Posted on

A Nice Thanksgiving

We had a very pleasant Thanksgiving with Jesse and her family. Once again, we ate well. I suspect that is true for most of you reading this message. It was a relaxing day. The four adults were awake and downstairs before 8:30. The boys didn’t come down until a good bit later. Kate and I were mostly observers in the day’s activities. Jesse and Greg worked off and on the entire day. Jesse fixed everyone’s favorites. That meant mac ‘n cheese for Randy, bow tie pasta for Ron, and asparagus casserole for Kate and Jesse. The only sad part for me is that Kate no longer remembers that the casserole was a holiday dish that her mother made when she was growing up. She simply ate it without comment, and in the midst of all the activity, I forgot to tell her how much she had always enjoyed it. She loves reminiscing about her mother and would have liked thinking about other holiday favorites that she made for her family.

Like many families, we had the football games on all afternoon and into the evening. We didn’t sit down and watch any of them, but we kept up on the scores and periodically sat in front of the TV during critical portions of the games. After dinner last night, we watched Christmas with the Kranks. I hadn’t seen it before. It was one that Jesse’s family had seen before and loved. It was fun to watch as a family. Jesse and I were the primary viewers. Kate worked jigsaw puzzles on her iPad the entire time. She got in a lot of that yesterday. Greg had a football game on his the bedroom. Ron went back and forth from the movie to the game, and Randy was playing games on his phone. Despite the fact that we were not all watching the movie intensely, I felt it was a nice family time that allowed each person to pursue his personal interests while still being together.

As I have noted on other trips, large blocks of time can be a problem for Kate. She doesn’t like to stay in one place for an extended period of time. That is an issue whether at home or on the road; however, it is easier to change locations at home. For example, we can run to Panera or Barnes & Noble. She can work in the yard. We are always moving from one place to another. This desire to change locations is compounded when we travel because she is also confused about where we are and when we are going home. Early in the day yesterday, she asked me when we are going home. I told her we were going home “tomorrow.”

During the middle of the day we played Uno with Jesse and the boys. We had a good time and had a few laughs as well. I didn’t grow up playing lots of games at home, but I have come to recognize how good they are at facilitating group engagement. Everybody has fun most of the time except when someone loses too much. Playing with Kate adds a special dimension to games. She can’t remember the rules, and when I would try to help her, she would resent being helped. She had a real sense that we didn’t believe she could do anything right. At one point, we all knew that she had a “wild card” in her hand with a good opportunity to use it. We kept telling her what a wild card is and when to use it, but she never recognized that she had one in her hand. It was only one of three cards. She simply didn’t perceive it. Despite this issue, the game was a success.

Sometime during the night, Kate screamed, “Help!” I asked what was wrong. She said something about “her.” I asked, “Who is she?” She said, “My helper.” I had been thinking things were going so well with the sitter. Suddenly, I wondered if she had been afraid of the sitter. I asked if she had done something to make her afraid. She said, “No.” The she told me the sitter was with her. There was apparently something else that had scared both of them. I asked what had happened. She said, “I don’t know.” She mumbled a bit. Then for the next few minutes, she periodically said something about her (the sitter) as though she were concerned about her safety. I told her everything was all right, that it was just a dream. She said, “I hope so. I would feel better.”

Dreams like this are not typical for Kate, but she does occasionally have them. Fortunately, most of them involve her days in the classroom. She is always giving instructions to her students in a very kind way.

It is now 9:30 a.m. Kate has not yet come downstairs, and I want to leave in the next 30-45 minutes. I think I will go upstairs to check on her. Jesse has gone to work. The boys are still sleeping. It’s been another good holiday with family.

Posted on

Happy Thanksgiving

Kate and I are in Memphis where we are celebrating the holiday with Jesse and her family. It is a cold morning (26 degrees) but warming up to the mid-40s. The sun is shining brightly. I am in the kitchen where Jesse and Greg are making preparations for our Thanksgiving dinner around 3:00 this afternoon. They are cooking a turkey on the Big Green Egg. From past experience I know how good that is. Jesse is quite a cook. I probably haven’t mentioned that she is a vegetarian and has been for over 25 years. That makes it a little surprising that she cooks meat, but the rest of her family have never adopted her veggie habits.

Our friend Nancy Hardwick sent a text this week telling us that Charlie is now on hospice. He was diagnosed with dementia before Kate. When we visited them in Dallas last month, I never would have predicted this. He was very quiet at that time, but I observed no signs of his rapid decline. She said he started going down shortly after we left. He lost his mobility and has stopped eating.

Her message reminds me that there are many of you whose Thanksgiving will not be as joyful as our own. We are very grateful for all our own blessings and are mindful of those who are dealing with the more severe aspects of this disease. I also know that our time is still coming. I just don’t know when. I know it will be sooner than I want.

Posted on

Halloween in Our Neighborhood

I don’t think I have ever commented on Halloween in our neighborhood. It’s a very big deal. We moved into our house in July 1997. Not long after that, I met some of our neighbors during one of my morning walks. They asked if the previous owners of our house had told us about Halloween. They hadn’t, but they informed me of the large crowds of children that descend on our street. I appreciated the warning but still didn’t buy enough candy. I had to run out to buy more an hour into the evening. I didn’t count the trick-or-treaters, but based on the amount of candy I had bought, I guessed it to be nearly 300. It has dipped a little in years when we have had inclement weather, but it has grown tremendously since then. Last night was our biggest crowed. I estimate that we had over 800 before running out of candy at 8:15.

Prior to living in our current house, we had lived on a busy street and rarely had more than 5-10 trick-or-treaters. Knowing that Halloween would be a quite different in our new home, Kate suggested that we also offer water. I laughed and made fun of what I thought was a silly suggestion. After all, what child would want water on Halloween. Kate got the last laugh on this one. I discovered that plenty of children and their parents appreciated having water as well as candy. I estimate that about a third of the total number also have water.

The success of the water and the candy has required us (me) to focus on the logistics of serving such large numbers. First of all, we need to remain outside the entire time. There are simply too many people. There is an almost constant stream. Sometimes tey are in groups of 10, 15, or even 20. We also have to have plenty of cups, a 5-gallon water container, a table for the container and cups, and a method of dispensing as efficiently as possible, and a plan for refilling the water and supply of candy. Kate has been the dispenser of water while I take care of the candy.

That has gone rather well until the past few years when the number of trick-or-treaters reached 500 or more. This year it was clear that Kate will not be able to handle the water in the future. Indeed, I suspect that by next year, she may not even sit outside with me. If so, I will arrange for someone else to help with the water. Even before her diagnosis, she was having difficulty doing things that required a designated series of steps, like those required for fixing a meal. Thus, she had some difficulty getting water served without spilling it, pouring water in the unused cups as opposed to those that were used and then placed back on the table, locating the supply of cups even though it was in clear sight of her, etc.

The good thing is that she never displayed any sense of frustration. It took much longer to serve the water than it should have, but it didn’t bother her or the people who were waiting for water. The latter is another indicator of the importance of the water itself. They were willing to wait, often with as many as 8-10 people in line.

As we have every year in the past, Kate and I both had a good time. I am glad we had another successful Halloween although I am sad thinking that it won’t be the same next year.

Posted on

Travel Report Chautauqua 2017

Today was our last day at Chautauqua. It was probably our last time here together. That thought has saddened me deeply today. At various times during the day (sitting on the porch for breakfast and checking email, walking the brick walk to and from the Hall of Philosophy, having lunch at La Familia and dinner at the Afterwards Cafe) I have thought, “This is the last time we will experience this together.”

Even with the sadness, I believe that I made the right decision to come this year and to leave after only one week. Today was another good day for us, but Kate was worn out last night. She was in bed at or before 9:00 last night and didn’t get up until about 11:00 this morning. Not only that but between lunch and the 2:00 lecture, she went back to bed. I had to get her up to attend the lecture. She would have preferred staying in bed but got up anyway, something that she has been doing for the past 6-12 months. Prior to that, it was very difficult to get her up. She gets up much more quickly now.

Returning from the 2:00 lecture at the Hall of Philosophy, she walked even more slowly than usual. We stopped by the apartment for a short time and then went to see the play “Noises Off.” Again, she walked very slowly to and from the play. She seemed to enjoy the play despite the fact that it is a farce. She generally doesn’t like that type of humor. This is something we have seen three other times. She enjoyed it each of those times.

It is almost impossible for me to imagine coming back with her if she declines as much in the upcoming year as this past year. There would be problems on multiple fronts. Just the travel itself would be trying. I know that it would be difficult for her to enjoy herself once we are on the grounds. That would affect my enjoyment as well. I would need to have help to take care of her. That can be arranged here. My contact at the Chautauqua Foundation has indicated that she could help in that regard. At the moment, I feel that it would be best not to come at all. It may be that it would work out for me during the following year although everything depends on Kate. It is simply too early to be planning anything too specific.

Posted on

In Asheville

This year I have planned an unusually leisurely few days while in Asheville. A year ago, I had done somewhat the same. At that time I was not expecting to be here this year. We are fortunate this has worked out. I have great difficulty imagining, however, that we will return next year. As I have noted in other posts, I believe she is feeling further detached from all that is going on around her. That makes the total experience for both of us less rewarding than it has been in the past. On the other hand, we are able to enjoy meals out and catch a few performances. I enjoyed Waiting for Godot yesterday. Although Kate did not feel the same way (She said, ”This was not my kind of play.”), she never seemed bored as she sometimes does; so I feel it worked out.

This morning I noticed that the door to our room was not fully closed. It appeared that she had tried to open the door and was stopped by the security latch that I had engaged last night. One of the things that scares me a bit is the possibility of her leaving the room at night without my hearing her. I don’t believe she can operate the security latch. At the same time, I never know; so traveling like this has a few extra stressful times.

We are both enjoying being back at the Haywood Park Hotel. As we walked up to the front desk, the woman on duty recognized us and greeted us by name.

Posted on

Last day at Chautauqua

This is Friday morning. Our last day at Chautauqua. Not the last day for this visit; the last time we will ever make this trip – at least together. If we had left last week, I believe I would have been sadder. The fact that I decided on a third week was a good decision, but it has also given me the feeling that it is time to get back home. I suspect the fact that Kate has been so tired the past few days (Is it almost a week?), has influenced me. She has only been to the evening entertainment once or twice in the three weeks we have been here. Yesterday she missed the morning lecture. I think it is time for her to be home even though she gets bored there. I believe this is simply a natural step in the evolution of her Alzheimer’s. I will always be glad that we had this much time here.

Posted on

At Home at Chautauqua

We arrived at Chautauqua yesterday afternoon around 3:00 p.m. We are staying in a new place this year, the Rose Cottage. It is a bit small but works well for us. The location couldn’t be better. We’re about 75 yards from the Amp (Amphitheater) and directly across the street from the Brick Walk Café where I get my coffee each morning along with muffins for both of us.

At dinner at the Brick Walk Café, Kate approached a couple at a table and asked if we could join them. Naturally, they accepted. It turned out to be a great Chautauqua experience. They are very interesting people from New Hampshire. This is their first time here. The husband has had a strong interest in Thomas Edison since he was six. They are here because Edison was married to one of the founders of Chautauqua. His wife is a musician. She taught music in the school system and also plays the piano, organ, and harp.

Our entertainment last night was The Temptations and The Four Tops, both Motown groups from the 50s and 60s. Kate really enjoyed herself despite being hot and the music loud. I believe she is so into performances that these things didn’t matter.

We’ve encountered no problems so far. I have told two of our neighbors and he owners of the Rose Cottage about Kate so that they will be attentive if they observe anything unusual.

Posted on

Kevin’s Visit

Last Friday night Kevin arrived for a long weekend visit with us. This is the third time he has come to visit us without his family. I hasten to add that nothing is wrong at his home, he has simply wanted to take advantage of the time he has with Kate. His plan is to visit twice a year. His first visit was last March. The second was in September. Assuming he sticks to this schedule we will see him here again this coming September.

The first thing to report is that it was another good visit. We went to one of our local theaters on Saturday to see Peter and the Starcatcher. We had dinner at Casa Bella beforehand. The dinner was good. The play so-so. Nonetheless, it was fun being together. Sunday we all went to Sunday school and church. In SS I showed 2 videos showing diverse ways of recognizing Holy Week. (We are in a series of lesson with the theme of diversity within Christianity.) The first video was the executive director of Jews for Jesus who was explaining the meaning and procedure for the Seder. The other talked about the Easter parade in Seville, Spain. We had a short, but good discussion. The class seemed to enjoy it.

After church, we went to lunch at Chalupes so that Kevin would be acquainted with our favorite Mexican restaurant. We were pleased that he liked the enchiladas even though they were not Tex-Mex. At 3:00 we went to the Bijou where we saw Steel Magnolias. We all enjoyed it.

There were two highlights of the weekend. The first was doing 4 video conversations with Kate. Kevin used his camera. The first two 25-minute conversations were with Kate and me. We talked a little about her family, our courtship, starting graduate school at TCU and our move to Madison. The next two were with Kevin and Kate. They talked a little more about her family but mostly focused on her work when he was a child, her retirement, and other things that included his own impression of things when he was a child. These conversations reminded me of those that are broadcast on NPR’s “Morning Edition” every Friday. They were quite natural. We were all at ease and simply talked about the subjects as we might have done if we had been sitting around in casual conversation. I am expecting these to be great oral history records and plan for us to do more in the future. I am going to investigate getting a video camera so that we can continue to do this on our own. It was also a very therapeutic thing for Kate. First of all, she got pleasure out of talking about the various aspects of her life. Second, I believe the act of talking itself was a good way of exercising her brain. She did very well. No one would have suspected she has Alzheimer’s.

The second highlight was our visit with Kevin’s piano teacher from the time he started playing (around 7 or 8) and his senior year in high school when she suggested he take from a professor of music at the UT. She has recently moved to a local retirement community with continuing care from cottages, apartments, to assisted living, skilled nursing, and dementia units. She wanted to hear Kevin play. She played some herself and got him to the piano. He has not played in a while, but we enjoyed hearing him as well.

It was a leisurely visit, but we did stay up a little later and didn’t make up for it by sleeping later than usual. Neither did Kate rest as much during the day. That changed today. She got up at 5:25 this morning to say goodbye to him. We left at 5:35. She went back to bed and didn’t get up until I got her up for lunch at 11:35. It is 3:01 pm right now. She went back to bed at 2:08.

She got along so well while Kevin was here that he didn’t notice much difference from when he last saw her in December. He had been a little concerned before getting here. He had spoken with Virginia Franklin and my brother. Both of them had told him how much she had declined since they had seen her last.

I told Kevin that Kate had had a good week before he arrived. His visit helped her sustain this pattern. Now that he is gone, I can see her taking a step back. It is as though she were on stage while Kevin was here. Now she doesn’t’ have to keep up pretenses. It’s really more than that though. We were busy while he was here. She didn’t have to rely on her iPad for entertainment. She didn’t get bored. That is different today. If only I could keep her entertained more steadily, she would be better. This is difficult with my other responsibilities. I hope I can get her to have some more video conversations. That might help.

Posted on

Summary Notes on Trip to Texas

We are nearing the end of our trip. Here are a few observations of things that have happened.

Kate has been confused about when and where we are going the entire time. Fortunately, she has not been frustrated or depressed., but she keeps asking me where we are. I know that has been a special problem because we have been going from one place to another visiting family and friends. We flew into Dallas where we visited two childhood friends, one of mine, Carter Owens, and one of hers, Meg Wright. Then we drove to San Angelo where we are stayed two nights with Kate’s brother, Ken, and his wife, Virginia.

From there we went to Lubbock to spend Christmas with our son, Kevin, and his family. Then we drove back to Fort Worth where we visited one of Kate’s cousins and his wife. We also made a day trip to Waco to visit the Magnolia Market that has gotten so much attention on HGTV. Considering all of this travel, it is not too surprising that Kate has been confused.

When she has had the opportunity, and she did almost every day, she has rested in the morning and the afternoon. She has also gone to bed at a decent hour. Only the first night in  San Angelo did she get to bed late as did I. That is a good thing. She has needed her rest.

One afternoon we called Laura Williams, a high school friend of Kate’s. She was uneasy about what to say to Laura when she got on the line. She didn’t want me to leave her alone in the hotel room to make the call to Laura without me. I stayed.

In a number of conversations she asked me to tell a story to others instead of telling it herself. She seems to remember the gist of stories but can’t remember enough details to relate them to others.

One of those stories goes back to the days of our dating. It involves a phone call that Kate’s grandmother took one night. As I recall the story, when the person asked for Kate, her grandmother (a very proper person) said, “She’s not here. She’s at a dinner party at the funeral home.” Recently Kate has been telling it as a call her mother received and that her mother said to the caller, “She’s not here. She’s at the funeral home.” One night at dinner with a former professor of mine she said that her mother received a call for her and her mother said, “She’s not here. She’s gone out of town with Richard to pick up a body.”

One morning in San Angelo before Kate came to the breakfast table, Virginia whispered in my ear that she really felt for me in terms of what we are going through. I told her we had been fortunate so far but that the tough times lay ahead. She nodded in agreement. I know that she is observing Kate’s behavior closely since Ken also has Alzheimer’s having received his diagnosis about three years after Kate.  That is about the same difference in their ages.

During the trip even this afternoon and evening she has expressed some irritation with me. This afternoon it involved shopping at the Magnolia Market in Waco. I told her she needed to set some priorities on what she bought because we were flying home tomorrow and would not have room for a lot of things. She also got annoyed when I was about to reach the checkout counter after waiting a while in line. Kate had wandered around. I saw where she was and called to her to come to me. She was irritated. We have not had a lot of moments like this, but they occur frequently enough for me to notice and comment on this behavior. I am wondering where this will lead.

While the trip has gone well, I am glad that I made the decision to make it. I believe we are likely to visit Lubbock and San Angelo again, but I am less confident about Fort Worth.

I continue to feel confident about our trip to the Caribbean in January and optimistic about the trip to Europe in May and Chautauqua in June-July. I don’t know after that.

Posted on

A Day With Family

Yesterday Kate and I remained at the hotel until shortly after 11:00 when we drove over to Kevin’s. After a rocky start with the bad dream around 5:30 a.m., she rested a while, had a little breakfast, and went back to bed as she often (usually) does. I think it was good for her to get up leisurely in this way. We still had plenty of time to be with Kevin’s family.

We went to Lonestar Cheeseburger Company for hamburgers. We enjoyed ourselves, and I don’t recall anything unusual happening while we were there. We went back to Kevin’s, and Rachel prepared to go out with Heather. Kate went went along. I knew that they were going to a shop where Kate might want to buy something; so I talked privately with Rachel and gave her $40. I thought perhaps Kate wouldn’t think to ask me for money. That would mean she could ask Rachel to pay for what she wanted. I was wrong. Kate did ask me for the money; so I got it back from Rachel without Kate’s knowing.

While they were out shopping, Kevin and I went to Starbucks. I gave him an update on Kate. We discussed the future and Kate, his job, etc. When we returned to the house, the ladies had already finished their shopping. I asked Kate if she had been shopping. She said, “No.” I said something about thinking she was going shopping. She recalled, and said, “”Yes.” I asked if she bought anything. She first said no and then said a couple of things. I learned from Rachel that Kate had spent the $40 I had given her and another $20 she borrowed from Rachel. She said that Kate hadn’t bought anything nice and asked, “”I hope that is all right.” I told her it was and that that is how I look at her purchases from Lowe’s. It is therapy for her.

Later in the afternoon while we were watching TV, Kate got up from the sofa where she had been editing photos on her laptop. She said, “”Excuse me a minute.” She was gone for about an hour. I went upstairs to check on her and told Kevin that she was probably resting. I found her in Brian’s bed resting just as I thought. A short time later she came downstairs.

As we got ready to go out for a Mexican meal, we started to gather our things to take back to the hotel. Kate couldn’t find her shoes. Thinking that she probably took them off before she got into Brian’s bed, I went to his room to look for them. They were beside the bed. I also noticed the things she had bought that afternoon and picked them up. Kate had come upstairs behind me. I gave her the shoes. As we were walking toward the stairs, she asked, “”Where are our things?” I was puzzled and asked what things. Then she said, “”Our room.” I said, “”At the hotel.” She then gave me the customary look of remembering and said, “”Oh, yes.” These types of experiences are becoming more commonplace. It also bothers me because I sense that she is troubled by each occurrence. It is not something she sloughs off. She knows it is a sign of her Alzheimer’s.

This morning as we were about to walk out the door to go to breakfast, she was trying to recognize my taking care of so many things for her and said, “”My P.” Immediately she knew that was not correct and said, “”My M.” Then I jumped in and said, “”M whatever.” She then said, “MM. You take such good care of me.” MM” is what she sometimes calls me. It stands for “My Memory.”