This morning before we went to breakfast with my Y group, Kate reminded me that I was going to take her by Walmart to look for plants. Even though I try to be supportive she knows that this is something I would rather not do. She thinks, however, that it is because I don’t want to have plants in the car. While that is a concern, I have worked it out so that we can put them in the trunk and have been doing so since the spring. The real issue is that she keeps buying plants even though we are getting to a season when things will start dying back. I don’t believe I should feel this way and try to hide it, but something shows I am not in full support of her purchases.
At any rate, as we were driving to the breakfast, she asked me if I thought she could drive again. I told her no. She asked me why. I told her because of her judgment and difficulty perceiving things around her. She didn’t say anything else until after leaving Walmart. She thanked me for taking her, and said she felt guilty. I told her I didn’t want her to feel any guilt. I told her I was happy to take her. She then said, “I feel like a child.” When we got home and had unloaded the plants, she said, “Imagine how you would feel if you lost your independence. I feel so trapped.” I tried to sympathize and even offered a time for us to stop and talk. She didn’t want to. I ended up coming to the office.
It is yet another reminder that she does have a grasp of her memory and other abilities and feels frustration over her condition. I can’t imagine fully what it is like to find there are so few things that she can do and how dependent she is on me. I wouldn’t like it either. This is a long road. Fortunately, there are many good things one can do, but the reality is that one loses more and more independence along the way.
