Most of the time since her diagnosis, Kate has been more sensitive to a number of things than she was in the past. For example, she was more easily frightened. I learned rather quickly to say, “Hello, I’m home.” as soon as I came in the house after being away. She has also been bothered by loud noises, especially sudden ones. Now that I have become more aware of the importance of her intuitive abilities, I am also paying more attention to her emotional responses to almost everything.
As a result, I have noticed a significant change in her emotions as she loses more of her rational abilities. She expresses her emotions in a stronger way than she used to. Here are several examples.
Since we eat out all the time, I notice this most often in restaurants. It’s not the general noise level. It’s the sudden noises that occur. The most typical example would be in a place like Panera where one of the employees comes around to pick up all the dirty dishes. He makes noise as he stacks them. The other night at Bonefish we were seated near the bar when the bartender knocked over a couple of glasses. Kate responded with a loud noise of her own. Several people at the surrounding tables took note. I told them she was all right. It could have been a time for one of my Alzheimer’s cards, but I didn’t think this situation called for that. Kate loves children, but sometimes they squeal or cry. She jumps and makes her own noise that is usually audible for those nearby. All of these things have been an issue for a long time. She is even more sensitive now, and her responses are more noticeable to others.
She is frightened by other things as well. She is very cautious when we walk up and over curbs and across streets and parking lots. One of the restaurants we frequent has a flagstone walkway leading to the restaurant. She often takes my hand and comments about how “dangerous” it is. On several occasions in a restaurant, she has mentioned how dangerous a welcome mat is. I think the big issue is her eyesight. I think she has a problem with her depth perception and thinks the shapes and colors represent different heights rather than being flat or close to it.
Other things generate more positive responses. Kate’s interest in children has increased lately. She almost always stops to say hello to the children she sees. A typical situation would be on our way in or out of a restaurant. In both cases, I usually lead the way. I look back frequently to make sure she is still with me. Often I see that she has stopped to talk with a child. She always tells the parents how adorable the child is. Like other things, this is not new except for the intensity of the emotion that she expresses.
As large a role as music has played in our lives, Kate seems to get even more pleasure now. I notice this most when we are in the car. After leaving Casa Bella the other night, I played a CD of Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No. 5. The first movement ended as we got home. On the way to lunch the next day, I played the second movement. We hadn’t heard but a few notes, and she said, “Oh, that is so beautiful.” It is beautiful, but this immediate response is something I would never have expected before. I’m not even sure that she recognized the piece. Of course, I am learning that her memory for music is far greater than I had thought. I am amazed at her recognition of so many pieces of popular music, including some lyrics, from the 50s and 60s.
I have alluded to her audible responses to music we hear at live performances like those at Casa Bella. The other night she reacted audibly to almost every song. She wasn’t loud. Only those sitting next to her or across from her could hear, but I keep wondering if this might become a problem in the future. It’s not a problem at Casa Bella since all of the people with whom we sit are aware of her Alzheimer’s. It could be a problem elsewhere.
Two other examples of her more intense emotional reactions occurred during the past week or two. One of those involved the fire at Notre Dame. The first time I mentioned it to her she had a strong reaction to the news. It looked as though tears were about to flow. Later she caught some of the TV news. By that time, she and I had talked about it several times. She never remembered from one time to the next. Each time, whether the source was the news or our conversation, she was quite moved.
Another illustration involves her parents and occurred in two different situations. When she has asked about her parents, I have never tried to hide the fact that they died some time ago. On at least two occasions recently, she has been very sad when I told her. That has led me to be more careful. When she asks where her parents are, I usually say, “In Fort Worth.” There are other times I tell her “they are gone, but they lived long and happy lives.” So far that seems to work. When she talks about them as if they are alive, I don’t tell her otherwise.
The other times she has an emotional reaction to them is when looking at one of her photo albums. In these cases, she is not sad because they are no longer alive. Her response is sign of her love for them. Sometimes she responds to me in a similar way when I tell her I love her. She gets a sad look on her face and tears well up in her eyes.
Alzheimer’s has definitely made her more emotional in her reactions. The fortunate thing is that she has not exhibited the kinds of emotional reactions that people sometimes associate with dementia. She has had moments of irritability that are unlike her, but I haven’t seen the slightest indication of anger or violent behavior. On the contrary, she frequently apologizes after she has said something that is a more irritable response than is characteristic of her.
