Since my last entry on Wednesday when we went to the Shepherd’s Center and to Nashville, we have had a number of highs (a lot) and some lows (a few). The highs include attending a class at the Shepherd’s Center, visiting with the Davises in Nashville, Kate’s working for almost 3 hours in the yard yesterday morning and again for a while in the afternoon, and attending Opera Thursday last night at Casa Bella. The lows involve our visit with Ellen and several instances involving Kate’s clothes. Let me comment first on our time with Ellen.
This is another instance in which I might have prevented a problem but let it slip up on me. First of all, we found that Ellen’s speech was not better than it was on our previous visit. In fact, it seemed like we were able to understand less of what she said than before. We had a good conversation. We arrived just after 2:30, and planned to stay until 4:30. Just before 3:45, Kate indicated that it was time to go. I held back for a few minutes but then gave in to her desire to leave. When we got in the car, I learned that she had felt that Ellen and I dominated the conversation and left her out. She is right that we dominated the conversation. Ellen talked a lot as she has done on our previous visits. She has always been a big talker; however, I have felt that she must not have as much opportunity for conversation now that she is in assisted living. I think it is for that reason that she talks so much now which is ironic since it is so hard for her to be understood.
During the time we were there, I noticed that Kate was not talking much. I attributed that to her not having anything to say. I think, however, that the problem is that she is slow to interject her thoughts in a conversation while Ellen and I are more forceful. Kate was quite hurt by this which was a great disappointment on my part because I have been thinking of these visits as something that is good for her. I believe that the next time we visit I will leave the room for a while and give Ellen and Kate a chance to talk on their own. In addition, I will be more sensitive to Kate’s need to engage more fully in the conversation and not be so quick to jump in when there is a pause.
The other lows have involved Kate’s clothes once again. I am trying now to set out the clothes she could wear (though I haven’t yet done so this morning). I am finding that when I lay them out, she forgets. She throws or puts them other places. When I ask about them, she has no idea where they are or were or that I had put them out for her in the first place. The good news is that she seems to accept my selecting her clothes, something she has not wanted me to do in the past. This suggests a transition from her taking control of her clothes to my doing so.
As I have reported in the past, she has been having moments of panic attacks when she misplaces things. Most often this involves her clothes. Once yesterday, when she came out dressed in something different from what I had given her, she didn’t panic when I took her back to her room and looked for the clothes I had selected. She simply accepted my suggestion. It was an act of giving in. While this makes it easier for me, it is also hard on me to see her give up her independence because I know how important that has been to her.
