Update on In-Home Care
Next week marks seven months since I started in-home care for Kate. We began with four hours on each of three days a week. We continue with that same schedule. As it turns out, we have had to miss a few days over that time. Some of those days were a result of holidays, our own travel or other obligations, and on a couple of occasions when a sitter could not be here.
I was very skittish about introducing a sitter fearing that Kate would not think she needs someone to be with her. I agonized over how I would present this to her. Because I knew that she wouldn’t remember if I told her in advance, I decided not to say anything until a few minutes before the sitter’s arrival. I had, however, mentioned on a number of occasions that I was feeling uncomfortable leaving her alone when I had to go out. Just before the sitter’s arrival, I told Kate that I was going to the Y and that I had arranged for someone to stay with her. She asked me why. I reminded her that I had become increasingly uncomfortable leaving her and that I would feel better if someone stayed with her. She surprised me by saying, “Okay.” That was it. When the sitter arrived, Kate greeted her warmly. I was relieved. We have two different sitters, one who comes on Monday and another who comes on Wednesday and Friday. That has worked well.
Several weeks ago, I mentioned that Kate did not display her usual enthusiasm when the sitter arrived or left. This occurred during or right after Kate had had the flu. I thought that the change in her response might have been connected with her illness. I am glad to report that I must have been right because she has returned to her earlier way of relating to each of them. That has been especially true for the past few visits.
That has made me feel better each time I leave her. I bought a gift card for Panera for the times they would like to go there for a break. Until the past week, I believe they have gone to Panera every day the sitter has been here until the past week. It is now three days in a row that Kate chose to stay home. She has a cold and has been feeling a little sluggish. I suspect that is the reason.
Kate is actually more comfortable with the arrangement than I am. I’m not sure exactly why. I think there are two possibilities. One is that I have been her sole caregiver and understand her better than someone who hasn’t had the same experience with her. The other is that I don’t like relinquishing my role as a caregiver. It means spending less time with her and is a precursor to my playing a lesser role in the future. I find that this is less of a problem for me on Mondays when I easily fill up the four hours with my Rotary luncheon, a trip to the Y, and a stop by the grocery store. On the other days, I have time for the Y and then meet my friend, Mark Harrington, for coffee. On days when my only agenda is the Y, I have more time to myself and spend it at Barnes & Noble or Whole Foods. That is when I am least comfortable. I have the feeling that I could be at home with Kate rather than working on my computer elsewhere. In time, this feeling will probably ebb. Just recently, I have found myself juggling various responsibilities in a way that could turn out to be frustrating. Having a little time to myself might be of benefit.
