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Confused, But Very Good-Natured

This has been another very nice day. The moment Kate got up she was in a very good humor. I don’t mean to suggest that she is usually in a bad humor, but sometimes she can be a little grumpy.  That is before she fully wakes up. That was not so this morning. On the other hand, she has displayed confusion throughout the day. For example, she got dressed this morning before I reminded her that a church friend had invited us to lunch. She was dressed more casually than I thought she should be. When I noticed what she was wearing, I told her that I had forgotten to remind her that we were going to lunch with our friend and that she might want to wear something else. She very nicely told me she thought what she was wearing was fine. I quickly decided not to make an issue of this and told her that would be fine. It was only after we had left the house that I noticed that she was wearing shoes that didn’t match in color or style. I let it go, and everything was fine.

On the way to the restaurant, she asked me who we were meeting. She asked at least three times before we got there as well as after we left her. Despite this confusion, she got along beautifully at lunch and following lunch at our friend’s home.

As soon as we got home, she went outside to work in the yard. I let her know it was getting close to dinner time almost three hours later. She had been sitting in the flower beds cleaning out weeds and other debris. For that reason, her clothes were visibly soiled. I thought she might be planning to come inside, take a shower, and put on clean clothes. As it turned out, she just washed her hands and was ready to go. I suggested that she change her clothes. She accepted my suggestion. I brought her a change of pants and a top. I gave them to her and said, “Here are your clothes.” I walked out of the room. When I returned, she was at the back door ready to go to the car. She was still wearing the dirty clothes and carrying the clean ones. I told her I meant for her to wear the clothes in her hands. She didn’t object at all. She was very agreeable and made the change I had suggested.

We went to a Chinese dinner tonight. Soon after we were served, I asked her how she liked the meal. She said it was “good, but not great.” She made a similar comment a little later. Toward the end of the meal, I noticed she was about to finish her whole meal. It was a generous serving. I made a comment, and she responded with, “It’s very good.” This kind of shift in her evaluation of things is quite common. She can easily say that she likes something one minute and dislikes it the next.

When we got home, she walked into our bedroom with her night clothes and asked, “Are we staying here tonight?” This is something else that is not unusual. I have suspected that this occurs because we occasionally we stay in a hotel or the home of our daughter. It must not fully register than we are home.

Given the confusion of the day, one might think it might not have been a good day. But it was. I am glad. I’ll go to bed feeling good.

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Enjoying The Christmas Season

Kate and I returned from my doctor’s appointment almost two hours before we were to leave for Jazz Night at Casa Bella. She asked (with hand signals) if she could work in the yard. I told her she could. Then she asked (verbally), “Where should I start? In the front or in the back?” She said she hadn’t worked in the back as much; so I said, “Well, why don’t you start there?” As often happens, she came inside to the bathroom and then went to the front yard, forgetting entirely that she was going to the back. This is a regular pattern. She does work more in the front. I suspect that habit leads her to do it each time she goes out.

I called her inside in plenty of time to get ready to go out. I suggested that she change her clothes and told her I would pick out something for her. She accepted that very naturally without a complaint at all. I picked out a red sweater and a pair of black pants and put them on the bed in her room. She liked the selection. I left the room for her to change. A little while later, she came out wearing the same clothes she had been wearing before. I reminded her of the clothes I had picked out for her. She asked where they were. I took her back to her room and pointed them out. This time she got it. What makes this incident worth pointing out is that she was so accepting of my suggestions and help. This makes things easier for me, but as I always say, it signals further decline in her condition.

The evening at Casa Bella was everything I could have hoped for. The food was good, and the musicians excellent. It was a program with a lot of Christmas music. This was our fourth musical program in the past two weeks. We are definitely enjoying the season.

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The Power Of Music

We had a good day yesterday. As always, we enjoyed our lunch at the Bluefish Grill. Then we made our way to the Flat Rock Playhouse for “A North Carolina Christmas.” This turned out to be the best part of the day. The performers were all local area musicians. They were quite good. The style of the program reminded me of “A Prairie Home Companion” without the professionalism. We had heard two of the singers in several musicals in Knoxville. It was fun to see and hear them in another context. Kate loved every bit of it. That made my day since the sole reason I had made arrangements to attend was to provide her with something she would enjoy. Several times during the program the audience was invited to join in the singing. Kate sang, and I was pleased that she remembered the words to most of the songs.

That reminded me of our trip home from Memphis last week. As we were driving, I put on some fifties’ music. It had been a while since we had heard most of the music. Kate really liked it. I can’t say that she remembered a lot of the words to the songs, but she did remember key rephrases. It is obvious that music speaks in ways that ordinary conversation does not. That is especially true of music that is both familiar and well-liked.

Over the past few years, Kate has become very sensitive to a lot of the music that plays in restaurants. Almost every place we go, she complains about the choice of music. I wonder if I might have unintentionally influenced her in this direction. I love music and keep it on the car and at home. When she was having her early panic attacks, I started playing the second movement of Brahms’ Violin Concerto, something that I love and find very soothing. (These panic attacks have all been associated with her feeling rushed to get somewhere. I have tried not to push, but I have done so unintentionally a number of times.) She has never commented specifically, but it appears to me that when I play this in the car after her panic attack (and don’t talk), she calms down more quickly

That led me to create two playlists, each with very soft, gentle music. One is almost entirely classical. The other all popular music. I often play these while we are in the car. Again, she never says anything, but they seem to be soothing for both of us.

I would never say that our attendance at so many musical events has lessened the progression of her AD, but it has served both of us well. In my own case, I have found it to be an important and enjoyable therapy.

On the way home, we stopped for dinner at a popular restaurant east of Knoxville. As we walked up to the door, we noticed a man who looked very much like Santa sitting on a bench. Then I recognized him as a former client of mine. He had a stroke a couple of years ago and was unable to continue in his old position; so he retired. During the Christmas season, he enjoys playing Santa. We visited with him for about fifteen minutes or so while waiting for a table. I hadn’t seen him in quite a while and enjoyed hearing what he is up to. On top of that we had a terrific meal. It had been another good day.

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A Very Nice Sunday

From start to finish, Kate and I had a nice day today. I was up just before 6:00, had breakfast, took a 2.5-mile walk, and returned home before she was up. I checked email and worked on preparing this journal to post online by the end of January. Kate slept a little later; so we didn’t get to Panera until almost 10:00. That had been a typical time for us until the past couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. I think she is still recovering from the trip to Memphis.

One of the things that may have accounted for such a nice day was our schedule. It was broken into small chunks of activity. We spent about an hour and a half at Panera and then went straight to lunch. We arrived back at the house just before 1:00. As she usually does, Kate asked if she could work outside for a while. I told her I would be glad for her to do so. She expressed surprise once again. Then she asked if she could use her clippers. That’s when I reminded her that we couldn’t find them yesterday afternoon. I bought 3 new clippers two weeks ago. They have all “disappeared” now. I came inside to catch portions of two different football games. She worked almost two hours before coming in.

When she came inside, she said she was going to take a shower and then pointed to the bathroom off the guest room, the one she usually uses. A few minutes later she appeared wearing a different top and was all ready to go someplace.I asked if she would like to go to Barnes & Noble. She said, “Anyplace.” Off we went. About 4:30, I suggested we go home. That would give us about an hour before going to dinner. She accepted that.

She worked outside for almost an hour before coming in. By then it was time for dinner. We went out and returned home by 6:45. I suggested that I make a fire and that we both relax for a while. We did. Brian called about thirty minutes later. We had a nice conversation with him. When we hung up it was about time for us to call it an evening. I took my shower. She got ready for bed and worked on her iPad for another hour. Then retired for the evening.

I am now catching a little bit of the Packers/Steelers game. It has been a good day. We didn’t do anything elaborate, but we enjoyed the day and being together.

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As Expected, Another Good Broadway Night

Yesterday I reported on our full but very good day. That was just before we were leaving for our monthly visit to Casa Bella for Broadway Night. We have enjoyed all of their musical evening dinners; so I was optimistic that we were in for a good evening. I was right. Once again, we sat with the Jensons. We have really enjoyed getting to know them. They are in their nineties and doing very well. She is the daughter of the woman who started the restaurant almost fifty years ago. When he married into the family, he became a partner in the restaurant. They worked together until they turned the restaurant over to their daughter and her husband. We were joined by another couple that usually sit at another table. It was also getting to know them a little better.

Apart from that we saw a neighbor whom I see frequently on my morning walk. I had mentioned some time ago that Casa Bella had the Thursday night musical events. This was her second time their with two of her friends. In addition, I saw a member of the Sunday school class I used to teach. These are the kind of connections that become everyday events in a city like Knoxville. I believe this has made our lives with AD just a little bit better than it might have been otherwise. The best part is that both Kate and I enjoy these social encounters. They aren’t long or involved and do not involve any great obligations that we would be unable to meet. They just become bright spots in our day.

Of course, the focus of the whole evening is on the musical program itself. We were familiar with all three of last night’s musicians. That also adds a measure of comfort for us. The female vocalist has a master’s in voice from UT. She is not only a fastastic singer but a great actress. She brought the house down when she sang her last number, “Habanera” from Carmen. She slinks seductively among the audience stopping by a number of the men in the audience. Everybody gets a kick out of this. Her finance is a gifted pianist from Spain where he has received wide recognition. The male singer is someone who is very active in local theater but earns his living in the computer industry. All told, it was a beautiful end to what had been a very nice day.

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Having a Sitter is Working

I am writing this post while we are at Panera and am going to relate an incident that just occurred before going on with the topic of the day. A few minutes ago, I was talking to a couple we see her almost every day. They were leaving, and when we said our goodbyes, I turned around and bumped the table at which Kate and I are sitting. As I have noted before, one of Kate’s symptoms is reacting strongly to noises, bumps when we are driving, and other surprises. When I bumped the table, she gave me a dirty look and said, “You always do that.” I always take this humorously since she says this occasionally, but it never relates to a specific thing that I do on a repeated basis. One reason I am able to relate to it humorously is that the dirty look she gives me is not a mean-spirited one. It seems to be more of her effort to respond in a kind way to something that has startled her.

Pardon that diversion, it was just an event that occurred as I was starting this post about the sitter situation. As the heading suggests, things continue to go well. We continue to have just two sitters, one who comes on Monday (Mary) and another who comes on Wednesday and Friday (Anita). Kate likes both of them. I still cannot detect any hesitation or reservation about their being here. In fact, one of the things she likes is their being able to take her to Panera while I am gone. That is a relief for me as I had been concerned about Kate’s having a 4-hour block of time that was all at home with someone who is still a bit of a stranger.

Kate conveys her comfort with the sitter in several different ways. First of all, she is very welcoming to the sitter when she arrives. She always has a bright smile on her face indicating that she is glad to see her. Second, she sometimes says things when I am present with the her and the sitter before leaving. For example, this past Friday as I was driving out of the driveway, I waved to her and Mary and said that I was headed to the Y. Kate waved back and said, “I’m in good hands.” Yesterday before leaving, I handed Anita the Panera card and said they might want to go to Panera. Kate responded quickly. She put her hand on Anita’s shoulder and said enthusiastically, “We want to go to Panera, don’t we.”

Yesterday, I returned home just a few minutes before the end of the 4-hour period the sitter is here. I found that Kate and Anita were not home. I figured they were at Panera. They didn’t get back until almost fifteen minutes later which would have been after Anita’s shift was over. I am impressed with Anita. One of the first things she said to me was that she had clocked out at 4:00. She was reassuring me that I wasn’t going to be billed for her going beyond the time. After Anita left, Kate mentioned how sharp she is, something that she says about most people she meets. It’s an indication of her liking the person and also a sign that understanding things going on around is such a challenge that she is impressed when she sees other handling things with ease. As you can imagine, I am quite satisfied with how things are going with the sitter.

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Report on our Weekend Trip to Memphis

Like our trip to Texas, our trip to Memphis was a success. It’s always good to see our grandsons. This time was no exception. The highlight, of course, was our getting to see Randy play with his high school band. Friday night we saw the band perform at halftime during their homecoming game. Saturday night we saw the last three bands in the regional band competition. We enjoyed each of them but too special pleasure in seeing Randy’s band. They competed against only one other AAAA school and won in every category. It was also nice to hear our other grandson, Ron, talk about his theater class. He is excited about upcoming tryouts for The Three Musketeers that they will perform in January.

We ate dinner after the band events on both nights. That meant that we were up later than normal. Kate handled it well. She is a real trouper. I had previously committed ourselves to stop in Nashville on the way home to visit Kate’s best friend, Ellen, who is in a memory care unit, and our friends from the University of Wisconsin and the University of Tennessee, Ann and Jeff Davis. In order to do that, we needed to leave by 10:00 if we wanted to get back home at a decent hour. Kate was sleeping soundly, but I woke her up just before 9:00 to give her time to get a shower and dressed for the trip. She got up very willingly and was ready in time to leave at 10:00.

Both visits were good ones. Ellen is declining. Her speech has been affected by her stroke a little over two years ago as well as several seizures she has had since the end of February. I think her vascular dementia is beginning to affect her now. Kate didn’t seem to pick up on this. Seeing the other people in the memory unit caused me to wonder whether it is a good thing to keep taking Kate. She doesn’t seem to notice. At least she doesn’t say anything that makes me think he feels uncomfortable. I think she just doesn’t think about her ending up in the same condition. I am glad. I wish I didn’t.

We had dinner with Ann and Jeff at their home. We have lived in different cities for the past 25 years or so; however, each time we are together we pick just as though we had seen them yesterday. At one time, Ann was Kate’s best friend. That was before she and Jeff moved to Ohio. They moved to Nashville about twenty years ago. It was a great way to end what had been a very nice weekend.

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Our last day in Texas

Before leaving Knoxville yesterday, Kate and I made our usual stop at Panera where we both got muffins. Then we made a trip to the cemetery where we visited the Franklin family plot. We stopped at the graves of each person and sensed the memories of our experiences with them. There were a few who died before I became a part of the family, but I had a great sense of the story of this particular family and how close they had been.

We stopped a little longer at the graves of Kate’s mother and father and an infant daughter. It was an emotional moment for both of us. I believe it was especially so for me because I believe this will be Kate’s last visit to this place before she passes. The tears welled up in my eyes as we stood in that place.

From there we moved on to Dallas where we will catch our plane to Nashville this morning. We drove directly to the home of a childhood friend of mine with whom I have been in contact since the third grade when we met, Carter Owens. One of my earliest memories of him occurred during the 1948 presidential race between Truman and Dewey. He was a big Truman supporter. I am sure most of the other fourth graders hardly new who Truman was. This interest in politics has lasted the rest of his life. He is now a retired political science professor.

We met Carter at his home where he lives with his partner and now husband, Michael. They married shortly after we were with them two years ago. We had lunch at a nice French restaurant that was rather quiet for our extended conversation. We had a lot to catch up on. After lunch, we continued the conversation at their home. Kate and I both enjoy their company and had a pleasant afternoon.

Around 4:00 we left for our hotel near the airport. We had a fitting close to a very good week. It was everything I wanted it to be. Kate had seen all of the family living in Fort Worth as well as the people who have been most special to her for many years. I wish she were able to savor the memories. Since that is not possible, I am at least glad she was able to enjoy the time she had with each one.

 

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A Great Day with Family and Close Friends

2017-10-22 (8:05 pm)

Today’s highlight was a family reception following church. We met in the parlor where the family had attended many events over the years. This included wedding receptions for several of us who were in attendance. It was a very informal gathering made special because we don’t get together very often anymore. We took lots of pictures that I am sure we will treasure in the years to come.

We went back to our hotel after the reception. Later in the afternoon, Kate and I visited two friends at a senior facility. One is my former professor with whom I had lunch on Friday. The other is the mother of a good friend who lives in Nashville.

We went directly from this visit to take another friend to dinner. Naomi has meant a lot to us. For years she was a member of Kate’s mother’s Sunday school class. During the late 1990s, after Kate’s mother had suffered a stroke, Naomi served as her caregiver. It meant a lot to Kate to have someone who knew and loved her mother to manage the onsite care that was needed. Even then Kate traveled back and forth between Knoxville and Fort Worth to see her mother and take care of lots of details.

During dinner, we talked about lots of memories. Kate loved it. I think Naomi did as well. It was a perfect close to our reunions with friends in Fort Worth.

 

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Another Successful Day

2017-10-20 (9:29 pm)

In my previous post, I indicated my optimism that today would be another good day for Kate. I am happy to report that I was right. The main event was a lunch with four childhood friends of Kate’s. A couple of month’s ago, I had spoken with one of them, Laura Williams, about our planning to attend homecoming this year. In that conversation, Laura asked if there was anything she could do for Kate. I mentioned the possibility of getting several other old friends together for lunch. She said she would love to arrange that. At the time we were thinking about their going out to lunch someplace. When it came close to the time of our trip, Laura told me that another of her friends wanted to host them at her house. She had done that once before several years ago.

Laura chose two other friends who had also been close to Kate growing up. We talked about an appropriate number. I said having five including Kate was ideal. I tried to prepare Kate for this lunch by mentioning it to her a number of times over the past few weeks including the names of each of the four friends who would be there. I was not at all surprised when she could not remember either who the friends were or that we were even making the trip home.

This morning she seemed particularly concerned about getting their names correct. Several times she asked me to tell her the names again. This always came after my mentioning the lunch she was going to. Without these prompts, I don’t believe she would have even remembered that she was going to lunch with anyone.

As we were driving to lunch, she kept rehearsing the names of her four friends. I don’t recall that she ever got all four of them. Sometimes she struggled to get one. I told her I didn’t think she needed to worry about the names as she would remember the people when she saw them, and she wouldn’t have to call them by name. Of course, that didn’t stop her from trying.

I thought it might be good to remind her of our children and grandchildren. That led to a shortened version of the same kind of rehearsal of their names. It is only in moments like this that I really have evidence of how poor her memory has become. In much of our ordinary conversation, she is not required to use specific names or places etc. It is times like these when I am saddened. Other times I tend to think she is doing better than she really is.

I knew Kate’s time with her friends would go well the moment we arrived. All four of them greeted her warmly, and they immediately started getting updates from everyone. While Kate was at her lunch, I picked up a former professor and mentor for lunch.

When I returned to pick up Kate, they all told me what a wonderful time they had had. Two people specifically thanked me for suggesting this opportunity. I was touched by the reception Kate received as well as the joy on her face.

The hostess, Linda Turner, told me that an old friend, Marjorie Eggleston, lived nearby and would love to see us if we had time. Marjorie is now 93 and in a wheel chair, but her mind is sharp. She and I often spent some time together chatting at various family celebrations. We thought of ourselves as buddies at that time. It was good to see that we still feel the same after all these years. Kate was equally thrilled to see Marjorie as her parents had been close friends of Marjorie’s husbands parents. They had been like an aunt and uncle to Kate.

As thrilled as she was to see Marjorie, Kate was also confused. She kept thinking that Marjorie was her husband’s mother whom she thought of as an aunt.

We ended the day with a reunion dinner at TCU. There were very few people there whom we knew, but it was nice to see them.

It turned out to have been as nice a day as I had hoped.