It’s been a couple of years since Kate started to forget my name, but I have taken satisfaction that, with rare exceptions, she always recognizes me as someone familiar that she likes and trusts. Yesterday morning didn’t appear to begin that way, but it was soon clear she didn’t know who I was and was very suspicious of me. Perhaps, “suspicious” is the wrong word. She didn’t say much, but the look on her face was a little more like anger. Unlike other occasions, I had a difficult time putting her at ease.
Once again, she awoke earlier than usual. When I walked into the bedroom, she was wide awake and greeted me enthusiastically. Her greeting, however, was a little more like I was a good friend she hadn’t seen in a long time. We chatted a few minutes. Then I brought her bear to her. We talked a little more before I asked if she wanted to get up. She said she wanted to rest a little while longer. I told her it was early, and that would be fine. I asked if she would like me to bring my laptop to the bedroom and sit in my chair beside the bed. She did.
An hour later, she woke up. This time she didn’t express any enthusiasm. She didn’t know anything and was scared. I told her I knew a lot about her and her family and would be glad to answer any questions she might have. She didn’t know what to ask or what to do. I suggested that she get up, and I would fix her breakfast. She liked the idea of getting breakfast but not getting up. I spoke to her very calmly and encouraged her to get up, but that didn’t work. Finally, I said, “You’ve felt this way before, and you seemed to feel better once you were up and dressed.” She was skeptical but agreed to try it. She got out of bed, and we walked to the bathroom. I thought she was all right.
She didn’t say much in the bathroom except to ask my name several times and was not as warm and friendly as she can be. Getting dressed was a simple matter. She enjoyed her breakfast but was rather quiet. We had another hour and a half before lunch, so I suggested we read The Velveteen Rabbit. She wasn’t eager but consented. Before I started, she wanted to rest. I thought about her bear and wondered if that might lift her spirits. She acted like she had never seen it and didn’t care about it.
I let her rest until it was time for me to order lunch. I had no trouble getting her up, but her mood had not changed. On the way to pick up lunch, I turned on some music that she likes. When she heard “Shall We Dance” from The King and I, I noticed the first flicker of a change. On the way home, I played more.
When we returned home, I played the same album and didn’t talk much. Neither did she. She enjoyed the music. During one of the songs, she reached her hand out to me. I took it. She put her other hand over mine, and we sang together. She was back to normal.
It wasn’t long before the sitter arrived. As I have been doing during this period of sheltering, I took a walk. It took me a few minutes to get ready. During that time, I noticed that Kate was talking with Mary. It was at least ten minutes before I left, and they were still talking. I make a point of this because their conversations are usually brief and periodic. Kate rests most of the time the sitter is here. I was encouraged by Kate’s mood and that the two of them were engaged in such natural conversation.
I was only gone about forty-five minutes and was pleased to see that Kate was not resting. She had one of her family photo books in her hand. Mary was seated in a chair across from her. I didn’t go in the room to let Kate know I was home. I am sure Mary heard me come in. I checked email and then had two lengthy conversations with friends.
After the second call, I heard Kate talking enthusiastically about the things she was looking at. Several times she asked when I was coming back because she wanted to ask me some questions. I decided say hello. She was excited to see me, but she was mostly excited about the photo book with its pictures and the accompanying information.
She was particularly interested in my remembering everything so that she could use it in her own album. It always intrigues me that even when I tell her this is her book, and she has all the information, she never understands that it is hers and is available to her anytime. I suspect this occurs because she believes she is in the home of a relative and not her own home.
At any rate, she was unusually animated. She and Mary talked the entire time she was here. I walked Mary to the door when she left, and she told me that she had taken Kate to the bathroom while I was gone and changed her. That was the first time that has happened in the two and a half years Mary has been with us. This was a good indication of how good she felt about Mary. Kate even commented to me about how much she liked her.
Not long after Mary left, we went to pick up our takeout dinner. I had given Kate her bear (Charlotte), and she wanted to take it along with her in the car. On the way home, she mentioned sharing her meal with Charlotte. I wasn’t sure how far she was going with this. I thought Charlotte could get pretty messy. As it turned out, she did get a little food on her but not much. I propped her up on the table beside Kate and got a small plate for her food. Kate put a little food on the plate and also tried to put some in her mouth. She loved attending to Charlotte.
Kate’s mood changed after getting dressed for bed. She didn’t know where we were and was worried about people who were either in the house or who might be coming over. She seemed frightened. I assured her we were the only ones in the house and that no one was coming. She wasn’t convinced and repeatedly asked me where we were and why. This went on for at least thirty minutes before she seemed to relax.
When I joined her later, she greeted me warmly as though she had been that way all day. I was glad to end the day on a high note.