I continue to see different ways in which Kate expresses her growing dependence on me. It is expressed in lots of little things. Most of these are not brand new. It’s the number of different things that occur and the way in which she expresses them. For example, after the sitter left this afternoon, I asked if she had gotten along all right. She said yes. Then I said, “You know I always worry about you.” She said, “I know you do. Because you don’t want anything to happen to me. You’re a good husband.” I said, “I’ll always be there for you.” That kind of exchange is very common for us now.
At dinner, she asked me the name of the owner of Chalupas. I told her. Then I mentioned his wife and the children who also occasionally work there. She stopped me and let me know that I was telling her more than she could take in. I believe her honesty represents a sign of trust that I will respond with understanding to her own expression of vulnerability. She depends on me to know when to stop, and I do immediately. I not only stop, but I often apologize for going so far beyond what she had asked. I know that she can’t process much information and try not to overwhelm her, but I frequently go too far in answering her questions.
As we drove into the garage after dinner, she whispered and asked, “Are we staying here tonight?” She had asked the same question last night and always whispers when she asks. I suspect she thinks there might be somebody else who might hear her. Before getting out of the car, she asked (with hand signals as she often does) if she should take her cup into the house. As I have reported a number of times before, she often asks if she can work in the yard, if she can use her clippers, and where in the yard she should work. I have never told her that she can’t work in the yard. I assume asking for permission is just an extension of my handling so many other aspects of her life.
By themselves, none of these incidents is dramatic, but they, along with many other similar ones, suggest an increasingly greater acceptance of her dependence. As I think of it, one area where she had held on to her independence involves the clothes she wears. That is another area where she has really displayed more dependence. Coupled with my increased acceptance of what she wears, we are having fewer problems with clothes than in the past.
