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A Good Day

Yesterday and today I have been drafting a letter to Dr. Reasoner updating her on Kate. It is a rather glum update as was my most recent update to our children and friends. For that reason I want to be quick to report that today has been a very good one. I’m not entirely sure what accounts for it, but we have been comparatively active. This morning I decided not to go to the Y because my back was hurting. I took a walk instead. That meant that I was home more today. In addition, Kate was up earlier than she has been the past couple of weeks. Perhaps that is because she is recovering from her cold. We sat together in the family room after my walk. She worked on her computer editing photos while I watched the news related to yesterday’s Super Tuesday election results. About 8:30, Kate said she wanted to go to Panera Bread. We were there shortly after 9:00. She was ready to leave shortly after 10:30. We ran a couple of errands.  Then it was time to eat lunch. We left the restaurant at 12:05 and headed home for a while before going to a movie at 2:30. We got out of the movie just before 5:00. We got caught in the traffic and listened to some soft classical music on my phone. We got to Kate’s favorite Mexican restaurant, Chalupes, before 6:00. After we returned home, she walked into the kitchen and said, “It’s been a nice day.” I agreed and gave her a big hug. Now we are watching an old “Murder She Wrote” with Angela Lansbury. Kate is working jigsaw puzzles on her iPad, but she is catching a little of the program and enjoying it. This has been our best day in quite a while.

As we were coming home from lunch today, something funny happened. She looked at me and asked, “”Have you thrown anything of mine away today?” I said, “”Have I ever thrown away something of yours?” She gave me a dirty look but said nothing. I said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” She gave me another look. I asked what I had thrown away. She said firmly, “Just shush!” I did. This is another example of her imagining things.

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Leaving St. Lucia With Pleasant Memories

We pulled away from the dock in St. Lucia about thirty minutes ago. I am glad to report that we have had a nice day. As I mentioned in my post this morning, Kate had done a good job getting ready. She has had no complications associated with her fall yesterday. That is a relief. That would have had quite an impact on our pleasure for the balance of the trip and potentially after returning home.

This morning we took an excursion called “The Essence of St. Lucia.” It was a leisurely van tour (10 other passengers) with a terrific guide. We got to see a variety of plants, sampled some fruits and sweets, tasted local rum, and heard a lot of tales about the area and its people.

We came back for lunch at the Lido. Kate got a little peeved with me as we went to lunch. I think it involved her thinking I was rushing her. She cooled down after we had eaten. Then she wanted to go someplace where she could work on her iPad. I took her to the Observation Lounge while I used the treadmill in the exercise room. After I was through, I joined her for about an hour. Then we went back to the room where she wanted to take a nap. She was worn out. I came to the Lido where I have been catching up on email and watching the scenery as we cruise along the island. When we get to the end of the island, we are going to pick up some passengers who had taken an excursion that left them at a town there. They will join us via tender boats.

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Successful Day

We got to Kevin’s house this morning and went to lunch at The Egg & I for a lunch/breakfast. We had a good meal and a good time. Brian drove all of us back home as he did yesterday. He is hoping to take his driving test this week. If he passes, he will have his driver’s license.

The afternoon was spent watching football. Kate worked on her laptop until around 3:00 when she asked Kevin where she could go to take a nap. We suggested Brian’s room. She rested until I went up to get her at 4:50 so that we could get to the bowling alley for our appointment. Neither Rachel nor Kated bowled. The rest of us did and had a grand time.

We finished at 6:00 and came back to the house where we had chili that Rachel had been cooking in the crock pot all day. It was a simple but good meal. We got back to the room by 7:20. Kate commented on what a nice visit we had had. I agreed. Right now she is in bed with her laptop. I am washing and drying dirty clothes in the guest laundry right around the corner from our room. I also have the Vikings/Giants football game on.

Our plan is to get to bed at a decent hour so that we can get a good night’s sleep before we depart for Ken and Virginia’s home in San Angelo. My goal is to leave around 9:30 unless that pushes Kate too much.

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Still Many Good Times

Quite often I say that things are going well but mention all the many things that are the signs of Alzheimer’s that Kate experiences. Today I want to do something that I should do more of – report on a really upbeat moment. This morning I came home directly from the Y instead of dropping by my office. I did so because I wanted to make sure that Kate was cleaning up the guest room for Kevin who arrives at 5:00 pm this afternoon. As it turned out, she was working on her room and getting ready to work on the guest room where he will stay. I walked over to her, smiled, gave her a hug and said, “You’re getting things cleaned up for your little boy.” She said, “And for me as well.” It was just as normal a moment as we can have.

At 11:35, she came into the kitchen where I was working. She had dressed and looked ready for lunch. She asked what time it was. When I told her she said, “No wonder I’m so hungry.” We then went over to Applebee’s for lunch. We asked for our favorite server and sat at one of her tables. We enjoyed a brief conversation with her off and on throughout our time there. The meals were good. After we finished eating and paying, we just sat there another 15 minutes or so chatting, something we don’t do as much of nowadays. Just like the moment we shared in her room as she was cleaning, this was a simple but pleasurable moment in our day. It is these experiences that help both of us.

This follows Broadway night at Casa Bella last night with two other couples we have known from church. It appeared to be a good evening for all – at least it was for Kate and me. She really enjoyed herself. I was happy about that because we were with some big talkers, and Kate was a bit overshadowed. The two singers were people we have seen in several different productions at one of our local theaters. I doubt that Kate remembered that, but it added a nice touch to the evening. The entertainment and the company were everything we could have wanted. I have already requested reservations for next month.

These are just some of the experiences that make me feel very grateful even though we are facing rougher days ahead.

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Feeling Good

The past week has been good. More specifically, Kate has been much less irritable. Indeed, she has shown hardly any signs of irritability. It hasn’t been just the lack of irritability but genuine expressions of affection during the week. Even as I say this I have to add that it is not as though she doesn’t regularly express affection. It is that I have seen her irritability with me replaced with more affectionate responses.

The interesting thing to me is what a difference it can make in the feelings of a caregiver. It has enabled me to experience less frustration and derive more enjoyment of being with her. Even moments when I needed to encourage her to get ready for us to be someplace have been dealt with more like pre-Alzheimer’s days.

Yesterday we both had an affectionate experience at the same time. We were in the car driving home from Lowe’s. I turned on a CD by Ronnie Milsap. He was singing “What a Difference You’ve Made in My Life.” I have heard this song many times in the past, but for the first time I thought about our relationship and what a difference she has made in my life. Then she said (without my saying anything to prompt her), “You know, that ought to be our theme song.” I told her I had been thinking the same thing. We then talked about the coincidence of our reflecting on the song and our relationship but had never done so before.

To me it is clear that Kate’s Alzheimer’s affects both of us in ways that are directly obvious to others. I have found another song sung by Linda Eder called “If I Should Lose My Way.” The line in the song is “If I should lose my way, please look for me.” I have taken that as though it were a message from Kate to me and that she is losing her way.

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Thoughts Niagara-on-the-Lake and Chautauqua

As we come to the end of our week at Chautauqua, we are a bit sad to leave. I don’t recall ever feeling any other way. This is clearly the most special place for us. Despite losing Kate three times, I have made arrangements to come back next year. This time for two weeks. I am influenced by several factors. First, this year’s visit has gone well. Second, Roger Rosenblatt will once again host a week with his “friends.” This is Kate’s favorite week. We have been here twice before when he has hosted this week. Third, lodging space is going fast, and I found a very convenient place a short distance from the Amp and across the street from the Brick Walk Café. In addition, it is on the first floor. Finally, I am able to purchase trip insurance that would I cover the cost of the two weeks if we are unable to make it.

Chautauqua will be our last holdout. I do not plan to cease coming until it really is impossible to do so. One of the things that will influence me in that decision is how to handle trips to the restrooms. That would be difficult in airports when she is unable to take care of herself. The same would be on the grounds here at Chautauqua.

Right now I can’t predict what she will be like next summer or in May when we are booked for a cruise from Rome to Amsterdam. At this point, I have found the risks involved in planning for such things are minimal. I suspect I will have a much better sense by the end of February when I have to make my next decision about the cruise. I can cancel without any financial cost before that time.

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Last Day In Interlaken

Yesterday was another special day. We went paragliding. I had planned for us to make a day trip to Bern, but I had been watching the paragliders float down to the Village Green since our arrival on Monday and wanted both of us to try it. Wednesday night I began to think of paragliding and saving the trip to Bern for the time we are in Zurich. That is what we did. Kate was also interested and never expressed any reservations. It turned out to be a wonderful experience. Each of us went with a separate pilot who asked if we wanted “to do the roller coaster.” What a thrill that turned out to be. Paragliding could well be the highlight of the trip.

One of the behavior changes I have observed in Kate over the past year or so is the use of very large amounts of parmigiana cheese on her Italian food. Last night for the first time, I observed an extreme form of this. After her ravioli was gone, she simply picked up a spoon and ate several spoonfuls directly from the bowl. I did not tell the waitress about this but she could see that it had spaghetti sauce in the bowl with the cheese. Someone had told me she used to carry a card to give to the waiters telling them something that would explain any unusual behavior on the part of her husband who had dementia. I can easily see the need for this in our future.

Something else that I am more mindful of is her need to rest. Although she seems to do well when we are out for long periods of time as we have been the past 3 days, she grabs every chance she gets to lie down. For example, after taking her shower this morning, she immediately got back into bed. She got up in 15-20 minutes and got dressed for breakfast? When we returned to the room, she got back into the bed where she remained for 20-30 minutes. We both packed for our trip to Lucerne and were about to go to the lobby to pass a little time before leaving when she decided to rest a little before going. She is now in bed under the covers.

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Geneva

I am feeling much better today than yesterday morning when I felt that I was having to work too hard to make the trip a good one and that it was not paying off. Simply visiting St. Peter’s Cathedral where Calvin was the preacher in the mid-1500s, having a nice lunch in the old town, and then going to Annecy made the day. Kate loved it. We did it leisurely.

At the moment we are taking a break at the room after going to Starbucks for breakfast and stopping by the train station to confirm the schedule to Montreaux tomorrow. Kate needs the breaks. This is not something that has occurred just here but also in the U.S.

While I feel good now, the trip has confirmed my opinion that we can’t do this again. I’m not even sure that a cruise would work though I am not ready to rule it out. I will first have to see how the summer trips to NYC and Chautauqua go as well as the Christmas trip to Texas.

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Good Times

The past few days have been busy ones but full of good experiences. On Friday we went to Nashville to visit the Greeleys. We both enjoy them. Scott had just arrived home from a class in which he was showing his photos from their trip to Africa last September. It was a dreary, rainy day. We had lunch that Jan had prepared; so we didn’t worry about going out until dinner. We didn’t get home until after 9:30, but the trip had been well worth it. Kate still gets along well in situations like this. She does occasionally make slips when she is talking, but I believe I am the only one who would know it. For example, she told a story of her trip to Mexico City when she was in high school. She mixed in a story from our trip to Colombia in 1976. She said she had asked the wife and mother of the family she was staying with where the maid lived and was taken to a small room off the kitchen. This is something that actually happened when we arrived at our place in Cali, Colombia.

Saturday morning we went to the regional auditions for The Metropolitan Opera. This was our first time to do this, and I wasn’t sure that Kate would want to stay for the whole thing. She enjoyed it so much that we stayed right through the announcement of the winners around 4:30. It had started at 10:00. It was a wonderful day of entertainment. These were extremely accomplished singers from 15 states and 1 from Canada. We also saw a number of people (8-10) we know. It was fun to talk with them during breaks.

Last night we attended a concert by a European opera company that has been coming to Knoxville for the past 5 years or so. They had several singers who performed highlights from operas by Rossini, Puccini, and Verdi. It was outstanding. Once again, Kate loved it. Our seats were on the second row, and there was no one sitting on the front row. We both like to be close; so this added to the pleasure of the evening.

The only down side of the day was the short time after we had come home from the auditions and before we left for dinner and the concert. We didn’t have much time, and Kate decided to change clothes. At one point when I felt she needed to know that it was time to leave, I started back to her room and started to gently ask how she was coming along. She shouted at me, “Leave me alone. Don’t say anything.” When she came out, he was wearing something old that was fine, but she could have been wearing one of her new clothes we had bought. By the way, that morning before the auditions, she had told me, “I’ll be ready when I get ready. Don’t say anything.” We had a similarly tense moment this morning getting ready for church. The moments when we are trying to get ready continue to be the most challenging one’s for both of us.

As we were going eat lunch today, she pointed to a couple walking a dog along the street. She said, “Now look at that couple.” I then said, “Have you seen them at Panera?” She gave me a dirty stare. The reason I asked is that she commonly asks me to look at someone in a restaurant like Panera Bread. Then she tells me she wants me to remember them because she has seen them before. I don’t know whether or not she has seen them before, but this kind of behavior on her part is new within the last year or so. It happens pretty frequently.

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On Stage

Yesterday afternoon we went to a performance of Five Guys Names Moe at a small local theater. We were seated on the front row and the entire audience numbered about 20. During the final number in the first act, the actors invited members of the audience including Kate to join them in a conga line and they danced around the room. She joined in with little hesitation and seemed to enjoy it. During the first part of the second act, a member of the cast grabbed her hand and walked her up to the stage. Other cast members brought two other women up as well. Then the three were asked to take a seat in chairs set up on the front center of the stage. Kate sat in the middle. A cast member asked each one two questions: “What is your name?” and “Are you here with your husband or a date?” Kate spoke right up and in a loud (not too loud) voice said, “”Kate.” To the next question she said, “”My husband of 52 years.” We have actually been married 51 years, but I know where she got 52. We were in a discussion several weeks ago. I had said we had been celebrated our 51st anniversary in May and were now in our 52nd year. In an email earlier today, I mentioned this account to my friends, Tom and Carl. They wondered whether she had been more at ease because of the small audience. I told them I didn’t think so but that I do think she is a little less inhibited now which I believe is a function of her Alzheimer’s.