Yesterday I wrote about our finding joy while living with Alzheimer’s. I’m glad to report that we had another good day. They aren’t all that way, but the vast majority are. From the time she woke up until she went to bed, Kate was happy. She opened her eyes when I sat down on the bed beside her. She gave me a warm smile. She didn’t look at all groggy and didn’t seem at all bothered by my trying to get her up. I said, “I love you.” She touched her lips with her finger and pointed it at me to say, “I love you to.” I’m not sure if she remembered my name, but it seemed like she knew my name the entire day. She didn’t ask me one time.
We had a seniors’ Christmas lunch at our church at noon. As usual, I was concerned about having to get her up and ready so that we could be there on time. She wanted to sleep, but I told her we were going to a church luncheon. I asked if I could help her get up. She said I could and extended both her hands for me to pull her up from a lying position to sitting up on the side of the bed. It has also become common for her to ask, “What do I do now?” upon waking. I told her she could start with a shower. She held my hand while I walked her to the bathroom. She seemed especially needy and dependent all day. She asked me what to do for every step in the process of getting ready. I am amazed at how quickly she has fallen into accepting my help and that of her sitter.
I did have a surprise after she finished her shower. She was very sad. She told me that family was very important and that everyone would be there if they could. She never explained but from what she said, she thought someone had had an accident and died. In a few minutes, she had forgotten all about it.
As I helped her dress, she repeatedly thanked me for helping her. She and I both want her to do as much as she is able to do herself, but we are gradually drifting toward my doing more. For example, this morning I put her socks on her. It is really easier for me to do it than for her, and it certainly saves time when time is important.
Our lunch was served buffet style. That is a bit of a challenge for Kate. I was surprised that she served herself some salad. She hasn’t eaten a salad in a long time. I served her a piece of chicken and a slice of pizza as well as getting drinks for both of us. I cut her chicken for her after we were seated. After the meal and I had taken our plates to the trash, she pointed to the place where her plate had been and then pointed to the places of the others at the table. Each of the others was perfectly clean. Hers was covered in Oreo cookie crumbs from the crust of the piece of pie she had eaten. She smiled and then frowned. I was struck by the fact that she noticed. Because she often leaves a little mess around her plate, I had assumed that she didn’t notice. Now I know she does, at least when we are sharing a table with people we know.
I was touched by a couple of things that happened at the end of the meal. When we arrived, I had forgotten that we were meeting in a different location than usual. That meant we had to walk through the church and go down two different stairways. That required a good bit of effort for Kate. At the end of our meal, I decided I would bring the car around for her. I asked the people sitting next to me if they were going to be there for a few minutes and explained that I wanted to get the car and leave Kate at the table. They were happy to stay with her. When I started to get up, Kate wanted to go with me. They invited her to take my seat beside them and let me get the car. She consented. I am sure she got along just fine while I was gone, but when she saw me coming back to the table she beamed like a daughter seeing her mother or father after a short absence. Then the group sang a few Christmas carols. Shortly, Kate reached over and held my hand. She was definitely glad I was back.
We came back home for about an hour before going to Barnes & Noble for a full two hours. From there we went to dinner at Bonefish Grill. She never asked for my name or seemed especially confused. The exception would be when she went to the rest room. I had selected a seat so that I would be able to look straight at the place she would exit. When she came out, I started toward her. She was looking for me in several directions. When she finally saw me, she was greatly relieved. That is different from the past. On similar occasions when she hasn’t been able to find me she has been quite calm. I sense that she is becoming less secure as she becomes more dependent on me.
Once we were home, she picked up her iPad while I watched the evening news. When the news was over I turned on the latest Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert. I took my shower. When I got out, she had gone to bed. It’s too early to tell, but she may be needing more sleep now. Even though she is getting up later now, she is still getting up earlier than she wants to. Before she went to sleep, she thanked me. I told her I loved her, and she had tears in her eyes. I don’t know what brought them on. I wonder if she senses the change she is experiencing. Despite those changes, we had happy moments and enjoyed the day.
