Nine months ago this past week, I started in-home care for Kate. It seems like an appropriate time to take a look at how it’s working. Overwhelmingly, I would say that it has worked well. My biggest concern at the start was how Kate would react to my leaving her. I feared that she wouldn’t think she needed anyone to be with her. It turned out to be a non-event. A few minutes before the first sitter arrived, I told her that I was going to the Y and that I had arranged for someone to stay with her. She looked puzzled and asked why. I reminded her (knowing that she couldn’t remember) that I had mentioned feeling uncomfortable leaving her alone when I was gone and that I would feel more comfortable having someone with her. She said, “Okay.” That was it. She greeted the sitter warmly and never acted like there was a problem. I felt much better about leaving.
There have only been a couple of occasions when she seemed to have had any concern, and it was minor. I think that was because she knew I was leaving and expected that she would be going with me. On one of those occasions, she said, “I always like being with you.”
At first, I think she felt as though she may have needed to entertain the person. After a number of visits, I found that if she wanted to lie down and rest, she did just that. She also seems to like the two sitters we have. One comes on Monday, the other Wednesday and Friday. There have been at least four times that a sitter could not come. Each time the agency was prepared to send someone new, but I chose not to introduce a new person. I know that we will have to do that eventually. Right now, I’m not ready. I like having the consistency.
The two people who are with us are not the same people with which we started. The first week or two we had different issues that led to our not having them return. Since then, everything has worked out well. Kate seems to be happy. I think the sitters are also happy. I think they should be. They don’t really have any major responsibilities other than being with Kate while I am gone. They almost always go to Panera for an hour or two of the four hours the sitter is here. I have a gift card for Panera and have told the sitters they may buy something for themselves in addition to whatever Kate wants. I think they have liked that.
If there is any problem at all, I think I may be it. Rationally, I believe having a sitter is the right thing to do. It is good for me to have some time to myself. It is also good for me to get my exercise at the Y even if I am also walking every morning. I have never fully adjusted to a sitter emotionally. My problem is that I don’t like leaving her with someone else. I like being with her. I am especially mindful that she is changing. It won’t be that long until we may not be getting out as much as we do now. I want to enjoy every moment that is possible. As I say, I know that rationally I am doing the best thing. I have no intention of going back. In time, I am sure that I will accept this emotionally as well.
I have had one surprise. I misinterpreted the “elimination period,” the length of time that we must pay for the services before long-term care insurance kicks in. I always knew that it was 90 days, but I thought that meant 90 calendar days from the start of service. That would have meant the insurance would begin paying on or about December 8 of this past year. When I called the company to initiate their payments, I discovered that the 90 days refers to the number of days of service, that is, the number of days we actually had a sitter. It looks like that will be in late July, a full 7 months later than I thought. I understand now that some policies do have an elimination that is like I expected, but I am sure it is more expensive. The important thing is that I don’t have a policy like that.
