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Confusion This Evening

Kate worked outside from the time we returned from lunch (about 2:00) until I called her in for dinner about 5:15. As she has done over the past few months, she came in right away. You may recall that getting her to come in had been a problem for a good while. It wasn’t that she objected. It’s just that she would forget to come in. As she came inside, I asked if she wanted to shower before going to dinner. She said she did. Then she asked by hand signals which bathroom to use. In a few minutes, she came into the family room where I was watching a football game. She said, “Shoes” and pointed to her stocking feet. I went to the garage where she had left them and brought them to her. It was obvious that she had forgotten about showering. Apart from a few soiled spots on the top she was wearing, she looked fine, and I didn’t suggest that she change.

While we were eating, I received a text from Jesse who was in Indianapolis with her family for the weekend. They are big Tinan fans and are attending tomorrow’s game with the Colts. She had attached pictures of her boys at Topgolf. I showed them to Kate, and she asked their names. When I told her, she gave her usual response, “I know that; it just wouldn’t come to me.” Then she asked, “Who is my daughter?” I told her, and she gave a similar reply. I said, “That’s all right. Sometimes names just don’t come, especially when you are tired. You lost some sleep over the past few days.” Then she said, “And when you are hungry.”

During the meal, I told her that I was sure that Kevin’s family was glad to have Brian home for the holidays. There a pause. Then she said, “What’s his name again?” I told her. Then she asked, “Who are his parents?” She has asked this question a lot over the past month or longer.

When we got home, I went to our bathroom to brush my teeth. She was coming out. I told her I would get her medicine. She said, “I want to brush my teeth, but there’s not any of the stuff in there.” I told her I thought there was. I went to the drawer where the toothpaste and her toothbrushes are kept. They were there as usual. She just didn’t remember where to look. She has toothbrushes and toothpaste in each bathroom. She must have forgotten where it is kept.

A few minutes later, she walked into the bedroom with her robe. This has become rather typical. She gets a robe instead of her gown. When I asked if she wanted me to get her a gown, she said she did. This is also her normal reply to that question. I still haven’t figured out why she does this. Her gowns and her robes are all together in her closet. It just seems like it is easier to find a robe.

Throughout all of these things she has been in a good mood. She is unusually cooperative these days and happy as well.

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More Signs of Compliance

Today is Sunday, and it’s been a good day. Kate was up reasonably early though not as early as yesterday and the day before. I tried to interest her in church, but she didn’t bite. We did make our usual visit to Panera. Then we came home for about 45 minutes before leaving for lunch. Kate to a brief rest. Once I mentioned that it was about time for lunch, she got up both willingly and quickly. This was not characteristic of her one or two years ago. She is much quicker to come in from outside or stop whatever she is doing inside when I tell it is time to go. That certainly makes my life, and her, much better.

For the first time in quite a while we had a success with a movie, Jane, a documentary about Jane Goodall. It was an excellent movie that was enhanced by the discovery of over 100 hours taken Gumbe where she studied chimpanzees for thirty years. Kate loved it. As we walked out, she said, “This should be shown in every school.” Hers is a remarkable story and having original videos so that we could really see her with the chimps added to its impact.

After returning home from dinner, Kate went to her room and came back with a robe. This is something that occurs frequently when she has intended to get a gown. I asked her if she had wanted a gown. She looked a little surprised and then went back to get one. She brought one back to the bedroom but also brought a different robe. She had obviously forgotten that she had already brought one.

As I was getting out of the shower, she came in and said, “Question. Do you think I should go ahead and get into bed?” I told her I thought that would be a good idea. She doesn’t ask me every night, but it is common for her to ask me if it is time for bed and/or if she should put on a night gown. I am not sure what has prompted this. My suspicion is that there are so many things that I tell her it is time for that she is beginning to anticipate my questions. She is very sweet when she asks, and I must say I feel a touch of sadness when she feels she needs to ask me questions like this.

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More Confusion

As we were driving away from Chapultes after dinner tonight, Kate picked up a pair of sunglasses that had been in the side pocket of her door and asked if we were going to “take the same one tomorrow.” I didn’t know what she was talking about and asked if she meant the sunglasses. She said, “No, the car.” I didn’t press the issue. It sounded like she thought we were in a rental car instead of our own car.

Apart from this bit of confusion, it had been a good day. She was up early, and we were at Panera before 9:00. Today was my Rotary day; so the sitter was here at noon. For at least the third time in a row, I did not tell Kate that the sitter would be coming. She was outside working in the shrubs along the driveway when the sitter, Ella, arrived. She greeted Kate while I was still inside. She continued working on the shrubs while I gave some instructions to Ella. When I left, the two of them were together chatting as Kate did her her yard work. When I returned, I learned that they had been to Panera for a while. Kate had changed clothes; so I am sure she had come in from outside and taken a shower before they left. It’s been a good day.

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Leaving Texas

In the rental car center at the airport in Dallas, Kate asked me, “Where are we?” I said, “The Dallas airport in Texas.” She said sadly, I don’t wanna leave Texas.” I said, “But, we’ve had a good time” and gave her a hug. And she doesn’t realize she may not be back.   

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What does it mean to “know” someone?

This is a question I would like to explore in another post. It’s too late to start answering a question like this tonight. Let me simply mention something that happened today that prompted my query.

As Kate and I walked to our car after saying goodbye to our son, Kevin, his wife Rachel, and their son (our grandson), Brian, Kate asked, “Who is that boy?” I said, “That’s Brian.” She said, “Who are his parents?” I said, “Kevin and Rachel.” What makes this intriguing is that she had just spent almost two hours with a group of about a dozen family members including Brian and his parents (our son and his wife). We had also had lunch with them yesterday. In anticipation of our seeing them, I had mentioned Brian several times during the trip preceding yesterday’s lunch. Each time she was puzzled and asked, “Who are his parents?” Each time I explained.

I am fairly confident that when she was with Brian and his parents that she had a sense of who he is. It seems equally clear that when she asks the question, she does not know who he is. We normally think about an Alzheimer’s patient as either knowing or knowing others. This experience suggests to me that knowing is more than that. It’s a continuum. I think this deserves further exploration.

 

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Another Successful Day

2017-10-20 (9:29 pm)

In my previous post, I indicated my optimism that today would be another good day for Kate. I am happy to report that I was right. The main event was a lunch with four childhood friends of Kate’s. A couple of month’s ago, I had spoken with one of them, Laura Williams, about our planning to attend homecoming this year. In that conversation, Laura asked if there was anything she could do for Kate. I mentioned the possibility of getting several other old friends together for lunch. She said she would love to arrange that. At the time we were thinking about their going out to lunch someplace. When it came close to the time of our trip, Laura told me that another of her friends wanted to host them at her house. She had done that once before several years ago.

Laura chose two other friends who had also been close to Kate growing up. We talked about an appropriate number. I said having five including Kate was ideal. I tried to prepare Kate for this lunch by mentioning it to her a number of times over the past few weeks including the names of each of the four friends who would be there. I was not at all surprised when she could not remember either who the friends were or that we were even making the trip home.

This morning she seemed particularly concerned about getting their names correct. Several times she asked me to tell her the names again. This always came after my mentioning the lunch she was going to. Without these prompts, I don’t believe she would have even remembered that she was going to lunch with anyone.

As we were driving to lunch, she kept rehearsing the names of her four friends. I don’t recall that she ever got all four of them. Sometimes she struggled to get one. I told her I didn’t think she needed to worry about the names as she would remember the people when she saw them, and she wouldn’t have to call them by name. Of course, that didn’t stop her from trying.

I thought it might be good to remind her of our children and grandchildren. That led to a shortened version of the same kind of rehearsal of their names. It is only in moments like this that I really have evidence of how poor her memory has become. In much of our ordinary conversation, she is not required to use specific names or places etc. It is times like these when I am saddened. Other times I tend to think she is doing better than she really is.

I knew Kate’s time with her friends would go well the moment we arrived. All four of them greeted her warmly, and they immediately started getting updates from everyone. While Kate was at her lunch, I picked up a former professor and mentor for lunch.

When I returned to pick up Kate, they all told me what a wonderful time they had had. Two people specifically thanked me for suggesting this opportunity. I was touched by the reception Kate received as well as the joy on her face.

The hostess, Linda Turner, told me that an old friend, Marjorie Eggleston, lived nearby and would love to see us if we had time. Marjorie is now 93 and in a wheel chair, but her mind is sharp. She and I often spent some time together chatting at various family celebrations. We thought of ourselves as buddies at that time. It was good to see that we still feel the same after all these years. Kate was equally thrilled to see Marjorie as her parents had been close friends of Marjorie’s husbands parents. They had been like an aunt and uncle to Kate.

As thrilled as she was to see Marjorie, Kate was also confused. She kept thinking that Marjorie was her husband’s mother whom she thought of as an aunt.

We ended the day with a reunion dinner at TCU. There were very few people there whom we knew, but it was nice to see them.

It turned out to have been as nice a day as I had hoped.

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An Early Start on the Day

We had a quiet evening after getting to Fort Worth yesterday afternoon. We had dinner at the Italian Village, a long-time favorite of Kate’s parents and of ours as well. We spoke with two of the children of the original owner. They remember Kate’s parents and their friends. It was a nice beginning to our weekend here.

We slept well until 3:15 when Kate got up to go to the bathroom. I am always concerned about this. On several occasions she has gotten up and tried to open the door to the hallway thinking she was going into the bathroom. At least once she had actually walked down the hall before I caught her. These experiences remind me of my father’s telling me that he had tied a string between his arm and my mother’s to prevent such things. I didn’t understand at the time. It is all too clear now.

It is somewhat more complicated at this particular hotel. I usually leave the light on in the bathroom and crack the door open enough to serve as a night light. At this hotel, the light only remains on for a certain amount of time. Then it clicks off automatically. For that reason, Kate struggled to find the bathroom. I told her to walk straight ahead and then open the door on her right. First, she tried to open the door to the adjoining room which is on the left. I repeated that she should turn to the right, but, of course, the door on her right was now the door to the hall. She tried that. I had the security latch on which prevented her getting to the hall. I told her again to look for the door on the right. She got it.

As usual, she was in the bathroom a long time. I began to be concerned that she might be having a problem and asked several times if she needed help. She said she was fine. Finally, she came back to bed. By this time, I was wide awake. I kept thinking about things to do and concerns about Kate and future travels and all sorts of other obligations. About 4:15, I got up and ran in place for about ten minutes. I have found that this helps me to relax once I am back in bed. It worked. I didn’t go back to sleep immediately, but I did get back to sleep. I didn’t wake up until 7:30, a rare event for me.

I got up and dressed. Then I went downstairs to see about breakfast. The hotel offers a continental takeout breakfast. I got two of those and came back to the room. Kate had gotten up. I ate my breakfast. She ate a muffin a drank her orange juice. Then she took a shower and dressed. At this point it was 8:45. She was ready to get out of the hotel room. I suggested we take our iPads and go to Sadie’s Cafe, a breakfast and lunch place that is owned by former neighbors of her parents. We were over there for an hour before coming back to our room where Kate has been resting.

We leave in 15 minutes. I have arranged for Kate to have lunch with four of her childhood friends at the home of one of them. I have repeatedly told Kate about this and the names of the people who will be there. She still couldn’t repeat them if I asked her to; however, these are people she will recognize and with whom she should Be quite comfortable. I am very optimistic about this.

While Kate is having lunch, I am picking up a former professor and taking him to lunch. He was very important in my career. He encouraged me to pursue sociology at a time when I was struggling to figure out what kind of career to pursue. We, too, should have a good time.

 

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Lunch with Another Friend and Then to Fort Worth

First, an aside. Four years ago today, my dad celebrated his 100th birthday. He was in rare form that day. He entertained the crowd of 94 with his reflections on life in in youth and comments about the people and changes he had seen. Two days later, I received a call at 6:30 a.m. telling me that they were taking him to the emergency room. He died exactly two weeks later. He left us in style. I never feel sad about his death. He lived life to the fullest and retained his sense of humor to the very end. To me he was a model of optimism and adaptability. Although he suffered hardships at various times in his life, especially as a teenager when his dad left his mother and him for another woman, he always made the most “of the hand he was dealt.”

Now a comment or two on our second full day in Texas. Although we had had a full day yesterday, Kate was up early this morning. I had gotten up an hour or more before she did and brought scrambled eggs and sausage to the room for me as well as a couple of muffins, yogurt, and orange juice for her. After she had dressed, she was ready to go just like she is when we are at home. I suggested we walk over to Starbucks which we had done yesterday. We were there about an hour before returning to the room for a break. Then we headed to meet another childhood friend of Kate’s, Meg Wright.

Unfortunately, I had given Meg the wrong location of the restaurant where we were to meet. Thus, we got together a little later than I had intended. That did not, however, diminish the fun that Kate and Meg had before, during, and after our meal. When it was time for us to leave, Meg and Kate hugged each other. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought that this may be the last time these two see each other.

Once again, Kate has shown some confusion over a number of things. This morning she got up and went to bathroom while I was in the other room. She walked out of the bedroom, and I asked if I could help her. She asked me where the bed was. She was standing only a few feet from it. I pointed to it and said, “Right there.” She turned around and went back to bed. A little later, she got up again and asked me where the bathroom was.

While we were waiting for Meg, she asked me several times who it was we were waiting for. Several times, I also mentioned our grandson, Brian. Each time she asked me who is parents were. I told her he is our son and daughter-in-law’s son. I’m not sure if she ever got that straight. I think a lot of information is being thrown at her, and she is in overload.

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The End of our First Day in Texas

2017-10-18 (10:01 pm)

Late this afternoon we met our friends Nancy and Charlie Hardwick. Kate had known Nancy in junior high and high school. Charlie and I had been roommates at TCU during our sophomore year. We have visited them a number of times over the years when we were in Denton where Nancy has lived for more than 28 years. This is a second marriage for both of them. Charlie was diagnosed with dementia more than five years ago. Nancy had told his friends about him several months before our 50th class reunion. That means that he and Kate were diagnosed about the same time. Either he was diagnosed later than Kate or the progression of his illness has been more rapid as he is further along on his journey. In fact, I got a text from Nancy before we met saying that Charlie would not remember us.

We met at a restaurant near their house. When we walked in, Nancy told us that when she mentioned that they were going to meet us for dinner, Charlie said, “You mean Kate Franklin?” At least he remembered her name. As we got out of the car, Kate said, “You’re going to have to do all the talking for me.” That turned out not to be true at all.

We had a delightful time with them. We simply picked up where we had left off when we last saw them two years ago. We took pictures and reminisced about our college days and exchanged information about the college friends with whom we had kept up. I believe all four of us were disappointed that we might not have this experience again. I know that Charlie and Kate will not have thought that, but Nancy and I did.

As we walked to the car, Kate said, “Were they just passing through town?” I said, “No, they live here.” She said, “Where are we?” I told her we were in Dallas (again). Despite these moments of confusion, this was one terrific day. I am sorry it is over but know there is more to come.

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Emotional Moments in Denton

Kate’s cousin, Sharon, picked us up at our hotel for lunch and a couple of stops afterward that provided Kate with some very special emotional moments. First, we went to lunch where we had time for lots of reminiscing about many happy family times. Sharon is only a year or so younger than Kate, and her memory is fully in tack. She remembers with some details stories of individual family members and especially the family Christmas traditions. She told us about the three times that the entire family gathered together in three different homes of family members. They began with the exchange of presents about 10:00 at one house. Everyone dispersed to their own home after that and came back together in the early afternoon for lunch. That was followed by individual family time at their own homes. Then they came back together in the evening for light snacks and desserts leftover from lunch.

As Sharon recounted these family stories, Kate was elated. It was a touching experience for me to see how enthusiastically she listened to them. After lunch, we went back to Sharon’s house. It is filled with many items from her mother and father’s home as well as other special things from the homes of other aunts and uncles. She even has a door that came from Kate’s and Sharon’s grandparents home. It opens out to the deck on the back of the house.

Kate responded tearfully to both the things her cousin showed her as well as the things she told her. As an observer, it was touching to see the way Kate responded. Sharon brought our time together to a close with another special moment. She drove us to the home of her son and his wife to show us the dining room table and chairs that were originally in Kate’s parents’ home. I believe her parents bought them when they moved into their home in 1949. The chairs still had the original fabric on the cushions.

Sharon drove us back to our hotel where Kate rested a while before dinner. This experience is certain to be a highlight of our trip, but we have several other get togethers that I hope Kate will also view as meaningful. One of those is coming up at dinner when we are meeting a couple we have known from Fort Worth and TCU. We should have a lot of memories to discuss.

One final and interesting end to our visit occurred when Sharon dropped us off at our hotel. As we walked away from her car, Kate said, “Now who is she?” I told her that was her cousin, Sharon. This is yet another example of what strange twists can occur with this disease. I am confident that she understood who Sharon is throughout our time with her, but something happened right at the end that caused her to forget.