Kate and I were to attend a program of our music club this evening. Although its members are involved in a wide variety of musical genres, there is a heavy orientation toward classical music that is reflected in our programs. Kate, whose taste in music is more in the direction of popular music and popular classics has never been as taken with the club as I have. For that reason, she hasn’t attended a meeting in over a year. Last year, I left her at home by herself. I haven’t felt comfortable doing that this year. Since the Christmas program is always a choral group that sings a variety of Christmas music much of which is well-known, I thought I might take her to this one. I am the treasurer, and I needed to deliver a couple of checks as well.
Suspecting that Kate would not be excited about going with me, I decided to test the water by telling her of the meeting several times over the past three days. Each time she had forgotten, and each time she groaned. Then I told her that I thought she would like the program and that we would not stay long and come home right after the program ended instead of staying for the reception afterwards. Each time she agreed to go.
Late this afternoon, I mentioned it twice, once at dinner and once again after we got home. Once again she was not happy about it but said she would go. I picked out her clothes and laid them out on her bed. She was happy about that. I left her to get dressed while I wrote out a couple of checks. About ten minutes later, she came out in a night gown. I said, “You’re in your night gown?” She looked at me with great surprise. I reminded her of the meeting. She had completely forgotten. I brought her clothes back to her. Then she said she didn’t want to go and wanted me to go without her. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone. I probably could have coaxed her into going. I didn’t want to do that. I told her we would stay home but we would have to take my checks to someone else to deliver to the correct parties, and that is what we did.
On a number of occasions Kate has not wanted to go somewhere, and I have made the same decision. The difference tonight was that I had a responsibility to deliver the checks and had told several people that we would be there. In addition, we are supposed to let the secretary know if we cannot attend. The assumption is that the RSVP would come earlier than the time we now had before the meeting.
There is really no great loss in our not having gone, but it was a program I believe Kate would have enjoyed. I know that I would have. I also felt that this was likely to be the last time we attended as a couple.
It is also an indicator of Kate’s continuing downward spiral. In the future, I will need to arrange for a sitter the evenings the club meets. That is only four times a year, only two of which remain in this year. At times like these, I try to be thankful for how slowly she has progressed to this point. I never thought when she was diagnosed seven years ago that I would even have considered her going as a possibility. I am both sad and grateful.
