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Off to a Late, But Good Start

As she has done several times lately, Kate slept late. She opened her eyes when I walked into our bedroom about 8:30, but she didn’t get up until 10:30. That is after going to bed around 8:45 last night. Until recently, she had been going to bed between 8:00 and 8:30 and getting up around 9:00. It is quite possible that our recent trips to Texas have thrown her off a bit. On the other hand, I always wonder if she might be establishing a new pattern.

This is a light day for us. The only commitment we have is to get haircuts at 3:00 this afternoon. Because we have plenty of unscheduled time, I decided to drop by Panera for Kate’s muffin even though it was 11:30. I thought it would be good for her to be occupied for an hour here before we go elsewhere for lunch. It’s a sunny day though a bit chilly. I suspect she may want to work in the yard a little between lunch and our haircuts. That will leave us with another hour and a half or so before having dinner. I find that the day seems to go well when Kate’s activity is divided into small “chunks” of no more than two hours.

She is in a good mood today and is happily working her jigsaw puzzles on her iPad. She hasn’t asked me to help her once, and we’ve been here about fifty minutes. That is a rare event. I am optimistic we will have another good day.

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Wanting to Help

Among the first signs I noticed related to Kate’s Alzheimer’s was her lack of attention to some of her major household responsibilities. The most obvious one was that she often didn’t have dinner ready. It also included less obvious things like washing clothes but leaving them in the washing machine for a day or two before putting them into the dryer. Over the years, I have jumped in to take care of these things without our ever talking about it. It was as though she didn’t notice that I was taking care of meals, the clothes, and other household chores.

Thus it has come as a surprise to me that on several occasions recently she has asked if she could help me with something. Two of those occurred yesterday. She saw that I was taking clothes from the washer and putting them in the dryer. She asked if she could help. I felt little need for the help. This is a pretty easy task, but I was so pleased with her offer that I said yes. Later, I brought the dry clothes into the family room where I usually listen to music while folding them. I had already separated her things from mine when she walked into the room. Once again, she asked if she could help me. I quickly said yes. She picked up all of her things and walked back to her room. I later discovered that she hadn’t folded or picked up her clothes, but I was happy with her offer to help. That and her enjoyment of Darkest Hour that we saw yesterday afternoon made yesterday another good day.

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A Very Nice Day

This has been a very quiet week for us. Since it started with New Year’s Day and was accompanied by colder weather, we haven’t had as many scheduled activities. I’ve actually been a little concerned about the fact that it has been too cold for Kate to work in the yard. That represents a very large portion of her personal time during the day. I’ve wonder how well I might keep her entertained. As of this moment, that has worked out well, and yesterday was especially nice.

Fortunately, Kate has slept later each day this week. The result is that we haven’t been getting to Panera as early as most morning’s lately. It was actually 11:00 two days ago. Yesterday we got there about 10:10. She was ready to leave less than an hour later. That meant it was a little early for lunch; so we returned home. She asked if she could work in the yard. I told her she could but that she wouldn’t have much time as we would go to lunch in a little while. Although it was about 30 degrees at the time, I figured she wouldn’t be out long enough to do any harm.

It turned out that  she came inside to brush her teeth and ended up working on her iPad in the family room. I went in and joined her. As usual, we didn’t talk during that time. It was just nice to be together. Before noon, we left for lunch. We went to a deli that we like but don’t frequent too often because of the crowds. It made for a nice change from our normal routine. We came back to the house for a short time. Then at 2:00, Kate had her monthly massage. While she was there, I went to Whole Foods and worked on my computer.

At 3:00, I picked her up. We had our iPads with us, so I decided to drop by Panera for a while. We were there until 5:00. At that time I suggested we go home and get ready for our opera night at Casa Bella. When we got home, I told Kate I would get her clothes ready for her. She happily accepted that. The only hitch we had was the usual one. I left her while I went to get dressed. She had forgotten we were going out and was still wearing the clothes I had shown her. When I told her we were going out, she reacted like it was the first time she had heard. Again, she simply stopped what she was doing and followed me back to her room where she got dressed.

Last night we had two new opera students from UT. They were outstanding. We enjoyed our meal and the people with whom we sat. It was a cold night, but it was filled with warmth for us. It had been a very good day.

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Returning to Our Routine

After six days on the road, Kate and I returned to our normal routine today. It felt right. It wasn’t completely normal. I actually got up over an hour later than I often do, 7:15 compared to a normal get up time between 5:30 and 6:00. I woke up earlier at 4:20 and 6:00 and decided to sleep a little more. That decision was prompted by the fact that I am still nursing a cold that has been hanging on far longer than usual. I felt like this was a good day to take it easy. I didn’t even take my morning walk. That was partially influenced by the temperature around 30.

Kate was up before 8:30 and ready for Panera about 9:30. We were there an hour before she was ready to come home and wanted to work outside even though it was still 36 degrees. After she had worked for an hour, I suggested we go to lunch at Carla’s Trattoria. We go there almost every Tuesday. Even though we had eaten well, actually too well, over the holiday, we splurged and finished our meal with some of Carla’s homemade salted caramel gelato. From there we dropped by the church to make a last-minute payment on our church pledge and then by Walgreens to pick up a couple of prescriptions.

When we got back home, Kate told me she wanted to go back outside. I told her that would be fine. Since it was then 39 degrees, I thought maybe she might not be out too long. I underestimated the attraction of the yard. She was outside over three hours and happy as a lark. She and I have often said that working in the yard is her therapy. There is more truth to that than we originally believed. She is able to work for hours though not usually with weather in the thirties. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that she had wanted to “pull leaves” at Kevin’s house. On two occasions she actually did pull a few as we walked from the car to the house.

We finished the day by going to dinner at one of our other local favorites. We enjoyed our dinner and then came home to relax. Kate got ready for bed, and I watched the PBS Newshour that I had recorded earlier. It was a good first day home.

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Everyday Experiences

After we walked out of Applebee’s where we had lunch today, Kate asked, “What is this place?” I told her, and she said, “I knew that. . . . It just wouldn’t come to me.” Then she pointed to the sign on the building. I said, “I have that same experience sometimes. It’s funny how that happens.”

As we turned onto our street, she asked if she could work in the yard. I told her, “That would be fine. I know you will enjoy that.” She gave me a surprised look and asked, “Clippers?” Again, I told her yes. She gave me another look of surprise. I smiled at her and said, “I’m just big-hearted today.” She said, “Well, that is true.”

These are just little incidents, but I mention them because I think they typify the way we relate to each other. I do my best to keep our conversation light-hearted so as not to hurt her or make her feel bad in any way. I can’t really be sure if it works. I do know that this kind of experience is much more common than moments of irritation on the part of either one of us.

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Catching Colds

For the past several days, my nose has bothered me in the morning. Yesterday afternoon, I noticed that Kate was coughing periodically. After dinner, the coughing increased. By this morning, it was clear that we both have colds. So far, they both seem mild. I have been taking Benadryl for the past few nights. I wondered about giving it to Kate but was concerned about possible interactions with medicine she is currently taking. A quick Google search confirmed my suspicions. She takes trazadone. I have been aware that it is commonly prescribed for people with dementia. It is an antidepressant that is sometimes given as a sleep aid. When combined with Benadryl, it can augment the usual effects of these drugs. In Kate’s case, she doesn’t appear to have a problem with a runny nose. The cough, however, can be annoying to her and to those around her.

I find myself a bit irritated when I get a cold, but I try to remind myself how infrequently that has occurred over the past few years. In fact, one of the ways in which Kate and I have been fortunate is not having other illnesses to contend with. I can’t remember the last one I had, but I am sure that it is more recent than Kate’s. Since they seem mild, I am hoping we will be rid of the bug in the next few days.

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Sign Language Can Be Confusing

Kate continues to use hand signals to ask some of her questions. Most of the time I understand what she is asking, but not always. Take this morning, for example. We were waiting at a stop light on the way to Panera when she looked at me and pointed in the direction of her cup sitting in the holder of the console. She also had the lid of the cup in her hand. I thought she was asking whether or not to take her cup into Panera, but that is something she is more likely to ask when we arrive at another restaurant. She gave me a disconcerted (irritated) look, and I told her I didn’t know what she wanted. That prompted another look. Then I realized that what she wanted was a napkin. I try to keep them in the car to wipe the saliva from her mouth. (She still doesn’t swallow her saliva.) When I realized that was what she wanted, I opened the console and gave her a napkin. Then I said, “I thought you wanted something to do with your cup.” She said, “Nice try, but I’m not going to let you get away with that.” I said, “Well, I usually do a pretty good job.” She smiled and said, “Yes, you do.”

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Confusion This Evening

Kate worked outside from the time we returned from lunch (about 2:00) until I called her in for dinner about 5:15. As she has done over the past few months, she came in right away. You may recall that getting her to come in had been a problem for a good while. It wasn’t that she objected. It’s just that she would forget to come in. As she came inside, I asked if she wanted to shower before going to dinner. She said she did. Then she asked by hand signals which bathroom to use. In a few minutes, she came into the family room where I was watching a football game. She said, “Shoes” and pointed to her stocking feet. I went to the garage where she had left them and brought them to her. It was obvious that she had forgotten about showering. Apart from a few soiled spots on the top she was wearing, she looked fine, and I didn’t suggest that she change.

While we were eating, I received a text from Jesse who was in Indianapolis with her family for the weekend. They are big Tinan fans and are attending tomorrow’s game with the Colts. She had attached pictures of her boys at Topgolf. I showed them to Kate, and she asked their names. When I told her, she gave her usual response, “I know that; it just wouldn’t come to me.” Then she asked, “Who is my daughter?” I told her, and she gave a similar reply. I said, “That’s all right. Sometimes names just don’t come, especially when you are tired. You lost some sleep over the past few days.” Then she said, “And when you are hungry.”

During the meal, I told her that I was sure that Kevin’s family was glad to have Brian home for the holidays. There a pause. Then she said, “What’s his name again?” I told her. Then she asked, “Who are his parents?” She has asked this question a lot over the past month or longer.

When we got home, I went to our bathroom to brush my teeth. She was coming out. I told her I would get her medicine. She said, “I want to brush my teeth, but there’s not any of the stuff in there.” I told her I thought there was. I went to the drawer where the toothpaste and her toothbrushes are kept. They were there as usual. She just didn’t remember where to look. She has toothbrushes and toothpaste in each bathroom. She must have forgotten where it is kept.

A few minutes later, she walked into the bedroom with her robe. This has become rather typical. She gets a robe instead of her gown. When I asked if she wanted me to get her a gown, she said she did. This is also her normal reply to that question. I still haven’t figured out why she does this. Her gowns and her robes are all together in her closet. It just seems like it is easier to find a robe.

Throughout all of these things she has been in a good mood. She is unusually cooperative these days and happy as well.

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One Reason I Say We Have Been Fortunate

As we drove up to our house from Panera, Kate asked if she could use her clippers. I said, “Absolutely.” She gave me the surprised look she always gives when I say this even though I have never said no.  Then she asked if I thought she would need a jacket. I told her not the one she had on but another one I would get for her. (The one she was wearing was a new one I had gotten for her last week. I didn’t want it to get messed up outside.) Then she asked me where she should start, in the front of the house or in the back. I usually say, “You can start wherever you like.” Then she will make a suggestion, and I say, “That would be fine.” I get a kick out of this question because she almost always asks it, but she never remembers what she has decided and simply starts wherever she feels like it when she goes out.

She came inside for a few minutes and then walked in the kitchen to go outside. I helped her with her coat. She asked where the clippers were. I told her they were on the top shelf of a shelving unit in the garage. She said, “I’m going to change my shoes” as if asking my permission. I told her that would be a good idea. (She has two pair of gardening shoes that, surprisingly, she has had for years without losing them.) As she was putting them on, she asked once again, “Where are my clippers?” She was standing in front of the shelving unit with a variety of gardening tools. I told her “on the top shelf.” She looked and finally saw them. Then she said, “You mean right there in front of me?” I smiled and said, “I didn’t say that.” She gave me a big grin and said, “But you were thinking it.”

During any given day, we have a number of such interactions. I work very hard to reinforce this kind of behavior, but I also believe that, by chance, our personalities just work together well to minimize conflict. I should add that this is more indicative of our relationship now than at earlier stages of her AD. I also believe this is something than could change as the disease progresses. There is much that we can’t control. Once again, I say we have been fortunate. I know that many others have a much more difficult time. I feel for them as I give thanks for our own experience.

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An Early Start Yesterday

I’ve always been an early riser. Until the sitter started coming in September I had been getting up at 5:00, and sometimes as early as 4:30, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to get to the Y. With engagement of a sitter, I started going to the Y in the afternoon. I stopped using an alarm quite a while ago because it disturbed Kate. I am settling into getting up closer to 6:00 every morning of the week.

Kate’s routine has been different since she retired from the public school system in 1990. Since the time of her diagnosis in 2011, she has rarely gotten up before 8:00. In the last few years, it has been common for her to get up, get some juice and yogurt, and then go back to bed for another hour or so. Her sleeping pattern, like other aspects of her life, vary a good bit from one day to another. My habits are much more regular, and I have tried to maintain a regular schedule during the time that I have been caring for Kate. That has worked well in terms of the times of the day we eat lunch and dinner, but I have deliberately not tried to put Kate on my morning schedule. We have always operated independently in the morning. We both like it that way. I let her sleep as late as she wants. That gives me some quiet time to take care of getting my breakfast, checking email, taking care of household chores like washing clothes or dishes, completing any obligations in my volunteer activities, and working on this journal.

On the whole, I am pleased with the way this has worked out. There are occasions, however, when I have to make changes in my schedule. Yesterday was one of those. I was just about to leave for my morning walk at 7:15 when Kate walked into the kitchen ready to go to Panera. I hesitated a moment and then decided to change to my regular clothes and go to Panera. As it turned out, that worked well. Kate was ready to come back home after an hour or so. She wanted to work outside which I knew would occupy her for a while; so I took my walk. It had warmed up a bit since 7:15, and the sun was out. It made for an unusually nice walk.

The rest of the day went well. The sitter was here at 1:00, and I left for a meeting at the bank. As I left, Kate and the sitter were outside. I told them I was off to a meeting. Kate said, “I’m in good hands.” Once again, I felt good that she has accepted having a sitter so naturally. After my meeting, I dropped by Whole Foods with my laptop and worked on this journal until time to relieve the sitter at 5:00. When I got home, Kate and the sitter were in the family room where Kate was working on her iPad. Since having a sitter, I have purchased a gift card at Panera. I told the sitter to use it if Kate wanted to go to Panera for a bagel while I was gone. They almost always do. This time Melissa told me that Kate had not wanted to go out. I’m not sure why. It made me wonder if she has felt a little self-conscious about taking her sitter with her. I would be a bit surprised since they have done this several times before.

We finished the day at our favorite pizza place. Then we came back home and watched the evening news while Kate worked on her iPad. It had been a good day.