We had had a very pleasant evening after dinner last night. We were in the family room for over an hour listening to music. Naturally, Kate was working on her iPad. I was writing this morning’s post. About 8:30, I told her I was going to take my shower and that we might watch the last of Sound of Music when I got out. She liked the idea. When I got out of the shower, she came back to the bedroom. She didn’t seem to know what to do. I suggested that she get her night clothes on before watching the movie. She went to her room. When she returned, she had taken off her clothes but didn’t bring her night gown or robe with her. She seemed confused and wanted to take a shower. I helped by walking her to our bathroom, turning on the shower, and getting a couple of towels for her.
After her shower, she started to put on her night gown. I got her “night-time” underwear. I went back into the bathroom to get my nightly medications. When I returned, she hadn’t put on the underwear or her night gown, and I couldn’t find the underwear anywhere. I still haven’t. I just got another pair. She seemed anxious as she tried to dress for bed. That ultimately developed into something more emotional.
She wanted me to dry her back which I did. I asked if she wanted me to help her get dressed. She said she did. Then she said she couldn’t live without me. As she often does, she added, “No, I really mean it. I couldn’t live without you.” I don’t remember her exact words, but she said she couldn’t do anything right.
Although it crossed my mind, I didn’t say anything about her having Alzheimer’s. Instead, I spoke very calmly to her and told her I was going to help her. I put my arms around her and said, “Let’s just relax a minute. Take a slow, deep breath. You’re going to be fine.” After holding her for a few minutes, I asked if she would like to watch the Sound of Music. She said she did. First, I helped her with her night gown. Then I suggested we get into bed and watch the movie. She said she wanted to sit in her chair and work on her iPad. She said, “That relaxes me.”
Right after that, she picked up her iPad and got into bed and started to work on a puzzle while I started the movie. Very quickly she became engaged in the movie and put the iPad down on the bed. We both watched the remaining part of the movie, almost an hour. She relaxed and enjoyed it. The attack was over.
The first time this happened I wondered if this might not be an example of sundowners. Now I have a stronger suspicion that might be what is happening. That doesn’t really explain it. It just gives the behavior a name. If this becomes a habit, it will make a radical change in our evenings. That has been the best time of day for us for several years. I think it is because we have no further obligations after dinner than relaxing and getting ready for bed. We are both very much at ease during that time. That is a time I don’t want to surrender easily. If this occurs again, I plan to do the same as last night. I will respond very calmly and with compassion. That seemed to do the job last night. That along with music might carry us a long way.
