My mother had dementia. Dad cared for her without any help except for Wednesday morning when he dropped her off at an adult day care center. That allowed him to go to Kiwanis and then grocery shop. He told me very little about his experiences in caring for Mom. I do remember one thing. He said he tied a string from her arm to his when they went to bed so that he would know if she got out of bed. I feel a real connection to him now that I have become Kate’s caregiver. A large part of our responsibility involves either solving problems or preventing them. His use of string was one of the things he did. I have my own bag of tricks.
When Kate and I are traveling, I try, and usually succeed, in getting a room on the lobby level. That way I can get to breakfast and return to the room quickly. Before leaving on a trip, I also print signs that say “ We are in Lubbock (or wherever). Richard is having breakfast in the lobby.”
It’s impossible to prepare for everything. What happens in the middle of the night is one of those things. Last night, Kate got up to go to the bathroom. She found it easily since I left the bathroom light on and had her sleep on the side of the bed that is close to it. When she came out of the bedroom, she started walking toward the door to the hallway. (I always put on the security latch before coming to bed because she has started to go into the hallway on a previous trip.)
Recognizing that she would have no idea where we were, I said, “Kate, we’re in a Residence Inn in Lubbock.”
She looked very confused and said, “Who are you?”
Richard: “This is Richard.”
Kate: “My husband?”
Richard: “Yes.”
Kate: “Where are we?”
Richard: “Lubbock.”
Kate: “Why are we here?”
Richard: “We are visiting Kevin and his family.”
She got back into bed and slept until almost 9:00. I can’t imagine what it is like to experience such confusion. I am amazed at how well she takes it. To me it would be frightening.
