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Christmas Day

Our Christmas with Kevin and his family went well. We got over to his house shortly after 10:00. Kate was a little slow getting going but got up from the bed when I told her it was time to go. She enjoyed the day. We were there until almost 6:00 p.m. As we were driving back to the Residence Inn, she said it had been a nice day. She seemed to have enjoyed everything.

Back at the hotel, she worked on photos on her laptop until 8:00 when she went to bed for the night. This morning around 5:30, she had a bad dream. I woke her up. She looked up at me and asked, “”Who are you?” I answered, “”Richard.” Then she said, “”Oh, good. Who am I?” I told her, and she said, “Good.” “I wanna go home.” The other morning at Sharon’s house she said something similar, “Are we going home today?” When I told her we were going to Lubbock, she remembered. She remained in bed a while as I held her. In a few minutes, I got up and prepared to go downstairs to the exercise room. Before leaving, she seemed a little unsettled. I got into bed with her and held her again for a while until she seemed calm. Then I went to the exercise room.

After finishing on the tread mill, I dropped by the breakfast buffet to pick up some yogurt for the two of us. As I was doing so, I saw Kate who had brought her computer downstairs with her. I gave her some yogurt and went upstairs to dress and get my iPad. I went back downstairs and got myself some eggs and sausage. We were down there together for about an hour when she was relaxing in her chair with her eyes closed. I asked her if she wanted to go upstairs. She said she would. So here we are. She got right into bed, and I am on the iPad making this journal entry. I am going to let her rest for the next hour or so before we go to Kevin’s house.

Several times since we arrived in Lubbock she has asked about her iPad. Each time I have told her we had left it in Fort Worth. Each time she quickly remembers. She continues to have trouble seeing things. While we were sitting in the lobby, her laptop needed charging. She glanced around the room to locate an electrical outlet. I saw one and pointed it out to her. She got up with her laptop and put it down in the chair beside the electrical outlet. The lamp beside her was clearly plugged into the outlet. She didn’t appear to see the outlet and started looking around on other nearby walls. I pointed in the direction of the outlet, but she still didn’t see it. I walked over to it and showed it to her. She felt “stupid”. And said, “”You’re the only one who would put up with me.” I told her I was not putting up with her but loving her.

Despite these things, I would say the trip is going well, but I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t wonder if she will increasingly feel more comfortable being at home. I wonder how she will deal with our upcoming cruises.

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Christmas Morning

Kate was quite tired last night. After returning to Kevin’s house after dinner, we came back to our hotel around 9:00. She worked jigsaw puzzles on my iPad for a while and then went to sleep. She slept well and got up around 8:15 this morning while I was at breakfast.

When I got back to the room, she was getting dressed. I wished her a Merry Christmas. She said, “It’s Christmas?” Then she wished me a Merry Christmas. For me this was a sad moment. It is not a surprise at all that she didn’t remember it was Christmas; it was simply another reminder that life is different now and will never be the same again.

I am just thankful that she and I continue to enjoy so many things. It has been an especially good trip. As we returned to the hotel last night, she commented on how much she had enjoyed the evening even though I thought she might not have. The restaurant had misplaced our reservations; so we had to wait about 30 minutes before getting a table. It was also noisy; so it was difficult to have a conversation. In addition, the children played mostly among themselves. The fact is (apparently) that she simply enjoys being with people she loves. I am grateful for that.

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Anniversary of Our First Date

Fifty-fours years ago today (1961), Kate and I had our first date. I was planning to post this on my Facebook page. I went so far as to write up something that I could copy and paste onto my Facebook page. Before doing so, I went back to Kate’s office where she was working on her computer. I told her it was the anniversary of our first date. She said she wanted to put that on Facebook. I suspected that she would never get around to doing it. Then I came back to my computer and edited my copy so that it was from her rather than from me. I posted it on her FB page and told her about it. She loved it. She didn’t say a word about my doing it instead of letting her do it. Here is what I wrote.

I see in the morning paper that on this day in 1777, Gen. Washington led his army to Valley Forge, in 1813, the British captured Fort Niagara, and in 1843, “A Christmas Carol” was first published.

While these are certainly important events, the one I’‘m remembering today is that on this date in 1961, Richard and I had our first date. We went to a performance of Handel’s Messiah on the TCU campus. Besides an interest in the performing arts, we discovered other things we have in common. One was especially surprising to me. When my father learned that Richard was from West Palm beach, he asked me to see if Richard knew physician who had been a close friend of my father’s and a groomsman in my parents’ wedding. Knowing that West Palm was a world away from Fort Worth, I hesitated. Finally, I asked. I was surprised when he said, “”Yes. I was friends with two of his children in high school, and he was my father’s orthopedist.” We were off to a good start. And, I must say that our relationship has aged well with time.

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Time for the Wedding

We spent a delightful morning and early afternoon with Tina driving to a beautiful park and having a picnic lunch. After dropping Her off at her place, I decided to check out the directions to the reception. We are back at our B&B and will stay here for a while before going to the wedding at 4:00.

Kate has been tired most of the day. The primary indicator has been that she has been rather quiet with Tina. She has been almost completely silent with me. She has acted like she is very bored. Earlier today when we were going to get Tina, she asked me where we were going. I told her, and she asked, ”And then are we going home?” I reminded her that we would go to the wedding and then to home of the groom’s parents for the reception. She seemed disappointed that I didn’t say that we were going home.

While on the drive to reception, we approached a rock wall similar to those in New England. I pointed it out to Kate. She said, “I notice it every time we drive by it.” This is the first time we had been anywhere close to this spot. Another Deja vu experience.

When we sat down in the living area of our B&B, she asked me where we were going from here. I told her to the wedding and then to the reception. She made no response. She is lying down beside me on the sofa resting. I plan for us to remain here for another 10-15 minutes. Then we will go on to the wedding. Her being so tired makes me wonder about our cruise for next May. I think going all that way to Europe for a cruise may not make any sense if she needs to rest most of the time.

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Assessing the trip to New York

Looking back at the trip to Switzerland as well as the trip to New York, I would have to say that both went quite well for Kate. Although I felt that greater demands were placed on me during both trips, they were terrific for Kate in that she was kept busy doing things that interested her. She handled everything well except the usual difficulty in meeting time deadlines. Even here, the problem is really one for me and not for her. She doesn’t worry about being on time for anything. She only gets up tight when I am encouraging her, sometimes having to push her, to get ready.

As I think about it, I feel she is getting along better right now and that I am also less frustrated. I am not sure whether this is the result of an improvement on her part or that I have become more accustomed to her decline in short-term memory. At any rate, I feel that things are moving along rather smoothly.

I continue to notice that Kate gets irritated with me and not always because I am rushing her to get ready. She continues to want to be more independent. She seems to be working hard to demonstrate her capabilities to me. She believes that I don’t think she can do anything, and that annoys her. It is then expressed in things she says to me. One of the little things that happens is that she does not want to take my hand when I extend it to cross a street, go up steps, etc. This has become a sign that she is needy, and she doesn’t like it.

Looking ahead, I am unsure about whether we will be able to attend Chautauqua after this year. I have already thought that if we do, it might be easier if we stayed at the Athenaeum Hotel because it offers three meals a day. That would make things easier for us.

 

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Preparations for the Music Club Going Well

I think we are in good shape for the music club tomorrow night. We had someone put out all the mulch in all the flower beds. It looks much better now.  The weather has put a little damper on Kate’s work in the yard. I am glad of that except that it provides entertainment for her. In fact, she really needs it. Over the past few months (even this morning) I have heard her mention being bored. I feel like we are pretty active, but the truth is there still is a lot of time during the day when she could be doing something. Since the Alzheimer’s doesn’t enable her to do the things she used to do, filling this time is becoming something of a problem.

I did discover something that may help her. She gets tired and generally goes to bed as early as 8:30, sometimes earlier. I created a queue of old movies that I believe she would enjoy seeing, but she goes to sleep shortly after they start. What I have been doing is just showing the movie in segments over several nights. Even then, she isn’t really watching the movie. The most recent movie we watched is To Catch a Thief with Cary Grant and Grace Kelley, two stars she loves. One afternoon this week I asked her if she would like to watch the movie. She did, and we did. I think it was the first movie we have watched all the way through on a single showing. That filled up a good 90 minutes. If I could arrange for more movies, we would be in good shape, at least for a while. Of course, some of these would need to be streamed.

One other reason I feel we are in good shape for the music club is that Libby came yesterday and helped us clean up the patio and garage as well as some of the other places in the house that she might have missed when she was hear Tuesday or things we had messed up since then. I also moved the furniture so that we are ready for the folding chairs that are to be delivered tomorrow afternoon.

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Kate’s Birthday

At the moment we are both sitting in front of the fireplace on a cold, overcast day. It is a bit dreary but we have no rain. Kate  is having a good birthday. She got a call from Sharon, her cousin in Dallas. Ellen hosted a surprise birthday lunch at one of her favorite lunch places. She was totally surprised. I hadn’t mentioned anything about the lunch, and she never asked. One of the things I have noticed is that Alzheimer’s  has led to her not thinking about such things. It is easy to surprise her. She doesn’t read any clues that something is up. In this case, the only thing I said was thirty minutes before leaving. I told her we were going to meet Ellen for lunch.  She didn’t ask or say anything. She just went along the same way she would have on a typical day.

She has heard from a number of her Facebook friends. Several of those were responding to a video I had posted on my Facebook page as well as hers. I had selected pictures of her at different ages and places from 1941 to 2014. This was a short video (about 13 photos), but it gave a nice portrait of our lives together, especially places we have traveled.

This leads me to point out something else that is indicative of her Alzheimer’s. She hasn’t thanked me, hasn’t asked how I made the video, or even how I found two of the pictures which I had gotten out of an album her father had made before she was five or six. In the old days, she would have acted very differently.

The big hit was the luncheon. She was taken by surprise and mentioned it several times after we got home. I am so glad Ellen did this.

Tonight we go our for dinner. Since we eat out every night anyway, that will seem like an ordinary dinner.

I am trying to imagine what she will be like next year at this time. It hurts to think about it.

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Getting Ready for a Party

When my alarm went off at 5:00 this morning Kate was irritated that it had awakened her. This is not the first time she has been irritated by it. This is a change, however, from the pattern over the years. I have set my alarm for 5:00 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for many years. It is only recently that she has had a problem. Several weeks ago, I stopped using the alarm on my radio because I thought it was too aversive. I selected what I thought was a soft tone on my phone. I guess I need to look for something else.

As I was thinking about going to the store for half and half and a few other things, I thought about napkins. Kate walked into the room. I asked, “”What do you usually do for napkins?” Her response, “”Leave me alone.” I did. I looked in the kitchen pantry and noticed that we have white disposable napkins. I will check in at Target this morning to see if they have something with a Christmas design.

I did arrange for Kate to get her haircut this afternoon at 3:00. I took her by to see Dawn who cuts my hair so that she could get the right color. Kate has asked Ellen about Christmas pottery that she might borrow. I suspect Ellen will bring it over this morning.

There is still much to do.

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Birthday and Preparations for Chautauqua

Today is my 74th birthday. It looks like a day of getting ready for the trip to Chautauqua. We leave Thursday morning.

Kate appears to have forgotten that it is my birthday. I will think of some way to let her know without making her feel bad that she has forgotten. I may remind her that we are planning to go to a movie as part of our celebration. I told her we would also look for clothes she might need at Chautauqua.

On the way back from Nashville yesterday afternoon, I asked what she would think if we took Jesse and the twins along with Kevin and Taylor to New York next summer. She liked the idea.

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Fifty-first Anniversary

Yesterday we celebrated our anniversary by making a daytrip to Asheville. It was a nice day, the first time we had been back to Asheville in 4-5 years. Next year I plan to go for 3-4 days. We always love it.

When we got up yesterday morning, I noticed that Kate was beginning to embark on her pictures on her computer as I was going out for a short walk. I said something about our needing to leave at 9:15 or so. She looked at me with a blank expression. She had totally forgotten we were going to Asheville and that it was our anniversary. This is not a surprise as she normally forgets things like this. I just thought there might be a possibility that she would remember. Once I told her it was our anniversary, she remembered we were going to Asheville. She then said, “Happy Anniversary.” She got up immediately to get ready. This is a common reaction when she learns that she has forgotten something. My interpretation is that we both understand why she has forgotten; so she doesn’t apologize or act apologetic. She simply moves ahead with whatever she should do to correct the problem.

Everything went well on the trip. We even met a couple from Newnan, Georgia. He is a cardiologist who taught in a medical school in Wisconsin after leaving private practice. Then he spent 10-14 years in medical missions. After that went to seminary and is now a parish associate at a Presbyterian church in Newnan. Kate got along quite well with the couple. I cannot imagine that they suspected her Alzheimer’s at all; so we continue enjoy ourselves and very little happens that would make someone suspicious.

She continues to be a bit more emotional than before. Most of the time this is a positive. She likes, should I say loves, everybody and everything. On the other hand, she also is a little snappy with me at times. This morning, for example, she told me not to “ever do that again” when I was combing the front of her hair. It apparently was already the way she had wanted it. This kind of thing passes quickly, but it resurfaces from time to time. I suspect I may see more of this in the future.