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Travel and Confusion

Today Kate and I drove to Asheville where we have had a very nice day. She has been in a particularly good mood. In addition, she has enjoyed everything we have done today. That includes an especially nice lunch at The Blackbird. We asked for the server who had taken care of us on our previous two visits. She remembered us and once again, remembered our drink orders. Lunch was followed by a play that she liked, An Act of God. I thought the play was well performed, but did not think the play itself was a good one. It isn’t one I would recommend. One of her qualities that has been brought out by Alzheimer’s is to be especially impressed with performers. She almost always overstates their talent. I believe that is what impressed her today. I don’t think she could follow most of what was happening in the play itself. The important thing to me is that she really enjoyed herself. When the play was over, she said, “Wow!”
She has likes the hotel in which we are staying. We have stayed here a number of times. It’s a nice place and in a good location downtown. The woman working the front desk has been with the hotel since they opened and has been at the front desk each time we have arrived. This time she arranged an upgrade to a much larger suite than we usually have. It is certainly something we don’t need, but it is nice that she did this. It keeps us coming back.

In the midst of her enjoyment, Kate has been confused on where we are. As we got to the theater this afternoon, she said something that I can’t remember, but it implied that she thought it was in Knoxville. A little later when we reached the hotel, she asked, “Now tell me where we are.” I told her we were in Asheville. A few minutes later, she asked the name of the hotel. I told her. The second I told her Asheville and the hotel name she said, “Oh, I knew that.” I am sure she did. She just couldn’t call it.

One other moment of confusion occurred just before we went to dinner. She had just brushed her teeth and came back into the bedroom with the toothpaste and two packets of towelettes in her hand as though she were ready to pack up for home.

Right after returning from dinner, she came into the bedroom after brushing her teeth. This time she wasn’t carrying anything. She looked puzzled. I asked if she were looking for her night gown. She didn’t answer. Then she saw that the housekeeper had put a robe on each bed. She said, “Oh, here it is.” Then I got her night gown for her. She has now settled into bed with her iPad. She is very contented, and so am I. She just turned out her light. I think I will get ready to take my shower.

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A Good Day

I always love to report that we have good days even 6 ½ years after Kate’s diagnosis. Of course, I wish that I could report this more often, but that is not realistic given the nature of Alzheimer’s. It is clear that Kate’s mood plays a significant part in making these days happen. From the very start of the day right until this moment, she has simply been in a good mood. We both have enjoyed the day. I have to say it wasn’t that we did anything special. It was that she was happy with everything we did. This reminds me of that of expression that success if not getting what makes you happy but being happy with what you get.

She was up earlier than usual this morning. About 8:30, I went back to the bedroom to see if she were still in bed. I found that she was not only up but dressed and just about ready to go to Panera. We were there before 9:00. She was happy on the way to Panera and throughout the time we were there. One of the people we see there frequently was by himself today and sat at a table across from us. We (he and I) talked for about an hour while Kate worked on her iPad. She never showed any boredom or eagerness to leave. About 10:30, she did indicate that she would like to go home and we did. Just before 11:30, I told her it was time for lunch. She came in right away, and we left for Carla’s where we usually go on Tuesday. From there we drove to the Acura dealer for routine servicing of my car. We were there about an hour and 20 minutes. Again, she was not restless. She simply worked on her iPad while I edited a slide show of photos taken during a 1976 trip to Colombia. We came right home, and she went back outside to work in the yard until I called her in to get ready for dinner.

She ate every bite of her dinner and commented on how good it was. We came home, and she changed into her night clothes and got ready for bed. She was still in a good mood.

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Another Great Day

I am glad to report that Kate had a great day yesterday. I did as well. The greatest pleasure of the day was seeing Kate enjoy herself so much. Here’s what happened.

Last week, we bumped into Marty Lang, a long-time friend whom we met soon after moving to Knoxville in 1971. He is a Methodist minister whose career has been outside a local church. He has been very active in social justice efforts as long as we have known him. His wife died about 2 years ago, and he has been seeing someone else recently. We talked about our getting together as couples. He followed that conversation up with an email inviting us to lunch.

Yesterday we had lunch with them. Kate was apprehensive about going. Although we had just seen Marty last week, I knew she could not remember him except to recognize his name. Neither of us had met his new friend. Having known Marty a long time and also aware that his friend had had a career in christian education, I felt confident that she would enjoy herself.

It turned out I was right. It was an especially good get together. When Marty met us in the restaurant, he was carrying a small potted plant with beautiful yellow flowers for Kate. When Anne joined us, we entered into the typical kind of “get-acquainted” conversation. Anne is very good at asking good questions of those she is with. She also is a good listener. Kate was quite comfortable with this kind of conversation because it involves the kinds of things that she can still remember – family, growing up, dating, etc.

We spent almost two hours with them. There was never a lull in the conversation. When we got in the car to go home, Kate was enthusiastic about our time with them. It was good to see her enjoy herself.

That wasn’t the only good thing about the day. About an hour after we got home, I took her for her monthly facial. Less than an hour after that we were at Casa Bella for Opera Thursday. As usual, we sat with the same two couples. While Kate does not talk a lot, she feels comfortable with them. Equally  important, the singers last night were especially good. It is a very intimate setting, and we were right in front of the singers. What a great way to finish what had already been a great day. I hope we will be able to continue having periodic days that this.

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A Visit with the Davises

Yesterday we had lunch with the Davises in Nashville. I am glad to report that everything went well. We spent about thirty minutes at their home in conversation before going to a restaurant. We got off to a good start when Ann and Kate paired off in their family room and had a conversation just between the two of them while Jeff and I had our own conversation. Ann was good about asking Kate questions that she was able to address even if the information she gave was not right. I couldn’t hear everything because of my own conversation with Jeff, but I did hear Kate say that we are moving to Texas. It is interesting how many things she can’t remember, but she doesn’t seem to forget about that. The good thing is that she doesn’t act as though it is something imminent.

In the car to the restaurant, Kate said something about our housekeeper. Then Ann asked her name. Kate couldn’t remember it. I whispered it in her ear. During the car ride and at the restaurant, it seemed like the conversation was mostly among three of us. Kate didn’t say much. I worried that this might bother her. As we left to see her friend, Ellen, she commented on the way Ann and Jeff are able to put people at ease. They are down-to-earth, not pretentious. This is especially important for Kate to sense because she sees both of them as very bright people and is a little intimidated by them. I hope this keeps up for a while longer.

Our visit to Ellen went well. Ellen had improved somewhat since our last visit just over a month ago. We still had trouble understanding much of what she said. By now I am wondering how much better she is likely to get. It has been two years since her stroke, and she has had 2-3 seizures since February. I plan to continue our visits as long as she and Kate are able.

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A Very Good Day

This is one of those days that demonstrates that someone with Alzheimer’s can have good days. That is exactly what Kate has experienced today. Her mood all day long has been quite good. If it were not for the fact that she still couldn’t remember anything, I would have said she is as normal as she was years ago.

While the whole day was good, it was really late this afternoon and this evening that were the best. I had arranged a phone call with Tina, her cousin in Alaska. Prior to the phone call Kate was pulling leaves outside. When I went out to get her she came right away and was cheerful. In fairness to her, she has been coming in rather quickly most of the time when I call her now. That makes me feel a lot better.

We had a nice phone call with Tina although Kate had gotten hot and sticky and wanted to take a shower; so I finished up the conversation for her. This is the kind of thing she would never have done pre-Alzheimer’s. Yesterday Kevin called. She was on the phone a little while. Then she got in bed to rest.

After Kate had showered she was ready to go eat. There was a threat of rain. When we left it was not raining. Less than a half-mile from the restaurant the bottom dropped out. We sat in front of the restaurant about ten minutes waiting for it to let up. Finally, I remembered that we had some Stouffer’s lasagna in our freezer. I mentioned it to Kate, and we decided to come home. While I heated the lasagna in the microwave, Kate got out plates and napkins and silverware. This was the first time I can recall her taking anything like this kind of initiative in years.

After eating the lasagna, I mentioned that I might have some yogurt for dessert. She got it out for me, took the top off, and put a spoon in it and placed in front of my seat at the island. Again, I haven’t seen anything like this in years.

It was about 7:45 when we finished our yogurt. At 8:00, there was an ETV program on wildlife in Alaska coming on. We watched the entire show together. I mean we both watched without doing anything else. That is the first time I recall doing anything like that in years as well. During the program, Kate was quite talkative, making references to things that were shown on TV. Then when it was over at 9:00, she said good night. It had been a very good day.

One other thing I should mention. We talked about how nice it was to have the lasagna at home. She said, “We should do this more often.” I was wondering when we might transition to eating at home again. Maybe it will be sooner than I had expected.

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Two Good Days

Yesterday and today Kate and I made it to the 10:45 lecture as well as both the 2:00 and 3:30 one. That made for two full days. Kate has been more upbeat and expressed more pleasure at being here than the earlier days this week. I do, however, believe it is time for us to go home. I also find it hard to imagine that we will be back (together).

In three minutes the symphony will play its only concert this week. I am disappointed to miss it, but this time my place is here.

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A Good Day (10:36 pm)

I am writing from our hotel room in Buffalo, NY. We have had a long but leisurely trip from Knoxville. Kate was up early this morning and ready for Panera at 7:30. I had been up since 5:18 and had a walk. I was then taking care of those things that have to be done at the last minute. She wasn’t dressed exactly the way I had intended. I told her I would like for her to change the pants she was wearing. She was quite agreeable,

As it turned out, it worked out well that she was ready so early. That enabled us to get to Panera early and relax before leaving for the airport about 9:50. Our flight left on time. We had a planned layover of three hours in Atlanta. Our flight was delayed fifty minutes waiting on the incoming flight. That meant virtually four hours in the airport. We had nice lunch and then spent the balance of our time on our iPads.

When we arrived in Buffalo, we came directly to the hotel and checked into our room. We got a recommendation of a place to eat from a man at the front desk. We ate at Bravo Cucina. It was a good meal but not great. What made the whole thing special was that Kate was more talkative than I have seen her in a while. She talked about mostly about our marriage. She spoke about how fortunate we have been and how we recognized our good fortune. She also talked about the travel we had done and what a wide variety of travel experiences we had had. She said she was tired and would go right to bed when we got back to the hotel. She was right about that. She is sound asleep right now.

Tomorrow morning we will take it easy. I intend for us to have a light breakfast either here at the hotel or at a Starbucks that is across the parking lot. We are planning to stop for lunch at the Italian Fisherman at Bemus Point on Chautauqua Lake. We have done this each of the past four or five times we have come to Chautauqua.

Kate said several times that we are off to a good start on this trip to Chautauqua. I couldn’t agree more. I hope the balance of the trip goes as well.

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Asking Permission

Despite her objections that I am trying to control too much of her life, it is interesting that Kate is increasingly asking if it is all right for her to do things. Two examples occurred at dinner this evening. After ordering, she asked me if she could start “my album tomorrow.” I told her that would be good. Then I asked if she were talking about her Chautauqua album. She said yes. After dinner, she pointed to the parsley that she had taken from her plate and placed on a paper napkin on the table. Without using words, she was asking if she should take the parsley home for her compost. That is what she always does. Why she happened to ask about doing that tonight I can’t imagine. I told her that she could take it if she wanted to. She said something like, “I don’t have to.” She brought it with her when we left.

When we got home, we both sat in the family room where I watched the news on PBS while she worked puzzles on her iPad. When it was almost 8:00, I told her I was going to take my shower. She decided to go into the bedroom. She sat down on the bed and pointed to the charging cable for her iPad. She didn’t say anything. I didn’t understand what she meant but said, “Yes.” When I said that, she reached down to disconnect the cable from the surge protector. Then I asked what she was going to do. She asked me what I wanted her to do. I told her she could leave it plugged in, that we were “not going anywhere now.” Then she said, “What am I going to do now?” I told her that it was getting near the time she would go to bed and that she might put on her night clothes. She indicated she would do that. Then she picked up her iPad and started to work on it in bed. After my shower, she was still in her clothes. I walked over to her side of the bed. She pointed to the sweater she was wearing. Then she said, “This or my night clothes?” I said, “Your night clothes.” In a few minutes, she got up and changed. Just another illustration of using minimal words and asking for my guidance even though she still wants to be very independent.

Yesterday afternoon, Kate and I were talking about some of our memories when I suggested that we start a project of writing down our memories from our life together. She liked the idea. This afternoon she had reached a point when she was ready for a change. We had been to Panera this morning. Then we had lunch. When we got home, she pruned in the yard. Then she had worked on her iPad for a while. I could tell she was getting bored. Instead of asking if she would like me to take her to Panera, I asked if she would like to work on our memory project. She liked the idea and suggested we do it at Panera. We did it. She told me from the start that she would have to depend on my memory. I suggested we try to write down how we met and something about our first date. Then we started a second section on places we have lived. We only addressed the first place in Fort Worth. I could see she was getting tired and suggested we stop. I told her that I didn’t want us to think of this as work, that we would not have to work on it every day, just as we felt we wanted to. This first effort was better than I might have predicted.

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Good Day with Friends

This morning we went to Nashville to have lunch with our friends, Angie and Tom Robinson. It was a good day. Kate handled herself quite well. There were a few things that she said that were not true (e.g., she said that we had eaten a Japanese meal that Jan Greeley had fixed.). I had an email from Tom when we returned home that said they thought she had not changed a bit since the last time we were together. Once again this is an illustration of how important long-term memory and strong social skills can be to superficial social interactions. We came home a little earlier than we usually do because I felt she was getting tired and a little withdrawn.

This morning before leaving I mentioned something about our not having found the two missing remote controls. She said, “Let’s not worry about it.” I told her I loved her. Then I said, “You know, you are handling your Alzheimer’s well.” She agreed. Then I said, “Let me ask you a question. Do you ever associate your misplacing things like the remote controls with Alzheimer’s ?” She said, “No.” I then said, “That’ one of the things that goes along with Alzheimer’s. You put things down in one place but don’t remember where you put them. I hope that should make you feel better about it. You really can’t help it.” This is the first time I have ever pointed out an aspect of her behavior that is connected to Alzheimer’s. I feel sure that she won’t remember our conversation, but it confirmed what I had suspected for some time. She doesn’t associate many of the things she does with her diagnosis. I don’t plan to make a point of it every time he does something like this.

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Last day at Chautauqua

This is Friday morning. Our last day at Chautauqua. Not the last day for this visit; the last time we will ever make this trip – at least together. If we had left last week, I believe I would have been sadder. The fact that I decided on a third week was a good decision, but it has also given me the feeling that it is time to get back home. I suspect the fact that Kate has been so tired the past few days (Is it almost a week?), has influenced me. She has only been to the evening entertainment once or twice in the three weeks we have been here. Yesterday she missed the morning lecture. I think it is time for her to be home even though she gets bored there. I believe this is simply a natural step in the evolution of her Alzheimer’s. I will always be glad that we had this much time here.