People often talk about the importance of mindfulness and living in the moment. That is something that has taken on greater meaning for me since Kate’s diagnosis. I believe we’ve done a good job of that. More recently, as Kate’s memory has declined, living in the moment has come to be more literal for her. For that reason, I find myself trying even harder to make those moments as pleasurable for her as I can.
I have a plan in mind for each day. I try to avoid rushing her, but I do select a variety of things for us to do every day. A good example would be our morning trip to Panera. I know it’s something she likes to do, but I don’t wake her up. At least twice last week, she slept until almost noon. In those cases, we went directly to lunch. There are occasions when I do wake her. That happens on a few occasions when I have made lunch plans for us.
Yesterday was one of those. My brother Larry and his wife, Margaret, were passing through Knoxville. We were supposed to meet them at Casa Bella for lunch at 12:30. Knowing that it can take up to an hour and a half for her to get ready, I started gently waking her around 10:00. She seemed quite tired, so I let her sleep a little longer. She finally got up just after 10:30. I had all her clothes out for her. That enabled her to get ready without rushing.
At 11:30, I got a call from my brother. They were making better time than anticipated and were to arrive at the restaurant a couple of minutes after noon. At that point, Kate was still not dressed. I decided it might be better if we ate at a place closer to our house. That kept me from rushing Kate. The alternative plan worked perfectly. We were walking from our car to the restaurant as they drove up. We had a pleasant visit with Larry and Margaret, and they were on their way less than two hours later. That gave us the opportunity to come back to the house for an hour before getting our hair cut.
After our haircuts, we had another hour before we needed to leave for Broadway Night at Casa Bella. It was another good evening of music, food, and fellowship. We were home by 9:00. This is the only evening activity I schedule these days. All three of the local theaters have matinees on Sunday. We always attend those. This is the way I manage to keep us active but not racing from one thing to the next. It seems to be working.
I wonder if my management of this schedule qualifies as mindfulness on my part? I am clearly trying to be mindful of Kate’s needs, but I often discover I overlook other things that I should have done. I may have to meditate on this.
