Once in a while I like to ask myself how I am feeling about the way things are going. Right now, I would have to say that I am not as upbeat as I have been in the past. Kate is changing, and I am changing along with her. What is most encouraging is that we are still active and enjoying ourselves. On the other hand, she is finding it even more difficult to perform certain tasks that before.
A good example occurred yesterday at Panera. She was working a puzzle on her iPad and got stuck and asked for my help. When I looked, I could see that all but two pieces of a 16-piece puzzle were in their proper places. She thought she had put the other two in their right places. She couldn’t see that a little of the background was showing around the edges of each piece. She also didn’t notice that the images on each piece did not fit where she had put them.
To help her, but not do it for her, I moved the two pieces to the side. That left two vivid orange spaces begging for the right pieces. I not only placed the pieces to the side, I put one above the other that would match the location of the appropriate spaces. She struggled trying to figure out which piece went where. I don’t actually I know if she got them. I tried to look, and she blocked my view. She may have just started over. One of the surprising things is that she placed the first 14 pieces in their right places and does so all the time. I know from past observation that she works very slowly and goes through a trial and error process.
When I see the trouble she has with her puzzles, it isn’t surprising that she is having difficulty getting dressed and undressed. Both of those tasks demand a lot of time and also trial and error.
I attribute her increasing dependence on me as well as her compliance as a direct result of her recognizing that many tasks are becoming difficult. I still don’t see any signs that she is frustrated or emotional in anyway because of these challenges. I do see looks of bewilderment, but that’s it. I am taking that as a good sign, but I don’t like seeing her work so hard to complete such routine tasks.
It is clear to me that from an emotional standpoint, I am the one who is facing challenges. For the first time in my life, I have experienced anxiety. It is evidenced in my forgetting things that I would normally remember. Yesterday, for example, our sitter told me she would not be able to come on Friday. She asked if the agency had told me. I told her they had not. Later I spoke with the agency. The person with whom I spoke said she had told me last Friday and that they are sending the sitter who comes on Monday. I had completely forgotten it. I also find that I am waking up at night and having trouble getting back to sleep, something that rarely happened in the past.
Fortunately, we are still getting out. That provides both of us the kind of stimulation that we need. We are having lunch with church friends today. Tonight we will be at Casa Bella for opera night. We have several out-of-town visits with longtime friends. This Saturday we will lunch with the Robinsons in Nashville. After that, we will visit Kate’s best friend, Ellen. We’ll be back in Nashville next Tuesday for a visit with the Davises. The following week we will also visit with the Greeleys. Since all of these friends live in the Nashville area, you might think it would make sense to make a single trip and stay a few days. In some ways that is right, but doing it in multiple trips prevents Kate from having too much social contact in a single time frame. That wears her out and can be confusing for her. We avoid that by taking multiple trips and spread out the pleasure. It makes each trip a little more special.
Let me close by saying once again life is changing. It is more challenging in variety of ways. At the same time, we are actively engaged in supportive activities and happy about our lives. We are far better off than many others who are making this same journey. We continue to be grateful and wish that everyone could be so lucky.
