Yesterday was a beautiful example of our mixture of good and bad moments. We got off to a good start when Kate woke up before 8:00 to go to the bathroom. She was confused, but she seemed to be in a good mood. Several times she asked where she was and why she was there. When I got her back in bed, I told her I would be in the kitchen if she needed me. She looked frightened and said, “Don’t leave me.” I got my laptop and brought it back to the bedroom where I stayed for about an hour. She was awake a good bit of that time and periodically talked about how glad she was that I was with her. Finally, she fell asleep, and I went back to the kitchen.
A little over an hour passed. I decided it was time to get her ready for the day. I had an 11:30 appointment for my labs before seeing my doctor for a checkup on tomorrow. She got up easily. Then she took a shower and got dressed.
She was fine the rest of the day. After our short visit to the doctor’s office, we went to lunch. She was talkative. We both enjoyed ourselves. We returned to the house for an hour before going for our hair appointments at 3:00. After that, we spent another hour at home before leaving for dinner.
During that time, Kate spent a while going through a book of “word searches” that I had bought for her about six months ago. She has never been able understand the concept that you look at the rows and columns of letters and try to find the words that match the topic for a particular one (Bugs or Islands or Weather, etc.). Yesterday she enjoyed looking through it and created her own explanation of what it was about. I didn’t understand it, but she thought it was something that we could give to trick or treaters at Halloween. I didn’t try to get her to explain. I knew that would be impossible. I was just glad that she found pleasure in looking through it.
After dinner, she worked on her iPad for a longer period of time. She was so engrossed that when I suggested we go back to the bedroom and get ready for bed, she didn’t move. I told her I was going to take my shower and encouraged her to come to the bedroom. She reluctantly agreed.
I put on a YouTube video of an Andre Rieu concert earlier this year while I showered. When I got out she was still working on her iPad. Everything was going smoothly. When I got out of the shower I told her it was getting time for bed. I put the night gown out for her. I try to give her a chance to do this by herself. She prefers this, but often runs into a problem. That was true last night. She asked me to help. That went smoothly, but in the process of getting her to the bathroom, brushing her teeth, and taking her nightly meds, I rushed her. She was angry. That is not something that I am accustomed to seeing. She said, “You just want to control everything I do.”
I realized I had stepped over the line and apologized to her. I told her I really wanted to help her but realized that I can go too far. She began to cry and apologized to me. The crisis was over in just a minute or two, but it made a big impression on me. This was not like anything we have experienced before. Neither one of us likes conflict, and we both work to avoid it.
With that behind us, I helped her into bed and went over to the chair on my side of the bed. I put on some music and was prepared to read for a while as I usually do after she is in bed. This time she wanted me to come to bed with her. I turned off the light and joined her. She said she felt better if I was with her. We didn’t talk much. She began to relax, and we both went to sleep.
As I do so often, I wonder what is going on inside her brain. I recognize that it is possible to calm her. Playing music, being with her, and talking slowly helps her relax. I know that when I rush her, I am asking for trouble. She also has times when she is anxious or afraid. I think the fact that so much of what we do keeps her focused on enjoying the moment that she doesn’t normally feel anxious. When she first wakes up in the morning, the memory of all the good things we did the day before are gone. She doesn’t know anything. I think I can understand that. I would probably be anxious myself. I also know that I don’t like to be rushed and work hard to avoid it. She is unable to take the steps to avoid being rushed. It takes an external source to do that. I am it, but I have to be very careful to get her ready without her feeling rushed. That is harder now than it has been in the past.
