Although Kate did not experience any moments of discouragement or sadness, her memory and overall functional ability were no better yesterday. She was in a good mood when I went in to wake her. She smiled and responded to me as though she knew exactly who I am. I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me. As so often happens, she then said, “Who are you?” About forty minutes later we were ready to go to lunch. In the laundry room as we were headed to the car, she said, “I don’t know where I am or where I’ve been or where I’m going.” She said this without any sense of despair or anxiety, but she was perplexed.
We returned home just before the sitter arrived. Given her growing insecurity, I wondered how she would respond when I told her I was leaving for the Y and Mary would be staying with her. It turned out there was no problem. She showed no sign of insecurity at all. I was relieved. Then I wondered what I might encounter when I got home. That was not a problem either. She and Mary were talking when I arrived. Mary told me that Kate had wanted to talk. She said that Kate had told her about some group of which she was a part and that she was trying to decide whether to drop out or not. Kate didn’t seem to remember that at all. I couldn’t imagine what she was talking about either. Mary said goodbye and started to leave when Kate asked her to wait. She got up and walked over to Mary and said, “Let me give you a big hug.” I was very pleased. As I’ve said before, Kate has a kind heart.
At dinner she carefully placed her napkin on the table in front of her as if to use it as a placemat. It wasn’t long before she wanted a different arrangement of her knife and fork and the napkin. She tore the napkin into three pieces, using one part as a coaster for her iced tea, another for her knife and fork, and the third as a smaller placemat. Many times she asks me what to do with her napkin. She almost always gravitates to using it as a placemat. When she asks, I tell her it’s her napkin and that she can put it in her lap to wipe her hands when she needs it. That seems a difficult instruction for her to understand.
It was another day that she was tired and wanted to rest. We stayed in the family room only a short time before she wanted to go back to the bedroom. I brought her nightgown to her. She put it on right away got into bed. She planned to work on her iPad a while but forgot or changed her mind and called it a night. She is tired more often than she has been in the past.
In an email yesterday, my friend Tom Robinson read my post that Kate seemed to be on a more significant decline. He asked if it is possible this decline could be followed by a similar improvement. I told him that it is possible and explained that she regularly has moments when her symptoms are not as obvious as they have been recently. Today could be different than the past few days.
Having reflected on this, I think it is more complicated than any of us fully understands. Periodically over the past eight and a half years, she has exhibited changes in her behavior. I think one of the best examples is forgetting my name. The first time that happened, there was a tendency of me to conclude that she had completely forgotten and would never know it again. That was almost a year ago, and she still knows my name sometimes; however, she calls my name much less frequently now than she did then.
Kate’s behavior in recent days is different than I have seen in the past, but it is not surprising. She is exhibiting the kind of changes that accompany the latter stage(s) of Alzheimer’s. I don’t know that she will be this way today or tomorrow or the day after that, but I do know I will see more things like this in the future. I will continue to cherish the good times, but I will be sad at other times.
