Yesterday at my Friday afternoon coffee with Mark Harrington, I said something about Kate’s weakening memory for names. He said, “I’ll bet she still remembers some feelings.” I told him I had seen signs that he is right including her feeling about me as well as other family members and friends. Then I said, “I am sure she would not remember your name if she saw you, but she would probably think you are brilliant.” This morning he dropped by the house to pick up tickets to tonight’s symphony concert. I was outside when he arrived and chatted with him briefly. In a few minutes, Kate came outside. She walked over to Mark and gave him a warm greeting. We talked another few minutes. Then as he was getting in his car, Kate said, “You’re a good guy. You’re brilliant.”
He drove away. Kate and I turned around to walk back in the house, and she said, “What’s his name?” I said, “Mark.” She asked, “What’s his last name?” I said, “Harrington.” She said, “Oh, he’s brilliant.”
When Kate was diagnosed, I had no sense of things like this. They are things I have learned along the way, some by experience but many from things I have read. Either way, I think it is very important for all of us who care for someone with dementia to understand this. It means that even as some abilities diminish over time, others remain in place for a long time.
In our particular case, I am especially glad that Kate’s enjoyment of music doesn’t appear to have lessened at all. In fact, I think it is stronger now than ever before. I wonder if that might not be a direct result of losing some of her other abilities. It could be like someone’s losing her sense of sight but strengthening her sense of hearing. The important thing is to remember that a diagnosis of dementia doesn’t mean all is lost. If it did, our lives would have been very different.
