I continue to celebrate the fact that Kate and I have gotten along so well, but that is not to say everything is all right. As she sinks further into the depths of Alzheimer’s, she has become much more insecure and dependent on me. I have mentioned several times when she has experienced attacks of anxiety or panic. Something similar, though less intense, occurred yesterday morning.
Watching the video cam, I noticed her turning over in bed. I thought she might want to get up for the bathroom. For a short time thereafter, she didn’t move or make a sound. Then she said something that sounded like “Hey.” I headed to the bedroom. From the door, I saw that she was awake and looked relaxed. She didn’t say anything. I walked over and sat down on the bed. She looked uneasy. I said, “You didn’t know where I was.” She nodded, and tears welled up in her eyes as though she was about to cry. I said, “You probably didn’t know what to do.” She nodded again, and I said, “You don’t have to worry. I am always here. I would never leave you alone.” I talked with her a few minutes. She felt secure again. Then I asked if she would like to get up or rest a little longer. She wanted to rest. I asked if she would like me to bring my computer into the bedroom and stay with her. She did. In a few minutes, she was sound asleep.
This was a little problem. It was not intense, and it lasted only a short time. Had I not gone in when I did, she might have become more worried, at least for a longer time. It’s a good reminder of how important it is to be with her and to be observant. It is also a sign of her insecurity. I don’t find that surprising. If I didn’t have any memory, I would be frightened as well.
I remained in the room with her until it was time for me to get her up for lunch. She took a shower and then got back in bed. It took me three tries over thirty minutes to get her up again. I was careful not to push her. When she finally got up, she wasn’t smiling. I asked if she were upset with me. She indicated that she was. When I asked why, she said, “I don’t know.”
I helped her get dressed, and she seemed fine when we left for lunch. She was definitely not as cheerful as she was yesterday, but we had a nice time.
The rest of the day went well. We relaxed at home until time for dinner. She did not nap at all. That is very unusual. She worked on her iPad. After dinner, we watched our granddaughter’s high school graduation online from Texas. She received her diploma early. Then I took my shower and prepared for bed. To my amazement, Kate continued to watch for another hour even though she didn’t know anyone. I went in to bring her to bed. She said she wanted to sleep on the sofa where she was sitting watching the graduation. I encouraged her to come to bed, and she finally consented.
I don’t know what was going on in her brain, but she wasn’t as happy as she was the day before. Once in bed, she was very relaxed and seemed fine. I can’t help wondering what she will be like this morning.