Over the past couple of months, Kate has been far more talkative than at any time since the first year or two after her diagnosis. We discontinued her Trazadone in late May or early June. I think that might account for the change. It doesn’t help to fret, but it makes me wonder if we should have done this a lot earlier. It’s been a long time, but I remember times when she was so tired that she kept her eyes closed when we were at restaurants waiting for our food. I used to feel a little embarrassed about what others looking at the two of us might be thinking. Did they think I had hurt her in some way? She often looked so sad. That might have been avoided if I had connected it to her medication.
Talking a lot more is not the only change. As her memory has declined, she has had less to talk about. When the two of us talk, we stick largely to how we feel about our life together as well as our families. She speaks frequently about her mother and expresses very positive feelings but very few details about her. She also feels that we are very fortunate people. Again, she can remember few details. She most often mentions how fortunate we are to have been happily married for so long and to be so proud of our children. I fill in the facts on all of these things. I tell her about her mother and father, the things we have done, and what our children are doing.
Increasingly, she is asking more questions. That was especially true yesterday. At lunch at Applebee’s, she looked at me and asked, “Are you my father or my husband?” I told her I was her husband. Then she said, “I was afraid of that.” (Yesterday was also a day when she teased me a lot.) A minute later, she asked, “What is your name?” I told her and moments later, she asked again. That was followed by “Where are we?”
Questions about our family and names of places dominate her questions, but she also asks more surprising questions. For example, shortly after asking where we were, she asked how many Applebee’s there are. That didn’t surprise me. She has asked quite a few times before though not enough for me to remember. I always pull out my phone and get the answer. It isn’t limited to Applebee’s. As you might expect, she also asks about the number of Paneras and other franchises. One time she wondered how many times we had driven on the street that leads to our neighborhood. I did some quick calculations and came up with a “guesstimate” of 40,000. She’s asked a similar question about the main road that leads from town to our house. I haven’t calculated that one.
I find it interesting that she retains some interest in news events. That occurs when I am either watching the news on TV or on the radio in the car. She picks up something that is said and doesn’t understand it. In those cases, she wants me to explain. I always try but am often unsuccessful. Those conversations frequently end when she says, “Why don’t you tell me about it later when I’m more alert.”
On the way home from lunch, she asked, “Where is our house?” I told her Knoxville, but she wanted to where in Knoxville. I gave her the name of a hospital that is near the house. That worked. Once home, she stopped in the kitchen and said, “I’ll follow you.” That is always a sign that she doesn’t know where to go.
After dinner, we spent some time in the family room relaxing. She worked on her iPad and periodically looked out on the dense growth of trees on our neighbor’s property behind our house. She loves that view. At that point last night, she may have still thought we were staying someplace other than our home as she had earlier.
After I took a shower, she came back to our bedroom where I turned on a DVD of Sound of Music that we had started earlier in the week. I thought that she might immediately take an interest, but she was more interested in her jigsaw puzzles. That led me to see if she would react differently to Les Miserables. I didn’t say a word to her. I just took out Sound of Music and inserted Les Miserables. As soon as the music came on she looked up. Shortly thereafter, she put way her iPad and devoted her attention to the music.
I was hoping to turn it off before 9:30 so that she could get to bed. When I mentioned that to her, she said she wanted to watch a little more. At 10:00, I stopped it and suggested that she get ready for bed. She agreed even though she would have continued watching for a good while. This was the seventh time we have watched it recently. Her response was as enthusiastic as it was the first time.
We were in bed around 10:15. I was the one who was ready to go to sleep. She was in a talkative mood. She talked a lot about how fortunate we had been as a couple. Although she has forgotten a lot of details, she does remember some important things. For example, she mentioned the fact that her parents and my parents had long and happy marriages. Her parents and mine really were devoted to each other. She said, as she has many times before, “The most important thing is that we have had a good marriage, and we are proud of our children.” That is interesting in that earlier in the day I had said something about our children. She said, “I have children?” The last time I glanced at the clock it was 11:00. She was still going but slowing down. I don’t remember much after that.
Although she has been more talkative with me, she is less talkative in groups. Except for greeting people when we get to Casa Bella for their music nights, she talks very little. I would have to say that it can be a challenge. We often sit with three couples. All three of the men are talkers. I don’t think, however, it is just that. She simply doesn’t remember enough things that people are talking about to make a comment. When people ask her direct questions, she usually looks to me to provide the answer.