Posted on

A Nice Day for Me, But . . .

We had a nice weekend. We both enjoyed the opera, Electra, as well as our lunch at the Bluefish Cafe. On Sunday I taught my SS. Once again Kate did not go with me. I don’t believe she has gone with me since before Christmas.

It has been a fairly leisurely day for me. I went to the Y as I usually do on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and came home right afterward at 8:45. Kate was doing some straightening up in her room, something she has done a good bit of lately. I asked if she wanted to go to Panera this morning. She said she did, but she wanted to finish what she was doing. I thought it was good that she was getting her room straight; so I didn’t push her. As an aside, she has done a much better job keeping things straight lately. She has even been able to find clothes to wear. I don’t know if it has anything to do with the fact that I have started keeping a supply of slacks in my closet so that when she can’t find anything, I have something. In addition, she has been giving the slacks that don’t fit to our housekeeper. These two things mean that there are few items in her closet. It makes it somewhat easier to find something. I do want to take her to buy several new tops to wear. I think that would help as well.

I am always trying to address issues. Today I have explored a support group for her. So far I have been unable to identify a group for people with Alzheimer’s. There are plenty for caregivers, far fewer for the patients themselves. I have spoken twice with the national office of the Alzheimer’s Association. Today they gave me the name of a person in Nashville that is running a one-hour program that meets once or twice a month in one of their museums. It seems to be mostly a social occasion where patients and caregivers gather and have an opportunity to learn something about the museum. I have sent an email to the director and hope to hear from her tomorrow.

Several times over the past two weeks I have gotten Kate to come into the family room for us to watch episodes of “Grantchester” I had recorded from Masterpiece Theater. I really thought that she was enjoying it although she always works jigsaw puzzles on her iPad while we are watching. Two times over the weekend I suggested we watch something. She declined both times and said that I could watch. Of course, I wasn’t interested in doing that. My primary purpose was to do something together and hoping she would enjoy it. This afternoon I tried once again. She accepted my invitation, but when we sat down it was clear that she had little interested. Then at one point she said, “I think I could get into this.” A few minutes later she said, “I think I will go outside for a little bit. Is that all right?” I told her it was; so she left, and I turned off the TV and came into the kitchen where I am making this entry. This is another example of how hard one can try but not always win.

Posted on

The Rest of the Story

I cut off my previous entry because Kate said, “I want to go home now.” I asked why, and she told me to get a bra. We closed down our iPads and went home. We didn’t have much time as we were supposed to meet our friends for lunch in 20 minutes. We looked all around her room/office and did not find either of the bras we had purchased 7-10 days ago; however, I found an old one on the floor near her bed. I gave it to her, and we left.

Now back to the theme of the previous entry at 10:58 this morning. The potential breakthrough came when I told Kate (while at Panera) I would like to help her with her clothes if she would let me.” She nodded that she would. I told her we could start this afternoon. If she can remember this, we may be able to take a giant step toward being better organized with her clothes. I recognize, however, that this is a big “if.”

We had a very good time with our friend. When we got home from lunch, it was almost 2:30. I came inside while Kate remained outside. She stayed out there until shortly after 3:30. While she was pruning, I went back to her room to organize her clothes that were strewn all around the room. I sorted them into slacks that fit her, those that don’t, and those about which I am unsure. I also put all her tops together and put them on the bed in the guest room. I also tried to sort socks but wasn’t very successful. Most of them were single socks and not pairs of socks. These remain on her bed at the moment. I don’t believe Kate has been in her room yet, at least she hasn’t said anything about its being cleaned up. I believe it is possible that she won’t notice at all. I’ll give her a chance to notice before I say anything.

My next task is to buy some new socks, bras, and nightgowns. Last night she slept in a pair of slacks and a top.

Posted on

Cleaning up

It has been a while since I have commented on the condition of Kate’s rooms (2 guest rooms and her office). I am glad to report that she has kept them in much better order in the past few months. That has changed in recent weeks when I believe she has been trying to arrange her clothes in some kind of order to make it easier for her to find what she wants. In the short term (and perhaps the long term as well) it is back to being about as messy as it ever was. The difference is that it appears to be directly related to her sorting her clothes in preparation to put them in her closets. Each room seems to change in that it gets cleaned up and then after a while, it returns to a similar disorderly condition. Yesterday her office looked pretty good. I went in there about an hour ago after my morning walk, and clothes were laid out on her bed. I asked if she wanted to go to Panera. She said she would but wanted to continue cleaning up. I decided to let her do that as long as she cares to. We can go to Panera anytime.

I don’t know why she has tried to get her house in order, but I take that as a good thing. The big problem is that it goes pretty quickly back to its disorderly state.

Posted on

More Happy (many) and Sad (some) Moments

I find that my own mood which by nature is upbeat is heavily influenced by how my dad and Kate are doing. I have had a number of very good days with Dad since returning from Chautauqua. I continue to enjoy life to its fullest with Kate. On the other hand, I do notice things happening with her that make me sad. One thing that does both is her working in the yard. She loves to get out and prune and plant. She continues to buy new plants even though we are now approaching the end of the summer season. What makes me sad is that I believe she does this because it is the only thing that she is able to do without suffering any frustration. It seems like just about everything she tries to do on her own ends up with a problem of some sort. I must admit that I also have a tendency to get irritated when she neglects things that she might do in favor of working in the yard. Then I stop and realize why she is doing it and feel sad that she is left to this limited area of activity. Then I feel happy that she has something like gardening that I hope she will be able to do for a long time to come.

Yesterday afternoon I arrived home just as an upholsterer was about to load all the cushions from the patio furniture into his truck. I told him that he was supposed to be getting the cushions from the kitchen, not the patio furniture. Kate had pointed him to the patio cushions and forgot completely about the cushions in the kitchen’s bay window. Today when we went to a shop to order new cushions for the patio furniture. Our decorator asked if the upholsterer had come by. Kate told her that he hadn’t. I corrected her. In a few minutes she told me she was glad that I had come in at that time. She said she had already embarrassed herself by forgetting the upholsterer had come yesterday.

Another sad moment came the other night as we were driving somewhere to dinner. I asked her how she was, and she told me she felt “secure” when she was with me. This made me feel good that she knows she can depend on me; however, it made me feel sad that she is insecure in so many situations. She really wants to do things independently. In fact, she sometimes tells me that she can do something that I took the initiative of helping her with. As I indicated earlier, when she starts on something it becomes a problem for her. Here is one example. She wanted to do send an email to a friend from Denver  who is coming to visit us next week. She could never get around to doing it. I ended up writing the email and sending it from Kate’s computer so that our friend would see it came from Kate and not me.

Posted on

Always Trying

Earlier this morning I walked into our bedroom where Kate was entering something in her iPhone. She asked me what channel CNN was on. I told her I didn’t know but that I would get it for her. She said the “Favorites” feature wasn’t working. I got the channel, and she asked me what number it was. I told her “1202.” She then entered it into her phone. This is a good example of the many things she does to help herself function better. I admire her for trying. At the same time, I feel sad as she works so hard trying to organize herself to prevent losing things or to help herself remember how to do things.

I continue to repeat the same old story. I don’t know that anyone else but her hairdresser suspects she has AD, but she has a serious problem functioning with daily tasks. This past week she missed another hair appointment which she rescheduled for two days later. She didn’t have it written down, and she hadn’t given it to me to write on my calendar. We had developed the practice of her telling me when her next appointment is right after she leaves her present appointment. We goofed. She doesn’t remember scheduling the next one; so she is going to have to call and either make one or jot down the one she made.

I haven’t said anything about Dad in a while. I suppose that is a good sign. That means he hasn’t had a lot of problems. This past week I have, however, noticed a change. Three or four days he has been very hard to wake up. One day this week he was so hard to arouse that we sat in the dining room for an hour without his becoming talkative – just saying he wanted to go back to bed. He didn’t eat the cottage cheese I had brought him, and we went back to his room before his dinner arrived. He just wanted to sleep. The next day he was fine.

Posted on

Happy Moments in the Midst of Sadness

We returned Friday night (this is Monday) from a visit with Jesse’s family for Thanksgiving. Everything went well. Kate got along well. I don’t think a thing happened that would give either Jesse or Greg a clue that she has AD. One thing I will note is that Kate seems to have developed a more positive view of other people than she had before. I have noticed this for a good while – perhaps a year. That starts with me. She tells me much more often than she used to that she is glad she married me, that I am good to her, etc. I see the same thing in her judgment of other people. In particular she comments about how smart people are. I think this is a reflection of her inability to do so many things and her seeing others do these normal things without any effort.

Now on to the reason I chose the headline above. This past Saturday we went to Gregory’s for lunch. Near the end of our meal, Kate wanted to take a moment to update her calendar. She is working harder to jot down things she needs to remember in her calendar. She asked me when we were leaving for New York. I told her Wed., Dec. 5. I also told her that I thought she had already entered the information. She checked and said that she had. She asked me what time we were leaving. I gave her the departure and arrival times. First, she is getting good at trying not to digest too much information; so she held her hand up to stop me when I went beyond the departure time. Before moving on to the date and times for our trip back to Knoxville the following week, she struggled to get the correct information into her calendar. It took several minutes before she was ready to move on. I then gave her the arrival time in NY. That took her a little bit of time. Then we went to the return trip. This became a struggle, and she finally asked me to do it for her. When I checked the departure date and time, I found that she had entered it incorrectly. My point is that this can be looked upon as a sad situation and a frustrating one; however, we both laughed through it from beginning to end. This is not necessarily typical of these situations, but it is common. It reminds me of the way Dad reacts in many situations. He will just smile and say, “”My brain just won’t let me do it.” It is really something going through these things with both of them, but it is good news that we are sometimes able to make light of the situation.

An hour after writing the above I received a call from Kate asking me for the phone number for the president of our neighborhood association. The interesting thing is that I had just given her his cell phone number 20-30 minutes earlier. She also has both his and his wife’s cell phone numbers and home phone in the directory that she was using yesterday to make calls. She specifically indicated she had their numbers. I am sure, however, that she is simply unable to remember where she put the number I had just given her or that she has their number in the directory.

Posted on

Cleaning and Organizing

This morning I noticed that Kate was up and could see through the sliding glass doors from my view in the kitchen that she was working on the top drawer of her end table. I went in to say hello since she is rarely up that early (about 7:15). She was cleaning out and organizing her top drawer. The only reason I point this out is that for several months she has been trying to put more order in her life. She has worked on cleaning out closets and drawers, etc. I suspect this is a reaction to her feeling of a loss of control over things. She missed a meeting yesterday morning with a PEO. Kate had written it down for today instead – something she has done frequently over the past few years.