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Sleep, Memory Issues, and Confusion

We had no special obligations yesterday, so I let Kate sleep a little later. When I checked on her about 10:30, she opened her eyes. I asked if she were ready to get up. She wasn’t. I got her up shortly after noon. She wanted to sleep longer but got up anyway without making a fuss. As she has done on a couple of other occasions recently, she got up, showered, and dressed reasonably quickly. It was still almost 2:00 when we left for lunch.

When she got up, she looked at me and asked, “Are you my daddy?” I told I was her husband. She was surprised. Then she asked my name. When I told her, she asked if I were her daddy again. This was like another occasion in the past few days. It wasn’t just that she couldn’t remember my name or that I am her husband. It was the fact that she asked so many times in succession. In addition, nothing seemed to jog her memory until we were well into our lunch.

She never seemed frustrated or disturbed, only puzzled that she and I were married. As we pulled out of the garage on the way to lunch, she asked again if I were her daddy. Again she was surprised when I said I was her husband. I commented on the fact that she seemed to be comfortable with me the way she would if she knew me. She acknowledged that she wasn’t afraid of me or bothered by me. She just didn’t know who I was.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I went around to her door and opened it. She said, “Richard” and pointed to her cup in the cup holder. She was asking if she should take it in. I told her to leave it in the car and then said, “You said my name.” She said, “What is it?”

It was no surprise that she pointed to the enlarged photo of Frank Sinatra on the wall of the restaurant and asked me who he is. She must have asked between five and ten times while we were there; however, she did remember that she has bad feelings about him. Before lunch was over she stopped asking my name, her name, and the names of our children. Part of the reason was that I felt as though I were pummeling her with information, and she needed a break. I think it was also a result of her having a longer experience in a restaurant that we frequent every Sunday. We talked with the hostess, our server, and another server we know. I think all of these things helped to bring back bits of her memory. A few minutes before we left the restaurant, she said, “You’re a good husband.” I said, “What makes you say that?” She said, “Somebody told me.”

We left the restaurant shortly after 3:30. In the car Kate asked if she could take a nap when we got home. I told her that would be fine but that I was surprised she was still sleepy since she had only been up less than four hours. When we walked in the house, she asked what she should do. I told her I thought she might like to brush her teeth and spend some time together in the family room. She went directly to a chair in the family room where I handed her the iPad. I went to brush my teeth. Before I finished brushing, she got into our bed for a nap. She was there until 5:30 when she told me she was hungry.

It’s not just names she is forgetting. I notice a number of other little things. For example, she asked me to tell her how to flush the toilet last night. For some time she hasn’t been flushing. I never thought about the fact that she might have forgotten how. Sometimes she doesn’t know where to put her cup when she gets in the car. She occasionally forgets where the seat belt is located though she remembers to put it on. A couple of nights ago after returning home from dinner, she walked out the back of the garage instead of coming into the house. When I explained that we were going in the house, she said, “How was I to know?”

As we returned home after dinner, Kate said, “It looks so different after dark. I’m glad I have a ‘witchie’ to drive me.” This is another instance of her getting mixed up with words. The words are sometimes unintelligible or unrecognizable. In this case she was trying to say “someone to drive me.” I said, “You wouldn’t know how to get home?” She answered, “I could get there. It was just take me a while.” This is one of those little signs of her retaining a sense of independence. It happens most frequently when she asks for my hand going up and down curbs or stairs. She frequently says, “I could do it myself. I just feel better holding your hand.”

These changes are coming about gradually but are frequent. Life is very different now than it was in the early years after her diagnosis.

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Miscellaneous Happenings Yesterday

Yesterday Kate got up after 12:00. I wasn’t troubled by this since we were going to Flat Rock, North Carolina for a Christmas show that started at 8:00. That is the latest event we have attended in almost two years. I knew she would need as much rest as possible. She had no trouble getting up. She seemed to recognize me and was in a good humor but not ready to engage in conversation. After her shower, she thought I was trying to rush her as she was getting dressed. I was actually trying to avoid rushing her, but I moved too quickly explaining the order of the apparel I had put out for her. She snapped at me. Then she apologized. I said, “That sounds more like the gal I know.” She said, “I was taught to be polite.”

In the car on the way to lunch she worked harder than I ever recall to learn my name. She repeatedly ask me my name almost the entire time we were in the car. She never seemed frustrated, just intent on getting it right. She finally said, “That’s enough. I’m not going to remember it right now, but I will later.” We went through the same thing with her name without the same degree of repetition. Once inside the restaurant she said, “I think we are a perfect match.” I told her I agreed. She didn’t ask my name again.

On the way to Flat Rock, I had the radio on to the news. She was attentive to what was said but couldn’t understand it. She kept wanting me to explain what they were saying. A number of times she said, “You’ll have to explain this to me later.” She does this a lot when she is getting overwhelmed by information. In the early years after her diagnosis she used to say, “TMI.” Now she has forgotten that acronym.

Once we arrived in Flat Rock, we spent about an hour in our hotel room and then went to dinner with our friends. She handled herself well although it was hard for her to hear and/or understand the conversation. She had to ask us to repeat what we were saying several times. She gets confused about items on the table. For example, at two of the restaurants we frequent the butter is in black wrappers. She always thinks they are chocolates. I have to watch or she starts to eat them. She’s only been successful one time and didn’t waste time spitting it out. The other times I have caught her before she puts one in her mouth. I usually remember to unwrap a couple of them put any remaining ones near me to minimize the chance of her making a mistake.

We didn’t have that problem last night, but there was something else. Three of us had either soup or salad before the meal. At the same time, the server brought a basket of small rolls and placed them near the center of the table in front of Kate. Thinking they were hers, she put the basket at her place and ate all of them along with the butter.

Keeping up with things like coats, sweaters, and gloves can be a challenge. I try to watch for these things, but I am far from perfect. Last night she wore gloves to the restaurant. As we started to leave, she could only find one. A quick search produced the missing glove under the table.

When we walked into the lobby of the theater, our friends wanted to buy CDs while we went to our seats. When they met us, Kate greeted them cordially as though we had not been together just a few minutes before.

When we were ready to leave the show, she had lost another glove. We checked with the box office and found that it had been turned in. I should also mention that she has difficulty putting on her gloves. She gets them on the wrong hands so that they are upside down.

As we walked to the car, she asked me where we were going. I told her we were going to the hotel. She was very confused. She thought we were going home. I explained that we were staying at a hotel and would go home tomorrow. She said, “How was I to know?” This is a common experience and is my fault. I know that she can’t remember anything for longer than a few seconds, but she behaves so normally most of the time I tend to forget. In this case, we had spent an hour in our hotel room before dinner. I didn’t think about the fact that she would have forgotten that we were staying in a hotel. There are also times when I assume she won’t understand when she does. It is difficult to recognize those times when she will know something and those times she won’t. I suspect I am not the only caregiver who makes mistakes like this.

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Patterns in Kate’s Behavior

I am always looking for patterns in Kate’s behavior. Sometimes that is difficult. For example, the time she gets up in the morning has been somewhat erratic since the spring. There is a general pattern, however. She clearly gets up later on average than she used to do. The fact that we rarely get to Panera in the morning is the best indicator of that.

I have tried to detect patterns in her confusion as well. That has been harder than her sleeping pattern. In general, I would say that she is more confused in the morning than later in the day. That makes sense to me because she has always been slow to get up. She has never been interested in conversation in the morning. It was like she needed time to pull herself together. Then she would be able to think more clearly. I admit that I really don’t know what was going on. I just know that she tended to be quiet. After a little time, she was “more like her normal self.” This makes me wonder what she thought of me all those years since I can be ready for conversation immediately after getting up.

Yesterday was a good example of how, given a little time, she can change. As I reported in my previous post, she was very confused when she awoke. It was as if her mind were blank. She was quiet through lunch. She didn’t even ask my name or her name or where we were on the way to or during lunch. That is unusual. We came back to the house where I put on some Christmas music, and we relaxed in the family room. By the time we left for our haircuts, she seemed alert and happy.

Yesterday was a day for her to have her hair colored. I waited while the woman who does our hair started the process with Kate. During the time that the color was setting, I got my haircut. I was seated in the chair next to Kate. At one point, the stylist (I always feel a bit awkward when I use this term. I still think it should be a barber who cuts a man’s hair. It must be a sign of my generation. <g>) stopped and went to Kate to “help” her. Let me explain.

Kate has developed what to me seems a strange habit. This happens most often when she is lying in bed before going to sleep and after her shower in the morning. She gets a few strands of hair at her scalp and runs her fingers along the strands until she gets to the end. Then she gets another few strands and does the same thing. This can go on for a long period of time. This is something I don’t understand. She has tried to explain that she is doing something good for her hair. She is pleased by what she is doing and has asked me to watch. Since this often happens after the lights are out and we are in bed, she says, “I will show you in the morning.” The only thing I can think of is that she might be getting tangles out of her hair. She does the same thing after she gets out of the shower. Her explanation for that is different. She says she is drying her hair. As you might imagine, this is not an efficient way to dry hair. Kate stopped using a hair dryer years ago. I have never used one, so we don’t have one in the house. On our trip to Texas for Thanksgiving I used the hair dryer in the hotel to dry her hair. She seemed to like that. I’ll put that on my shopping list.

That is a long introduction to tell you how the stylist was helping Kate. She had noticed that Kate was gathering strands of hair and doing the same thing she does at home. She was wearing light khaki pants and was getting the dye from her hair to her hands to her pants. There was no harm done. It’s just another illustration of the kinds of things that happen that I would not have anticipated.

After dinner, we came back to the house and watched two specials on TV. That is very unusual for us. The first was a Rick Steves’ special on “Christmas in Europe.” I was very surprised that Kate watched the entire program and without working on her iPad. I can’t remember the last time that happened except for a musical production. We followed that by watching a memorial concert celebrating the lives lost in the shooting at the Pittsburgh synagogue. It was a beautiful concert and a peaceful way for us to close our day. I should add that the time we are at home together after dinner is the most predictable time for us. I look forward to it each evening.

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A Confusing Start

Just when I am getting myself accustomed to Kate’s sleeping later, she got up very early this morning. I walked into the family room about 7:25. Kate was walking into the family room from our bedroom. She was carrying one of my dress shirts on a hanger. I knew immediately that she was looking for her clothes that I had not yet put out. When I got close to her, she said, “Who are you?” This began one of those conversations that I have reported on before. “Who am I?” “Who is my mother?” “Who is my father?”

This one was a little different from some of the others in a couple of ways. What I recognized after a few minutes was that she had no idea who she is, who I am, or where she is. This is the way she has been when she has had her anxiety attacks. What was different was that she didn’t display the same kind or degree of anxiety. She was quite calm. She was just very puzzled.

In addition, her memory was even shorter than usual. It was more difficult for her to repeat the names (hers, mine, her parents, our children, and her brother) I gave her when she asked. She was surprised when I told her I’m her husband. I asked her to sit with me on the love seat, and I picked up her “Big Sister” photo album that Ken had made for her. I opened it to several wedding pictures. She usually recognizes people after I have told her their names. That didn’t happen this morning. She was puzzled and couldn’t understand how she could not remember that we were married and that we have children.

After fifteen or twenty minutes, it was clear to me that she wasn’t able to process any of what I was telling her. I felt that I was giving her too much information even though she was asking for it. I asked if she would like to take a shower. She did. I took her to the bathroom and turned on the shower for her.

I came back to the bedroom just after she got out of the shower. I pointed out her clothes. She wasn’t ready to get dressed. She asked, “Who are you?” She was still surprised and said, “But you’re a nice guy.” It sounded to me that she hadn’t fully accepted that I am her husband, but I was all right anyway. In a few minutes, she asked if she could get in bed. I told her she could. I extended my hand to help her get out of the chair. She told me she could do it. Then she changed her mind quickly as she started to get up. She took my hand and walked to the other side of the bed. I helped her into bed and pulled the sheet over her. She again asked who I am. As she had done previously, she said, “You’re a nice guy.” It is 10:03 right now. I am sitting in a chair beside the bed. She is sound asleep. I wonder if she will still be confused when she wakes up.

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Another Unusual Conversation

After finishing the previous post, I put up my laptop, turned out the light, and got in bed. I quickly discovered that Kate was awake. It was about 9:45, more than two hours since she had gone to bed. I’m not sure how long she had been awake. I suspect it had only been a short time. It could have been the whole time she had been in bed, but I doubt it. It was clear that she was wide awake. She was very talkative. We (she) must have talked thirty minutes before going to sleep.

She began by telling me what she was doing. She wanted me to feel her cheek. I told her it felt very smooth. Then she explained how she made her skin feel that way. She said, “You just wet your skin.” As she said this, she put saliva on her finger and rubbed it across her forearm. She explained that our skin dries out as we age. We can keep it soft by moisturizing it. I was a bit like a psychotherapist. I didn’t say much except to express facilitative comments. She said she was very interested in this and was going to do more study about it. It is hard for me to remember everything she said. I know she  talked about doctors’ knowing these things from their study but that she had learned it on her own through experience. She wanted to know and understand more. She kept saying, “I am really interested in this.” As she talked, she said “this” a lot. At several points, I didn’t understand what “this” was but didn’t stop her.

She made a gradual shift in the conversation. She started talking about the two of us and our relationship. She never asked my name during the entire time. In fact, she used my name several times. On the other hand, it was clear that she did not recognize me as her husband. It reminded me of our previous conversation in which she said, “I think we are going to make a great team.” She made reference to “the other people.” It appeared that she thought we were part of a group at work.

An interesting sidelight is that we were lying next to each other in bed, a very intimate situation. I have no idea where she thought we were. Certainly not in an office somewhere, but she was very circumspect the entire time. It was a very tender conversation without any passionate expressions of love.

She got into this by saying things like, “I feel very at ease with you. I feel I can tell you anything.” I said, “I feel the same way about you. We have a very special relationship.” I kept trying to steer the conversation in the direction of our love for each other. She didn’t rebuff my efforts, but she talked more about her respect for me and not love. It was only late in the conversation after I said I loved her that she acknowledged that she was beginning to feel the same way about me.

Knowing that I would be unable to remember everything that she said, I reached over to my bedside table and got my phone to record our conversation. I am inserting excerpts from that conversation below.

KATE:            I feel more that way now. (That she could tell me anything.)

RICHARD:    More than you used to?

KATE:            I think so.

RICHARD:   I think that’s because we’ve been together so long.

KATE:            Yeah. That’s right, but anyway, Richard, I think we can work together. Not just the two of us but with all the others.

RICHARD:   Who are the others?

KATE:             Sure.

RICHARD:   I think we’ve had a good relationship.

KATE:            I think we have too. And I imagine that it’ll be getting better. I’m feeling more at ease with you. It’s kinda hard to say, but now I’m probably going to be <pause> I have always been honest with you, but I would probably be more (she stumbled on the word she wanted)

RICHARD:    Revealing?

K                    Thank you. Now I could say this to you and ask you to come with the right word and don’t think anything about it.

 

RICHARD:   Good, I’m glad you feel that comfortable.

K                    I’ve always felt fairly comfortable with you, but I’m feeling much more comfortable now. And I think that’s important.

R                   I do, too.

K                    For you and for him

R                   Wait, for me and for Him? Him Who?

K                    You.

R                   I’m so glad we’ve been together a long time.

K                    Well, it’s long and not.

R                   It doesn’t seem as long as it has.

K                    There have been many short times we have worked together.

R                   Well, we’ve been living together though.

K                    Yeah? Right. (expressing her disbelief with a laugh)

R                   We’ve just lived together 55 years.

K                    (again laughs in disbelief) Huh? Don’t throw that on me.

R                   You don’t believe that?

K                    No.

R                   But you do admit we’ve had a good relationship.

K                    Oh, yes. Absolutely! I think from the beginning, it was just ‘Yes, I think he’s just a guy guy, but it wasn’t anything too overhead.’

R                   Now what is it?

K                    It’s getting kinda overhead.

R                   It’s getting overhead?

K                    Oh, yeah. <pause> Oh, yeah. <pause> Much more respect. Liking to be with you. Being willing to say what I really want to tell you. Well, I’ve aways been honest with you.

R                   You know that I love you, don’t you?

K                    You do? <pause> Well, I think I’m loving you.

R                   You do. That’s good. That makes me feel good. I’ve loved you a long time.

K                    Well, I like to be with you so much, so that’s the same. That’s the same. I feel I can always talk with you, be honest with you. And I’m impressed with so many of the things you are able to do. I respect you.

R                   Thank you, Baby.

K                    Well, I’m telling you the truth. The more I get to know you, the more I respect you and like you. And I think that’s wonderful.

R                   I’m so glad.

K                    This is the most  . . I don’t know how to say it. But we understand each other, and we respect each other.

R                   I think we do.

K                    And those are two important things.

R                   And loving each other is important too.

K                    Oh, yes.

R                   You know, this month on December 19 we celebrate the anniversary of our first date in 1961.

K                    WHAT?? 1961??

R                   1961.

K                    That’s a long way. We’ve always connected. <pause> In different ways now. More real honesty. Revealing ourselves and what we think.

R                   You’re very special to me.

K                    You’ve very special to me.

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A Montage of Surprises, Confusion, and Frustration, But a Good Day

People who know me well understand that I like routine and predictability. For more than six months I have been looking for Kate to get up on a schedule. I would definitely like it to be somewhat early. Around 9:00 would work well for me. Since I get up between 5:30 and 6:00 most mornings, that would give me plenty of time to myself and also allow me to spend time with Kate. For a while it looked like she would sleep as late as 11:30 to 12:30. Within the past two weeks she surprised me by getting up between 9:00 and 10:00. More recently, she has slipped back to sleeping late again. That has made me think she is settling into late pattern rather than an early one. But is she really settling into a pattern at all?

Figuring I had plenty of time this morning, I was slow getting Kate’s clothes ready for her. When I checked on her shortly before 9:00, I found that she was up and looking around for clothes. She was confused and had been going through a closet in a guest room where she keeps her dressiest clothes, the ones she never wears these days. She was glad to see me and wanted my help. I took her to the room that we call “Kate’s room.” We used to call it her office, but she gave up any activity of the kind that she would do in an office. It has the closet where she keeps all her everyday clothes. I grabbed one of the new sweaters I had bought the day before along with a pair of pants and walked her back to our bedroom where she could take a shower in our bath.

Her confusion continued. She wanted me to tell her what she should do for each step. As I was doing this, she said, “Who are you?” I said, “Do you mean ‘What is our relationship or my name?’” She wanted my name. I went back to the kitchen while she showered. When I returned fifteen minutes later, she was in bed. She almost always gets back in bed after her shower. Since she had gotten up earlier than I expected, I decided to let her relax a while.

I returned forty-five minutes later. I assumed she would still be in bed, and she was. When she saw me, she said, “Are you my daddy?” I told her I was her husband. She was surprised but didn’t challenge me. I told her I would like to take her to lunch. She gave her customary response, “Where are my clothes?” I showed her and then helped her put them on.

We ate at the Tupelo Grill for lunch. She wasn’t talkative, but we had a nice time. It was three weeks since we had been there, so we had conversation with our server about our respective Thanksgivings. A little later we had another conversation with her about our Christmas plans.

On the way home I turned on the radio. George W. was beginning his remarks at his father’s service. She listened attentively. When we got home, she wanted to stay in the car to listen to more. I told her I would turn on the TV, and she could watch the rest of the service inside. She liked that and quickly became engaged. She especially liked the music, but she was trying to follow everything. She was still watching when the sitter arrived. I was pleased to see that she gave the sitter a warm welcome before leaving.

When I got home, she and the sitter were seated in front of the TV though Kate was working on her iPad. They had not left the house at all. Apparently, the service and follow up afterwards had held her attention. That was a rare event. I was glad to know that she showed such interest. I am sure she couldn’t follow much of it, but she could sense the emotions of the moment.

After coming home from dinner, she started working on her iPad. Several times she asked for my help. At least one of those times, she had accidentally opened a different app. The others, however, involved her having trouble putting the pieces in place. Once was when she first opened a puzzle. The pieces were scattered across the screen, and she didn’t know what to do. This was not the first time this has happened; however, it always surprises me. Since she works puzzles six to eight hours a day and had just finished a puzzle, it seems like her “autopilot” would take over when a new one is opened. She encountered another problem that also seems surprising. There was only one piece remaining. It was the bottom, left hand corner piece and was clearly visible (to me, at least). She couldn’t figure out how to finish the puzzle. I showed her the piece and then showed her the place where it was to go. A few minutes later, she became frustrated and asked me if she could go to bed. It was just before 7:30. I told her that would be fine and got her night clothes for her and helped her get into them. I am hoping this will make it easy for her to get up in the morning. We will need to leave for my doctor’s office by 10:00.

Tomorrow I have my labs in advance of an appointment next week.

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Confused But at Ease

Yesterday I decided to let Kate sleep a little later than the past few days. I checked on her at 11:00 and found that her eyes were open. I asked if she would like to get up. She asked me to give her a little more time. I went back in twenty minutes. She was awake. I told her it was getting close to the time we should leave for lunch and thought she should get up if she could. She indicated she was hungry.

I said something about her having slept later than she had during the time Virginia and Ken were visiting. She said, “Who?” I told her again. She didn’t recognize who I was talking about. I said, “Ken is your brother.” There was no sign of recognition. She said, “What’s his name?” I repeated his name. She usually says she likes the name “Franklin.” This time it meant nothing to her. She did ask where he got his name. I told her from his mother and father and that they were also her parents. She wanted know their names. I told her. She wanted me to repeat their full names. She asked me to do it again. She wanted me to say each name (first, middle, and last) slowly so that she could repeat each one. When I had done this, she wanted to know my name. I told her and told her I am her husband. She was surprised. I told her a little bit about our courtship and then our marriage in her home church. She was still puzzled but accepted what I had said.

Two things struck me about this experience. The first is that it’s one more time that it took her a while to acknowledge that we are married. It’s getting harder for her to remember that. The second is that she continues to trust me as someone she knows. She shows no sign of fear. She seems perfectly comfortable with me. I am grateful for that.

All of this must have taken fifteen minutes. She finally got up a little after noon. She took a shower and then got back in the bed. I got her up just after 1:00. It was 1:45 when we left for lunch. Just before leaving, she walked out of the bathroom with a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush in her hand and asked, “Are we going to stay another night?” I told her we were. Then I took them back to the bathroom.

The rest of the day went quite well. I saw no indication that she forgot that I am her husband although she did ask my name a number of times. At lunch she said something affectionate and immediately asked my name. Then she laughed in recognition of how strange it sounded to pair those two things. Twice she mentioned that she remembered coming to the restaurant with her mother although her mother had never been there.

There is one other thing I haven’t commented on before. The restaurant where we eat each Sunday has several prominent photos of Frank Sinatra, and much of their music features him. One of the photos was taken when he was arrested for seduction and adultery in 1938. Kate asked me about the photo the first time she saw it. I explained and also said something about his mob connections. I didn’t think much of it, but every Sunday she asks me who he is multiple times. When I say his name, she always responds negatively. Today, for example, she said, “He’s a rat.” Then she said, “I don’t know why I feel that way.” It’s another good example of how well she can hold on to feelings while she so easily forgets names and other facts associated with them.

I was about to finish this post when I recalled one other example of the power of feelings. Last night I played several YouTube videos of Christmas music when I suggested it was time to get ready for bed. She got up from her chair to walk to the bathroom. As she did, she commented on the beautiful music and how special it was that we could share it together. Then she asked my name. A few minutes later she called me by name. She hasn’t completely forgotten it yet.

When she came out of the bathroom, she said, “I’m glad we came here.” A few minutes later she asked where we are and how I found “this place.” I told her I couldn’t remember. She thanked me for bringing her here.

As I was helping her get into her night clothes, she said, “I wonder what my mother would think of this. <pause> I think she would approve.” Then she thanked me and said, “I don’t know what I would do without you. I mean it. I really don’t know how I could do it.”

All of these things are signs that she is still able to feel, enjoy, and appreciate things. I am grateful. We have made the most of that ability in the past and will continue to do so even as the names and recognition of people and places recedes from her memory.

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Our Early Morning Experience

Early this morning I heard Kate whimpering. I asked what was bothering her. Our conversation went something like this and was repeated several times.

KATE:            “Where am I?”

RICHARD:    “You’re in our bed in our very own house in Knoxville.”

KATE:            “Thank God. <pause> Who are you?”

RICHARD:    “Richard Lee Creighton, and I am your husband.”

KATE:            (as if talking to herself) “That’s right. Where am I?”

RICHARD:    “You’re in your bed at home.”

KATE:            “What’s your name?”

RICHARD:    “Richard Creighton.”

KATE:            “I’m glad you’re with me. I feel safe when you’re with me.”

From this point she wanted to know the names of her mother and father, if we have children, and their names. Then she wanted to go to the bathroom and asked where it is. I asked if she wanted me to help her there. She did. I helped her up and walked her to the bathroom. As we walked, she said, “Are we in the hospital?” I said, “No, we’re at home. You’re going to be all right. I’ll make sure of that.” She said, “I’m glad you’re here. I feel safe with you.”

After she finished in the bathroom, I helped her back to bed. That began a repeat of the conversation above. She wanted to know where she was, who I was, and to hear about our children and grandchildren. She began to relax, and we both fell asleep.

I need to say that this experience was not exactly like the anxiety attacks she has had before. This one seemed more like a response to a bad dream. She began to feel relieved right away when I told her where she was and who I am. The anxiety attacks were more enduring. Her concern then was her state of mind. This time she seemed afraid of something that was happening to her. The fact that she asked if she were in a hospital and that she felt relief when I told her she was in her own home makes be think it had to have been a dream. This hasn’t happened often, but it has occurred several times over the past few years.

It is almost 9:30 right now, and she is still sleeping. I’ll probably see about waking her soon. If today is half as good as yesterday, it will be a terrific day.

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From Clarity to Excitement to Insecurity to Enjoyment to Confusion

All of us experience moments when we are up and when we are down. Kate sometimes changes quickly from one emotion to another. She hasn’t always been like that. Alzheimer’s is the culprit. Yesterday she went through a series of emotions from the time she awoke until we had gone to bed.

When I went I to wake her, her eyes were open. She was very relaxed. She was enjoying the comfort of a warm bed on a cold morning. As I approached her, she smiled warmly. There was no sign of confusion about who I was. I told her good morning and that I love her. She smiled again and motioned with her hands that she felt the same way about me.

We didn’t have any obligations that required her to get up at that time, but I thought it would be good for her to get up for lunch and take care of a few things before Ken and Virginia arrived later in the afternoon. Often she is resistant to getting up, so I approached this cautiously. I found that for the second day in a row she was very cooperative. We were off to a good start.

Apart from her usual problem with names, Kate seemed quite normal and completely at ease. We had lunch and came back home and relaxed a while. Later we went to Barnes & Noble. Shortly after we arrived, I received a call from Sue Glenn, a childhood friend of Kate’s in Fort Worth. She was calling to check on Kate. It was just over a year ago that we had visited with her and several other high school friends when we were in Fort Worth. We hadn’t spoken with her since a phone call conversation a few weeks after that. I always wonder how Kate will handle phone calls from people she has not seen or talked with in a long time. I was very pleasantly surprised that the call could not have gone better. I told Kate who was calling and handed her the phone. Her eyes lit up immediately. There was a clear sign of recognition. She and Sue chatted almost ten minutes. Kate couldn’t say much with a lot of specifics, but she was able to convey her feelings about her past experiences. I think I derived as much pleasure listening to Kate’s side of the conversation as she enjoyed talking with Sue. I don’t often see such excitement or recognition these days.

We went back home to await a call from Virginia and Ken. After their call, I told Kate they would be coming to the house and then we would go to dinner. Coming off the phone call with Sue, I expected Kate to show a similar reaction. Instead, she felt a little uneasy. She said she was tired and didn’t feel like being with anyone. She didn’t say much more. I thought (and still think) she felt the need to be a gracious hostess and wouldn’t be able to carry it off. I assured her she always did well in social situations and would be just fine. She said, “You promise?” I said, “I promise.”

I am happy to say that I was right. She was herself, and we all had a good time. We chatted a short time before going to dinner. The dinner also went well. Ken and Virginia got a sense of why we like eating out so much. We encountered a couple of people we hadn’t seen in a good while. That added another nice touch to the evening.

Ken and Virginia went back to their hotel after dinner. When we came in the house, Kate was confused about where she should go. She wanted to go to the bathroom and asked where it is. I took her to the one she uses most. It wasn’t long before I heard a loud “Hey.” She didn’t hear me answer and asked, “Hey, where are you?” I said, “I’m in our bedroom.” She said, “Where is that?” By that time, I had walked to her. She was standing in a hallway around the corner from our bedroom. She didn’t know where to go. As I walked her to the bedroom, we passed the open door of the guest bathroom. She looked in and saw the bathroom door to the bedroom was also open. She said, “What’s that?” I told her. She said, “Oh.” Nothing seemed familiar to her.

Her confusion continued after we were in bed. She had forgotten that we are married. This was the second night in a row we have had this experience. Our conversation sounded like a couple that is dating. I said, “I love you.” She laughed and said, “We’ll see.” I said, “Well, don’t you love me?” She said, “Maybe. We’ll see.” I said, “Maybe we should make this a long-term relationship.” She said, “Let’s not talk about this right now.” It wasn’t long before she touched me. Then she touched her lips and blew me a kiss. Shortly after that she put her arm around me and we went to sleep.

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An Uneasy Start

We are currently in a Residence Inn in Nashville. We drove from Knoxville yesterday afternoon before flying out to Lubbock this afternoon. We can catch a direct flight from here. Coming up the day before is much easier on Kate. We had an unusually good dinner last night. It was a special time for us, almost like it was before Alzheimer’s.

Knowing that it can be hard for Kate to get up in the morning, I had her take a shower last night. That was to help us get away by 10:15 or so. We both slept well, that is, until just before 5:30 when she hit me and tried to get me to move away from her. I think I must have bumped her, and she didn’t recognize me or our surroundings. I remained very calm and spoke to her softly trying to calm her. She didn’t say anything for a while. By then, I think she recognized me as a familiar face but not as her husband. She was confused but not frightened. I was very close to her, and she didn’t push me away.

She asked, “Who are you?” I said, “I am your husband.” She seemed puzzled but didn’t act like I was wrong. Seeing her confusion, I said, “We are in a hotel in Nashville.” She said, “What are we doing here?” I explained that we were here to catch a plane to Lubbock to be with our son for Thanksgiving. She said, “Who is that?” I told her and also told her about our having a daughter. She said, “What’s wrong with me?” I told her that I thought she might have had a dream and woke up a little confused. I said, “You are all right. Let’s just relax right now. I’ll take care of you.”

I picked up my phone from the bedside table and played “Send in the Clowns.” She reacted immediately and said, “That’s beautiful.” When it ended, I asked if she would like to hear it again. She said, “Oh, yes.” After that, I played an album by the Susquehanna Chorale. It contains some of her other favorites like “Shenandoah,” “Danny Boy,” and “Deep River.” I followed that with two other albums. As the music played, she went back to sleep. She had been awake for an hour.

She woke up a couple of times after 7:30. Then she got up at 8:00 and went to the bathroom. She is awake now but in bed. She seems to be doing fine. Her music had run out, so I put on another album she likes. She said, “Where did I get you?” I said, “At TCU. That’s where we got each other.” She said, “That fits.” She seems to be fine now.

For me, the good news is not just that she is relaxed but that she is up early enough that we will have no trouble getting to the airport in plenty of time and get a bite to eat before the plane leaves at 1:00.