Kate has experienced delusions and hallucinations for several years; however, they are more frequent now. Let me tell you about two of them that occurred yesterday. The first is a variation of one that occurs most often. It involves her noticing small things like specs of food on a plate or table or other little things she sees at home on furniture or the floor. She often speaks of them as “him” or “he” or “thingies” and says other things that convey she believes they are alive. Sometimes I can see them. Often, I can’t. She likes to point them out to me. Whether I see them or not, I generally say I do.
As we walked to the car after lunch yesterday, she expressed concern that she had done something wrong. She didn’t know what it was, but she seemed quite worried. I told her I didn’t know anything that she had done. She asked if I was sure, and I assured her she hadn’t. Once in the car, she started to pick at her teeth, something she does frequently. A minute later, she said, “I got him.” She held out her hand to show me the finger on which “he” was resting. She asked if I could see him. I told it was hard to see while I was driving. Then she wanted to know what to do with him. I keep napkins in the car for moments like this and started to hand her one when she wiped her hand on the side of her seat. She looked sad and said, “I think I killed him.” She was very disturbed. I tried to console her, but she was bothered for a few blocks before her attention was diverted to something else. She frequently picks up “thingies” like this in restaurants. It is common for her to be saddened when she hears about any human suffering, but I had never seen her express any special concerns about the welfare of these “thingies.” This may be extreme example of how active her emotions are right now.
Last night we had another experience with a delusion. She had gone to bed early, 7:30, and went to sleep, something that rarely happens that quickly. She is often awake an hour or two before falling a sleep.
When I got in bed, she was glad to see me. That is not unusual. I think she finds it comforting for me to be in bed with her; however, this time she wanted my help with a project for children. She was concerned because it was her responsibility to carry out the project and didn’t know how. I didn’t find out who the children were or how she had become obligated, but I did learn that it was a project to use animals to help “boys and girls.” I told her I would help and asked what she wanted me to do. She wasn’t sure how to find either the children or the animals. I told her I had some contacts at United Way that would help identify children and could also direct us to existing agencies that might administer the project. I went on to say that I knew people who are involved with animal shelters who might be able to assist with animals. We must have talked fifteen to thirty minutes before I said we had identified a way to approach the problem and could get to work this morning. She was fine with that, and we went to sleep. She didn’t say anything about it this morning, but I am sure there will soon be something else to take its place.