Yesterday seemed like a short day to me. It was Monday and the day for the sitter. Kate got up a little earlier but went back to bed after her shower. It was just after 11:30 when she was ready to go to Panera. Knowing that Anita was to arrive at noon, I called her and asked her to meet us at Panera. I left the two of them for Rotary shortly after Anita arrived.
It was 4:00 when I returned. I had a few groceries to put up. Then Kate and I went to Barnes and Noble. She seemed to be fine. During the time we were there, she asked my names several times. At no time did she seem disturbed by asking. Almost 24 hours earlier, my friend Tom Robinson had asked in an email how long Kate could remember things. I told him that it was often just seconds. Her attempt to remember my name illustrated that. Two times in succession, I told her my name, and she couldn’t remember it.
We went to Chalupas for dinner. When we got out of the car, she said in a very serious, thoughtful way, “I want to thank you.” I asked what she was thanking me for. She said, “For everything you do for me.” I said, “That’s because I love you.” She answered, “I know.” At dinner, she again asked my name several times. As we walked out of the restaurant, she said, “You’re a good guy.”
When we got home, I played the last portion of the DVD I had played the previous night, the one with her father’s home movies. She watched them with interest but without saying a word. That’s unusual. She usually expresses her pleasure audibly when she watches them. When we finished, I told her I was going to take my shower. As I was getting ready, I noticed that she hadn’t moved from her chair and wasn’t working on her iPad. She was just sitting there with a sad look on her face. I walked over to her and knelt beside her chair. There were tears in her eyes. I said, “Tell me what’s wrong.” She said, “Nothing.” My immediate interpretation was, and is now, that she was thinking about how little she could remember. She didn’t ask why she couldn’t remember as she has done before. That made me wonder if she had recalled my telling her about her Alzheimer’s the day before.
After she said, “Nothing,” tears welled up in my eyes. I said, “I understand, and I am here to help you. Whatever happens, I will always be with you.” We hugged and gave each other assurances of our love. The light is dimming. I knew this day would be come, but I never envisioned the pain she might feel this late in her journey.
After a few minutes, I decided she needed something uplifting and put in the DVD of Les Miserables. That worked. She was immediately engaged. After my shower, we watched a while before going to bed.
At 10:30 this morning I have my labs before a routine doctor’s appointment on Thursday. Knowing that I wouldn’t get to eat until after that, I decided not to get up as early as usual. At 6:00, I decided to get up. As I did, Kate made a sound. I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She said, “Thank you.” I could tell that she was crying very softly. I decided not to get up. I moved closer to her and put my arm around her and gently stroked her shoulder. Neither of us said anything. In the darkness, I could see tears drop from her eyes. When she went back to sleep thirty minutes later, I got up.
It is now 8:08. A few minutes ago, I thought I heard the flushing of a toilet and went to see if she is up. She is. Since I need to be at the doctor’s office at 10:30, I was going to wake her about 8:45 so that she could go with me. It looks like I won’t have to do that now. I wonder what today will be like.
