How Are We Doing?

Over the past week, I’ve received a number of emails and phone calls inquiring about Kate and me and how we are adapting. My answer is that we are “managing” or doing “all right.” That’s different from my normal response of “remarkably well” that has seemed appropriate for so long. The abrupt disruption of our daily routine means we are a little bit “off balance” but on the way to “righting ourselves.”

The most important thing I can report is the past few days have been rather busy for me. Most of that relates to the disruption of our daily routine by the current restrictions under which we are now living. Some of them relate specifically to changes that Kate has made. The latter fall in the category of the common things that happen all the time but seem more troublesome while we are going through an adjustment to being largely housebound. We’ve grown accustomed to being out-and-about. Let me outline a few things that have occurred this week.

This past Sunday, Kate woke up and was frightened. When I said I would like to take her to lunch, she didn’t want to go out because people would make fun of her. She said, “No one likes me.” I tried to reassure her. That didn’t help until I said, “Amanda likes you.” Her eyes lit up, and she said, “Who is that?” I told her she was our server at Andriana’s. That was enough to redirect her attention.

During the week she has been more confused than usual about her food and eating. At Andriana’s, she didn’t recognize or know how to eat her bread. As I usually do, I took a large piece and broke it into pieces and buttered it for her. Then I put the plate with the bread in front of her. She said, What’s this?” I told her it was her bread, and she asked me what she should do. I told her she could just pick it up and eat it. She looked confused. When she finally decided to pick it up, she used her fork for the bread.

After finishing her bread, she put her drink where her dinner plate was to go. When the server brought our meal, I told her I would place it on the table and asked Kate to move her glass so that I could put her plate down. Although I tried several times to explain what I wanted, she never understood me. I had to move the glass.

That is just one of many things she may not understand at a meal. Tuesday night, I prepared shrimp cocktail. She had forgotten what shrimp were and didn’t understand how to eat them. I held one in my hand to demonstrate and explained that she could pick it up by the tail, dip it in the ketchup (yes, I didn’t have cocktail sauce.), and take a bite. She didn’t understand what the tail was and doesn’t see well enough to notice the way I was holding it. I decided leaving the tails on wasn’t a good idea and cut them off for her. Then I told her to pick them up with her fork. She didn’t understand until I did it for her. I had also split a baked potato for us along with sliced apples. She enjoyed them but dipped both in the ketchup.

Two other issues involve her getting seated whether in a chair, the sofa, or getting in the car. It takes much longer (not because of Covid-19) to sit down than one would expect. I need to tell her, point, and put my hands on the chair she is to use. Even after that, she sometimes starts to go to another chair at restaurants. It happens regularly at home when I want the two of us to sit on our sofa. I like her to sit in the middle so that I can sit on the end where I have more light to read the text in her photobooks. We go through a similar I point to the middle of the sofa, walk over to it and put my hand on the middle cushion. Yesterday, she took a seat at the other end of the sofa.

Getting in the car involves a challenge of knowing which side of the car to get in and what to do when she is there. I don’t believe she distinguishes one side from the other at all. I do know that I need to lead her to the passenger side, open the door, and assist her getting in. When I open her door, she sometimes says, “What do I do?” or “I don’t want to drive.” or “You get in first.”

As I’ve said before, these are all little things, but they seem a little bigger now that I am trying to concentrate on managing a new life at home.

So, how are we doing? We are managing, and we will adapt as we have done in the past. I suspect that’s exactly what most of you are doing. We’re going to make it, but I feel for those who find themselves in situations that are far more difficult and serious than ours. We are fortunate that our biggest problems are little ones although that doesn’t count the biggest one of all, Kate’s Alzheimer’s.

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