As I noted in my previous post, our trip to Texas went well. We had a good time with our son and his family as well as Kate’s brother and his wife. On top of that we didn’t have any bad experiences. I wish I could say that about other trips we have taken. During or after several previous trips, I made changes in our future travel plans. For example, after a wonderful trip to Switzerland in 2015, I decided that would be our last international trip. In June 2015, we took our son and daughter and three grandsons to New York City. It, too, was a great trip, but I decided Kate and I would not return. In January 2016, we took a cruise to the Caribbean that led me to cancel a subsequent cruise I had booked for that May. One of the hardest decisions of all was one I made last summer when we made our thirteenth visit to Chautauqua, NY. I felt it was best that we make that our last one.
Any kind of travel requires a certain amount of adjustment. Being in a place that is different means having to meet the demands of different schedules and routines. All of the normal issues are compounded when one is traveling with a person who has dementia. Much of that involves packing the right clothes and medicines, getting to the airport on time, going through security, and boarding the plane. Restrooms add another set of problems. Renting cars or using taxis, trains, or buses represent more potential trouble.
These complications have to be balanced against the pleasure of the travel itself. In each instance where I decided to cease that particular travel, I decided the potential costs outweighed the benefits. For example, the cruise I canceled was a two-week cruise from Barcelona to Amsterdam. It was clear from the January cruise to the Caribbean that Kate did not enjoy some of the things she had enjoyed on other cruises. That included the nightly entertainment. She didn’t attend a single night. She also found it challenging to engage in conversation with the people we sat with at each evening meal. In addition, I lost her for about 30 minutes on the pier where our ship was docked in St. Thomas. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing her while we were off the ship at one of the ports in the Mediterranean.
Our trip to Texas has led me to think a little more about the role that familiarity or lack of familiarity plays in the stress and enjoyment of travel. Throughout our marriage Kate and I have been pretty bold about traveling to unfamiliar territory. When our children were 4 and 2, we took the children with us on a 6-week trip to Europe, 3 weeks in Spain and 3 weeks in France. We went without a specific itinerary or hotel arrangements except for a hotel in Madrid when we arrived and a hotel in Nice 3 weeks later. Not only that, but our two-year-old was in cloth diapers, and we didn’t stay in a single hotel with a bathroom in our room. We did have a sink that Kate used to wash diapers each day.
Even though Kate does not remember where she is when she is at home in Knoxville, she is accustomed to certain routines like going to restaurants, getting her nails done, going to musical events, etc. Travel throws her into a set of things that are either new or forgotten. That places more responsibility on me to manage her. I find that increasingly stressful. Upon our return home, I immediately felt a sense of relief. That’s not because I have any less responsibility for Kate. I believe it relates to the greater familiarity with our surroundings. I have greater control over our whole situation. I have a better sense of the options should we encounter a problem. The good news is that I feel somewhat the same way when we arrive at the home of a family member, it is easier for me. It’s getting there and back that is the big issue.
The success of this past week’s trip leads me to believe there is a good chance that we will be able to return to Lubbock for Thanksgiving. Of course, that is six months away. If Kate’s decline continues as it has in the past few months, I might change my mind.
