Feeling Down

Not much to report, but I have experienced a little anxiety yesterday and today. That coincides with Kate’s not having a good day yesterday. We went to Ruby Tuesday last night. It was Valentine’s Day, but we had been to the Valentine’s Ball Sunday as our celebration. We didn’t talk a lot about how she was doing, but after our meal, I said, “You didn’t have a good day today.” She acknowledged I was right but didn’t say it had been bad. I think we are both thinking about how long we are going to have while things are “normal.” We both know it hasn’t really been normal for a while. She has been frustrated over her forgetfulness a long time. I would guess it has been about 2 years. She hasn’t said so, but she may also be thinking about other things than forgetfulness – things like increasing frustration with doing everyday tasks, especially things on the computer, the TV, or the phones.

Tomorrow she has her behavioral evaluation with the psychologist. That is designed to determine how broad the effects of AD are. I have felt she has been unable to function effectively for at least a year if not longer. Again we haven’t exchanged this information, but I think we both fear that she is further along in her journey than we want to believe. One indication is that I mentioned our plans for our trip to Tanzania in January and said that I wouldn’t be booking the trip for a little while although I wanted to check what we need to do regarding any inoculations that are necessary. She said that was good because she wanted to hear what Dr. Reasoner has to say about the progression of her AD at her next appointment on March 2. This is coupled with her comment the other night that indicated she had a question about whether or not she would be able to make that trip.

I asked her last night if she felt I was hovering over her. She said I had not and that she would let me know if that occurred. I can’t say that I have felt like doing everything for her, but I have wanted to be with her and have been more willing to help her with things than I was before the diagnosis. I also sense a difference in her. She seems more willing to seek my help with things. It’s too early to be sure about this, but I know we each feel so dependent on the other because we can’t let others know about the diagnosis just yet. I keep wondering how long we will keep it to ourselves. It could be quite a while, especially if the disease progresses slowly as we hope it will.

On Sunday afternoon we had a brief conversation in which I mentioned some blogs written by people with AD. She said that was something she wouldn’t want to do; however, she could see herself journaling. I encouraged her and will follow up to see if she starts this. I think this could be good for her.

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