Yesterday, Kate and I went to see our good friend, Ellen, who now lives in Nashville. Although I had to wake her, Kate got up, showered and dressed in an hour. That gave us time to get a quick lunch at Panera before we hit the road. We arrived in time for their Sunday afternoon ice cream. That was a little treat for us. In the past, we have always arrived later. That’s because we have frequently had lunch or a quick visit with our friends the Robinsons or Davises who also live in Nashville. I did not try to get together with them this time since I have been unsure about what time I would be able to get Kate ready. Going directly to Ellen’s avoided any pressure. This may become our regular routine.
Since Ellen was already in the dining area, we stayed there our entire two-hour visit. That has its pluses and minuses. Last time we had spent our visit in Ellen’s room. It is a nice room but a little darker than the common areas. We may split our time between the two next time.
This was our third visit to this particular facility since Ellen moved there in May. She had made the move after having a couple of seizures that, on top of the stroke she had three years ago this month, required greater care than she had needed previously. We were eager to see if there had been any change in her ability to speak. There had been a change, but it was not for the better. We could understand very little of what she said. Of greater concern was that she didn’t try to talk as much. She was always a big talker. After her stroke, she continued to talk a lot. That was a natural part of her personality, but I believe it may also have related to the fact she has been so socially isolated. She had lived in Knoxville for over forty years and has lots of friends here. It is not so easy for them to travel to Nashville. I only know of one other couple who has visited her in the past three years.
The saddest part for me is that mentally Ellen is in much better shape than the most of the other residents. If she could only talk, she might be able to establish a relationship with a couple of them. That appears to be impossible at this point.
Remembering that on our last visit, the three of us had enjoyed listening to a little music on my phone, I went thinking that we might try it again. It turned out to be even better than last time. Then I just played a few pieces of music I thought she would like. This time I played a greater variety and played music for a longer time, a full thirty minutes. At a couple of points, I was a little concerned that I might be playing too much, but she said she was enjoying it.
It may seem strange to think of the three of us sitting together in the middle of a common area of a memory care facility listening to music from a phone, but for us it was a special moment. For a short period, one of other residents joined us, but she wanted the volume turned up, and it was already as high as it would go.
We stopped when it was nearing time for dinner. The last time we stayed during dinner we found that another resident dominated the conversation. Ellen was left out. Since Ellen gets so few social encounters with friends, I want to maximize our time with her. I’m already thinking about our next few visits. I may take our DVD of Les Miserables. Even though it is too long for us to play on a single visit, she could enjoy it the way Kate and I do at home, a little bit at a time. I may also take a Bluetooth speaker for either my phone or computer. There is a tremendous amount of music on YouTube I could play for her.
Knowing that both Kate and Ellen are declining, I am unsure how long we will be able to continue our visits. Until then, we’ll do just what we do at home, take it one step at a time.
