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Celebrating Christmas

The past few weeks have brought with it the usual stresses associated with Christmas as well as special ones related to Kate’s Alzheimer’s. Here are some of the key things that happened.

First, she started late with her Christmas shopping and then had great difficulty ordering online. She wanted to order 1 Vikings and 1 Falcons Pillow Pets for the twin grandsons. She ended up ordering 2 Vikings and having them shipped here which might have been too late for us to take with us. I ended up making a new order with delivery to Memphis.

I had given her instructions that we would give Kevin and Rachel, our son and his wife, a check for Rachel’s birthday as well as Christmas presents for the whole family. She ended up writing two checks for a total of less than we had agreed upon. Neither arrived for Christmas.

We had bought 3 gift cards to a yogurt shop for their children, and she misplaced one of these. Rachel had to arrange another. She didn’t get the other 2 in the mail early enough to arrive for Christmas. She also tried to order Sonic gift cards for the grandchildren but wasn’t able to do so. I ended up doing it for her, but it was too late to arrive for Christmas.

She worked 2 hours trying to order a TCU shirt for our oldest grandson but was unable to get it done. I did this for her.

On Christmas morning in Memphis with our daughter’s family, we opened presents as usual. We also took a break after opening some of them and returned to opening the rest later. We had purchased a gift card from a local restaurant for Jesse and Greg. When she hadn’t given it to them, I suggested she do so. She wanted to hold off. Then later she told me she wanted to do it “tomorrow.” That evening after our Christmas dinner, she told us (Jesse, Greg, and me) that she thought we should just wait to open the rest until tomorrow. I told her we had already opened all the presents. After we retired to our bedroom, she told me she had been thinking all day that Christmas was tomorrow. I could tell that she was troubled by this recognition of her mistake. Recently she has seemed more troubled by her Alzheimer’s though she doesn’t say much.

Last night our son, Kevin, called to say that most of the things that we had purchased had arrived. In the process of talking about things, he asked if we had opened the CD he had given us when we were in San Antonio for Thanksgiving. I told him I didn’t recall a CD. We told him we would look for it. This morning she found it while taking down our Christmas decorations. He had given it to Kate and hadn’t told me about it. Of course, she put it in the tree and forgot it.

We went to a movie last night, and she seemed especially pleased for us to be going out. I found myself a little down last night, as well. In fact, I woke up around midnight when I received a phone call from Dad. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I couldn’t get my mind off what I believe is the fact that she is declining faster than I had hoped. Furthermore, I think she is feeling the same way but not saying anything. I can’t help wondering about what things will be like next year and how we will be affected by her condition. I am feeling the same compulsion to be with her and hang onto her tightly.

All this comes at a time of great stress for me at the office. I had to let Regina go after 28 years, and I listed the building with a realtor just before Christmas. Furthermore, I see no signs of immediate improvement.

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A Successful Dinner Party

This past Saturday we hosted Kate’s PEO chapter for dinner. We had 23 including ourselves. Kate had worked for weeks (since just before Thanksgiving) getting the house ready which meant mostly decorating. I had encouraged her to ask a friend who is a decorator to help her, and she said she would but wanted to start by herself. She never did call her, and the house looked beautiful for the party. She enjoyed the task and had plenty of time to arrange and re-arrange for the weeks preceding the event.

To make things as easy as possible, we decided from the outset that we would get the entrée from Altruda’s, a local Italian restaurant, one of the other members would prepare a salad, I would get the wine, and Kate would prepare the dessert. As we got down to the wire on Thursday, there was still a good bit of work to do. I tried to gently hint that Kate prepare the desserts (flan and chocolate mousse) during the day on Friday. Time got away from her, and she still hadn’t started the desserts before we had to leave for a friend’s 80th birthday party. When we returned, she did the mousse and decided to wait until the next morning for the flan.

She took a long time to start and when she was preparing the mousse and the flan, she got confused regarding the specific ingredients and whether or not she had them on hand and whether or not she had already put them in. At one point she sent me to the store for condensed milk. When I returned home, she discovered she had it. Similarly, she said she was short 16 oz. of cream cheese. I went to the store. While I was gone, she found it.

Late in the day, I indicated that this was quite a job and that I had hoped to spare her the stress of doing the party. Her response was that this was probably the last one of these events she would do, and she REALLY wanted to do it. It broke my heart, and we didn’t talk about it again until the next day. It went off well, and I told her she could be very proud. I wasn’t just saying this. It was a terrific event.

One follow up is that she cannot find the power cord to her computer. I am guessing that when she was putting things away before the party, she put the power cord someplace and can’t find it. She asked me to help her locate it last night, but neither of us had success.

This morning after my walk I went into the bedroom where I saw her changing the time on her clock. She was concentrating intently. I wanted to help but let her do it herself. I think I did the right thing because a little later her hair dresser called to postpone today’s hair appointment. Kate worked a good while trying to change the appointment on her iPhone. When I offered to help, she said she wanted to do it herself. She told me she would ask if she wanted me to help. As I have noted before, I think both of us are wondering what things will be like a year from now.

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The Party’s Over and All is Well

We had Dad’s 98th birthday party this past Saturday and everything went well.  We had  over 50 people at our house. It was a beautiful day, so we were able to seat most everyone on the patio and the back yard. I decided it would be better to have the party catered, and Kate agreed. We had BBQ with baked beans, macaroni and cheese, and banana pudding. I had tried hard to minimize the things that Kate had to do, but events of this nature necessitate everyone’s being involved. She came through quite well. It was only before the party itself that she got a little flustered. I think that did not involve the stress of events but rather one of our guests. Most of the family was there early to help with the final preparations.  I had gone to pick up our dinner for Saturday night. When I returned, she said, “Don’t you ever leave me like that again.” After probing a little bit, it appears that it was simply the stress of dealing with other people.  I am sure that others were trying to offer help when she didn’t want it. She works more slowly these days. I suspect that is because she has to concentrate so much on what she is doing. She is sensitive about receiving help when she thinks she is doing fine.

One example of her AD is that I had gotten a small birthday cake for Dad that I told her I would use at the birthday party on Saturday. She got confused and planned to do it on Friday night when we had a small gathering of the family. It’s a simple mistake that anyone can make, but in this case, it is another of many examples I now attribute to her AD.

One other general example is that she frequently doesn’t see things that are right in front of her nose. She frequently asks me to help her find things. I usually find them where she has already looked. Once again, this is the kind of thing that can and does happen to everyone. In Kate’s case, they happen so often that it has got to be a symptom of AD.