Thoughts in the night

Kate and I are in Asheville at the Haywood Park Hotel where we are celebrating our 54th anniversary . We drove in yesterday about 11:30 and had a nice lunch. Then we came back to the room for a couple of hours before taking a stroll around the downtown area where we visited a couple of bookstores.

It is 3:00 a.m. I woke up almost 45 minutes ago and haven’t been able to go back to sleep. I had forgotten to leave a light on before going to bed last night. I got up and turned the light on in the bathroom. That gave me quite a jolt imagining how Kate would have felt if she had waked up in a strange dark room.

It’s not that there have been any dramatic changes in her condition, but she continues to decline little by little. She has displayed more signs of confusion lately. Each time she does something unusual it reminds me that even I begin to believe she is doing better than she is.

This is not the first time that I have waked up in the middle of the night and let my thoughts wander thinking about her and how we will handle the future. I have something of a panicked feeling thinking about leaving her alone when I go to various meetings. I really need to make contact with an in-home service soon. I still plan to utilize the services of our housekeeper at the start. Recently I asked her to come on a Monday when I had a Rotary meeting. She has two Mondays a month when she could do this for me. That is the only regular meeting that I feel I must continue. I can skirt around the others for church, United Way, and the foundation.

I am going to stop now. I will continue my thoughts tomorrow. Right now I want to try to get some sleep.