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Still Tired

We had a nice trip home from Memphis yesterday. It was a full day. We stopped for lunch at a Cracker Barrel west of Nashville. Then we stopped in Nashville to visit with Ellen for a couple of hours. While Kate and Ellen were talking I ran over to the Courtyard Inn where we had stayed last Friday night. I had left my backpack with camera and supply of medications. I also neglected to clean out the closet. I left my belt as well as a sweater set and khaki slacks of Kate’s. As we came into Knoxville, we stopped for dinner. It was just about 7:30 when we got home, 11 hours after leaving Jesse’s house. Kate stayed awake the entire time. She often closes her eyes even if she doesn’t sleep. This time her eyes were awake the whole time.

Today she has been quite tired. This is the day for us to attend the Shepherd’s Center. Our first class begins at 9:00. Kate had gotten up as I came back from a morning walk. She had a glass of apple juice with her medications. Then she went back to bed. At 8:00 am, I went in to let her know we would need to leave in 45 minutes. She was quite groggy. I asked her if she still wanted to go. She did and got up. She came into the kitchen and got some yogurt. Then she went back to her room to get ready. I checked on her at 8:30. She wasn’t ready. She got a little irritated that I was rushing her. I backed off and decided to let her take her time. A few minutes before 9:30, she came into the kitchen where I was working on my computer. I asked if she were ready. She nodded that she was. Knowing that the Holocaust class had started at 9:00 and that it would take 15 minutes for us to get there, I told her the Holocaust class had already begun but that we could take a few minutes to stop by Panera and get a muffin. Then we could catch the other two classes. She was disappointed and said, “That’s the class I really wanted to go to. Was it my fault?” I looked at her. Before I could say anything, she said, “Why didn’t you make me get ready?” I told her I had tried.

We went to Panera and she seemed all right except that she seemed very tired. We sat in on the first class and then went to the second one on classic movies. When we arrived the teacher was not there. We took a seat. A gentleman who had been in the previous class with us sat next to her. I started a conversation with him. Kate got up and left the room. I assumed she was going to the rest room. Shortly after that, the teacher arrived and set up the DVD. Then she started the movie. I got up to check on Kate who hadn’t returned. I looked around in the hallway outside our classroom but didn’t see her. I walked down the hall and found her in a room that had a variety of books and other things. I told her the class was beginning. She came along with me. We went back to our seats. During the class, she appeared to be bored. She was looking around the room most of the time. We were watching The Americanization of Emily starring James Garner and Julie Andrews. We had watched part of it last week. At one point when Julie Andrews appeared on the screen she said, “She reminds me so much of Julie Andrews.” I told her it was Julie. She said, “I thought so.” I tried to imagine what was going through her mind as we watched the film. It must be so mystifying not to be able to follow what’s going on, what the teacher is saying, etc. She is working so hard understand the world around her.

As we were walking to the car, she said, “I really like old movies.” It was obvious that she derived some element of pleasure even though she didn’t understand much of what was happening.

On the way to lunch she closed her eyes. She looked very tired. When we sat down at a booth at the restaurant, she closed her eyes again and leaned her head on her hand with her elbow on the table. She looked so forlorn.

When we left the restaurant, I told her I would take her to Lowe’s. She was pleased. Then we got a call from an electrician who was coming out to the house to fix a light in Kate’s closet; so we went home. I told her I would take her after the electrician left. When he was finished, she was in bed resting. I asked her about Lowe’s. She said she would like to go later. That was over an hour ago. She is still resting.

This makes me think that the trip demanded more of her than I thought. I’ve heard many older people say it takes a while to rest up after their children leave or after a trip. Perhaps this is what Kate is experiencing. Life just wears her out.

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A Few Observations

Kate came downstairs just before 9:00 this morning. She had some yogurt and juice. Then she went back upstairs to rest a bit before we went to  a local coffee shop where we often go in the morning while we are in Memphis. She came back down before 10:30, and we left. While there, she was sleepy and put her head down to rest. It seemed a little early for lunch; so I encouraged her to hold on 15 minutes or so which she did. Then we had a nice lunch at a pizza place by the waterfront. We had a nice lunch. She continued to feel a little tired up until our meal arrived. After eating, Kate said she wanted to go to the rest room. I pointed to the area where it is located. She gave me a scowl indicating she didn’t need my help. I watched as she went in that direction. When she got near, she looked at a sign beside a door. I believe it was the sign for the men’s room. She then turned and was out of sight, but I know the rest room was down that way. When she came back she apparently didn’t see me in the booth where we were eating. She walked right by and spoke with a family with a small child. Then she went toward the front of the restaurant. I finished taking care of the check. When I finished, I got up and saw her standing at the reception stand at the front of the restaurant. Then we walked out. I am sure she lost me and realized the best place was to wait at the front. She was right.

As we drove home, she closed her eyes and rested. When we got back, I told her she would have plenty of time to rest. We came in, and she walked with her iPad into the living room and sat down in a chair. I got my computer and sat with it in a chair near her. In a few minutes, she asked, “Is it all right if I go upstairs to rest.” I told her that would be fine. Then she said, “What if I want to go to sleep?” I told her again that it would be fine. She is so childlike when she does this. It doesn’t happen often, but it sounds as though she is really seeking my permission. I wonder if she does this because she can’t remember plans that we might have coming up and is making sure that her rest doesn’t interfere with whatever is on our agenda.

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Having a Pleasant Stay in Memphis

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Jesse and her boys drove to Nashville with friends to see Lion King; so Kate and I had the day to ourselves. At first, Kate seemed a little bored in the short time after she woke up. She didn’t get up until 9:00 or so and wasn’t dressed for the day until 10:00. Because it was Mother’s Day we had reservations for lunch. It was jam packed when we arrived, but we were seated right away. We enjoyed our meal. Then we came back to the house where Kate rested for about an hour while I worked on the computer and read the paper.

After that we went to the an old cemetery where they were having special guided tour at 3:00. For some reason Kate had originally said she didn’t want to do the tour, just visit the garden. The tour had just started when we arrived, and she seemed to enjoy it. The cemetery is beautiful, very park-like. When we finished, it was 4:15. Kate expressed interest in eating. That surprised me somewhat because we had finished a big lunch at 1:00. I do know from the past that she often feels like she is hungry long before it would be a normal time to eat. I thought about going someplace just to have something to drink. Then Kevin called to wish Kate a happy Mother’s Day. While we were talking, I drove to the river front. After Kevin’s phone call, it was 4:45; so we went into a restaurant with the intent of getting a light dinner. It turned out we split a prime rib and followed that with a Boxcar Brownie. It was two fudge brownies with three scoops of ice cream. We were stuffed but happy.

We came back to the house where we watched a little TV until Jesse and the boys followed by by their dad. He had flown home after being gone for a month or so.

We got to bed around 10:00. We had had a good day.

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From Memphis

We had a leisurely trip to Memphis where we met Jesse and the boys for a Lacrosse game. Their team lost, but they didn’t seem too disturbed by it. They have been playing 4 years and enjoy it.

Kate has gotten along pretty well but does get confused when we are in different places. Yesterday morning as I was finishing up in the bathroom before running out to Starbucks for coffee and a couple of blueberry muffins for her, I heard the door to the room open. I opened the bathroom door and found that she had gotten out of bed and opened the front door looking for a bathroom. I told her she could come in (to the bathroom). She said, “That’s all right; I’ll just go to another bathroom.” She obviously thought she was at home.

I won’t take this time for a serious discussion of how I am adapting as Kate’s condition worsens. I will only say that I believe I am letting a number of things slip that are a result of trying to think of so many things in connection with Kate as well as my own obligations. On this trip I left my backpack with my camera and backup medications in the hotel room in Nashville along with some of Kate’s clothes and my black belt. Fortunately, they found the backpack. I will pick it up as we pass through Nashville on Tuesday. I made a subsequent call about the things in the closet, but I haven’t checked back to see if they found them. I am optimistic that they did since they found the backpack. We haven’t come close to the situation described in the 36-Hour Day, but I can easily see how one can feel there are not enough hours in the day to do it all.

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From Nashville

Kate and I are going to Memphis tomorrow to visit with our daughter, Jesse, and her two boys. We arrived at our hotel room in Nashville about 25 minutes ago and are settled in our room. Kate is resting right now. As soon as she is ready, we will go over to the mall where I would like for us to look for some tops to go with various color slacks. I would also like to get her a couple of pairs of khakis for everyday wear. Clothing continues to be an issue although we are making progress. She is getting more accepting of my help. That ony occurs when she just can’t find something. She almost always likes to try on here own first, but it is getting harder and harder for her. The problem is twofold. First, she can’t remember where she put her clothes. When she looks, her eyes have difficulty seeing them. It is the brain and not the eyes that is the source of the problem.

This morning about an hour or 90 minutes before we the time I wanted to leave she was wearing a pair of khaki slacks that are too baggy for her around the legs. They fit fine in the waist, but they make her look heavier than she is. There were cheap slacks that I got her a month ago for ordinary daytime wear. She was also wearing her yellow sweater that is very soiled and stretched around the cuffs of her sleeves. Unfortunately, it is her favorite sweater. Even she told me early this week that it needed to be replaced. I have bought two sweaters to replace this one in the last 6 months. I don’t know where the first one went. I bought the second one, and Kate still gravitates to the old yellow one.

At any rate, I told her I would like for her to wear something else for the trip since we were going shopping and then to eat dinner in a nice restaurant. She asked what I would like her to wear. I asked her if she would like to wear black or brown slacks with the top she was wearing. She said brown. I went to my closet where I keep several pair of slacks and picked out a brown pair. I took it to her and then picked out what I thought would be a better top. I left her to dress while I finished packing.

After 20-30 minutes, she walked in wearing the identical things she was wearing before. I said, “You’re not wearing the clothes I picked out.” She asked, “Where are they?” I told her I didn’t know, that I had given them to her. Then I went back to her room to find them. I couldn’t find them anyplace. I finally went back to my closet and picked out a pair of black slacks, and she wore the same top she had on.

I asked if she had packed her suitcase. She didn’t remember. I opened it and found nothing in it. I left her to pack it. On Wednesday afternoon I bought 3 tops at one of her regular stores and packed them in my suitcase. I also packed underwear, a bra, and a couple of pair of slacks in case she didn’t remember everything she needed. I always have a toothbrush and toiletries she is likely to need except for make up which she doesn’t regularly use
Something else happened before we left. She came into the family room with her hands filled with small pictures in picture frames. She asked, “Should I take these with us?” I was puzzled and went over to see what she had. She told me, “I don’t want the children to break them.” I told her we were going to the boys and it was best to leave them here. Apparently, she thought I had told her somebody with children was coming to our house. I am seeing more signs of this type of confusion.

When we left the house, we went to Henry’s for lunch. She showed no signs of being perturbed. We had a nice lunch. The drive was a long one, but we were comfortable. I was not anxious as we had no particular deadline to be in Nashville.

5:23 pm
We just ran over to the mall and bought 5 tops and 2 pair of khaki slacks for Kate. We are both pleased with the selections. I am particularly happy that the total dollars spent was only $271. We would have spent more than that at her regular shops. For the first time, we bought a pair of slacks that are a size 16. I have been suspecting that some of the 14s we have been purchasing were a little too small.

8:38 pm
We had a terrific dinner. It turned out that the restaurant at which we ate was not the one I had intended. The good news is that it was very good. We are now back in the room. The TV is on to a Whoopi Goldberg movie. I think it may be Sister Act I or II.

Kate is discovering that there are many things she neglected to pack and that I did not cover her on. She has no sleeping attire, no toiletries, no bra, and no night guard. This reinforces my decision to cancel our trip to Europe. I need to cover too many things for her. It is a challenge for me to remember all of my things as well as hers.

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From Nashville

Kate and I are on our way to Memphis tomorrow to visit with our daughter, Jesse, and her two boys. We arrived at our hotel room in Nashville about twenty-five minutes ago and are settled in our room. She is resting right now. As soon as she is ready, we will go over to the mall where I would like for us to look for some tops to go with various color slacks. I would also like to get her a couple of pairs of khakis for everyday wear. Clothing continues to be an issue although we are making progress. She is getting more accepting of my help. That only occurs when she just can’t find something. She almost always likes to try on her own first, but it is getting harder and harder for her. The problem is twofold. First, she can’t remember where she put her clothes. When she looks, her eyes have difficulty seeing them. It is the brain and not the eyes that is the source of the problem.

This morning about an hour or 90 minutes before the time I wanted to leave she was wearing a pair of khaki slacks that are too baggy for her around the legs. They fit fine in the waist, but they make her look heavier than she is. There were cheap slacks that I got her a month ago for ordinary daytime wear. She was also wearing her yellow sweater that is very soiled and stretched around the cuffs of her sleeves. Unfortunately, it is her favorite sweater. Even she told me early this week that it needed to be replaced. I have bought two sweaters to replace this one in the last 6 months. I don’t know where the first one went. I bought the second one, and Kate still gravitates to the old yellow one.

At any rate, I told her I would like for her to wear something else for the trip since we were going shopping and then to eat dinner in a nice restaurant. She asked what I would like her to wear. I asked her if she would like to wear black or brown slacks with the top she was wearing. She said brown. I went to my closet where I keep several pair of slacks and picked out a brown pair. I took it to her and then picked out what I thought would be a better top. I left her to dress while I finished packing.

After twenty to thirty minutes, she walked in wearing the identical things she was wearing before. I said, “You’re not wearing the clothes I picked out.” She asked, “Where are they?” I told her I didn’t know, that I had given them to her. Then I went back to her room to find them. I couldn’t find them anyplace. I finally went back to my closet and picked out a pair of black slacks, and she wore the same top she had on.

I asked if she had packed her suitcase. She didn’t remember. I opened it and found nothing in it. I left her to pack it. On Wednesday afternoon I bought three tops at one of her regular stores and packed them in my suitcase. I also packed underwear, a bra, and a couple of pair of slacks in case she didn’t remember everything she needed. I always have a toothbrush and toiletries she is likely to need except for makeup which she doesn’t regularly use.

Something else happened before we left. She came into the family room with her hands filled with small pictures in picture frames. She asked, “Should I take these with us?” I was puzzled and went over to see what she had. She told me, “I don’t want the children to break them.” I told her we were going to the boys and it was best to leave them here. Apparently, she thought I had told her somebody with children was coming to our house. I am seeing more signs of this type of confusion.

When we left the house, we went to lunch. She showed no signs of being perturbed. We had a nice lunch. The drive was a long one, but we were comfortable. I was not anxious as we had no particular deadline to be in Nashville.

A Little Latere

We just ran over to the mall and bought five tops and two pair of khaki slacks for Kate. We are both pleased with the selections. I am particularly happy that the total dollars spent was less than I expected.time. We bought a pair of slacks that are a size 16. I have been suspecting that some of the 14s we have been purchasing were a little too small.

We are leaving for dinner in about 15 minutes. It should be a good evening.

8:38 pm

Nice dinner, ready to relax

We had a terrific dinner. It turned out that the restaurant at which we ate was not the one I had intended. The good news is that it was very good. We are now back in the room. The TV is on to a Whoopi Goldberg movie. I think it may be Sister Act I or II.

Karw is discovering that there are many things she neglected to pack for which I did not cover her. She has no sleeping attire, no toiletries, no bra, and no night guard. This reinforces my decision to cancel our trip to Europe. I need to cover too many things for her. It is a challenge for me to remember all of my things as well as hers.

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Back Home One Week

Now that we have been home from our cruise a full week, I feel even more strongly that it is easier for me to take care of Kate here than on a big trip like our trip to Switzerland last May or the cruise we just finished. This isn’t because her symptoms are any less. It is because neither of us has to think about as many deadlines. In addition, I think the fact that we are in our own home where there is a certain degree of comfort means less stress for both of us. In some respects this seems obvious. After all at any point in our lives, we find that we have more adjustment to changes while we travel as opposed to staying at home. On the other hand, I had thought that being on a cruise would be easier than it was because we (I) knew (1) the meals were taken care of and (2) that there were opportunities for many diversions to address Kate’s boredom and (3) the ship offered attractive places for us to relax. All of that is true, but her Alzheimer’s has reached the point at which none of these things seems to have great appeal. I have not contacted the cruise line to cancel our trip in May, but I intend to do so this coming week.

Here are a couple of experiences today that illustrate where we are at this point. Each Saturday morning I work on my Sunday school lesson. After taking my morning walk and checking email, I prepared myself to take care of my lesson. As I started, I heard her call for me. I went to the back of the house. She was heading my way dressed in sweat pants that a church friend had given to me because they the legs were too long for him. She also had a sweat shirt on over another shirt. This is the kind of attire that she typically wears when she is outside; so I made the assumption that she was on her way to work in the yard. Then she asked, “Where are we going?” I asked her if she wanted to go someplace. She said she wanted to go to Panera. I told her that would be fine and asked if she wanted to change clothes. She said, “No.” I told her I would need a moment to get ready. She said that would be fine and went outside. When I was ready (in a few minutes), I went outside to ask if she wanted to take her computer as well as her iPad. She said she would; so I went back in the house and got both for her. I also got cups for both of us.

After we had been at Panera for about 10-15 minutes, she said she was ready to go. She hadn’t even gotten her computer and/or iPad out of the case. I told her that would be fine, and we went back home where she immediately started working in the yard. At 12:30, I went out to get her for lunch. She was surprised at the time and said she would be right in. When she hadn’t come in by 12:50, I looked out the kitchen window and saw her sitting down on the ground working in the flower bed along the drive way. I went out again. It appeared that she never remembered I had been out before because she was surprised again at the time of day. She came in 10 minutes later.

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Disembarking in Fort Lauderdale

We disembark in Fort Lauderdale this morning. The schedule calls for us to leave the ship between 9:00 and 9:15. I have arranged for a rental car at the airport at 10:00; so that should give us sufficient time to drive to Miami for lunch with Gary and Jeanette, and Larry and Margaret. Following lunch we will scatter Dad’s ashes in an area near the beach where he and Mom used to go around the time I was a year old. The plan is to have a break after that. I know that Kate will want to rest for a while. At 6:30 or so Gary will pick us up for dinner.

It is a little ironic that our last full day on the ship turned out to be one of the easiest. It almost made me want to commit to the cruise in May. It is possible, however, that it was easy because we did not get off the ship, and we had no special obligations. We were pretty active but not rushed.

The only definite obligation was to get our luggage packed and outside our door before going to bed. During the night the cabin stewards picked up the luggage and have stored it for delivery to the terminal for us. This was not a big chore. I did most of mine before dinner. Kate chose to do hers after dinner when she is usually ready to hop into bed. Before I left for the evening entertainment (once again she preferred to remain in the stateroom), I got out her suitcase and set aside the clothes for her to wear today. She picked them out but was confused about what she was going to wear after doing so. That led me to put them with my clothes in my closet. When I got back from the show, she was in bed and almost asleep. She hadn’t finished packing. I said something to her about her not finishing, and she got up to finish. I don’t know why I didn’t just finish for her. It would have been easy for me to do. This is just another example of my vacillation between doing everything for her (something she resents) and not doing things that I should.

I woke up just before 5:00 and have finished breakfast where I am writing this post. She awoke before I walked out the door. She mentioned coming with me. I asked if she would like me to bring her something. She opted for that. That is probably better for both of us. I won’t have to rush her, and she won’t suffer any stress. I’m not sure when we have to be out of our cabins, but I do know that they indicated we could wait in any of the public areas on the ship.

8:17 a.m.

We are now in the Lido where Kate had a little more smoked salmon and orange juice. I couldn’t find her sweater this morning. I am hoping she packed it with her luggage. She also borrowed a pair of my socks last night. This morning she could only find one sock.

She is in a good mood and is not exhibiting any of the signs of exhaustion that are common at this time of morning. When I said something in the stateroom about when we might be vacating our room, she asked why. I told her this was the end of the cruise and that passengers would be getting off and new passengers getting on.

While sitting here in the Lido, I said something about all the anticipation of the cruise, and now it was all over. She said, “It seems like just two days.” I agreed. Then she said, “No, I really mean it. It seems like just two days.” I am sure that for her this is quite true. It is another sign that the trip has not been stressful for her. I am glad of that. I am still not sure that given how she seemed to be reacting to everything that it is worth taking the one in May. I will work hard to make that decision soon.
 

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Getting Upset With Me

As we were getting ready for our last dinner on the cruise, Kate got upset with me. She said, “I guess I’ll have to wear my tennis shoes.” She gave me a dirty look. She had given me a clue about this yesterday. She told me that she wanted me to ask her before helping her with anything. She specifically mentioned packing her suitcase and indicated that it was something she was capable of doing. I didn’t know what she was talking about and told her I would try to do better. This afternoon she followed her mention about wearing her tennis shoes to dinner by saying she didn’t know why I took her other shoes out of her suitcase. She told me it was just stupid. Then I understood that this is one of those occasions when she believes I’ve said or done something that I have not said or done. I made no effort to contradict her. It would have been foolish and might even have made her feel bad about herself. The truth is that she only packed her tennis shoes for the trip and no other shoes. That meant that even on the formal nights when she was more formally dressed, she wore her casual (not really tennis) shoes.

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A Pleasant Day at Sea

Today has been a very pleasant day. It is interesting that it comes at a time when I am seriously considering cancelling our May cruise. As I think about it, I don’t see that Kate is enjoying the cruise sufficiently for me to go through what it takes to have a successful trip. I find that I have to constantly keep her in mind all the time. This, of course, is not different than at home. The difference is that I have to coordinate going up and down stairs, ordering meals, handling conversations, seeing that she is properly dressed, and that her hair is combed, clothes cleaned etc. All of these things are simpler at home. I would hesitate to do all that is necessary if I were convinced she is getting sufficient pleasure out of the trip. It is clear that she says she is enjoying the trip, but she seems to get the most pleasure out of resting in our room.

She has had a pretty full day today. We got her something to eat around 9:15. We went to a movie at 10:00. We went to lunch after the movie. After lunch she wanted to rest. About 15 minutes after she got in bed, I discovered that she had a Swedish massage scheduled for 1:30. I got her up for that. She finished around 3:00. She was thirsty; so we went to the Lido for something to drink. Then it was back to our room where she got into bed. She just woke up and is on the iPad now. In another hour, we will go to dinner.