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Other Things I Notice

We are having a good day. We went to the Scott Roselle talk radio broadcast this morning. He interviewed David Harrison, our morning lecturer, who is a linguist and professor at Swarthmore. That was followed by the lecture itself. We were glad to have attended both. It was a great Chautauquq experience.

While at the Roselle broadcast, Scott asked the small audience if anyone would like to ask Harrison a question. The woman seated next to Kate raised her hand. He motioned her to come to the mike. Then they took a commercial break. As the woman started walking to the mike, another woman stepped in front of her and started a conversation with Harrison. In a couple of minutes, Kate decided she wanted to ask him a question; so she got up and positioned herself between the two women. When the first woman finished her conversation with Harrison, Kate jumped ahead of the woman who was the first one to want to ask a question. Then she talked long enough that it was time for Roselle to start up his interview again. Kate never realized what she had done. This is a good example of the effects of Alzheimer’s that do not directly involve memory.

That makes me think of something else that I observed that falls in this same category. While we were at breakfast at our B&B in Niagara-on-the-Lake, she spilled orange juice on the table as she was a pouring herself a glass. This could happen to anyone, but this kind of thing is especially common for Kate. Today as we were taking our food from the serving line to a table, she dropped her iPad. She had been struggling to carry her seat cushions and the tray on which she was carrying her food. Once again, this could happen to anyone. It is just far more common for her. It requires me to be on my toes, but I am always failing.

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Lost At Chautauqua

It is only our first whole day at Chautauqua, but I lost Kate this afternoon about 20-30 minutes after we had been to a play. After the play, we walked by the St. Elmo. She wanted to go in a couple of shops that are on the lower level. I took a couple of photos outside. When I finished, I went downstairs to the shops. I saw her in a shop and waited outside the door to connect with her when she finished. When she didn’t come out in about 10 minutes, I went in to find her. She wasn’t there. I asked someone who works there if she had seen her. She didn’t remember her. I then learned that there is another entrance and exit to the shop. I looked through the other shops and had someone check the ladies room. No sign of her. I went outside thinking that she might be waiting there. Still no sign of her. I went back to the shop where I had been waiting and told the person I was going back to our apartment. She wasn’t there. That didn’t surprise me. I didn’t think she would even remember the name. I went back to St. Elmo. She was nowhere to be found. I waited outside looking in all directions. Then I got a phone call. It was Kate. She had borrowed someone’s phone to call me. She told me where she was. I told her to wait right there. She had gone in a direction completely away from the St. Elmo as well as our apartment. She said she felt foolish. She hadn’t remembered the name of the place we are staying. I have now given her one of my business cards with the name and address of our apartment.

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Our Trip to Niagara-on-the-Lake

I am letting Kate sleep a little longer this morning while I check email, read the paper and write down a few thoughts on the last couple of days. As I was writing, she got up. This works well. We are not in a hurry this morning, but if we can get away by 10 or 10:30, we will get to the Italian Fisherman on Chautauqua Lake for lunch before the crowd arrives. We can have a leisurely lunch and then get to Chautauqua  around 2:00 or 2:30.

So far it has been a good trip, but we have had a few challenging moments. As usual, I had some difficulty getting Kate started on her packing. The problem for me is that if I don’t try to get her started, she won’t get ready at all. On the other hand, if I do let her know it is time to get ready, she resents it and takes a passive aggressive stance. She usually says something like, “I’ll get ready. Leave me alone.” Her tone of voice captures her irritation with me. This is what happened the afternoon before we left. The morning we left, she still wasn’t dressed 30 minutes before leaving for the airport. When I told her how much time we had, she became irritated and asked me to leave her alone. She was quite upset when we left about 10 minutes later than I had planned. Fortunately, I try to allow plenty of time to permit short delays like this. On the way to the airport, she said, “You should just shoot me.” This is something she says periodically though not frequently. My interpretation of what has occurred is that she does in fact resent my efforts to get her ready, and she blames me for being anal. At the same time, she really does recognize her own role in these occurrences and probably links it to her Alzheimer’s.

She and I have both enjoyed our stay in Niagara-on-the-Lake. We saw three plays yesterday. All were well acted and staged. She enjoyed a long conversation we had with our neighbors in the room next door the first afternoon. Yesterday she seemed tired even though she slept well the night before. She lay in the bed after breakfast and took a nap after lunch. Then we attended another play at 2:00 that ended at 4:30. She was tired and took another nap. While she was resting (not sure if she actually went to sleep), I went out on the porch and visited with our neighbors again. When I came back in, she was sitting up in bed working a jigsaw puzzle. She looked a little irritated with me. I think she may have resented my having spent so much time talking with the neighbors. I asked if she wanted to get something to eat. She said she did but wanted to finish what she was doing. She then took another 10-15 minutes until I asked if she were ready to go eat. She got up. She acted very sleepy and did not speak much at all through dinner.

At intermission, she waited until it was almost time to go back in the theater before asking for something to drink. She started drinking it as they rang for us to return. She had done something similar at the earlier play in the afternoon. I believe this kind of thing occurs because she does not have a sense of time. She is simply unable to judge how much time she has and what she can accomplish in that time. I know it must be frustrating for her as well. In both of these instances She had to dispose of her drink before finishing it.

Addendum to Post Above

We are back from our breakfast. Kate immediately got into the bed and is resting. This, as I have mentioned in other posts, continues to be a pattern for her. While at breakfast she got up and sat at another table that she thought looked cozy. When our host at our B&B brought our omelets, she got up. I thought she was coming back to the table, but she walked through the garden in front of the porch where we had been seated and then stopped by another table and talked about 10 minutes talking with guests at another table. I wanted to get up and bring her back to our table but decided not to do so because she seemed to be enjoying herself. I just hated to interrupt her.

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Booked a Cruise

Last night I bit the bullet and booked a 13-day cruise from Rome to Amsterdam. I had requested information on the cruise on their website on Monday and received an email that night. I sent an email asking about cancellation penalties if we should not be able to make the trip. I told him about Kate’s Alzheimer’s. His email response indicated that we could book for $600 and cancel up to Feb. 23, 2016. At that time we could purchase insurance that would cover the balance of the period before and during the trip. I called to talk with him after dinner last night. I discovered that the rooms were going rather quickly as this would be the christening cruise for one of their new ships. After asking questions and checking room availability. I went ahead with the booking figuring that I should have a much better idea of whether or not we can do it by Feb. 23.

Tomorrow we leave for Niagara-on-the-Lake and Chautauqua. We return on Saturday night, August 8. Things continue to go well though Kate’s short-term memory still brings surprises and requires careful coordination. For example, last Friday night after seeing Dreamgirls at the Bijou, Ellen told us she was having abdominal pain and that it was similar to what she had felt when she had had a kidney stone about 7 years ago. We ended up in the emergency room at Providence until almost 3:00 a.m. We got to bed at 3:30 and I was up at 7:30. Kate slept a little later. At lunch I asked her if she felt sleepy. She looked puzzled and asked why I would ask that. I explained that I thought maybe she hadn’t slept well. She said she had slept fine. It was clear that she had forgotten that we had been at the hospital with Ellen most of the night.

Yesterday we had a bump in the road. I had hired someone to power wash our patio, driveway, and brick wall. We had been to Lowe’s yesterday morning to buy some plants, and Kate had taken a large plastic container that I use in the trunk of the car when we bring home plants. This helps protect the trunk of the car. At any rate she had left it outside. It had rained and had created a mess in the container. She took it around back and dumped it out on the freshly clean drive right behind the garage. I reacted immediately and said something like “I just paid the guy the clean this.” That was all it took. She said, “I can never do anything right.” I have learned it is better for me not to say anything after a misstep like that. She went on to talk about how picky I am. Fortunately she calmed down, and it was all forgotten.

Then tonight we had another hiccup when I asked her if she had packed the new clothes she had bought the other day. She looked puzzled. I know that she has no idea where they are. She was frustrated and asked me to help her when we got back home from dinner. I told her I loved her, that I wanted to help her so much, but she wouldn’t let me. At least two of the outfits she had been pleased with and believed would be ideal for Chautauqua. My problem is that she won’t let me help her put them up so I know where they are. I also try to take pictures of new clothes, but she put them up before I could take pictures. It is frustrating for me, and I know it must be even more so for her.

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Assessing the trip to New York

Looking back at the trip to Switzerland as well as the trip to New York, I would have to say that both went quite well for Kate. Although I felt that greater demands were placed on me during both trips, they were terrific for Kate in that she was kept busy doing things that interested her. She handled everything well except the usual difficulty in meeting time deadlines. Even here, the problem is really one for me and not for her. She doesn’t worry about being on time for anything. She only gets up tight when I am encouraging her, sometimes having to push her, to get ready.

As I think about it, I feel she is getting along better right now and that I am also less frustrated. I am not sure whether this is the result of an improvement on her part or that I have become more accustomed to her decline in short-term memory. At any rate, I feel that things are moving along rather smoothly.

I continue to notice that Kate gets irritated with me and not always because I am rushing her to get ready. She continues to want to be more independent. She seems to be working hard to demonstrate her capabilities to me. She believes that I don’t think she can do anything, and that annoys her. It is then expressed in things she says to me. One of the little things that happens is that she does not want to take my hand when I extend it to cross a street, go up steps, etc. This has become a sign that she is needy, and she doesn’t like it.

Looking ahead, I am unsure about whether we will be able to attend Chautauqua after this year. I have already thought that if we do, it might be easier if we stayed at the Athenaeum Hotel because it offers three meals a day. That would make things easier for us.

 

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The Trip to New York

We have been back from NYC for 3 days, and I have not written a word about our trip and how it went. The first thing to say is that it was a very good trip. With respect to my plans, I would say that everything worked out perfectly. We did an amazing variety of things and gave the grandchildren a good taste of the city. Kate got along well. It was good that we had Jesse and Ken with us to help with the three boys. I could never have managed Kate and the grandchildren by myself.

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The Flight Home

Kate’s iPad’s battery ran down with a couple of hours to go. I let her use mine. Then they served a snack and she gave my iPad back to me. After the snack she wanted to work more jigsaw puzzles. She reached over to my lap and got her iPad. When it wouldn’t turn on, I reminded her that the battery had died. I gave her mine again. After a while she decided to try to sleep. Then she got her iPad and discovered the battery was dead.

As long as I have known her, she has avoided eating anything with coconut in it, but today they served coconut cake. She ate it without even thinking what kind of cake it was. I have observed similar things back home.

She has continued to have deja vu experiences while on the trip. At lunch in Bern yesterday, she noted having seen the photos on the wall.

Our waiter set two places across from each other at a table for 4. After I took my seat, she sat down diagonally across from me. When I mentioned that she might want to join me, she said, “We can each choose individually.” This is also something she has done when we are eating out at home.

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Friday Morning At The Zurich Airport

The first thought I have about the trip is that it has been just what I had hoped for. We went to a nice variety of places (Geneva, Interlaken, Lucerne, Zurich), engaged in quite a few diverse activities from city tours, to mountain heights, to paragliding, and opera. I am aware that emotionally I have felt up most of the time but also discouraged a few times. The most negative aspect of this or any other trip we might make is the responsibility of planning and executing daily activities while at the same time caring for Kate. It is not that she has presented any serious problems. It is more like the responsibility a parent has for a child. In fact, I believe that is an excellent comparison. Like a young child, she often is confused, forgets things, loses things, spills things, is unaware of clothing that is soiled, gets hot and wants to take off her coat, gets cold in a moment and wants to put it on, etc. Some of the more discouraging moments have occurred when she gets frustrated with me. She realizes she needs my help but often resents my stepping in to help. This means I am always working to determine what I should and what I shouldn’t do.

We are ending the trip as I expected. I believe this is the last such trip we will take. We have several domestic trips between June and December. I cannot imagine my planning another international trip after that time. I continue to believe that 2015 will mark a significant change I her condition. It already has, and I suspect this will continue.

As I write this journal entry, Kate is writing an email on her iPad. She seems to be having difficulty. She believes she is online, but I doubt it. Normally This is something I would have to help her with. No matter. She can save a draft and send when she is online. We only get one free hour in the airport; so it seems wise to work offline until ready to send.

Several times she has asked me to take a picture of her with a Coke to send to her cousin in Fort Worth. She then thinks that taking it with my camera means it has been sent. Sometimes she realizes this is not the case. This is a good example of the kind of confusion that goes on regularly whether on a trip or at home.

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Thursday Morning In Zurich

It is now 10:16 a.m. We came back from breakfast about 20-25 minutes ago. Kate immediately got back into bed and appears to be asleep though she may just be resting. She was unusually groggy when I got her up for breakfast. I had gotten up at 7:35; so I was ready for breakfast. I had held on by eating some dried fruit that we bought at the train station yesterday morning before taking a city tour at 1:00. We met a family from Boca Raton, FL who were on the same tour. It was a worthwhile tour, but when the guide pointed out things along the way, it was difficult to see them, and they passed so quickly.

We came back to the hotel after the tour. We stopped off at a shoe store beside the hotel and bought a pair of shoes for Kate. The best deal we have made in Switzerland – $20. She rested a little when we got back to the hotel. Then we dressed for the opera. Neither of us had brought along anything that was dressy, but it didn’t matter. We saw all kinds of attire.

We took the tram to the stop that was nearest the opera house – 1 block away. Then we looked around for a place to eat. We found a place named Weissen Wind. It turns out that it is in a building constructed in 1434. We had a very good meal. Kate had poached salmon with mixed vegetables and rice. I had a veal and mushroom dish with rosti.

The opera house and La Traviata were wonderful. We had seats on the second row. We both agreed that this was the very best opera experience we have had.

It was a good day. I have been keeping a close eye on Kate. She has been on me about not doing so. She tells me I will never change. She has no idea how hard I work at doing so, but she is right in that I am always missing things. I am far from perfect. Yesterday I dropped my napkin on the floor at a restaurant. She pointed it out to me. I said, “you take such good care of me.” She immediately started laughing because she is always saying the same thing to me. It was one of those moments in which we both know that each of us recognizes her AD, but we don’t say anything specific about it.

Today is our last full day in Switzerland. Tomorrow we fly to London. We are taking a train to Bern to see it before returning to Zurich for dinner tonight. I can still say it has been a great trip.

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Wednesday Morning In Zurich

We caught an 11:10 train from Lucerne to Zurich. We arrived at the Bahnhof Oerlikon which is directly across the street from our hotel. We could see immediately that we had moved from the beauty of Lucerne to the big city. Quite a contrast. After a quick lunch at Burger King, we went directly to the TI office downtown and got information on several things we could do. From there we caught a boat on the river that took us to several spots on Lake Zurich. We got off at the pier where we could have caught a big boat for a longer boat ride around the lake. We chose, however, to walk to the opera house to get tickets to La Traviata tonight. Then we walked along the river and saw the Grossemunster (the exterior) and Fraumunster (inside as well as the outside). From there we looked for a place to have dinner. We saw an Italian restaurant named Contrapunto and decided to try it. Great decision. Food, service, and ambiance were terrific. This was our second great meal after the Café de Paris our first meal in Geneva.

Once again I would say that our trip is going well. I find that it places a load on me, but so long as I avoid rushing, we can simply enjoy being here. Despite the fact that Kate likes to rest in the hotel room, she is able to go long periods away from the hotel. I don’t see any signs of getting tired while we are out that are different than I would see for most other people.

She was excited about getting tickets to the opera. She also enjoys walking along the neighborhoods. She has taken an interest in seeing Reformation sites like Calvin’s church in Geneva. Both Grossemunster and Fraumunster fall in that category.

It is going to be rainy and cool today. We have overcast skies right now. I can see that the pavement outside is wet, but I don’t see anyone using an umbrella. It is 9:00 am. She has just had a shower and is dressing for breakfast. There is a walking tour of the central city at 1:00. I think we will eat and make our way downtown before then.

Just a moment again while I was writing the paragraph above, Kate said, “Do we have to go home?” I think that captures her feelings about the trip. That makes me feel good. Periodically, she has mentioned wanting to live here (Switzerland). It has been a very good trip.