After our experience at the movie on Friday, I was looking for another way to entertain Kate yesterday. It has been a few days short of a month since we last visited Ellen; so I thought that might be a good thing for us. Typically, I arrange these visits several days to a week in advance. That way I can also coordinate with other friends in Nashville. I try to have lunch with one of them on each of our monthly (or almost monthly) visits to Ellen. This time I made the decision yesterday morning and decided it was too late to arrange something with our friends. Besides, Kate had gotten up later yesterday, and we would have been rushed to get her muffin at Panera. It just wouldn’t have worked.
Before Kate got dressed, I decided to ask her if she would like to visit Ellen. She said that would be nice. While she has always been interested in visiting Ellen, she has seemed increasingly compliant or agreeable at my suggestions. In the same way that she seems to feel a sense of relief that I will take care of ordering her food in restaurants, she seems to be accepting of the things I choose for us to do. The exception is when I suggest seeing someone whom she doesn’t recall. I think she feels a bit insecure when this happens. Once we meet the person, she is fine.
A good example of this insecurity occurred on Thursday. One of her high school friends, Meg Wright had called me to arrange a good time to call Kate. We decided on Thursday afternoon. When I told Kate, she immediately said, “What am I going to talk about?” She has said the same thing when I have mentioned having lunch with one of the couples in Nashville.
We were quite leisurely in leaving for Nashville. I didn’t want to rush Kate unnecessarily. I have found this works well. We went to Panera and then had our regular lunch at Bluefish. This has become a nice Saturday treat. While it doesn’t cost significantly more than other restaurants we frequent, it is a little nicer. I like its ambiance, and it is quiet. Our server, Abby, takes good care of us and gives us a hug when we arrived and when we leave.
From Bluefish, we were on our way and arrived at Ellen’s close the 3:00. She lives in a very nice assisted living facility that also has a memory care section where Ellen has lived since May. We had a nice visit although we thought her speech was more difficult to understand since our visit in August. We were with her almost two full hours and had a good time. I tried not to talk too much in order to enable Kate and Ellen to talk to each other. That is a problem because Kate wears down over a two-hour period, and Ellen is difficult to understand. It is difficult for Kate because of her memory loss. That leaves her with few things to talk about. That is why she gravitates to her family. In that regard, she twice mentioned her grandmother as someone who was ahead of her time because she saw and welcomed a day when blacks and whites would be in the same classrooms. I have never heard about anything like this before. I believe it is just one of the types of things she creates. I have observed that on other occasions. I think something just pops into her head, and she feels like it happened.
It was late when we got back to Knoxville. We dropped by Gregory’s for dinner. We sat at a table that was very close to the entrance to ladies room. I pointed to it and asked Kate if she might like to use it before we ate. She did. While she was gone, I pulled out my phone and was looking at some Facebook posts. When Kate didn’t return in what I thought was a reasonable period of time, I got up and looked around the room and then went into an adjoining room where the bar is located. I didn’t see her and went back to the table. In a few minutes, our waiter came to me and asked if I was waiting for my wife. I told him I was. Then he told me that she was sitting at another table in a section on the other side of the bar. I went around and got her. She was drinking a glass of water that a waiter had brought her.
Kate wasn’t fazed in any way by the experience. She was just as she has been in every experience in which I have lost her. She goes to some location and waits for me to find her. As I escorted her back to our table, she said she wasn’t worried at all (and seemed not to be). I told her she had done the right thing to wait for me to find her and that I will always find her. She said, “I know you will.”
As we got in the car, Kate had to spit and when she did it went on the dashboard. This is not something she would ever have done in the past but is becoming more frequent.
