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Lunch with Another Friend and Then to Fort Worth

First, an aside. Four years ago today, my dad celebrated his 100th birthday. He was in rare form that day. He entertained the crowd of 94 with his reflections on life in in youth and comments about the people and changes he had seen. Two days later, I received a call at 6:30 a.m. telling me that they were taking him to the emergency room. He died exactly two weeks later. He left us in style. I never feel sad about his death. He lived life to the fullest and retained his sense of humor to the very end. To me he was a model of optimism and adaptability. Although he suffered hardships at various times in his life, especially as a teenager when his dad left his mother and him for another woman, he always made the most “of the hand he was dealt.”

Now a comment or two on our second full day in Texas. Although we had had a full day yesterday, Kate was up early this morning. I had gotten up an hour or more before she did and brought scrambled eggs and sausage to the room for me as well as a couple of muffins, yogurt, and orange juice for her. After she had dressed, she was ready to go just like she is when we are at home. I suggested we walk over to Starbucks which we had done yesterday. We were there about an hour before returning to the room for a break. Then we headed to meet another childhood friend of Kate’s, Meg Wright.

Unfortunately, I had given Meg the wrong location of the restaurant where we were to meet. Thus, we got together a little later than I had intended. That did not, however, diminish the fun that Kate and Meg had before, during, and after our meal. When it was time for us to leave, Meg and Kate hugged each other. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought that this may be the last time these two see each other.

Once again, Kate has shown some confusion over a number of things. This morning she got up and went to bathroom while I was in the other room. She walked out of the bedroom, and I asked if I could help her. She asked me where the bed was. She was standing only a few feet from it. I pointed to it and said, “Right there.” She turned around and went back to bed. A little later, she got up again and asked me where the bathroom was.

While we were waiting for Meg, she asked me several times who it was we were waiting for. Several times, I also mentioned our grandson, Brian. Each time she asked me who is parents were. I told her he is our son and daughter-in-law’s son. I’m not sure if she ever got that straight. I think a lot of information is being thrown at her, and she is in overload.

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The End of our First Day in Texas

2017-10-18 (10:01 pm)

Late this afternoon we met our friends Nancy and Charlie Hardwick. Kate had known Nancy in junior high and high school. Charlie and I had been roommates at TCU during our sophomore year. We have visited them a number of times over the years when we were in Denton where Nancy has lived for more than 28 years. This is a second marriage for both of them. Charlie was diagnosed with dementia more than five years ago. Nancy had told his friends about him several months before our 50th class reunion. That means that he and Kate were diagnosed about the same time. Either he was diagnosed later than Kate or the progression of his illness has been more rapid as he is further along on his journey. In fact, I got a text from Nancy before we met saying that Charlie would not remember us.

We met at a restaurant near their house. When we walked in, Nancy told us that when she mentioned that they were going to meet us for dinner, Charlie said, “You mean Kate Franklin?” At least he remembered her name. As we got out of the car, Kate said, “You’re going to have to do all the talking for me.” That turned out not to be true at all.

We had a delightful time with them. We simply picked up where we had left off when we last saw them two years ago. We took pictures and reminisced about our college days and exchanged information about the college friends with whom we had kept up. I believe all four of us were disappointed that we might not have this experience again. I know that Charlie and Kate will not have thought that, but Nancy and I did.

As we walked to the car, Kate said, “Were they just passing through town?” I said, “No, they live here.” She said, “Where are we?” I told her we were in Dallas (again). Despite these moments of confusion, this was one terrific day. I am sorry it is over but know there is more to come.

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Emotional Moments in Denton

Kate’s cousin, Sharon, picked us up at our hotel for lunch and a couple of stops afterward that provided Kate with some very special emotional moments. First, we went to lunch where we had time for lots of reminiscing about many happy family times. Sharon is only a year or so younger than Kate, and her memory is fully in tack. She remembers with some details stories of individual family members and especially the family Christmas traditions. She told us about the three times that the entire family gathered together in three different homes of family members. They began with the exchange of presents about 10:00 at one house. Everyone dispersed to their own home after that and came back together in the early afternoon for lunch. That was followed by individual family time at their own homes. Then they came back together in the evening for light snacks and desserts leftover from lunch.

As Sharon recounted these family stories, Kate was elated. It was a touching experience for me to see how enthusiastically she listened to them. After lunch, we went back to Sharon’s house. It is filled with many items from her mother and father’s home as well as other special things from the homes of other aunts and uncles. She even has a door that came from Kate’s and Sharon’s grandparents home. It opens out to the deck on the back of the house.

Kate responded tearfully to both the things her cousin showed her as well as the things she told her. As an observer, it was touching to see the way Kate responded. Sharon brought our time together to a close with another special moment. She drove us to the home of her son and his wife to show us the dining room table and chairs that were originally in Kate’s parents’ home. I believe her parents bought them when they moved into their home in 1949. The chairs still had the original fabric on the cushions.

Sharon drove us back to our hotel where Kate rested a while before dinner. This experience is certain to be a highlight of our trip, but we have several other get togethers that I hope Kate will also view as meaningful. One of those is coming up at dinner when we are meeting a couple we have known from Fort Worth and TCU. We should have a lot of memories to discuss.

One final and interesting end to our visit occurred when Sharon dropped us off at our hotel. As we walked away from her car, Kate said, “Now who is she?” I told her that was her cousin, Sharon. This is yet another example of what strange twists can occur with this disease. I am confident that she understood who Sharon is throughout our time with her, but something happened right at the end that caused her to forget.

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Closing the Week on a Good Note

We ended the week by attending a concert by our local symphony orchestra. We hadn’t attended in about a year because Kate gets tired in the evening. Last night the program included a Beethoven piano concerto by someone who is an outstanding musician. I encouraged Kate to go. She readily accepted. That is in keeping with how she has handled everything this week.

We left at intermission so that Kate could get to bed. As were walked through the lobby, I saw a friend, and we walked over to speak with him. When we walked away, Kate said in a very disturbed tone of voice, “You shouldn’t have said that.” I didn’t know what she was talking about and when I asked she said, “You know.” I asked again. She said, “You told me I should have told them about our moving to Texas.” I told her I hadn’t said that and that she hadn’t anything about Texas. I could quickly see that she wasn’t accepting that and didn’t say anything more. Everything was fine after that. She was in a good mood all the way home and all day today.

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The Sitter is Working Out

October 13, 2017 (5:08 p.m.)

Today was the first day that I did not announce to Kate that the sitter was coming. I just let Mary meet her as she was working outside.  As I had hoped, there was no problem at all. I went out to let them know I was leaving. I also mentioned to Mary that Kate might want to go to Panera sometime and gave her money to buy what they wanted. Kate’s eyes brightened. She had a big smile on her face and said, “We can.” I started to tell Mary what  bagel Kate likes, but Kate stopped me. Then in a very nice way she told Mary that I can be very controlling. I started back to the garage and Mary asked me to wait. She asked me to write down what Kate likes and put it on the island in the kitchen. I did.

I stopped the car as I drove down the driveway and told them I was leaving for the Y. Kate waved and said, “I’m in good hands.” I felt good.

In addition to the Y, I was able to stop by two shops where Kate used to buy most of her clothes. I was looking for a couple of new tops to take to North Carolina next week. I got one top at each place. Then I went to Whole Foods where I got a dish of mint chocolate chip ice cream and worked on this journal.

When I got home, Kate was resting. Mary told me they had been to Panera where Kate had a bagel. Mary said that Kate had remembered our phone number to give to the person taking their order. I was floored. This would have been the first time in several years that she had been asked for the number.

After Mary left, I walked into the bedroom where Kate was resting. I told her I had heard that they went to Panera. Kate said yes then added, “She is great.” This is working out.

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Optimistic About Another Good Day

After almost six years and nine months, I hesitate believe that our high moments will continue indefinitely. That said, since Monday afternoon  everything has gone well. That lifts my spirits and leads me to feel more optimistic about the day ahead.

Last night we went to Casa Bella for Jazz Night. This was a night change from Opera Night and Broadway Night. Kate and I both enjoyed it. I like the fact that provides another monthly musical performance that both of us can enjoy. Besides being entertaining, we also enjoy the company of those with whom we share a table. Typically, it is with the couple are are the senior owners of the restaurant (now retired). These programs are perfect for us because they start at 6:00 for dinner with the music beginning around 7:00. We are through by 8:30. This means Kate gets to bed a little later than other nights but not by much.

We got off to a good start this morning. I slept a little later, 6:05. That meant there was a little light when I took my walk. Right now it is so warm and humid in the morning, I prefer to walk in the dark. When I returned home, Kate was up. I thought that might mean an early trip to Panera. I was wrong. About 8:15, she came into the kitchen and said she was going outside. I was surprised because this is only the second time in many months that she has not come out ready for Panera. When I expressed my surprise, she said she would want go for muffin later. We did and have come back home for a break before lunch. She was feeling a little tired and is resting right now.

The sitter comes at 1:00; so I will plan for us to leave for lunch at 11:30. On Fridays we normally go to Applebee’s which is very close to our home. That will make it easy for me to get back home and put on my gym clothes before the sitter arrives. Because Kate has accepted the sitters so naturally, I don’t expect a problem today.

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Especially Good Mood

October 12, 2017 (7:21 p.m.)

I don’t often post a second post so soon after another, but I have just witnessed a first. About 45 minutes ago, I called Kate in from the yard so that we could get to our haircut appointment at 3:00. She came right in, something that she didn’t use to do but that has been becoming more typical nowadays. When we got in I told her we had to leave in 30 minutes. I know she can’t remember, but somehow it seems to help me to give her a reminder that we are going someplace soon.

As I expected, she took a shower. At 2:40, I went to her room to check on her. She had gotten out of the shower but was not yet dressed. As she started to dress, she motioned to me to find a bra for her. I looked in her drawers and several other places. I finally found one and brought it to her.

Getting into bras can be challenging for her. I hesitantly offered my help and said something about women’s clothes being so difficult to get into. Very naturally she accepted my help and together we got it on. Then I told her I would get a top for her to wear. I gave it to her. She gladly accepted it.

As we were leaving the house for the car, I thought about how cheerful she had been in a situation that in the past has been one of the most difficult for both of us. She knows I like to be on time. I know that she can’t keep time straight and doesn’t seem to be able to hurry. This time she was as cheerful as she could be. She didn’t hurry but she dressed more quickly than usual. What’s more she accepted my help.

In the car on the way to the hair dresser’s, she mentioned that she got ready without causing us to be late.  More significantly to me is that she specifically noted that she didn’t give me a hard time and let me help her. I was stunned with here observation. Then I told her I was glad to hear her say that because I had just been thinking the very same thing.

This particular experience is consistent with the way she has been since Monday afternoon.  I know it’s too much to think that this will last; so I am just going to rejoice in this moment. I am also going to remember that even when she is less cooperative, she is not really difficult to deal with. As I have said so often, we are very fortunate. I hope those of you who read this and are having much more challenging experiences will understand that I recognize our good fortune and wish it could be the same for each of you.

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Good days/Seeking explanations

This morning when I finished my post I wondered if the day would continue to be a good one. I am happy to report that it has. Kate has been in a good mood all day right up to and including a moment ago. That is when she called out to me asking where I was. I am in the family room listening to music, checking email, and reading Memory People posts on Facebook. I quickly went to the bedroom to check on her. I told her where I was and that I would be joining her shortly. She said, “That’s all right. I just wondered where you were. I was feeling a little lonely. I’m all right now.” All day she has been just that agreeable. It has been wonderful.

I also think I may have discovered the source of her problem over the past several days. I discovered one open yogurt container that was partially eaten with a label showing it was out of date, Today is October 10. It had a sell by date of September 29. I noticed that there was another unopened container with the same date. I threw both of the out. I am surprised that this would be the problem. On the other hand, her upset stomach was minimal. She never threw up. She only had one episode of actually spitting up. Her primary issue was an unsettled stomach. The only thing I could observe was her telling me that she was tired and that she seemed weak and uncomfortable. Since her vitals were all right yesterday, and she came out of it quickly, I suspect it was the yogurt. She may have eaten some of it two days in a row. I can’t be sure as I only found one open container

I feel bad about this as it is my responsibility to take care of the yogurt. I always buy yogurt with the date that gives me the longest time period in which she can eat it. What happened this time was that she went a week without eating as much yogurt as she normally does. I’m just glad that she is all right and that we have had a very good day.

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Mood Changes

The answer is (Do you remember the question? ) “yes.” Kate remembered and came out from her room dressed for dinner. She continued to seem very normal. In fact, I would say her mood was better than normal. She was nothing like she was when I first saw her this morning. She had her top on inside out, something that is very common. I told her about it, and she thanked me. We made our way to Chalupas, our favorite Mexican restaurant, where we sat quietly, enjoyed our meal and just being together. I treasure moments like these and wish they could occur more often. I know that is not possible; so I take special pleasure in each of these experiences and feel grateful that they continue to occur.

On the way home from the restaurant, Kate mentioned that she felt sleepy but didn’t want to go to sleep too early. Once arriving at home, she commented again about being sleepy. I took this immediately as a sign that the symptoms of whatever illness she has had the past few days might be returning. Fortunately, no other symptoms materialized

I suggested that I turn on the “PBS Newshour” in the bedroom while she got ready for bed and worked on her iPad. She mentioned that she would like to stay awake until 8:30. I don’t ever recall her being concerned about going to bed too early. I don’t think I have suggested it. I’m wondering what might have prompted this. At any rate, she put on a night gown and came into the bedroom to work on her iPad in her chair, not in bed. A little later, she indicated she was ready for bed. I pointed out that it was 8:28. She had made it to her own appointed bedtime. We ended the day on a high note.

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Two More Good Days

Yesterday Kevin arrived for his quarterly visit. We met one of his high school friends and her mother for dinner. Afterwards, we went to a concert sponsored by the Knoxville Opera. It featured music from Porgy and Bess and a number of arias from familiar operas as well as several well-known songs from movies or Broadway shows. The included pieces like “I loves you, Porgy,” “Summertime,” “Somewhere over the Rainbow,” “Nessun Dorma,” and “Old Man River.” The singers were outstanding, and Kate was very enthusiastic.

We got to bed late last night; so we got up a little later this morning. I did get up for my walk. When I returned, Kevin got up, and we talked until Kate was up and ready for Panera. That was close to 10:00 a.m. We had some conversation with friends at a nearby table. It turns out that one of them is the mother of a high school friend of Kevin’s

From Panera, we went to church. Before going into the sanctuary, we stood around and chatted with friends. Kevin chatted with our pastor. Kate leaned over to me and asked me the pastor’s name. I told her, and she said, “I knew that.” We walked into the sanctuary and took a seat in one of the pews down front. As we sat down, Kate said, “Now I know where we are.” I asked her where. She said, “First Pres.” The she chucked softly and said, “I saw it on the sign.” She meant the screen at the front of the church that was scrolling upcoming events. We also spoke after the service with some friends we had not seen in a while. When we said goodbye, Kate asked who they were.

We went to lunch and then came back home for about 20 minutes before leaving to see The Hunchback of Notre Dame at one of our local community theaters. There were several very good singers in the large cast. We came back home where Kate worked in the yard for a while. Kevin and I came inside and talked about choices for dinner. We finally decided to go to a local seafood restaurant near downtown. We had a good meal and came back to the house. I put on a CD of Chris Botti. Kevin read a TCU magazine and Kate worked on her iPad. I joined them for a while. It was a pleasant respite after another good day.

As Kate readied herself to go to the room, she asked if she should connect her iPad to the charger. When I got to the room, she was getting into bed with her clothes on. I asked if she would like me to get a night gown. She said she would. When I got back she had taken her slacks off and asked me if she should put them on her chair beside the bed. I told her that would be fine. She said, “I thought so; I just wanted to be sure.” She is increasingly asking what she should do. In fact, she did just that as we got home from the theater. As she loses touch with more things, she looks to me for guidance to make sure she is doing the right thing. These are always things she would never have asked me about in the past.

This is one visit during which Kevin is bound to see more of the changes that Kate is exhibiting. She seems more childlike and less sensitive to the fact that Kevin will interpret her actions as something related to her diagnosis.