Over the past week I have been glad to report that we have had so many good moments. After a confusing start (the second day in a row), the string of good days continued through yesterday. Despite these good days, I am also noticing increasing signs of decline. Kate’s dependence on me is even greater now than before. She seems uneasy when I am not immediately in sight. Sometimes this happens in the house as it did last night after returning home from dinner. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth while I went to another room. When she came out and didn’t see me, she called my name. (Yes, my name. Although she often can’t remember it. Often she is able to remember it when she needs me. If she can’t, she just says, “Hey.”) When I got to her she gave a sigh of relief and said, “I’m glad to see you.” This kind of experience happens more often outside the home. At Casa Bella the other night, I was walking ahead of her when she stopped to speak to someone. When she turned around, she didn’t see me. I heard her say, “Where’s my husband?” I turned around and walked toward her. She was very relieved when she saw me.
She doesn’t remember the layout of our house or the names of the different rooms, but she can find her way by trial and error. She prefers that I tell her or lead her where she wants to go. That is almost always the bathroom. When we return home after lunch, she often asks me where she should be, not just the room but the place to sit as well.
Another sign of her dependence is her comments on feeling safe with me. A few nights ago, I brought her nightgown to her and started to go to another room. She asked me to stay. She said, “I’ll feel better if you are with me.” We stood in the hallway while she undressed and put on her gown. Then we walked back to the bedroom. I don’t understand why she felt she needed me. My best guess is that she wanted to make sure she put her gown on the way it is supposed to go. She has had problem for quite a while getting into it so that it is not backwards. She is now confusing the sleeves with the opening for her head. I am usually with her when she does this. She must have felt uneasy because I was going to leave it in her hands. At any rate, she is feeling more insecure when left on her own.
This past Sunday as we walked from the car to the restaurant, she said, “I feel better when I am with you.” She was holding my hand and added, “I don’t know how to say it, but I feel “safe” with you.” She frequently uses the word “safe” when she talks about being with me.
She also asks to hold my hand more often than in the past. For a long time, she has only wanted to do that in especially challenging situations. She often says, “I didn’t have to have it, but it is nicer.” She is in an “in between” stage right now. Sometimes she wants my hand; other times she doesn’t. She almost always wants me to hold her hand when stepping off a curb and crossing the street. This is similar to other behavior when she sometimes wants help dressing but not others.
I’ve been reporting for some time that she has difficulty with her puzzles. In the past week or so it has become even harder for her. Part of that is her eye sight. She can’t easily spot the places she needs to touch in order to leave a puzzle she has just completed or to select a new puzzle.
Over the weekend, we had unfortunate problem with the iPad. It has been operating much slower in the past few weeks. It came to a virtual halt on Saturday because the storage was completely full. I deleted a number of apps. She really didn’t need them since the only one she uses is for her jigsaw puzzles. That didn’t solve the problem. I ended up deleting the puzzle app and reinstalling it. That solved the problem but created another.
She is now using a newer version which means that the size and location of the different buttons are different than the version she had been using. Not only that, but I’ve been unable to locate the old puzzles in her library. Kate hasn’t noticed that, but she is having more trouble going from the puzzle she has just finished to the next one. The size of the “buttons” she has to push are much smaller which adds additional problems.
I’ve taken pictures of each of the pages where she needs to tap the right button. I have enlarged them and put them on 8 1/2 x 11 paper. I included my finger in each picture to show her where to tap. I am going to use a colored marker to make arrows that also point to the right spot. I should have that finished today.
Altogether these things have caused her to ask for my help much more than in the past. I’ve been helping a long time, but the frequency with which she asks for help has increased geometrically. Each time she needs help, I get up from my chair and walk over to her. It now occurs so frequently that I have only been seated a few minutes before she is calling again. That is because she needs help after completing each puzzle. It is almost comical. I have spoken with both sitters to make sure they understand the problems she is having and help her while I am gone.
Let me close on a higher note. Last night was opera night at Casa Bella. She and I had a wonderful time. We had not heard either of the two singers, and they were outstanding as were the pieces they sang. Most of the arias were ones we had not heard, but they were great on a first listen. We ended the day happily once again.
