of marriage except when we are traveling. Even that is extremely rare. What has been different the past week is that she has been more cheerful when she gets up than I have seen in quite a while.

That is leading me to consider dropping the Trazadone altogether. I plan to explore that with her doctor in the coming week. He had opened the door to our eliminating some of her medications in one of Kate’s recent visits. I think Trazadone could be a good place to start.

Posted on

It’s been a good week.

Yesterday was a full day. We attended a funeral for the woman who cleans our house. In order to avoid rushing by dressing and undressing for the service, we dressed for the service before going to Panera. We were there at 10:30. That gave Kate time to have her muffin and work a few puzzles. We left for lunch shortly after 11:00 so that we could be at Bluefish right after they opened at 11:30. This was really a long way to go given that the funeral was to the west just outside of Knoxville, but I like sticking to our routine as much as we are able. As it turns out, the timing was perfect. We had a leisurely lunch and ample time to pick up Melanie, a colleague at my office for the past 37 years and get to the service on time (at least the time we intended to be there). It turned out there was a very large crowd. We were just in time to get seats. If we had been much later we wouldn’t have been so lucky.

As I have mentioned several times, Kate has had a very good week. That continued yesterday. This was one of those times when I picked out her clothes, and she was very cooperative about getting dressed. The funeral service was over two hours with a lot of singing, praying, and praising. I knew she was unable to follow what was going. I had told her several times that we were going to the funeral, but she wasn’t able to remember. Near the end of the service, she leaned over to me and asked, “Where are we?” I told her we at Libby’s funeral service. She said something like, “Oh, I’m glad we came.” I can’t imagine what it was like for her sitting there all that time and not knowing where she was or why. She handled it beautifully. Her only problem was her arthritic knee. That is making getting around more challenging.

When the service was over we took Melanie back to where we had picked her up and then headed back into town. It was early, but we stopped for dinner before going home. After we were seated, Kate said, “Are we in Fort Worth?”

Despite this kind of confusion, she enjoyed the day. We spent a little while relaxing before she turned out the lights at 8:00. We have now completed seven straight very good days.

Posted on

Yesterday’s routine was a bit different, but it was another good day.

If you are a regular reader, you are well aware that Kate and I lead a very routine life. That is in large measure because that is the way I try to organize my personal life; however, it also relates to my belief that having a routine might be good for Kate. Our typical day involves a visit to Panera in the morning, out to lunch, home for a while, a visit to Barnes & Noble or Panera, home again, out to dinner, back home, relaxing and going to bed. We don’t duplicate any of our restaurants in a given week, but we do have specific restaurants at which we eat for each meal of the week. There is some variation on Tuesday night, Thursday, and Sunday night. I might add that at each restaurant we have our favorite meals and almost always order the same thing each week.

Yesterday we didn’t follow the pattern at all. First of all, Kate didn’t get up until noon. That meant that we skipped what is perhaps the most regular part of our day, Panera. She wasn’t ready to leave for lunch until almost 1:30. I decided to go to a local deli we rarely visit because it is so busy at lunch. That turned out to be a nice change.

After lunch, we came back home. I put on some music and worked on my blog while, Kate worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. I was prepared for her to be ready for either Panera or Barnes & Noble after we had been home an hour. It turned out that we didn’t move for almost two and a half hours. By that time, it was getting close to dinner.

We had had such a good week so far and our daily routine had been so different, I decided to do something different for dinner. I made reservations at Casa Bella. That may not seem different since we eat there the first three Thursdays each month, but those are nights we go for dinner and music. We sit with a group and have a great social and musical evening. Last night we sat a table for two in a smaller and quieter room and reminisced about the many occasions, most happy but some sad, that had brought us there. We usually order the veal piccata. This time we chose one of their daily specials, roasted pork shoulder with baked apples with fennel over polenta. Even for somebody who likes a routine, it’s nice to do something different once in a while. It was a perfect way to end our day.